Solstice (16 page)

Minutes later, I threw the fabric rope out of the window and peered over the edge. Immediately a bright light shone in my face. “Rueben?” I whispered, gripping one end of the fabric.

“Hello, Miss J.”

I froze. Dr. Matthews stepped into view while someone else kept the light trained on me. The light reflected off his glasses, making it hard to see his eyes.

I moved back, startled, still clutching the fabric. How did this happen? No one had been around. It had only been a few minutes since Rueben helped me into the window. I turned, looking desperately at the tables behind me in the workshop. There was no place to hide.

Where was Rueben? My heart thundered in my ears and my legs felt heavy.

“Miss J.,” Matthews’s voice sailed up to me. “Please stay where you are. We don’t want this to be more difficult than it needs to be.”

I took another step back and released the fabric. It would do me no good now. They had Rueben. I heard footsteps and spun around, fear pulsing through me. They were getting louder, closer, but I couldn’t see anyone. The light from outside glared through the window, bouncing against the tables and thick walls.

Suddenly a head emerged from a staircase I hadn’t noticed. I opened my mouth to scream when a familiar voice said, “Jezebel?”

I stared, my mouth still open. “Sol?”

He stepped onto the landing and came toward me, his face achingly familiar.

That face I’d missed so much.

What are you doing here?
I tried to say, but no words came out.

Sol continued walking toward me, his dark gray eyes dancing, his lips moving. Sol was talking to me, but I didn’t understand. His hand touched my arm, and my senses came back. Light, darkness, the scent of chemicals, and the touch of Sol’s strong and steady hand.

“Jezebel,” he said in his beautiful voice as he leaned close. “Congratulations. You passed the test.”

The sound of the tram is deafening, roaring in my ears. I am alone. “Rueben!” I shout. But I hear no response, only the tram growing closer, louder.

“Jezebel.”

I tried to open my eyes, but it was as if they were sealed shut. My body was relaxed, practically melded onto a bed. Shadows moved across my closed lids, and I heard my name spoken again.
Rueben,
I thought.
What happened to you? Did you get away? Did they take you back to the prison?

A brush of air moved across my skin, and I tried again, finally opening my eyes to brightness and a familiar face.

But it was the wrong face.

Sol was watching me. I tried to lift my head, but it felt fuzzy. “Where am I?”

“The hospice. A surgeon fixed your shoulder.”

My shoulder. Had they discovered the Carrier key?
Hot and cold flashed through me.

Sol leaned back a little, and I could see the surrounding room. The walls were pale blue, the ceiling yellow. Some sort of a machine blinked green lights next to my bed. I lifted my right hand and saw a thin tube attached. My shoulder ached as I moved.

And that’s when I knew. The pain in my shoulder was intense again. “I have a new implant, don’t I?”

He nodded. “It’s for your protection.”

“Of course.” I swallowed against the lump forming in my throat. What did I expect? To run away with Rueben and live in a Lake Town? Surrounded by sophisticated medical equipment and the familiarity of Sol’s eyes, I realized I wasn’t like Rueben after all—I was afraid. I was a product of the city—a world of order—it always would be. And I had a job to do.

“Hey,” Sol said quietly. He was leaning over me again, his eyes gray like the rain I missed so much. “Are you all right?”

I couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, for if I did, I’d sink back into the nothingness that had been my prison before Rueben rescued me.

Sol smoothed my hairline, his touch gentle. Memories of our friendship and the feelings that I’d suppressed started to trickle back in, and I allowed myself to become absorbed in his steady gaze. The time separated from Sol hadn’t dulled my feelings for him after all. It was like we’d never been apart.

Stop touching me,
I wanted to say. His fingers against my skin were making my heart race.

But I didn’t tell him to stop. I closed my eyes and let him continue. Let him think I was tired. Prison might have separated us for a short time, but it was as if no time had passed now. I thought about how much I missed him. How could I have even considered leaving for a Lake Town?
Because,
I told myself,
I don’t want to feel this way around Sol.

I opened my eyes.

“That’s better.” Sol exhaled, and his breath brushed my face.

