Authors: Brenda Jackson
“Mitch?”
He smiled across the table, bringing his thoughts back to her suggestion. “All right. After lunch we’ll go for a walk.”
“Your father still doesn’t believe in sugarcoating his words, I see,” Mitch said as he opened the door to Gina’s house. They were just returning from dinner at her parents’.
Gina smiled. Considering everything, she thought the evening had gone rather well. At least Mitch was still alive and in good health. After their divorce her father had claimed that he would do bodily harm to Mitch if he ever came within five feet of her again. He had behaved himself at Trevor’s wedding reception, and had even tolerated the two of them dancing together, but only because at the time he and her mother had reconciled after a twenty-year separation and had been too busy acting like newlyweds themselves to worry about her.
“Dad is Dad, I doubt he’ll ever change, Mitch. I’m sure Mom told him that you spent the night, and he’s still overprotective where I’m concerned.”
Mitch nodded, thinking that was an understatement. However, he had to admit that during his and Gina’s marriage, Maurice Grant had never meddled in their affairs. Once he had turned his daughter over to Mitch’s care as her husband, that had been that. But Mitch knew he had let the man down. He had promised to love, honor, and cherish Gina and he hadn’t always done that. He had loved her with every breath in his body; he also felt he had honored her as well. But he had been sorely lacking with the cherishing part. He had been too busy working long and extended hours to cherish anything. He now regretted every minute he had stayed late at the office instead of going home and spending time with her.
“It’s strange seeing your parents together that way,” he said, following Gina into her kitchen.
A smile curled her lips as she began making a pot of coffee, remembering how openly affectionate her parents were to each other. “I know. It takes some getting used to. Dad loves Mom and she loves him. Too bad they had all those wasted years when they could have been together.”
Mitch nodded. “Yeah, but they’re together now and that’s what’s important.”
“You’re right and they just love being grandparents. Did you see how they carried on over Rio?” She laughed. “That baby is going to be spoiled rotten.”
Mitch chuckled. “Hey, you were doing a pretty good job spoiling him yourself tonight, Aunt Gina. For a while I thought he was glued to your arms.”
Gina leaned against the counter knowing that was true. It seemed that every time she held Rio, the desire for a child of her own pierced her heart. He was such a good baby, a beautiful and precious baby who would grow up in his parents’ deep love and protection.
“You’ve gotten quiet, Gina. What are you thinking about?”
She looked up at Mitch and decided to be honest with him. “I was thinking about Rio and how each and every time I hold him I wish I had a child of my own. I’ve always wanted a baby.”
Mitch looked into her eyes and knew he had disappointed her in that department, too. He distinctly remembered the number of times she had asked, almost begged, for them to start a family and how he had refused her on the grounds that he wasn’t ready to become a father. He had to be sure he could successfully provide for a child before agreeing to bring one into the world. He hadn’t realized until now just how wrong and selfish he had been to withhold from her the very thing that would have made her happy.
With a deep ragged sigh, he reached out and pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry, Gina.”
“For what?” she asked, liking the feel of being held by him, pressed so close to his strong body. His chest felt wonderful against her chin.
“For all those times you asked me for a baby and I refused to give you one.”
A tiny, sad smile touched Gina’s lips. “That’s all right, I understand.”
Mitch looked down at her. “Do you, Gina? Do you really understand? I don’t think so, because I’ve yet to give you a reason to understand. And now I think it’s time that I do.”
Gina saw the intense look on his face and knew whatever he had to tell her would be serious. “All right.” She nodded. “Give me a second to pour us a cup of coffee and then we can sit at the table and talk.”
“Okay.”
A few minutes later they were settled in chairs at her kitchen table. She said nothing as she waited for Mitch to begin speaking.
“I never told you everything about my uncle Jasper. I know I told you he had a drinking problem and that he was stingy, but I never went into the extent of emotional abuse that I had to deal with, too. He wanted me to believe that I was dumb, worthless, and no good, and he spent every day that I lived with him telling me that. Most of the time he didn’t feed me. For a while I had to eat scraps anywhere I could find them to survive. Other times I went hungry.”
Gina was appalled. “Weren’t there agencies around that were supposed to check to make sure you were getting the proper care?”
“Yeah, I suppose there were. But I figured I somehow had fallen through the cracks. Once I ran away, and when I was returned to him, he gave me the beating of my life. In fact it almost ended my life it was so severe. The check he was getting every month was what enabled him to buy his booze and his women, and he wasn’t about to let me get away.”
“Oh, Mitch.”
