Authors: J. A. Armstrong
Tags: #Gay & Lesbian, #Literature & Fiction, #Fiction, #Lesbian, #Romance, #Lesbian Romance, #Romantic Comedy, #Genre Fiction, #Lgbt, #Lesbian Fiction, #Short Stories
“Nothing,”
Jameson said. “Just enjoying my wine.”
“Mm...You
are terrible at hiding things; you know?”
“Not
true. I hid that ring for over a year,” Jameson reminded her lover.
“I
guess you did. Anything I else I should go snooping for?” Candace asked.
Jameson just shrugged. “Just so long as it’s not another cat,” Candace said.
“No.
No new additions without prior notice,” Jameson replied with a wink.
“I’ll
remember you said that.”
***
Candace had been quiet
all evening. The dinner conversation had taken an abrupt turn to discussing
Jameson’s project, the kids’ lives, and some legislation that Candace was
battling with. Now, Candace was lying in Jameson’s arms while Jameson combed
her fingers through Candace’s hair. “Candace?”
“Hum?”
Candace moaned in contentment.
“Why
don’t you want to run for governor?”
Candace
sighed heavily. “That’s why you came down; isn’t it?”
“You
have to decide this week,” Jameson noted. “I guess I just want to understand
why when everyone seems to think you should, you don’t
seem
to want to.”
“I
do want to,” Candace said tacitly.
Jameson
brushed her lips over Candace’s head. “Talk to me.”
“Oh,
Jameson, the past has a way of coming back to haunt you sometimes. Politics has
a way of making that happen.”
“Is
this about what happened tonight?” Jameson asked.
Candace
shifted to look at her lover. “No.”
“I
don’t understand,” Jameson confessed.
“It’s
not only my past that can resurface,” Candace said.
“You
lost me,” Jameson said. Candace sat up and took a deep breath. Jameson noted
that she was twirling her engagement ring thoughtfully. “What is it?”
Candace
sucked in a nervous breath and released it slowly. “I don’t know how to…”
“You
can tell me anything.”
“I
know.”
“Candace,
nothing you could tell me would change us. It doesn’t matter to me if you run
for governor, stay in the
senate
or want
to come home all together. I just want you to be happy.”
“I
am happy,” Candace said. “My choices affect other people. I know that too.”
“What
is it?”
Candace
kissed Jameson gently and spun the ring on her finger again. “My grandfather
was the best person I ever knew. I mean, he was kind but strong,” she said. “I
always wanted to be like him.”
“From
what Pearl says you are a lot like him.”
“Yeah.”
“You
are a lot like her too,” Jameson laughed.
Candace
nodded. “I know,” she said. “There’s reason for that, Jameson,” Candace said.
Jameson frowned at the pained expression on Candace’s face. “My grandfather was
not perfect.”
“No
one is perfect.”
“No.
They aren’t. He loved my grandmother. She loved him. I always envied that. I
mean, my parents’ marriage was more of an arrangement. Granddad, he was always
so attentive to my grandmother. It’s hard for me to believe he ever strayed.”
“You
mean he had an affair?”
“Yes.
A lengthy one, actually,” Candace said. “Back then, you could conceal those
things publicly. There were barriers that the press did not cross when it came
to public officials. That was one.”
“Did
your grandmother know?”
“Yes.
She knew. He had to tell her after,” Candace’s thought trailed off.
“Candace?”
Candace
sighed. “After Pearl was born.” Jameson’s jaw fell open. Candace nodded with an
uncomfortable grin. “Pearl is technically my aunt.”
“I…Does
she
know
?” Jameson wondered.
“She
knows. She doesn’t know that I know.”
“How
do you know? I mean, if Pearl didn’t tell you…Why wouldn’t Pearl
tell you
that?”
“Pearl
would never shatter my image of him; not ever. As for how I know, my
grandmother told me just before she died. Funny, she loved Pearl, just like
Pearl was her own,” Candace reminisced.
“Like
Pearl loves you,” Jameson said.
“Yes.”
“Wow.