I wanted to hug him. Hold onto him like Rueben had allowed me to do. What would Sol think? That I’d turned crazy? Well, maybe I was. Clinical, anyway.

I had to shake away my thoughts, focus on something else.

“What happened to—?” I couldn’t continue.

Sol could always read my thoughts. “Rueben will be found soon.” He was watching me intently, studying my face, like he always did.

“He escaped, then?” I couldn’t quite meet Sol’s eyes, afraid of what my face might reveal.

“He must have sensed us tracking both of you,” Sol said. “There was no one in the alley when we came through.”

Sol hadn’t even seen Rueben. That meant he’d already fled. I wondered if he’d intended to climb up into the factory at all. My head started to pound again. Had Rueben set me up and then abandoned me? Had he always planned on going to the Lake Towns on his own? Was he not the friend I thought he was? Or had he been trying to protect me?

My breath left my chest as I considered the possibility that Rueben’s final words to me were really a planned goodbye.
If we get separated, or if anything happens to me, I want you to pretend that I forced you to do this.

Was that Rueben’s way of telling me he was leaving without me? That it was for my own good?

I blinked and looked at Sol. He was still watching me, and my cheeks warmed beneath his gaze. Could he see my emotions?

“What will happen to him when he’s caught?” I asked.

“Hopefully he’ll be sent back to prison. After what he did to you—”

“He didn’t do anything.”

Sol’s eyes narrowed. “He cut out your implant, Jez.”

He did what I asked him to, and now he knows I have a second implant.
I stiffened, remembering that Rueben had told me to let them believe he forced me to escape. But Sol wasn’t
them.
He was my friend. I had to at least try to explain. “It wasn’t what you think—”

“Good morning,” a voice interrupted. Dr. Matthews stepped into the room. “I’ve come to say good luck. I’m on my way back to the prison.”

Sol stood and greeted the scientist. I didn’t like the look on Dr. Matthews’s face. I’d never seen him not frown. It was almost like he was happy. Almost.

Matthews settled on a chair next to the bed, looking at Sol expectantly.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Sol said.

I wanted to tell him to stay—that Matthews could say anything in front of him, but something in the back of my mind told me not to. I didn’t know what was true anymore. Had this all been a test from the beginning? Was Rueben involved? How much did Sol know that he wasn’t telling me?

With Sol out of the room, Matthews’s familiar frown returned.

“Was this a test from the very beginning?” I asked. “From when I got my inheritance?”

Matthews’s eyes shifted to the door, then back to me. “I don’t know about anything before you came to the prison. We were alerted that you left and told to find you and Rueben.”

“Why does the Legislature even care about me or Rueben? Why don’t you just have us Taken if you think we’re a threat?”

Matthews’s expression paled. “We’d never do that.”

I almost laughed, but covered it with a cough instead. “I saw the way you destroyed the other kids—maybe they’re still alive, but they’re not who they used to be.”

Matthews dipped his head.

Did that mean he agreed with me?

“You don’t understand, Miss J.,” he said. “The children who are altered are
not
Taken. They simply exist in another state of mind.”

Anger charged through me. “Did you ever consider there are worse things than being Taken?”

Matthews seemed to hesitate at that. “There is nothing after our life cycles.”

“You don’t know that. You can’t justify using children in scientific experiments.” It was cruel beyond comprehension. At least
my
comprehension. I doubted the level of Matthews’ thinking. He was just another man following government rules, no better, no worse than any other scientist.

Matthews leaned forward. “Only a very small percentage have tested as highly as you, Miss J.”

“I thought I was failing the tests.”

His voice was a sharp staccato. “Failure is in perception.”

I exhaled. Of course. They were lying to me from the beginning, so why not about the test results? “Is testing ‘highly’ good or bad?” I asked.

“It’s neither,” Matthews said. “It is what you are, who you are. Adjustments will only be made if necessary.”

“Are you going to alter me after all?” My shoulder burned as if in response.

“I don’t know.” He shifted in his seat. “You have a great depth of emotional sensitivity, something that is rare in our civilization. Regardless of your education, conditioning, and training, you’re still influenced by your emotions. An altering might erase all of that before we can determine the causes. We want to put you through training in order to fully explore the depth of your condition.”

