Something to Believe In (11 page)

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

J
USTIN
SAVORED
THE
FRESH
coconut as he
and Lilah watched the waves roll in and out with the tide and the sun sink into
the horizon. The house overlooked the beach, providing a breathtaking vista as
they took a break from their exhausting and voracious bouts of carnal activity.
They were both nude, completely comfortable in each other’s presence like an old
married couple with hot bodies and young minds, and Justin wasn’t immune to his
own surprise that he’d never been happier.

It was as near to heaven as Justin could imagine.

“Tell me about your life in New York,” Lilah said, scooping a
spoonful of coconut and glancing at him. “I bet it’s a lot different than
here.”

“It’s colder in the winter and perhaps not quite as humid in
the summer,” he answered with a smile before adding, “I tend to wear more
clothes.”

She laughed. “I should hope so.”

“Well, it snows a lot in New York so it wouldn’t be prudent to
go around in the buff.”

“Okay, joker. Seriously, tell me about Justin Cales when he’s
home in his own environment.”

“You really want to know? It’s not very interesting, I promise
you.”

“Somehow I doubt that.”

He sighed when he realized she wasn’t going to let it go. He
supposed this moment was going to come eventually, but he’d wanted to preserve
his connection with Lilah for as long as possible. Besides, he didn’t have much
more time left on the island and he wanted to squeeze every last moment with her
into that remaining time frame. Somehow telling her of his life back in New York
seemed a contamination of something perfect and pure.

“Suddenly you’re shy?” she teased. “It can’t be that bad.”

He offered a chagrined laugh. If she only knew the full extent.
His situation seemed something out of a TV movie of the week, not someone’s real
life. How many fathers openly manipulated their sons for political gain?
Actually, probably a few. But he never imagined his own father would sink so
low.

“Well, I grew up privileged, I guess you could say,” he began,
wondering how much to share, how much to censor. “Which came with the usual
perks. Private school, tutors when I needed them, vacations in the South
Hamptons. God, are you sure you want to hear this? I’m embarrassed just hearing
the words fall from my mouth.”

“Why would you be embarrassed of your upbringing? There’s
nothing wrong with being well-off. I mean, I know it’s considered bad form these
days to admit to that, as if being poor is some noble thing, but trust me, I’ve
seen plenty of poverty here on the island and there’s nothing noble about a
child starving because his parents can’t afford food. It’s no more a
poverty-stricken child’s fault that he’s poor than it is a rich kid’s fault that
he’s been born into wealth. It’s how you handle yourself that matters.”

“Ah, yeah, that’s true,” Justin said, hiding his dismay at her
clearheaded assessment. He hadn’t always handled himself with any discernible
level of responsibility. Sometimes he’d acted the epitome of spoiled, rich and
selfish. But he sure as hell didn’t want Lilah to know that. It made him
distinctly uncomfortable when he realized that Lilah’s respect for him would
likely plummet if she knew how he’d been in the recent past. Very recent past,
actually. Surely, it had to count for something that he was beginning to see
that his behavior had been something of an embarrassment. Of course, he wasn’t
willing to test that theory at the moment. He offered a bright smile and
pocketed his personal discomfort. “You’re one smart girl,” he said. “Must be the
clean island air.”

“Or common sense,” Lilah retorted. “Just as people shouldn’t
judge by their pocketbooks, neither should people assume that they are better or
worse because of them. My Grams used to tell me that when I was growing up.”

“Ah, the infamous Grams. I wish I could’ve met her. Do you
think she would’ve liked me?”

Lilah cocked her head as if considering her answer, then
nodded. “Yeah, I think she would have. She was a sucker for a cute smile and a
sharp wit.”

“Then she would’ve adored me because I’m known for those very
things,” he said with mock seriousness.

“I bet,” Lilah said wryly. “Tell me more. How did your family
come to be wealthy?” When he hesitated, she apologized with a flush. “I’m sorry.
That was way too personal. You don’t have to answer.”

“Lilah, we’re sitting here naked together, covered in each
other’s DNA and you think that question is too personal?”

She giggled as she realized the irony. “Yeah, I guess you’re
right. But we really don’t know much about each other and I don’t usually do
this with strangers. I mean...I’m not really a one-night stand kind of
girl.”

“Thank God, I was beginning to feel as if you just wanted me
for my body,” Justin said, pretending to flick his hair back like a girl. Lilah
laughed and the sound warmed him, filling him with light and something else not
quite easily defined. He shook off the foreign feeling and refocused on his
storytelling. “Even though I went to Harvard, I wasn’t a great student, not
compared to those who really applied themselves. Too social the teachers said. I
mean, I did well enough but, I was too busy having a good time to focus on the
serious stuff. I figured there was plenty of time for that when I was too old to
have fun.”