Are you worried about someone unearthing that skeleton? Candace, no one has ever
even mentioned that Pearl…”
“Things
are different now, Jameson. People delight in
unearthing
old drama. They don’t consider the people involved. They just like the
sensationalism. My Granddad, he was
a popular
figure, a successful governor. I don’t ever want to see that tainted. I don’t
want Pearl to endure that either.”
“How
would anyone even find out?” Jameson asked.
“I
don’t know that they would. I don’t know if it’s worth that risk to me.”
Jameson
leaned in and kissed Candace gently. “I think you should talk to Pearl.”
“I
can’t,” Candace’s eyes began to grow teary. “How can
I
….”
“Yes,
you can,” Jameson said. “Pearl loves you. I mean…Candace, I think you are the
most important person in her life in most ways. I never really understood that,
but…”
“Pearl
is my mother in every way that matters,” Candace said. “My grandmother, when
she told me, she was so calm. It was as if she believed it was just meant to be
that way. She
told me
that Pearl’s
mother…well, she was absentee. She took off when Pearl was barely eight. Pearl
actually lived with my great grandmother for seven years before she moved into
my grandparent’s house as their ‘housekeeper’. I knew that, but I never knew
why. No one talked about it.” Jameson was stunned. It was the type of story she
envisioned as the makings of a T.V. movie. Candace continued. “But, Grandma
felt about Pearl the way Pearl does about me. Truthfully, Pearl is just like
Granddad. If anyone bothered to pay attention they would see how much she even
looks like him, like me.”
Jameson
chuckled. It was true. She had always found it uncanny, but Jameson chalked up
the likeness she saw in Pearl and Candace to all the mannerisms they shared
more than anything. That, she accepted came from so many years of being around
each other. “I can’t tell you what to do,” Jameson said. “I think you owe it to
yourself to talk to Pearl. She’s wondering what is holding you back too.”
“I
know. I feel like I am betraying a confidence. It’s her past. It’s their past.
I don’t want my future to bring up painful memories for Pearl, or to taint who
my Granddad was.”
“Well,
I don’t see how what you told me taints anyone. It was a different time. Your
grandparents never walked away from Pearl. I would say that is a testament to
who people thought they were. That they were right,” Jameson said. Candace
closed her eyes and listened. “Plus, Candace, couldn’t this come up some time
anyway? I understand he was governor and maybe you think someone will reach,
but sooner or later it might come out anyway. And
, I think
you and Pearl deserve to be honest with each other.
You’ve both been keeping this secret to protect the other. I know it feels
earth shattering; it really isn’t. It just feels that way. Sometimes, you have
to face the past before you can confront the future.”
“When
did you get so insightful?” Candace asked playfully, but lovingly.
“I’m
not. I’ve learned a lot this year about that. Letting go of the past, I mean.
It’s the past. You can’t change it. I think it hurts you more if you try and
avoid it. You’re hanging on to something you can’t change when you need to let
it go.”
“What
about you?” Candace asked.
“Me?”
“Yes.
You just moved to open an office here in D.C. for one thing,” Candace said.
“I
would have done that no matter what happened eventually,” Jameson said. “And,
who knows? That might prove a
very wise
decision in another five or six years,” she said.
“You
really are okay with this?”
“I
wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I
wasn’t
,”
Jameson said. “Look, I know I joke a lot. I know…Well, I know we still have a
lot to learn about each other. I think as long as we are honest, we will be
fine; no matter what happens. I don’t think the ghosts of the past should
dictate our future. Whether that’s here or New
York
or anywhere else.”
“You
just want to live in that Governor’s Mansion,” Candace poked.
“It’s
a bonus,” Jameson said. “When will you announce your campaign, Governor
Fletcher?”
“After
I talk to Pearl,” Candace said. “Jameson…This will impact our plans.”
“You
mean the wedding?” Jameson asked. Candace nodded. “I’ve been thinking about
that, actually.”
“Really?
What have you been thinking?”
“What
if we do it the Fourth of July?”
“You
mean at the barbeque?” Candace asked.
“I
was thinking before that. Simple. Just my parents, Pearl, the kids and us,” Jameson
said.
