Something Like Thunder (49 page)

Nathaniel considered him through the viewfinder, then lowered the camera. “Actually, let’s swap places. My mom has been asking me to email some new photos.”

“Oh.”

Kelly stepped forward. Nathaniel met him halfway and handed over the camera. Then he walked to the wall and leaned against it, ignoring the hissed complaint from one of the locals. Kelly messed with the settings, absorbed in the process. Then he raised the camera, snapped a few photos, and walked diagonally to change his angle.

“Step away from the wall,” he said. “I want to get a long shot.”

Nathaniel did what he was told, even though he didn’t enjoy having his photo taken.

“Try to look less miserable,” Kelly suggested.

Nathaniel crossed his arms over his chest and scowled.

“Perfect,” Kelly said, the shutter clicking. Then he lowered the camera, his face growing somber when he tried to hand it back.

“Hang on to it,” Nathaniel said. “I’m sick of carrying it around.” When Kelly’s expression remained pensive, he added, “You okay?”

“Yes.” Kelly’s shoulders relaxed. “It’s just intimidating when you run out of excuses to avoid doing what you’ve always wanted. I can take photos again. There’s nothing holding me back now.”

“You’ll do fine,” Nathaniel said. “The worst that can happen is you’ll realize you’re not talented enough to fulfill your greatest dream.”

“Very encouraging,” Kelly said, raising the camera and snapping another photo of him. “I’ll be sure to remember that when I’m doing covers for
Time
magazine.”

They grabbed a kebab from the nearest train station, then used the S-Bahn to explore the city, hopping off at different stops to look around. Nathaniel kept waiting for Kelly to say he needed a break, but his energy seemed limitless.

Today was a trial for them both. Nathaniel fell back a few paces, looking at Kelly from behind, wanting to be sure he hadn’t done any of this for selfish reasons. Seeing him walk so effortlessly was different. Did he prefer it? Not really. He was grateful that life would be easier for Kelly now, but he didn’t find him more attractive than before or any less so. Only the person mattered to him—the intelligent, sharp-tongued powerhouse of attitude. How Kelly happened to get around didn’t matter. Nathaniel loved him either way.

He stopped suddenly. These feelings were hardly a revelation, but for once he didn’t fight them, re-label them, or avoid their implications. He loved Kelly. All he needed to do now was say it out loud, but not here. Not on a sidewalk. That brought back memories of the past. Besides, the crowds were growing thick as people got off work, the light of the day fading.

Kelly noticed he had stopped and turned around. “What’s up?”

“Want to go back to the hotel?” Nathaniel asked.

Kelly gave him a knowing expression. “I was hoping to do a little shopping first.”

“Okay.”

Kelly glanced around. “I need to sit down.”

“You all right?”

“Yeah, just normal tired.”

They decided to grab a beer, avoiding food since they were still full from the heavy lunch. Once they felt recharged, they slipped into a nearby department store.

“I need new shoes!” Kelly declared. “And maybe a nice pair of jeans. I won’t have to fold one leg anymore! Oh my god! Do you have any idea how exciting this is?”

Before Nathaniel could respond, Kelly was practically leaping through a retail paradise. He caught up with him on the escalators and took his hand, not to slow him down, but because it was the least of what he really wanted to do. Only part of his urges were physical. Most of all he wanted to be alone together so he could finally confess his feelings. Instead he found himself standing in a shoe department, Kelly trying on a good portion of the inventory and deciding on nothing. Then they took a trip to men’s fashion, where Kelly assembled an outfit with expert skill. Nathaniel waited outside the dressing room, listening to him gasp happily or murmur in surprise as he dressed. Apparently the process had changed or whatever, but Nathaniel’s patience was running out.

“You almost done in there?” he called.

“Come see.”

Nathaniel yanked open the curtain to find Kelly staring at himself in the mirror. The lighting was becoming, not that he needed it. He stepped close to Kelly, placing hands on his hips, looking over his shoulder at their reflection.

“What do you think?”

“Handsome as always,” Nathaniel said, placing a kiss on his neck.

“Thanks,” Kelly said, “but I mean… I look normal!”

Nathaniel laughed. “Normal? I don’t think so. You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

Kelly appeared flattered, playfully swatting one of his hands. “You’re just saying that because of the new leg.”