She smiled. “And that was fine with your parents?”

“No. Not exactly. My mom’s a socialite so she likes to brag
about my accomplishments to her circle of friends—”

“Do you have any?” she cut in with an impish smile.

“Have what?”

“Accomplishments?”

He barked a short laugh. “No, not really.”

“Then I guess she didn’t do much bragging.”

“No, I guess not.”

They laughed together and Justin felt completely at ease for
the first time in a long time. If it weren’t for the hovering specter of the
knowledge that his time with Lilah was short, he would’ve considered this day
the best ever.

“Have you ever...thought of visiting New York?” he asked,
holding his breath. When Lilah shook her head, he wasn’t surprised but he was
disappointed. “Why not? New York is a fun place with the right person.”

The laughter faded from her eyes and a wistful expression
replaced her former joy. “I’m not cut out for the city. My sister Lindy lived in
Los Angeles for a time and was constantly asking me to move there but I knew it
wasn’t the right place for me. I need my island. It’s my haven from the
world.”

He considered her answer and frowned when he came to realize
something. “Your haven? Are you hiding from something?”

“Of course not,” Lilah said quickly but when she realized she
may have given away more than she’d intended, she clarified. “It was just an
expression. What I meant was, this is my home. I don’t have any need or desire
to leave.”

“Not even for someone that rocks your world over and over,” he
said, nudging her thigh with his foot, wearing a suggestive grin. “Come
on...imagine this—you, me and a penthouse view. Have you ever made love up
against a huge glass window overlooking the city at night?”

She blushed as she laughed. “No.”

“Then you’re missing out. I’d be willing to give you that
experience.”

“You own a penthouse?”

He shrugged. “My family does.”

“Tempting but I’ll pass,” she said. “But I appreciate the
offer.”

He shouldn’t have been bothered by her refusal. It should’ve
bounced off his back without notice. But it bothered him. Mostly because he knew
her refusal meant that he’d likely never see her again unless he came here, and
with the schedule his father had set in place for him when he returned, that was
damn near impossible. “So what keeps you here aside from family? There doesn’t
seem to be too many jobs available.”

“My job is with Larimar, helping my family run the resort.”

“Yeah, but that’s not a career,” he said, suddenly hating what
he was saying. He sounded like his damn father, harping on him to find a
direction in life. Determined to redirect, he said, “I’m just saying, someone
with your talent... Shouldn’t you be where an artist can be seen? No better
place on earth for that purpose than New York.”

“Who says I’m talented?”

“Plenty of people,” he lied. In truth only Donna at Rush Tide
had mentioned it, but Lilah didn’t have to know that. Besides, somehow he sensed
it was true. Lilah had an artist’s soul; he could see it in her eyes. She had
more depth than a thousand cultured artistic snobs who fancied themselves
critics and connoisseurs of every medium. He’d be willing to bet Lilah’s art was
something special. Just like her. “Let me see your art and I’ll see if it stands
up to the praise,” he challenged.

“I don’t think so,” Lilah said, abruptly standing and
collecting their used utensils and empty coconut shells. “I don’t need anyone’s
validation. My art is my own, whether it’s crap or not.”

He followed her back into the house, intrigued by how prickly
she became over the subject. “I doubt it’s crap.”

She smiled with false sweetness. “You’ll never know. My art is
private.”

His brow rose, and he watched as she made short work of
cleaning what they’d used and throwing away the coconuts. “Again, need I remind
you that we’ve just spent hours worshipping each other’s bodies in the most
intimate way possible?”

Her cheeks pinked. “No. But my art is different.”

He sensed he ought to let it go. He was on the verge of ruining
the evening. Even though he wanted to pursue answers, he dialed back the impulse
to chase her down. Instead, he came up behind her and pulled her to him. “Aww,
our first fight. I like playing house with you,” he murmured against her bare
skin, kissing the column of her neck. “Too bad it can’t last.”

“It’s better this way,” she answered, her voice dreamy as he
continued to gently kiss and suckle the flesh on her neck, causing goose bumps
to erupt along her skin. “This way we never bore of each other’s company, or
become disillusioned by the daily grind of life. We’re both perfect in each
other’s eyes.”

“There would never come a day that I didn’t see you as I see
you right now.”

She turned and looped her arms around his neck. “We’ll never
have to test that theory.”