“Jameson,
what about your brothers and…”
“They
can all come for the barbeque the next day. You can invite as many people as
you need to for that. That will be our celebration. I don’t care how public it
is. If I
thought
we could get away with
it just being the two of us…We both know my mother and Pearl would kill us
both.”
“That
is a safe bet.”
“And,
I want the kids there,” Jameson said.
“You
do?” Candace was a bit surprised.
“They’re
not my kids, Candace. They are my family. It’s strange
sometimes,
but I feel sort of…well…”
“Protective?”
Candace guessed. She’d seen Jameson’s protective streak around both Michelle
and Jonah.
“Yeah,
I guess so. Is that strange?”
Candace
kissed Jameson soundly. “Not at all.” She laid back in Jameson’s arms. “Thank
you for coming down here and making me talk,” Candace said.
“Thanks
for saving me money on the hotel bill.”
“You
are impossible,” Candace chuckled.
“Good
night, Governor.”
“Not
yet,” Candace chuckled.
“Eh,
gotta get used to it somehow.”
“You
don’t even know if I will win,” Candace said.
“Yes,
I do. It was in my fortune cookie the other day.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It
was! It said:
Men play the game, but
women know the score.
”
“And
that somehow managed to convince you that I would become governor?” Candace
laughed.
“Fortune
cookies don’t lie,” Jameson said.
Candace
kissed the skin beneath her lips. “I love you, Jameson…even if you are a
lunatic.”
Jameson was spinning the
straw in her soda continuously. Michelle reached out and grabbed her hand.
“What is up with you J.D.?” Michelle asked.
“What
do you mean?”
“I mean, you call and invite me to dinner like there is
something important you need to tell me. Now that we are here, you seem more
interested in the contents of that glass than me,” Michelle observed.
“I’m
sorry.”
“What’s
wrong J.D.? You and Mom have a fight or something?”
Jameson
snickered. “No, not this week anyway.”
“Do
you guys ever fight?” Michelle asked, curious to know the answer.
“Sometimes.
Not
actually
fight, I guess…disagree.
Usually,
she is right,” Jameson admitted.
“Okay,
so love conquers all is still the theme of the day then.”
“You
are such a wise ass,” Jameson laughed. “There is something I want to talk to
you about.”
“You
are starting to freak me out here,” Michelle said. Jameson had been acting odd
all evening. She had barely eaten her dinner. She was distracted even when
there were no visible distractions. Michelle could not recall seeing Jameson so
scattered.
“I’m
sorry. I was just thinking about your mom.”
“She
seemed all right when I talked to her yesterday. What’s going on J.D.?”
Jameson
smiled. “Nothing, Shell. Nothing you need to worry about,” she said. Candace
had headed home from Washington and had planned to spend the next day with
Pearl. Jameson’s mind had been preoccupied with the conversation she knew
Candace intended to have. That was not why she had called Michelle. Michelle
looked at Jameson skeptically. “Honest,” Jameson promised. “Everything is good.
I guess maybe I’m not sure how to ask you this.”
“Ask
me what? Oh God, you don’t want to set me up with someone; do you? Because,
J.D. I can find my own dates…I mean…”
“Shell!
God! No.”
“Okay?
So, what gives?” Michelle asked.
Jameson
took a sip from her straw. “I should’ve ordered a
beer
.”
“J.D.!”
“Oh,
all right. The thing is…your mom and I…well I have this…you
know
…well, I thought we might make things
official in July.”
Michelle
laughed. “You mean get married? It’s not a four letter word, J.D. Geez, I
thought you were about to tell me you have an STD or something.”
“Shell!”
Jameson scolded and then started laughing.
“What
do you want me to address envelopes or something? Get the lesbian daughter to
do all the licking.”
Jameson
threw an ice cube at Michelle. “If your mother heard the things that come out
of your mouth…”
“Ha!
She’s marrying you for God’s sake,” Michelle said. “My mouth shouldn’t be a
shock.”
“God!
I’m
not even going to respond to that.”
“No?
Guess my mother isn’t the only Fletcher woman who can render you speechless,”
Michelle quipped.