Nathaniel shook his head. “Take it off and throw it in the next dumpster you see. I don’t care. Go back to your crutches if that makes you happy, or let me carry you anywhere you want to go. I’d do anything for you, Kelly. Absolutely anything, because I love you. You know that?”

The almond-shaped eyes in the mirror grew wide, Kelly barely managing a nod.

Nathaniel felt vulnerable. “Is that okay?”

Kelly spun around, placing hands on his chest. “Is it okay that I’ve been in love with you for a ridiculously long time?”

Nathaniel resisted a smile. “Since when?”

“Gosh,” Kelly said, glancing off into the distant past. “Somewhere between the second and third glass of wine.”

“At the fundraiser?” Nathaniel laughed. “That far back? Wow! Must have been some potent moonshine!”

“It was,” Kelly said with a grin. “Seriously, I don’t know when it happened, but I’ve been keeping it a secret because I was worried that—”

“Kelly,” Nathaniel interrupted.

“Yes?”

“I need you to stop talking.”

“Why?”

Nathaniel pulled him close, gently placed his forehead against Kelly’s, and stared deep into his eyes.
I love you
, he tried to make that gaze say, and just in case the message wasn’t received, he brought their lips together for a kiss. And another. There could never be enough. Nathaniel would have to find other ways, gestures of an infinite variety, to communicate what he felt inside, but he looked forward to each attempt. For now, a simple kiss would have to do.
I love you.

Chapter Eighteen

Idealistic dreams were sent scattering by a knock on his office door. Nathaniel hurriedly gathered the photos of Kelly to turn them upside down. He had nothing to hide, but the last thing he wanted was Marcello prying into his personal life.

“What is it?” he grunted, hoping to sound busy.

The door opened revealing dark hair and silver eyes. “Hey!” Tim said. “Long time no see. You busy?”

“No!” Nathaniel stood and gestured for Tim to enter. They only saw each other sporadically. Tim didn’t work for the studio, but since he and Marcello were friends, occasionally they bumped into each other in the hallways. Or during certain events, such as—

“The Eric Conroy Fundraiser is coming up,” Tim said, shaking hands before flopping into one of the chairs.

Nathaniel sat down again. “I’ve already got the invite list ready.”

“Cool. This year I’d like to get the artists directly involved with the people shelling out money to help them. I also want the patrons to see the actual art. The gallery is a little too small for what I’m thinking and, well, Marcello said you were the man to talk to. Unless he’s trying to hook us up again. Ha ha.”

“I have a boyfriend,” Nathaniel blurted out.

Tim’s eyebrows shot up. “I was kidding.”

“I know,” Nathaniel said, shaking his head. “Sorry. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, which apparently means telling everyone I meet. Although if I’m honest, I think I’ve had a boyfriend for a long time. I just didn’t realize it until recently.”

Tim’s grin was easy. “Believe it or not, I know
exactly
what you mean. Some guys lure you in nice and slow. You wake up one day and realize you’re in a relationship. Or they straight up tell you. Remember on our date when I waxed nostalgic about that one guy?
The
one?”

“Ben,” Nathaniel said. When Tim looked surprised he added, “Marcello talks about you two a lot. You found your way back to him.”

“Yeah,” Tim said, his smile getting even brighter. “Never thought it would happen, but it did.”

“Congratulations.” Nathaniel tapped his index finger against the desk, his leg jittering. “Aren’t you terrified that you’ll fuck it all up? Like now that you’ve got what you always wanted, you’ll make one wrong move and ruin everything?”

“Every single day,” Tim said matter-of-factly.

“And you’re okay with that?”

“I don’t have a choice. If it does happen… This guy you’re with, is he patient?”

“No.”

Tim laughed. “Okay, is he forgiving?”

Nathaniel thought about it. Kelly had been through a lot with William, but he never blamed the accident on him or obsess over him falling in love with Jason Grant. When William came up in conversation, his memory was treated with affection. That relationship might have been a painful learning experience, but Kelly didn’t seem to hold a grudge. “He’s pretty forgiving. I think.”

“There you go. Unless you do something unbelievably stupid, chances are you can work through it.”

Nathaniel didn’t feel much better. “What if I hurt him? Or he hurts me?”

Tim thought about this. “My grandma has a saying. It’s in Spanish, because she’s Mexican, but roughly translated…” When he spoke again, he sounded more like an old woman with a thick accent. “If you strike yourself while hammering a nail, you can either suck your thumb for the rest of your life or get on with building yourself a home.”