He stared down at her. “No, I guess we won’t,” he agreed but he
found no satisfaction in the agreement. An irrational part of him wanted to do
anything to convince her to go with him to New York, even to the point of lying
to achieve his goal. But at least he recognized the impulse as highly irrational
and irresponsible and resisted the urge to do or say something reckless. His
father would have a fit if he brought Lilah home. Likely Vernon Cales already
had a suitable debutante in mind for his son’s future wife. She was probably a
respectable woman with an impeccable pedigree and dull as day-old white bread in
the dollar aisle. She’d be nothing like his island orchid girl with her soulful
eyes and smoking hot body, not to mention killer wit and bright mind.

Hell, there was no one who would ever compare to Lilah
Bell.

And he already knew that with a certainty that he didn’t
question.

The knowledge filled him with a desperation that felt worse
than his father’s manipulation and he never imagined anything would feel worse
than that betrayal.

Lilah, sensing a difference in him, pulled away. “What’s
wrong?” she asked, her eyes full of concern.

He hated to see the light of desire fade from her eyes,
particularly when he hated himself for wallowing in morose self-pity. He forced
a smile, one that he knew was charming and filled with sexual promise, and
surprised her when he lifted her in his arms. She wrapped her legs around his
torso and he lifted her to the countertop. She squeaked when her bare bottom
touched the cool granite and his heart melted just a little. “Break’s over,
little bird,” he said, taking her mouth and reminding her of what he was capable
of with his tongue while his hands reached up to cup her pert, perfect breasts,
filling each of his palms as if they’d been made for him. He’d never get enough
of her. Ever.

Holy hell, he should’ve walked away the minute he’d laid eyes
on her.

Now, he was completely lost—and royally screwed.

But at the moment?

He didn’t give a rat’s ass.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

L
ILAH
’
S
AND
J
USTIN
’
S
MATCHING
smiles faded as they stepped into Larimar
and found a firing squad of tense sisters awaiting them.

“Where have you been?” Lora asked tersely. “We were
worried.”

Justin frowned at the tension flowing between the sisters and
Lilah’s cheeks burned at being openly chastised like a runaway teen when she was
an adult. She flashed Lora a cool look that said,
stand
down or else,
and then said to Justin, “I’ll see you at lunch?”

“I’ll meet you in the lobby.” But he didn’t move. In fact, he
looked ready to fight her sisters for her honor, which she found ridiculously
romantic, if not ill-advised. She laid a hand gently on his shoulder and smiled,
communicating that she’d be fine and he reluctantly moved on. “Call me if you
need me,” he said finally, and left the lobby.

Lilah turned to glare at her sisters. “What the hell was that
all about?”

“We were up all night worrying about you,” Lindy said quickly,
hoping to calm the storm building inside Lilah. “We called your cell but you
didn’t answer. What happened? You were gone all night. We were...scared.”

Lilah heard the worry in her twin’s voice and she immediately
lost some of her bristles. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you but I spent
the night with Justin—and, Lora, before you start lecturing me on the
inappropriateness of dating the guests, just save it. I don’t care. I’m sorry I
didn’t call. My phone died and I honestly didn’t realize how worried you’d all
be or I would’ve used Justin’s phone to call. We were at Heath’s.”

“This is really unacceptable. What if we’d needed you or
there’d been an incident with Pops?” Lora asked, still angry. “Life does not
revolve around you.”

Lilah opened her mouth to defend herself but then snapped it
shut. They were right. She should’ve called. She couldn’t defend the
indefensible, but she was just tired of being babysat. “I’m sorry. It won’t
happen again. I didn’t mean to put everyone in a bad spot but I like Justin and
for the first time in a long time, I feel normal. And it’s addicting. I just
wanted to go with the flow and see where it took me.”

She expected her sisters to understand and even look relieved
but what she received was the exact opposite.

“He’s not a good guy,” Lindy said in a jumbled rush, then
clapped her hand over her mouth with an anguished expression. Lilah was too
stunned to respond and simply stared. “I’m so sorry, Li, but I did a Google
search and found some things about him that aren’t good. I mean, really bad,”
Lindy said, looking miserable for being the bearer of such bad news. “I’m so
sorry. I wish to God it wasn’t true but you know I’d never lie to you.”

Lilah felt punched in the gut. She found her voice to ask,
“What kind of things did you find?”