He sat across from her and saw the deep emotions in her face and the mistiness that appeared in her eyes. She was sad because of what had happened to him. Reaching across the table, he captured her hand in his. “Don’t be sad for me, Gina, because I survived. Every night that I went to bed hungry and every day that I went to school ashamed of how I looked made me that much more determined to grow up and make something of myself. I tried so hard, but at times it seemed that no matter how much I studied and tried to do well in school, I couldn’t. I would sit in class so hungry that I couldn’t concentrate. But I did finish school, and the following day, without taking anything with me, I left Uncle Jasper’s house and vowed never to return.”
“Good for you.”
Mitch smiled. “Yeah, I thought it was good for me, but I still found things hard. Still, I had a determination that no amount of starvation had gotten rid of. I was determined to be successful, no matter what it took. I applied for a loan to go to college and worked two jobs while attending classes, and I kept those same two jobs when I went on to grad school. I had also made up my mind never to become involved with anyone until I had accomplished all my goals. I read every motivational, rags-to-riches book I could get my hands on, and in the end I knew what I had to do. I had to work hard and use my brains.”
Gina’s heart went out to Mitch for all he had endured. Now she finally understood why he had been so obsessed with making it to the top, why he had been so driven to be successful. She then remembered what he had told her earlier that day. “You really did become a workaholic, didn’t you?”
“Yes.” He was glad she finally understood things. “I also became a perfectionist. Everything had to be perfect and timed correctly. The reason I couldn’t think about us having a child was because in my mind the timing wasn’t right.”
She nodded and looked at him. “What about marrying me? Had the time been right for that?”
He released her hand and smoothed his fingers across her bare arm before saying, “No, the timing was all wrong. I hadn’t counted on falling in love with you, Gina. But you came into my life and I couldn’t get you out. And for the first time I became obsessed with something other than making it to the top. I knew somehow and some way I had to have you and still be successful, and I really thought it would work.”
“But it didn’t.”
He chuckled. “It sure as hell didn’t. From the beginning you demanded my time, more time than I had ever given anyone. And I found myself liking it. I enjoyed being in bed with you more than I enjoyed attending some seminar about how to succeed in life. I found myself watching the clock every day at work, counting down the hours, minutes, and seconds when I could leave the office to go home and be with you. I used to sit in board meetings and remember how it had been the night before to slip inside your body and reach an orgasm with your name on my lips.” He smiled. “I had it pretty bad.”
Gina swallowed the lump in her throat as she remembered the first year of their marriage, when Mitch had given her so much attention and so much love. “When did you realize that?” she asked softly.
“When my boss called me into his office and said that I didn’t seem as focused as I had once been, and wasn’t as sharp and dedicated as I used to be. He thought that maybe something was wrong at home. I was too obtuse to tell him that it was just the opposite and that everything was right at home—my wife was wonderful and my life was happy and I had found a way to balance both work and home. Instead, in my mind I took his words to be synonymous with what my uncle used to say about me. And a part of me was determined to prove him wrong. So I began working harder and staying at the office later.”
He drew a long breath before continuing. “That meant putting you second and my career first. That also meant not giving in to anything I thought would set us back. I had my eye on a house in McGregor Park. It had always been my dream to live there.”
Gina nodded. McGregor Park was a very old, established and exclusive area of Houston where the well-to-do lived. “If you felt I was a threat to your career plans, why didn’t you just divorce me, Mitch?” she asked, seeing and now understanding the extent of what he’d been going through.
“Because as much as I wanted to be successful, and as much as I wanted all those goals I had been determined to achieve, I loved you and couldn’t give you up. I had convinced myself that in time I would be able to handle both you and work. It hadn’t dawned on me then that a workaholic is never satisfied. They constantly take personal inventory and come up with other things to aspire to and they buy into the belief that more money will solve all the problems in their life.”
He was silent for a brief moment before saying, “After our divorce I realized the mistakes I had made. I had never really given our marriage a chance to work because of the way I was.”
He sighed deeply. “I joined Workaholics Anonymous and met other men and women like myself who were suffering from the same affliction. My group consisted of African-Americans who knew that the issues we face in corporate America aren’t faced by our white counterparts. We have helped each other tremendously, most of us have since recovered and have found that balance between work and family.”
He captured her hand in his again. “I love you, Gina. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’d like you to give us another chance.”
Another chance?
Gina felt battered from her emotions, she could barely think straight. “Mitch, I don’t know. I need time to think. You shared a lot with me tonight. Most were things you should have shared with me long ago. Then I could have been more supportive and understanding. But I don’t know if we can put the past behind us.”