“So basically, get over it.”

Tim nodded. “That’s what she would tell you, and believe me, you wouldn’t want to argue with her. I tried once.” He rubbed his arm as if he’d been punched there. “It didn’t go so well.”

* * * * *

Nathaniel’s relationship with Kelly had come full circle. Or full oval, considering they were standing in front of a high school running track. The same one they had visited on their first date, as Nathaniel now thought of it. He had mentally rewritten much of their relationship, stripping it of distance and denial. He could admit now that they had been together a long time, getting to know each other emotionally and physically. And here they were again, except now Kelly’s spirits were high.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Nathaniel asked.

Kelly glanced up from fiddling with the camera and tripod. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because you’re supposed to work with a physical therapist before attempting anything like this, and I don’t recall you going to any appointments.”

“I go while you’re at work,” Kelly said, focusing on the camera settings.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes. “You don’t really have one, do you?”

“I have a therapist,” Kelly insisted.

“Then what’s his name?”

“What’s
her
name,” Kelly said, wagging a finger at him. “
Her
name is Allison Cross.”

“That’s the name of your counselor. Wrong kind of therapist.”

Kelly fought down a grin. “How do you remember these things?”

“Because I like to imagine her being cross with you when you’re being a duplicitous shit. Like now.”

“Her technique is more of the kill-them-with-kindness variety. You should try it sometime.”

“Not a chance,” Nathaniel said. “I’m serious. I don’t want you hurting yourself.” He was tempted to add that he didn’t blow thousands of dollars just for Kelly to break the damned leg while messing around, but that would give away his secret.

“I’ll be fine,” Kelly said. “If anything goes wrong, at least we’ll have a series of photos to show the physical therapist. I’m sure that will be enlightening.”

“So you’ll go? You’ll see a physical therapist?”

“Naturally.” Kelly pushed one last button and stepped away from the camera. “But only if this doesn’t work. I’m going to run again, no matter what it takes. Ready?”

“Just start slow,” Nathaniel insisted. “Maybe a little speed-walking.”

Kelly humored Nathaniel for the first lap, Zero running circles around them as if he too agreed.
Why hesitate? Now or never!

After the first lap, Kelly stopped to adjust his leg, spared Nathaniel a sly grin, and said, “Try to keep up.” Then he was running. Despite his boast, he wasn’t going too fast. Not at first. Nathaniel easily kept pace, his full attention on Kelly, who kept looking down at himself as if taking stock. He seemed to be experimenting, his lope becoming longer or shorter as needed, his arms alternating between swinging and pumping. Whatever he was looking for, he must have found it, because he burst forward, Zero barking excitedly. They ran past the camera’s location not once but twice, Kelly clearly intent on going for a third. As much as Nathaniel wanted to keep tabs on him, his exhaustion was increasing. He was considering heading for the bleachers when he saw Kelly looking at him, his face plastered with wild glee. Nathaniel was smiling back when a scuffing noise interrupted their perfect moment.

Kelly hit the ground, tumbling across the track and rolling to a stop. Nathaniel rushed over to help. Kelly flopped over onto his back, giggling like a child.

“You all right?” Nathaniel asked.

“I think I skinned my knee.” Kelly pointed at the prosthetic leg.

Nathaniel shook his head and offered him a hand. Once standing, Kelly gazed out across the track and beamed in satisfaction.

“Keep grinning like that and people will think you’ve gone insane,” Nathaniel teased.

“I don’t care. That felt too damn good. Ready for more? I’ll race you!”

“Only if you promise to slow down.” Nathaniel was still trying to catch his breath.

“That was nothing. Just wait until I get my running blade. Then you’ll really see fast.”

“I’d rather see fast food.” Nathaniel checked his watch. Breakfast seemed like ages ago. “It’s past lunchtime.”

“Save your appetite,” Kelly said, leading them back toward the tripod and camera. “The party will have plenty of food.”

“Isn’t that tonight?”

“No, in just a few hours.” The camera snapped one last automatic photo as Kelly reached for it and began disassembling the setup.

“Kind of early for a party,” Nathaniel said.

“It’s a birthday.”

“For who? A little kid?”

Kelly jabbed the folded tripod at him so he would take it. “Geez, chill out, Mr. Nightlife! Things happen during the day too, you know. And for the record, it’s Layne’s birthday. He’s a friend of mine from the youth group.”