“He’s a notorious, rich playboy who is a man-whore of the worst
kind. He runs with this bunch of guys who are known for their shenanigans and
not in a good way. Spoiled, egocentric and if that wasn’t bad enough...he’s in
politics!
”

Lora dismissed the last part but agreed otherwise. “It appears
that he’s the son of New York Senator Vernon Cales. And he’s gearing up for his
own campaign as he prepares to slide into his father’s spot. They’ve been in
politics for generations. Sort of like a Kennedy family. But that’s not the part
that bothers me. It’s the bad press he’s gotten. There are some objectionable
pictures floating around the internet that I’ll let you take a look at. I
forwarded the links to your email.”

“Thanks,” Lilah said, her lips feeling numb. “Anything
else?”

“Isn’t that bad enough?” Lindy asked.

“Well, that remains to be seen. I mean, everyone has skeletons
in their closet. I sure have a doozy.”

“He’s not the right kind of person for you right now while
you’re healing,” Lora said, gentling her voice. “I’m sure you know that. Your
recovery is the most important thing right now, Li. I know you like him
but...he’s not the kind of guy who will stick around...
at
all.
”

“One of my girlfriends who took a sitcom gig on the east coast
said she ran into him at a club and had the misfortune to go home with him.
After he’d shagged her, he kicked her out of his penthouse without cab fare.
What kind of D-bag does that?”

Lilah flinched privately at the information, hating hearing
such ugliness about the man she’d just spent an entire night curled up with. She
also had difficulty reconciling what she knew of Justin with the man who would
do something so rude and uncaring.

“I know this is the worst kind of news but we thought it
wouldn’t be smart to keep what we’d found from you.”

“Thank you,” Lilah murmured, still a bit shocked. She was tired
and it was hard to process everything at once. “Would you mind if I went to my
room for a bit? I need some time to think about this.”

“Of course,” Lindy said, rushing to Lilah and embracing her
tightly. “Take the whole day. We can handle things here.”

Lora nodded in agreement and Lilah offered a wan smile in
thanks.

Her intention had been to go to her room and go to bed. Surely
things would be clearer once she’d gotten some rest. But her feet took her
straight to Justin’s room, where suddenly she was banging on his door as if the
devil were inside and she was an avenging angel bent on retribution.

Justin opened the door and his frown turned into a happy grin
until she pushed past him with terse instructions to shut the door behind
her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as soon as he saw her expression.

“I just got some really upsetting news and I need some
clarification from you,” she said, going straight to the point. “Are you Senator
Cales’s son?” Justin’s expression dimmed under the weight of her question and
she had her answer. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know it mattered,” he retorted stiffly. “And I don’t
see how it does. So my dad’s a politician. I told you I grew up with money. Why
should it matter that our wealth came from politics?”

“It doesn’t. I don’t care about your money. It’s the other
stuff that bothers me.”

“Such as?”

“Such as the fact that you have a reputation for being a
man-whore, for being a notorious, coldhearted player who does whatever it takes
to get girls into bed and then kicks them out when he’s finished.”

“Who told you that?” he demanded.

“Who told me doesn’t matter if the information is true. I
believe in going to the source. So tell me...is it true?”

* * *

J
USTIN
STARED
INTO
THE
FACE
of the woman he was fairly certain he was
falling in love with and his stomach pitched with roiling unease. She’d only
scratched the surface of his bad behavior. Previously, he’d been proud of his
reputation. But now, faced with the open confusion and hurt reflected in Lilah’s
eyes, he felt deeply ashamed.

“Lilah, I’m not perfect and I wouldn’t pretend to be. We’ve all
made mistakes, right?” He tried to move toward her with the intent of pulling
her into his arms but she reacted by putting more distance between them. “What’s
going on? Remember last night? Remember what an amazing time we had together?
Let’s go back to that. That was real. This bullshit is just stuff from my past
that doesn’t reflect who I am now. Are you really going to judge me so unfairly
on stuff I did before I met you?”

“Depends,” she said. “How far ago in your past are we
talking?”

He quieted, not wanting to lie but knowing his transformation
was so new he was still getting used to it himself. He answered carefully,
saying, “Not that long ago. But,” he said quickly when Lilah looked away in
disgust, “I can tell you that meeting you changed my life.”

“Don’t patronize me,” Lilah said. “And don’t treat me like some
naive girl who will believe whatever falls from your mouth.”

“I would never treat you like that,” he said stiffly. “What do
you want me to say? I could’ve easily lied but I chose the truth.”

“Would you like a pat on the back?” Lilah asked, her gaze hard.
“My Grams used to say that you could measure a person’s character by their
actions. So you chose to be truthful to a direct question, you don’t get an
attaboy
for doing what you should’ve done
without thinking.”

Justin pushed his hand through his hair, agitated at being
cornered. “Oh, so you’re always honest? Is that right?” he shot back
defensively.