“So I’m still being tested?”

“Essentially.”

My stomach clenched so tightly I had to take a deep breath to concentrate. Would the training allow me to learn more about the generators? “You either want me to be like everyone else, or not like everyone else. It can’t be both ways.”

“We realize that, Miss J.” His shoulders relaxed slightly. “But we think you’ll be more useful to us with your emotions intact. You’re being screened to provide research to the highest reaches of the Legislature—those who make decisions that affect the entire population of the city. We need to know if you’re willing to continue as a test subject.” He held up his hand. “Not in the extreme conditions of Phase Three though. We need your promise that you’ll be willing to dedicate yourself to the city’s success. We also need to know if your emotions are controllable through other methods. Only after all of that will you be a useful addition.”

I was quiet a moment, letting the words sink in. “You’re offering me a job?”

Matthews tilted his head. “I’m not offering you anything. You’ve already moved to the next level.”

I exhaled, my pulse jumping. “What’s that?”

“University. We’d like you to study neuroscience. We feel the more you know about the operations of the brain, the more useful you’ll be in helping the government research cases like yours.”

It wasn’t exactly the scientist I wanted to become, but it was better than being Demoted. “Do I have another choice?”

Matthews didn’t answer directly. “The success of your education will be up to you.” He paused. “You may even sit on judging councils one day, Miss J.”

My heart thudded at the memory of the black-robed Council of Judges.
That’s not for me
;
I have an important assignment already
.

“You can’t let anyone else know about it.” He paused, glancing at the door. “Not even Sol. He’ll know you’ve been released to the University, but not about your continued testing.”

How could I keep this from Sol? I took a deep breath. “Then why is Sol here now?”

Matthews assessed me, his frown deep again. “We know you’re comfortable with him. Sol will be taking you to the University when you’re well.”

It made sense, yet it didn’t. It was after the Separation. I wasn’t supposed to be with Sol, or any of the male members of my class for that matter.

Something was wrong here. Very wrong. Was Sol a part of this “testing”? I hoped not. I wanted him to be my Sol. My friend. The one I cared about more than anything.

In prison, all I wanted to do was pass the tests and get to the University, but now I wasn’t sure. Rueben had showed me that there were other things to live for, that there was another life out there. And what if I failed as a Carrier? What then?

“And if I decide not to continue with this . . . testing?”

Matthews cleared his throat. “You’ll be altered. Depending on the outcome of the altering, you’ll be assigned to the level of society to which you can best contribute.”

Maybe the altering wouldn’t affect me, like it hadn’t Rueben, but what were the chances of that? I’d be living in another place, at another level, away from Sol. I had lost one friend already; I didn’t want to lose another.

“All right,” I said. “I’ll continue with the testing.”

Matthews nodded, as if he’d expected it. He stood. “The best of luck to you, then.” Something flashed in his eyes—was it compassion? Concern? It was gone as fast as it appeared.

“Thank you,” I said as he left the room.

Sol was back inside in a moment, his gaze questioning. I put on false calm and said, “I made it to the University.”

The rain pelted against the tram windows, streaking across the glass as if in a furious race. I felt like the out-of-control raindrops as the enormity of what I’d committed to settled in my chest. Even with Sol sitting next to me, our arms nearly touching, I felt alone. I couldn’t tell him about the testing. It would be another thing I’d kept from him. Rueben, and now this. I hadn’t realized until now how freeing it had been to talk to Rueben, to someone like me.

The tram lurched to a stop, letting people off, boarding new ones. Those who stepped onto the tram were indistinguishable—all nameless faces, coats of gray and brown, dull eyes. I watched them closely, with renewed interest. Had any of them been to prison, been tested, or been altered? Did any of them struggle with emotions like me? Had any of them ever tried to remove their implant? Were any of them originally from a Lake Town? The world suddenly looked very different.

I closed my eyes briefly as the tram started moving again, gaining momentum until it matched the speed of the assailing raindrops. Exhaustion replaced any nervousness I might have felt as we neared the north perimeter of the city, where the University climbed up several acres of mountainside.