SOMEONE DIFFERENT (26 page)

Who did he know, I wondered, who drove a shiny, new, blue Mazda?

37 – Jay

Shit. My hands found the garden wall behind me, and it was the only thing that kept me on my feet. My instinct was to run – I mean it would’ve been, wouldn’t it, after last time? But quickly my eyes scanned the back seat, then the passenger seat, and they were empty. It was just him, Spenny; on his own, holding the steering wheel.

So I forced my feet to stay still; if he’d wanted to kick my head in again, he wouldn’t have been on his own. And, if I did decide to grass him up, I needed to know as much about him as I could.

I watched him shut the car door softly and make his way round to me.

‘How’s it goin’?’ he said with a snaky smile.

I nodded a bit but didn’t speak.

‘We just thought we oughta catch up with ya, ya know – make sure nothin’s changed?’

It was probably a bit over-done, the frown I put on, but I honestly didn’t have a clue what he was getting at.

‘Well, I mean you’ve done alright up to now. Kept your gob shut an’ everythin’.’ I flinched as he took a quick step closer. ‘But you were banged up yesterday, weren’t ya? You were talkin’ to the cops. And then with it bein’ your mate’s funeral an’ all, we just wanted to make sure you weren’t gettin’ any ideas ... about sellin’ out, or makin’ any deals?’

I shook my head. How the hell did they know all that? I mean loads of people would’ve been at Billy’s funeral, but me getting arrested was hardly front page news. And how did they know it’d even crossed my mind to grass him up? If they did actually know that is; if they weren’t just second-guessing.

‘I haven’t told the cops nothin’,’ I said.

He grinned. ‘That’s safe then, innit? All ya need to do now is make sure it stays that way.’

I looked at him. His cocky expression showed he was dead certain I’d keep quiet. But for some reason, he decided to make extra sure.

‘She’s a right little darlin’, in’t she, that bird you’ve got? You wanna make sure you look after her.’

Christ. Not Anna. That’s what I’d been dreading all along; her getting mixed up in any of this. I didn’t think he’d even seen her
– I was sure she’d already got into her dad’s car when he turned up – but he must have, somehow.

He strutted back round to get in the Mazda and the smirk on his face made me feel sick. Wasn’t it enough that he’d killed Billy? And me as well, nearly? Why did he have to bring Anna into it? And why did he have to look like he was enjoying it all so fucking much?

I walked away before he even started the engine. So that was that then, there was no way I could even think about grassing him up now. Whatever I felt about Billy, or his family, or about what was right – none of that mattered anymore, because Anna was more important.

And it wasn’t like I could change anything for Billy anyway; he was gone. But Anna was still here
, and like Spenny had said, I had to make sure it stayed that way.

I lit a fag as I got nearer to our house. It was strange, I’d never even thought about making a deal with the cops. I knew it happened, all the time. And if they knew what I knew about that warehouse and the charlie and Spenny and Billy, they’d probably have suggested it themselves, but they didn’t, did they? Surely, busting an international drug-dealing gang and me putting my neck on the line to testify about that and Billy’s murder, would be worth letting a petty assault go? Even if it was on some spoilt little rich boy.

But whatever. It didn’t mean a thing anymore, because it wasn’t going to happen.

I put my key in the front door but it didn’t turn, which meant the door was already unlocked and my dad was already home. Before I’d even taken my coat off though, the floorboards creaked in the living room and he appeared in the doorway, swaying like a skittle that might or might not fall over.

Bloody hell; there’s no way he could have got that pissed on a tenner, he must’ve had a win at the bookies or something. I kept my head down and made for the stairs. But he wasn’t having it.

‘Don’t walk away from me when I’m talkin’ to ya,’ he said.