She started to retort but then pink crawled in her cheeks and
she said nothing. Although one might count that as a point in his favor, Justin
took no pleasure in the victory. The ugliness squatting between them was in
direct contrast to the bliss they’d been enjoying hours ago and he wanted
nothing more than to forget all this conflict and return to the cuddling and
kissing. But judging by the sudden tears welling in Lilah’s eyes, that
possibility was about as remote as anyone ever finding the Holy Grail. “C’mon,
Lilah,” he said, gentling his voice as he took a step toward her in the hopes of
holding her but she shook her head wildly and stepped farther away. “What?
What’s going on? Are you really that mad that I didn’t share my every shameful
and dirty secret the minute we met? I mean, it’s hard to impress someone you
really like when you unload all that garbage on them,” he said, trying to use a
smidge of humor to lighten the mood but the attempt fell flat as her eyes began
to fill and his hope died.

“Of course not,” she responded, sniffing back tears. It killed
him to see her cry but she wouldn’t let him get near her so he had no choice but
to stand there like a douche watching her cry.

“Then what’s the issue?” he asked, exasperated.

“The issue is that this incident has proven to me that I don’t
really know you at all and that makes me uncomfortable. I’m in a place in my
life where I need to minimize certain kinds of stress and right now, I’m feeling
very stressed and sad and...blindsided.” She drew a deep breath and regarded him
with a brittle stare. “And I don’t like it.”

A sense of loss followed her statement and he could almost feel
her withdrawing from him emotionally if such a thing were possible. He’d never
been a touchy-feely type of person but his heartbeat had begun a panicked beat
at the look of goodbye in her eyes. “Lilah...let’s talk this out. It’s not a big
deal—”

“It
is
a big deal. I don’t like
surprises and I don’t like the feeling that I’m with someone with dirty secrets.
But you know, maybe this revelation is a blessing. I knew we shouldn’t start
something as ill-fated as a relationship when you are plainly not interested in
staying and I’m not going so this is just the most reasonable decision to arrive
at when it comes to you and me.”

“What are you saying?” he asked, though he knew. God, he knew.
He could feel it in his bones.

“Come on, Justin. You’re a smart guy. This was stupid to
start.”

“Yes,” he agreed, surprising her with his answer. “But
sometimes things happen that take us by the neck to get our attention and that’s
what happened when I met you. I can’t explain it, Lilah. I wouldn’t be able to
if I tried because I don’t fully understand what’s happening, but I think I
might be falling in love with you because I haven’t once thought of being with
another woman since that first day. It’s been you, the whole time.”

“It’s not love, Justin. It’s fascination and infatuation. It’ll
fade.”

“Really? You think so? Is that what you’re hoping?” he demanded
to know. “Because I think you’re wrong.”

Lilah avoided his gaze. “We were stupid and irresponsible and
I’m tired of being that person everyone has to look out for because she’s always
making dumb mistakes in her life.”

“We were not a mistake,” he disagreed hotly. “We were great
together. Trust me, I’ve made plenty of my own mistakes and I’m pretty
well-acquainted with how regret feels and I don’t regret a second with you.”

Lilah’s gaze sparkled with more tears and for a wild, fleeting
moment he thought, perhaps, he’d gotten through to her, but the moment passed
and all doors of opportunity slammed shut behind her eyes with a finality that
jarred his soul. “Good luck with your career,” she murmured in a tear-choked
voice. “I wish you the best.”

“Lilah, wait!” Justin chased after her but she was quick on her
feet and out the door before he could stop her. He nearly ran after her but he
didn’t trust that he wouldn’t muck things up even more. So, he gritted his teeth
and bit back the hot words that bubbled to the surface that were half anguish
and half anger over her rejection and slammed the door because it was all he
could do.

All the crappy things he’d done in the past—that he hadn’t
thought twice about for a long time—came rushing to the forefront of his memory,
reminding him in bright Technicolor that he’d been naive to think that he could
shield Lilah from the truth of things if they continued to see each other. But
he hadn’t cared. His gut rolled and his hands shook. God, was this what a broken
heart felt like? Sort of like the flu without a fever. He definitely felt ready
to puke.

Two hours ago he’d been making plans to spend the day with
Lilah around town, possibly taking a charter boat to St. Croix. Now...he was
ready to bawl like a damn baby who’d been pinched.

He’d gone from heaven to hell in the space of twenty-four
hours.

And he had no freaking clue as to how to put things back the
way they were.

It’ll never be the same,
a small
voice whispered in his mind. He didn’t have the heart to argue.