“Youth group. As in teenagers.”

“Yes. Tons and tons of teenagers who are eager to meet you for the first time. Prepare yourself. You’ll probably have to give everyone piggyback rides.”

“Sounds like a real cool party,” Nathaniel grumbled. “Super neato.”

“Don’t be a snob.” Kelly turned to walk toward the car. “With all the travelling we’ve been doing, I haven’t seen most of these people for ages. The youth group is important to me. They were there when I first came out and also after the accident. When William and I split up too. They’re like a second family, one I’ve dated quite a few members of. Ha ha.”

“You’re not exactly winning me over.”

Kelly ignored him. “They’re awesome people. I’m already dreading being too old to attend meetings. Hey, speaking of old, I need you to buy some booze. As a present.”

That was an unwelcome flashback. Kelly usually didn’t ask him for such things. He enjoyed a drink now and again, but was content to let Nathaniel surprise him. Of course working for Marcello meant a glass of champagne was never far away.

“So this guy,” Nathaniel said. “This birthday boy. Did you and he ever…”

“His name is Layne, and no.” Kelly bumped their shoulders together playfully. “Don’t tell me you’re feeling jealous.”

“A complete stranger hit on you yesterday.”

“She wasn’t my type. Very flattering though.”

“All I’m asking is that you wear a bag over your head when in public.”

Kelly smiled at the compliment. “Just stay close to me. You tend to scare away most Romeos.”

“Deal.”

They loaded the car with camera equipment and an ill-behaved dog. Once home again, they took a shower together. Kelly’s new leg wasn’t water-proof, meaning it couldn’t join them, but he spent most of the shower in Nathaniel’s arms. Once the water was turned off, Nathaniel suggested they crawl into bed to enjoy the afterglow, but Kelly went to the closet and started pulling out clothes. After they dressed and left the house, they made a quick stop to buy a bottle of booze and another to get wrapping paper, then drove to a suburban house set against untouched woods. The house’s backyard was currently filled with a gift-covered table, a huge cake, and most ridiculous of all, an inflatable castle. Teenagers were bouncing around inside this like popcorn, making it rock back and forth.

“How old did you say this guy was?” Nathaniel murmured. “Please don’t tell me I bought vodka for an eight-year-old.”

“Welcome, welcome!” a voice said in greeting. Layne, most likely, since he was playing host. The guy was thin, his blond hair carefully blow-dried and styled, his body motions slightly exaggerated, like he thought he was on stage and needed to communicate to a broader audience. That might explain his makeup—powder, base, and just a little eyeliner—which was laughable, because he was much too adorable to need such things. “How kind of you to be here on my special day. My
very
special day.”

“Eighteen is quite the milestone,” Kelly said, stressing the age as if to reassure Nathaniel.

Layne gave the sort of nod that said
I hear you talking but I’m not interested
. Instead his eyes were all over Nathaniel. He obviously liked what he saw because his smile grew wider and he stepped forward for a hug. Nathaniel raised his arms above his head to protect the camera and the wrapped present he was holding. Layne grabbed his torso anyway and squeezed. “It’s so nice to meet you at last! We’ve heard so many wonderful things, some of them about you. What’s your name again? Oh, it doesn’t matter. You’re so warm!”

“Okay,” Kelly said, trying to peel Layne off him. “Let go. Seriously.”

“Fine.” Layne released Nathaniel. Then he opened his arms to Kelly and gasped. “Oh. My. God!”

Kelly hopped from foot to foot. “No more crutches!”

Layne covered his mouth in awe. Then he took Kelly by the arm and guided him toward the party. “Everyone, look who’s standing on his own two feet!”

Nathaniel eyed the crowd and felt asocial for not having so many friends. Not even a fraction. Outside his professional life, he only had Kelly and a dog. Sort of sad when he thought about it, but he was happy. Kelly gave an impromptu speech, and the reaction he got showed that he was close to these people. Maybe he didn’t see them often, but they were all comfortable around each other.

“I think it’s fabulous,” Layne said, looping arms with Kelly. He took hold of Nathaniel too and walked with them across the yard. “Speaking of which, did you bring my present?”

“You mean the bottle you’re still three years too young to drink from?” Nathaniel shook the present they had gift-wrapped to disguise its form. A good thing too, considering Layne’s parents had answered the door.