Somebody's Wife: The Jackson Brothers, Book 3 (9 page)

Randi’s little speech said a lot about her own family, but it said a lot more about what Connie had done. Or
hadn’t
done. Something cringed inside her. She and Mitch had never talked through his feelings about Lou’s death. She’d told him he needed a psychiatrist, and when he denied it, she’d told herself it was out of her hands. All she’d ever
done
for him was get angry at his penny-pinching ways and his refusal to have another child.

Randi was looking at her, the vegetable knife still in her hand as if she expected some sort of comment.

“Yeah, this is a great family.” She felt sick. All the praise Randi had heaped on the family didn’t cover Connie’s own actions. But Randi needed reassurance right now.

“And you don’t have to worry about saying anything that will upset Evelyn or Taylor. Evelyn’s ecstatic that Jace and Taylor are together.”

She barely heard Randi’s answer.

She’d been so stuck in her own needs and wants that she’d let Mitch stew in his grief for three years without even trying to help. Even though she’d
known
he needed help.

Her heart contracted. She’d been so selfish. But realizing that now didn’t fix her marriage. She still wanted a baby. And Mitch didn’t. She didn’t see a compromise anywhere in that.

* * * * *

Mitch ached. His head, his eyes, his heart.

Connie was so beautiful in her bridesmaid dress, pale pink satin that made her skin glow and left her legs bare. Taylor had chosen a style that Connie could use again, for a cocktail party or an evening out at a fancy restaurant.

Connie wouldn’t be wearing it with him. She hadn’t talked to him, other than what was necessary, about the kids, the wedding, or a chore that needed doing. Even as he’d walked her back down the aisle after the vows, she hadn’t said a word and she left him the moment they reached the church steps. He knew Connie inside and out, knew her moods, when she was PMSing, when she was happy, and when she was angry. The anger had lasted a week. Then suddenly, last night, before the wedding, it changed. His wife showed a side he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen before. She’d seemed lost in her thoughts, moving in a daze.

And that’s why he ached. Her mind was going round and round about how she would leave him, who would get the kids, whether they’d have joint custody, how they’d split the possessions accumulated over the years.

She could have everything. All he wanted was the right to see Rina and Peter as often as he could.

Yet a tiny voice in his head kept whispering:
Tell her you didn’t mean it, tell her you want a baby.

It wouldn’t work. She wouldn’t believe him. And God, he wouldn’t really mean it. Fear would eat at his gut and his soul and in a short time they’d be right back where they’d started.

But she was so beautiful. On the dance floor, Connie held Rina in one arm, chubby legs wrapped around her mother’s waist, and with the other hand, she gripped Peter’s fingers.

It was the mother-and-child dance. Mom was out there with David doing...what was that dance? The Funky Chicken? Even Dad had been persuaded to take to the floor with Randi. That girl was a little weird, sweet but weird. Her skirt was skin tight and her blouse made of spandex. But at least it was white.

The deejay played oldies and elevator music because it was easiest for everyone to listen and dance to, young and old. Taylor was on the dance floor, too, with Brian and Jamey, each one holding a hand as they danced. She hadn’t chosen a traditional white wedding gown, but a cream-colored dress that also could be used for other occasions.

“She’s gorgeous, isn’t she?” Jace set his champagne back down on the table.

“Yeah. Freaking gorgeous.” The dull ache became a jackhammer in his chest. He knew Jace was talking about Taylor, eyes only for his new wife.

Mitch had eyes only for his own wife and children.

“She doesn’t look pregnant, does she?”

Mitch whipped his head around, almost giving himself a crick in the neck. “What? Connie’s not pregnant.”

Jace sighed and gave Mitch a long, slow shake of the head. “Taylor. She’s six weeks.”

Jesus H. Christ. “Are you an idiot or something? You only just got married.”

Jace eyed him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I was just shocked.” He spread his hands, begging forgiveness for the idiocy that had fallen from his mouth. “Really. I’m sorry.”

Jace suddenly smiled. Man, he was happy, manic even. Maybe he needed drugs. “Aren’t you going to congratulate me?”

Mitch had no business criticizing his brother’s choice even if it wasn’t one he’d make for himself. “Congratulations. But isn’t she going to murder you for spilling the beans?”