“We can at least try, can’t we? I don’t expect you to make a decision tonight, Gina, or even this week or this month. All I want is for you to agree to let me back into your life. I want to see you, be with you, as a friend and a lover. I want you to give me the opportunity to make things up to you, to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. I want to have the chance to prove that I do love you and that I have always loved you and that I will always love you. Will you agree to at least give me a chance, Gina?”
She sat still, unsure of herself and the situation Mitch had placed her in. She looked down at their joined hands. He wanted them to establish a relationship; a very serious and exclusive relationship. He wanted to be her friend and her lover. But what happened if things between them didn’t work out? What if…
“Gina?”
She slowly lifted her gaze, suddenly ensnarled in the imposing silence that filled the room and the heat that flowed from his eyes to hers. This was the man who had taught her everything she knew about the physical aspects of love. He was the man who had provided so much for her while they were married.
She sighed deeply. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she loved him and wished she had been stronger and had fought harder for him and their marriage. But she had to wonder if love would be enough. It hadn’t been the last time, and she didn’t think she could go through that again. But a part of her was willing to do what he asked and give him—give them—another chance. They were sleeping together again anyway, and she didn’t see that coming to an end any time soon—especially when her body wanted him something fierce. She might as well have a relationship with him, because like she had told her mother, she had never been into casual sex, and without a relationship, that’s what sleeping with him would become: casual, a way to appease her sexual hunger. And he meant more to her than just a bed partner.
“All right, Mitch,” she finally said. “We’ll date and do the relationship thing. But if things don’t work out the way we think they should, then we should bring things to an end, before either of us gets hurt. Agreed?”
He looked from her face to their joined hands and then back to her face again. He gave a satisfied nod and said, “Agreed.”
During the following weeks, Mitch and Gina settled into a nice, satisfying routine. She had finished the interview and had given him the rough copy to read and approve. He had told her he had been impressed with what she had written. The article would satisfy the public’s curiosity but at the same time keep his privacy—and his secrets—intact.
Work had started on the ranch house and she was astonished with the results. Retaining the structure of the original house, the Madaris Construction Company was fulfilling Mitch’s dream of returning his grandmother’s home to the place he remembered and loved.
Their relationship blossomed more every day, and on occasion, they would dine with her parents. She had explained her and Mitch’s relationship to her family and had been adamant that they understood that just because they were together as a couple did not necessarily mean that they would remarry. At the present what they were trying to do was build a solid relationship, one that could and would withstand anything, especially the pressures of marriage.
She found that she and Mitch were communicating more. She also found herself included in a number of his business decisions, and he often asked her advice and opinions on a lot of issues. They spent every night together, either at her place or his, and Gina had to admit that she was the happiest she had been in a long time.
“You’re glowing, Gina.”
Gina smiled as she looked up and met Corinthians’s smile. The two of them had decided to do lunch together at Sisters when Gina’s mother had eagerly volunteered to keep Rio. “Am I?”
Corinthians arched a dark brow and returned Gina’s smile. “Yes, you are. In fact you are glowing all over the place.” She tilted her head to study her. “You have a certain look about you. It’s a happy and a serene look, a satisfied look. I would say Mitch definitely agrees with you.”
Gina chuckled. “Thanks, I think I’ll keep him around.”
Corinthians’s smile widened. “Does that mean the two of you have finally decided to remarry?”
Gina frowned. “No, it means just what I said: I think I will keep him around.”
Corinthians placed her menu aside and leaned back in her chair. “And how long before you decide to make a decision on your future with him?”
“There’s no rush.”
“Maybe not for you, but it’s obvious that Mitch would remarry you in a heartbeat if you gave the word. What are you afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid of anything.”
“Aren’t you?”
Gina hesitated for a long moment before finally deciding to be honest with Corinthians. She loved Mitch. She had known that before she had agreed to his offer of giving them another chance. But he was back to working again. Although he was now the boss and made his own hours, a part of her got nervous each and every time he got involved in some business deal. Although he had been doing a good job balancing his time with her and whatever business he needed to take care of, she was afraid he would again find she wasn’t enough and would go back to being the workaholic that he used to be.
“Yes,” she said softly. “I’m afraid.”
“Of loving him?”
“No, I’m afraid of him not loving me, the way I want and need to be loved. I don’t think I could handle playing second fiddle to his job again.”
Corinthians chuckled. “Honey, I doubt very seriously that you ever will. Everyone can see that you, and only you, have Mitch Farrell’s complete attention. Remember that night last week when the two of you were over to our place? He couldn’t keep his eyes off you and when he got that call on his beeper, he didn’t leave. He stayed right there.”