Jameson
tried to
respond,
but words failed her.
Michelle loved to tease Jameson mercilessly. In truth, Jameson loved it too.
She understood it was part of Michelle’s acceptance of her. Michelle was
gloating at her perceived victory. Jameson shook her head and laughed.
“Well…maybe
so, Shell,” Jameson confessed. “You Fletcher women certainly are a unique
breed,” she said. “So, would you be willing then to stand up for me when I
officially become part of this Fletcher insanity?” Jameson asked. Michelle
stared blankly at Jameson. “Shell?” Jameson was shocked when she noticed that
Michele had become teary eyed. “Hey, listen…I’m sorry. You don’t have to feel
like…”
“I
would love to, J.D.”
“Really?”
Jameson asked. “Are you sure? Because if…”
“I’m
just surprised you would ask me,” Michelle admitted.
“It’s
going to sound weird, but I kind of think of you like a little sister. I mean,
I know you are Candace’s…”
Michelle
chuckled. “I get it. For the record? I feel the same way. It means a lot that
you would ask me. I guess I just figured you would ask Toby or Steve…or maybe
even Dana.”
“No.
It’s not that I don’t love them; I do. I feel like this is something I really
want you to be a part of.”
“What
does Mom think?” Michelle wondered.
“I
haven’t told her who I planned to ask. She’ll understand,” Jameson said.
“She
probably thinks you will ask Toby or Dana.”
“I
doubt that. They won’t be there,” Jameson replied.
“What?”
Michelle asked.
“Just
you and your brother and sister…well, Rick and Spencer, my mom and Dad and
Pearl.”
“That
small?”
“Yeah,”
Jameson said.
“That’s
what Mom wanted, huh?” Michelle guessed.
“No.
She wanted small. I wanted even
smaller
,”
Jameson laughed.
“Better
get used to those crowds, J.D. If Mom runs a big campaign you’ll be in them a
lot.”
“I
know. I just would rather one of them not be on the most important day of my
life,” Jameson said honestly. “I’d kind of like to keep that one personal.”
Michelle
nodded. “Well, just don’t lose your voice that day. I can handle holding a
ring, even holding you up, but I am not speaking your vows to my mom. That’s
just too weird, even for me.”
“No
worries,” Jameson said.
“So?
When is the big day?” Michelle asked.
“July
3
rd
. Party to follow on July 4
th
. Then you get the
crowd.”
“You’re
good at this,” Michelle complimented. “Covered all the bases. Maybe you should
quit architecture and run Mom’s campaign.”
“I
don’t think so,” Jameson answered.
“So,
she is going to run…”
“Shell…”
“J.D….”
“Your
mom…”
“Oh,
I get it. It’s like Mom hiding her engagement ring from me until Grandma Pearl
and your folks got there that day. I get it. Mums the word.”
Jameson
rolled her eyes. “Maybe it’s you who should consider politics.”
“I
don’t think the world is ready for two of us,” Michelle said.
Jameson
laughed. “Ready or not, I have a feeling the
apple
is not that far from the tree.”
“Maybe
someday,” Michelle said. “After I am old and married like you.”
“Laugh
it up. Your time will come.”
“Maybe,”
Michelle said with a wink.
“Shell?
What aren’t you telling me?”
“Mum’s
the
word,
” Michelle said. “Now, come on.
I could use an adult beverage after all this bonding…and you are buying!”
“Why
am I buying?”
“You’re
the parent. It’s your job to provide,” Michelle said as she pushed the check
for their dinner to Jameson and left the table.
“Kids,”
Jameson grumbled.
***
Pearl sat on the couch
watching Candace as she sipped her wine. “Careful there. Jameson isn’t home yet
and I can’t carry you up those stairs,” she warned Candace. They had enjoyed a
day together shopping, talking, and teasing each other. It had been longer than
either had realized since they had spent any quality alone time. Pearl could
tell that Candace’s thoughts
had
drifted
to someplace troubling in the last few moments. She reached over and removed
the glass of wine from Candace’s hand. “Let’s have it,” she said.
“What
do you mean?”