If it’d been anybody else, anybody at all, I’d have pointed out that he hadn’t actually been saying anything. But not him. Instead, I stopped and made myself look little. The expression had to be just right; my eyes had to be on him – glancing away for even a second was enough to piss him off sometimes – but there had to be nothing about me that he could see as clever or smart. Picture a puppy that gets belted every time it wags its tail, and you’ll not be far off.

‘D’ya think I’m fuckin’ made of money?’ he shouted.

‘No.’

‘Well what ya turned that radiator on in ya bedroom for then?’

‘I err ...’ Shit. Anna must’ve done it earlier. She’d never have known it’d lead to all this of course, but I wish she’d told me. ‘I ... don’t know,’ I said finally.

‘Well I do; it’s cos you had that posh tart round, innit? All of a sudden, house’s gotta be warmer than the bleedin’ Bahamas.’ He made a big effort to stop swaying, then moved towards me. ‘So who’s gonna pay for it all then?’

My guts tightened. All I had in my pocket was a fiver and a few bits of change. If I parted with that, I wouldn’t have a penny left for anything else.

The gold signet ring on his right hand caught the light as he scratched his neck. For some reason, it made me think about when I was a kid once, and Sarah asked my mum why she let him get away with treating her like shit all the time.

My mum thought about it for a few minutes then shook her head.
Because it’s just easier,
she said.

I took the note out and offered it to him. Instead of the smile I expected it to bring though, it actually made him wheeze. ‘Is that it?’ he said.

‘Yeah, it’s all I’ve got.’

I jumped as he shoved his hand into my pocket and brought out the thirty pence or so I’d got in change. He stared at it for a second, then yelle
d, ‘Useless!’ And literally, threw it back in my face.

The
coins stung as they hit my eyelids, and I backed off as far as could against the wall.

But he just closed in on me even more. ‘I bet you’ve got plenty when it comes to treatin’ her though, an’t ya? That little slag?’

I blinked. Don’t let him wind you up, I told myself; it’s just words, it doesn’t mean anything. But somehow, him saying stuff about Anna, hurt tons more than him saying stuff about me.

‘Slag.’ He said again as he grinned. ‘Don’t ya like it?’

Keep still; blank, and still, and little.

‘Well, she must be. Why else would somebody like her be shaggin’ a thick, drugged-up, thievin’ bastard like you? She’s usin’ ya
– to piss her mam an’ dad off, an’ so she can tell her all mates she’s shagged a bit of rough. She’ll get fed-up though, soon enough, I’m tellin’ ya. An’ then she’ll jump straight back into bed with some minted-up kid that can buy her all the stuff she’s used to.’

While he’d been talking, my back had slowly straightened. For the first time, I noticed I’d grown taller than him.

I started to walk away.

His hand grabbed my arm and he tried to pull me back, but I shook him off. ‘Leave me alone,’ I said quietly.

His face darkened. ‘Who d’ya think you’re talkin’ to?’

I turned and took another step, but my head jerked forward as his knuckles slammed into the back of it.

‘I said, who the fuck d’ya think you’re talkin’ to?

‘You!’ I spun around like a
tornado. ‘I’m talkin’ to you. Cos if I am thick, an’ drugged-up, an’ a thief – then it’s cos of you; cos all I’ve ever known is you comin’ home pissed, you batterin’ my mum, batterin’ me, makin’ us think we were useless.’ He tried to say something, but my voice blasted even stronger. ‘For God’s sake, you had me out nickin’ stuff before I could even talk; kept me off school, sent me out for your fags ... got me to do all your shit jobs ... so whatever I am, it’s cos of you; cos you’re a fucked-up old bastard who never gave me a chance to be anythin’ else.’

He grun
ted and threw a punch at me, giving it his absolute best shot. But all I had to do to avoid it was step to the side. Once he’d got his balance back though, he stared at me, then did something I hadn’t seen him do for years – he undid the buckle on his belt, and steadily slid it out through the loops.

Memories dived into mind like wasps. His hand, the belt, the cracking sound that meant the pain would follow instantly ... then, within seconds, the red, swollen marks that shouted out what he’d done to anybody who’d listen – which was usually nobody.