Gina nodded, remembering. “But it shouldn’t have bothered me if he
had
left. There will be times when he’ll get an unexpected business call and have to take off. I should be at a point in our relationship where I’m fine with it and don’t feel threatened.”
“Then why do you feel threatened?”
“Because I lost the number-one spot in his life before.”
Corinthians reached across the table and captured Gina’s hand and squeezed it gently. “I believe Mitch knows the mistake he made doing that and regrets it, Gina. In my heart I believe he doesn’t plan on doing it again. But I don’t think you’re being fair to him. He’s trying so hard to make things up to you and still you’re remembering the past and holding it against him. At some point you have to forgive him and believe in a future for the two of you. It’s going to be up to you, Gina, to put things behind you and move on.”
Gina tilted her head to the side and studied her sister-in-law. “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience, Corinthians.”
A gentle smile touched the corners of Corinthians’s mouth. “I am. Your brother and I couldn’t stand each other. For nearly three years after we first met we could barely tolerate the sight of each other, and being in the same room for any length of time was a total nightmare.”
“Wow,” Gina whispered softly, finding that hard to believe.
Corinthians’s smile widened. “Believe it or not, but things were just that bad. And only because neither of us would let go of the past, which had a lot to do with how we first met.”
Gina nodded. As usual her curiosity was piqued but she knew Corinthians wasn’t ready to divulge the details of that quite yet. “So, when did the two of you put things behind you and move on?”
Corinthians chuckled. “Not until my father intervened and sat us down and talked to us. I guess you can say he forced us to see the light and we’re so thankful that he did. It was only then I discovered that Trevor loved me and he discovered that I loved him. But I would advise you not to wait for anyone to intervene in your case, Gina. It’s going to be up to you to do it. And if you love Mitch as much as I believe you do, then you will.”
Gina was still remembering the conversation with Corinthians while taking her shower later that night. Coming out of the bathroom she glanced across the room at the clock. Mitch had called a couple of hours ago and said he would be detained for a while because he was at the trailer waiting on an important business call.
She tried not to think about the fact that his job was keeping him from her. She went into the living room and decided to find something to watch on television. An hour later, after having watched a program she’d found interesting, she turned off the set and went into the kitchen.
The table was still set for the dinner she had prepared for them and she could feel herself getting angry and annoyed.
How dare Mitch do this to me?
She had just opened the refrigerator to start putting the food away when the phone rang. She quickly picked it up. “Hello.”
“Hey, baby, sorry I was delayed. I just finished that business call I told you about. Unfortunately, it took longer than I expected. I’m about to leave. I’ll be there in half an hour.”
“Don’t bother.”
“What?”
“I said, don’t bother. I’m ready for bed.”
“So?”
“So, I’m ready for bed. I went to the trouble of cooking you dinner tonight thinking you’d be coming here when you said that you were and now everything is cold.”
“Dinner? Oh, I’m sorry, honey, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It was supposed to be a surprise.”
“And I ruined it. I’m sorry you’re upset.”
“Yeah, well, I should have learned my lesson by now, don’t you think? It’s not the first time your job came before me.”
There was silence on the phone, and then Mitch spoke. “I’m on my way, Gina, and your butt better still be up when I get there.” Gina could tell from the tone of his voice that what she’d said had really angered him.
“My butt…how dare—” She stopped speaking when she heard him hang up the phone on her. She became furious. “I can’t believe he had the nerve to do that! Oh, just wait until he gets here. I will
definitely
tell him a thing or two! I don’t care if I never see him again. Just wait!”
Gina was still fuming half an hour later when she heard Mitch’s car outside. She barely gave him time to knock before snatching the door open. “How dare you say such a thing to me, Mitch Farrell!”
“And how dare you say such a thing to me, Gina!” he said, coming into the house and slamming the door shut behind him. “You are spoiled and selfish!”
“I am not spoiled and selfish!”
“Yes, you are. Case in point: last Monday, you were supposed to meet me at Sisters for dinner at six. You got there at seven-thirty. Did I get upset?”
She glared at him. “No, because I called and told you I was running behind and would be late.”
He began pacing the floor to walk off his anger. “And then last Wednesday, you were supposed to meet me at the ranch at four, but you didn’t get there until six.”
“Yes, well, I got detained. I got a business call at the last minute from a publisher interested in me doing an article for their magazine. I told you that.”
“Yes, you did, and I understood, didn’t I?”
“Yes.”