Jace smiled, watching her float across the dance floor with her sons bound tightly to her. “Yeah. She’s going to freaking skin me alive. But I couldn’t keep the secret anymore.”

Jace had been the party guy, sowing his wild oats from one end of Willoughby to the other. Until Lou died. The perpetual shit-eating grin had died that day, too. So many parts of the family had been put in the ground right along with Lou. The expression on Jace’s face was neither the shit-eating grin nor the somber smile that never reached his eyes. This was different.

It was the smile Mitch knew had been on his face when Connie told him about Peter. Then Rina. How he’d felt when he first saw his babies in Connie’s arms, nursing at her breast.

It was something he would never have again.

“Do you know what you’re getting into?”

“Yeah, Mitch, I know. Diapers and sleepless nights. And holding my newborn in the palm of my hand.”

“Start saving now. It’s a lot of money.”

“Lou did it. You did it. I will, too.”

“Yeah.” He stared at Connie. He wasn’t sure how he was going to hang around watching Taylor grow with Jace’s kid. How he was going to bear witness to their happiness while his own crumbled to dust? For a moment, he almost hated his brother for having the thing he couldn’t have, for being able to watch the woman he loved grow beautiful with his child inside her. To bring that baby into the world and lavish it with love.

“Taylor thinks Connie should have a baby at the same time.”

“What the hell?” He wanted to puke.

Jace shook his head. “Some weird female thing. Like how they always have to go to the restroom together.”

“We’re not having any more kids.” His voice was flat, without emotion.

So flat, Jace stared at him a moment. “But you always said you were going to have a big family.”

“That was Connie’s idea. Not mine.”

“No, that was you, Mitch. I remember at your wedding. I thought you were crazy.” He paused. “But now I see it from a whole different angle.”

“Right. In a few months, you’ll see it from the financial angle, and you’ll realize how crazy it is.”

“I’m not worried about the money. We’ll get by.”

“Get by, Jace? Are you freaking nuts? You gotta provide. You can’t just hope you’re going to ‘get by.’”

“Mitch, what’s wrong with you?”

He realized his hands were bunched into fists, and his cheeks ached with muscle tension. He did his best to relax.

“Life just made me change my plans, that’s all.”

“Are you happy about the change?”

“What’s happiness got to do with it? A man does what he’s got to do. He outgrows those youthful fantasies.”

He’d outgrown his youthful fantasies, all right, and lost his wife and kids in the process.

“It’s not a youthful fantasy, Mitch. It’s a helluva big responsibility, but I’m willing to do it with Taylor, for us.”

“Yeah, well, it’s different for you. You and she don’t have kids together, so I can understand you wanting a baby. But Connie and I have Rina and Peter.” But God, he’d dreamed of watching Connie grow full with his child once more, dreamed of seeing her nestle the baby to her breasts. Dreamed of watching that baby grow, teaching him or her, reading stories, and throwing baseballs. Swimming lessons and love and laughter.

His dreams died the day Lou did.

“I’m really happy for you, man, but I’m not doing it again.”

Connie twirled on the dance floor, laughing down into Rina’s smiling face and whirling Peter across the parquet.

He’d lost everything the day Lou died. Because this day, the day his marriage ended had its roots in Lou’s death.

It was almost as if he’d laid himself in the ground right alongside his brother. Given up his hopes, his dreams, his ambitions. Everything became about money, about the future.

He was so damn worried about the future that he’d destroyed his present.

“Mitch, you look a little green around the gills. Had too much champagne?”

No. He’d had too much worrying. Too many hours lying awake at night imagining everything that could go wrong.

“I’m fine.”

Jace nudged him. “Dance is almost over. Don’t tell Taylor I told you.”

“And you told me because?” He spread his hands.

Jace looked at him as if his anxieties were tattooed on his forehead. “Why do you think I told you, Mitch?”

Hell, it didn’t take a genius to read a guy’s mind. It took a baby brother who’d suddenly taken the plunge himself. Jace was trying to tell him things could work out if he had faith.

Mitch didn’t answer.

Finally, Jace shook his head and turned back to watch David and their mom herding the kids back to the table while Taylor and Connie headed for the restroom.

A tender smile creased his brother’s mouth. He looked like a guy impossibly, magnificently in love.