Without taking my eyes off him, I backed off towards the door. My hand reached for the handle, but just as I touched it, he dove towards me, swinging the belt like a tennis racket. I dodged into the corner, losing the handle. The belt smacked into me, but not on my face where he’d meant it to, and my jacket took most of the blow. Quickly, he wrapped it around his hand again, but no way was I giving him anymore chances. Before he could even lift his arm, I shoved out at him hard – he flew back, crashed into the wall, and ended up flat out on the floorboards.

My fingers found the handle again, but I couldn’t help looking back, and when I did, I saw his eyes were shut and he hadn’t moved. Shit. That’d just be my luck, wouldn’t it – all those years of what he’d done to me, and the first time I do the slightest thing back, the bastard goes and gets proper hurt.

I sighed, then took a pace nearer to him. ‘Dad.’

Nothing.

Gently, I nudged him with my foot. ‘Dad,’ I said again.

His eyes opened slowly
, and he rolled up on to his side. ‘Get out,’ he hissed. ‘Go on – do what your fuckin’ mother did; get outa my house. An’ if I ever see ya round here again, I’ll break every bone in your miserable body.’

I looked at him one last time, then turned away, promising myself that whatever happened, no matter what, there was no way on this earth I’d ever go back.

***

For the first twenty minutes or so of me wandering around the streets, all I did was call him every swear word I knew. And he was all of them. Whichever words I spat out, and in whatever order, they fitted him exactly.

But then, gradually, it began to sink in how much I was on my own. I mean I knew people – kids from school and off the estate and that – but they weren’t like proper mates; I couldn’t just turn up, knock on their door and ask if I could stay the night; they wouldn’t understand that.

Billy would’ve let me stay of course, just like he’d done plenty of times before, but that wasn’t an option anymore either. And obviously, staying at Anna’s was out
; there was more chance of my dad saying no to a bottle of Bud than her mum and dad saying yes to a sleepover. So that only left one possibility: my mum.

I took my phone out, called her number, and was surprised she answered it pretty much straightaway.

‘Mum, it’s Jay.’

‘Mmm, you alright?’

‘Yeah, I ... I were just wondering ... can I stay at your house for a bit?’

‘Why?’

‘He’s kicked me out – like proper kicked me out, not just ranted on about it like normal.’

She paused. ‘I don’t know. It’s ... it’s Darren ... he’s –’

‘I’m what?’ Her boyfriend’s voice sounded suddenly in the background.

My mum stopped talking to me and spoke to him instead. ‘It’s our Jay, he wants to know if he can sleep here tonight.’

‘Oh, does he? An’ what’s he plannin’ to nick this time? The kids’ Xbox? The telly? My new Blackberry?’

‘Course not, he just needs somewhere to stay.’

‘Well, he shouldn’t have robbed my stuff last time, then I might’ve let him.’

My mum spoke softly. ‘Darren, it were only a few fags.’ But as she got quieter, he got louder.

‘It were nearly a full pack. D’you seriously expect me to let some lyin’ little shit like that stay in my house after ...’

‘Mum.’

He carried on shouting and she didn’t answer.

‘Mum!’

‘What?’

‘It dun’t matter. I’ll find somewhere else.’

A door slammed and Darren’s gob finally stopped.

My mum’s voice wobbled a bit. ‘Where? What’ll you do?’

‘I dunno, I’ll find somewhere – a mate’s or summat.’

She breathed out. ‘OK then. Sorry, Jay. It’s just, ya know ...?’

‘Yeah, I know.’ And I hesitated for a second, then ended the call.

My head had been proper screwed-up before that – what with seeing Spenny and having the thing with my dad – but after it, I actually thought I might cry.

I stopped. My legs suddenly seemed so weak I had to sit on a wall to take the weight of them. I got my fag packet out, and lit up the last one.