“Then why can’t you afford me the same courtesy, respect, and trust? I called to let you know I was waiting on an important business call and would be a little late. Granted, time went a little beyond what I had expected, but still, I would think being a businessperson yourself that you would have understood. Instead, you got royally and I do mean royally pissed and decided to throw things up in my face about my past deeds. I thought we had gotten beyond all of that. Haven’t I proven to you over the past five weeks that you mean everything to me and that I love you? So I’m going to ask you again, Gina. Why can’t you afford me the same courtesy, respect, and trust that I give to you?”
When she didn’t answer immediately, he walked over to her and stood in front of her. The eyes that glared at her were livid. The corded muscles in his neck were straining, his jaw was clenched hard and his nostrils were flaring. “Why can’t you, dammit?”
Gina glared back up at him, not knowing what to say. So she told him the truth. “Because you’re right,” she said softly, breaking eye contact with him and looking down at her hands. She took a deep breath and met his gaze again. “I am spoiled and selfish.” Feeling tears sting her eyes she added, “But when it comes to you, I can’t help it. I want you all to myself, Mitch. I had to share you the last time and won’t share you that way again.” A tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away.
Mitch swallowed his anger as he looked at her. He saw her hurt and tears, but more importantly, he saw her uncertainty. Four years of playing second fiddle to his job had really done a number on her. It would take time and patience for her to feel she had regained that number-one spot in his life.
He reached out and smoothed a few strands of hair out of her face and leaned down and stroked his tongue across her lips. “Oh, baby,” he murmured softly against her mouth, nibbling gently on her lips. “Don’t you know that you will never share me again? Work is work. You are you. I know where to draw the line now. I had that pretty well figured out before I returned to Houston. You are the most important thing in my life, Gina. Please believe that.” Then he kissed her, his tongue thrusting deep in her mouth, making them both groan.
Kissed out of her mind, Gina felt herself drowning as Mitch sucked the very air from her lungs. She wasn’t sure if she would ever breathe again, but if she had to die, then this was just the way to go. His tongue, hot, intimate, and delicious, was inside her mouth mating with hers and sending pleasure waves to all parts of her body, making it ache.
He broke off the kiss and framed her face with his hands. “I love you, Gina. I love
you
.”
She closed her eyes and felt herself being lifted into big strong arms. She knew exactly where he was taking her and could barely wait to get there. She reopened her eyes when she felt him place her on the bed. He stood back and for a few minutes he simply stared at her. And then she saw what he had wanted her to see all along. It was there, clearly in his features, especially his eyes. He loved her. He had always loved her and he would always love her.
“Oh, Mitch.” She reached out her hand to him and he took it and joined her in bed. With agonizing slowness he removed her gown and then removed his own clothes. As usual he placed a condom on the nightstand next to the bed. He had yet to use one of them, she thought. For a man who used to believe in doing everything at the right time, he hadn’t been able to pull himself out of her to put a condom on. But the thought that they had been taking a risk each and every time they’d made love hadn’t bothered her. Nor had it seemed to bother him. After each lovemaking session, they would promise themselves that they would get it right the next time; however, they never did. And something deep inside Gina told her that they never would.
First he began tormenting her breasts with his mouth and fingers, and pretty soon she was thrashing about in the bed, begging and pleading for him to stop, to continue, to hurry up…whatever.
Then his fingers, slowly and deliberately, began blazing trails over her body for his mouth to follow. No part of her was left untouched and untasted as desire cascaded over her. Tension was building everywhere, causing every inch of her to throb out of control.
“Now, Mitch!”
“Not yet.”
Not yet! What does he plan to do? Torture me to death?
“Mitch, please, now!”
He ignored her plea and continued what he was doing, sending the most incredible pleasures racing through her body. She curved her hands around his shoulders to stop him from pushing her over the edge and out of control but it was a waste of her time and effort. He was deliberately driving her insane.
“Mitch!”
It was then and only then that he parted her legs, lifted her hips and entered her, filling her completely and sending a bolt of heat through the most intimate part of her body. He then set the pace, withdrawing slowly and reentering, over and over again, each time going deeper and deeper. Her entire body began trembling from the impact of the sensuous rhythm he had established. Excruciating pleasure shattered her mind as he increased his pace, faster and faster, and adjusted his body to go deeper and deeper. When the explosion came, it was like a torpedo hitting the both of them hard and at the same time, sending them whirling into a space that was void of anything and everything but the two of them. It was an experience so emotional and tender, they clung to each other, soaring together beyond the stars and the moon and then slowly returning to earth and reality.