“What’d I tell you? Women always have to do things together. You gotta love ’em.”

Mitch did. He loved Connie with all his heart. And he’d given her up because he was afraid. What kind of coward did that make him?

Chapter Eight

Taylor tackled her the minute they were alone in the ladies’ room. “All right, spill. What’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Connie wouldn’t spoil Taylor’s day, not for anything.

“You are such a fibber. You’ve been dragging the whole week. And you haven’t danced with Mitch once today.”

“Let’s talk about it later.” She barely managed to keep the darn quiver out of her lip.

“Let’s talk about it now. I can’t run around all happy-happy when I know something’s wrong.” Taylor squeezed her hand.

And the awful reality just burst out despite her best intentions. “I think Mitch and I might be getting a divorce.”

“Oh, Connie.” Taylor flopped down in front of the vanity like a hot air balloon without any hot air. “I was afraid you were going to say that.”

Divorce didn’t feel right. Life without Mitch didn’t feel right. Even life with him coming to take the kids on weekends. No, no, no. That’s not how she’d envisioned them all.

“Is this because of the baby?” Taylor wasn’t stupid.

“He says he doesn’t want any more kids. I don’t think I can live with that.” She sank down on the stool next to her sister-in-law twice over.

“So, it’s a deal-breaker, huh?”

Connie pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and stared at herself in the mirror. “He doesn’t trust me. He was checking up on me to make sure I took my birth control pills.”

Taylor freshened her lipstick, then made sure no excess color made it to her teeth. “You can’t forgive him for that?”

“I don’t know,” she murmured. “He broke his promise to me about having a big family, and then he didn’t trust me. How can we have a good marriage if he doesn’t trust me?” How could they have a good marriage if she’d couldn’t even help him through the grief of his brother’s death? “Do you miss Lou?” she whispered. It was a terrible question to ask, a terrible thing to say on Taylor’s wedding day, but she couldn’t help herself.

Taylor put her hand over Connie’s trembling fingers. “After he died, I thought life was over. Everything changed. I didn’t know exactly where to turn. I’d never imagined myself alone. But I’ve moved on. And I love Jace with all my heart.” She pressed Connie’s hand harder. “I have to tell you. We’re going to have a baby. I’m six weeks along.”

Her body flushed, her skin heated, and her head swam. Spots danced before her eyes, and she thought she might faint.

“I know that must hurt you, Connie, especially now.”

It didn’t hurt. It devastated. She was going to drown, her soul washing away with the pain.

She and Mitch would never have another child.

Tears suddenly gushed. Taylor put her arms around her shoulders and tugged her head down.

“I’m going to get makeup all over your dress.”

“Don’t worry about it, sweetie, just let it all out.”

Rina was starting first grade in the fall. The house would be empty. All day. Every day, except weekends. How would she survive those long empty days with no one to take care of?

“Can I baby-sit, Taylor?”

“Of course. I’m going to need you.”

“Thanks.”

“Will you remarry so you can have more children?”

Connie pulled away, swiped at her eyes, and simply stared at Taylor. It was the most ridiculous question she’d ever heard. She’d never marry again. Never. She couldn’t bear another man in her bed. There was only Mitch. There would only ever be Mitch.

“Of course not. Mitch was it for me.”

“But if you’re leaving him because he doesn’t want to have any more kids, but then you’re not planning to get remarried so there won’t ever be any more kids...” Taylor trailed off. “Oh yeah, it’s because he broke his promise and didn’t trust you.”

Connie looked at her toes, her shaking hands, then finally brought her gaze level with Taylor’s. It was time to admit the truth. She’d ruined her own marriage.

“I’ve been very selfish.”

“How?”

“I wanted what I wanted, and I expected Mitch to fall in line. It’s like we were both going off and doing our own thing, and not paying attention to what was going on between us.” She hiccuped. “I don’t think I ever
really
talked to him about how Lou’s death affected him. When he said he was worried about where the money for another baby would come from, I pooh-poohed him. I didn’t take into account how Lou’s death made him terrified he couldn’t take care of us.” She dropped her head in her hands. “I mean, I
heard
what he was saying, but I never really gave his fears any credence. I just got angrier and angrier every time he put off the question of another baby. I got angry with him for not trusting me, but
I
never listened to
him
. I never gave his fears any importance.”