“Candy,
you can fool almost anyone. You have never been able to put one over on me.
Your face is a roadmap to the truth.”
“Must
be hard to follow with all those added lines,” Candace joked. Pearl crossed her
arms and waited. “I don’t really know how to start,” Candace admitted.
“The
beginning is usually a good place.”
Candace
chuckled. “I’m not even sure I know where that would be,” she said.
“I
know this is not about Jameson. So, what is it? One of the kids?”
“I
ran into Jessica last week.”
“And?”
Pearl urged.
“It
got me thinking about the past,” Candace said.
“In
what way?”
“Just
how it has a way of popping up when you thought it was behind you,” Candace
replied.
“It
is behind you,” Pearl said.
“Yes,
but it can get drudged up. That can be painful.”
“Did
it upset you to see Jessica?” Pearl asked.
“No,
not really. It was a little awkward when she came up to our table. Jameson was
so gracious.”
Pearl
smiled. “I’ve no doubt. Did it upset Jameson?”
“No,”
Candace said happily. “I think she was curious about Jessica.”
“Yeah,
she’s curious how she could have blown her life with you,” Pearl said.
“I
don’t think…”
“Oh,
she is. She told me so more than once,” Pearl laughed. “So, if it’s not Jessica
that upset you; what is it?”
Candace
took a moment and then sighed. “You remember when Grandma got sick?” she asked
softly. Pearl nodded sadly. “I used to sit with her for hours. I think I felt
guilty
. I mean, I loved
her
but I was always with Granddad. I guess I felt like maybe I’d
missed something.”
“Your
Grandma was the sweetest person I ever knew,” Pearl said. “She was like my
mama.”
Candace
wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “You know she felt that way about you;
don’t you?”
“Candy,
what is this about?”
“Pearl,
Grandma…She told me a story.”
Pearl
nodded and smiled. “She told you that your Granddad was my father.” Candace
nodded. Pearl smiled more broadly. Candace could transform into a little girl
in less than an instant with Pearl. “He was. For all the lies and all the
secrets; he was my father.”
“I’m
sorry, Pearl.”
“Sorry?
Whatever are you sorry for?”
“For
how that must have made you feel,” Candace said.
Pearl
could see the curl in Candace’s lip that always appeared when she was battling
her anger. “It made me feel like a second class
citizen,
to be honest,” Pearl admitted. Candace grimaced. “Thing is, I still loved the
old phony. And, I loved your Grandma.”
“I
know. I can’t believe that he…”
“This
is why I never told you,” Pearl said. “You see? That thing you said about the
past? You’re getting upset over a memory that isn’t even yours.”
“Pearl,
there is no one on this earth outside of my kids and Jameson that I love more
than you.”
“I
know that, Hellion. I know that. But, you can’t be angry at your granddad. That
was a different time. You know that. He loved me. He did. Your grandma…well,
she wanted him to acknowledge it. I think he was just too afraid.”
“Of
what? His reputation?”
“No,
Candy. He was too afraid for hers. Too
scared
for your father’s….for yours. He did the best he could.”
“Bullshit!”
Pearl
moved beside Candace and took her into an embrace. “Is this what you’ve been so
worried about? You think some young twerp might dig out the skeletons in the
Stratton closet?”
“It’s
not as crazy as you make it sound,” Candace said. “You know how it works.
People are already comparing me to him. Look at my family. Untraditional. It’s
ammunition, even if it’s stupid. And, I won’t hurt you like that.”
Pearl
laughed. “Hurt me? Candy, I don’t much care who knows or who doesn’t know who
my parents were. I know who I am. I know who I was to him. No one can change
that. And, no one can change the past now. It’s over. All this is just
memories. It might surprise you, but my memories of my parents are not so sad.
When I lived with your great grandma, I had the best life. Your grandma and
granddad were always
kind
to me, always
there for me as much as they could be. When I moved in with them? Hell…I hardly
lifted a finger. You know that. Certainly no more than your daddy and his
brothers did,” Pearl laughed.
“Why
did you stay? I mean after they passed?”
“Because
it’s my family,” Pearl said. “Families are what they are. I wouldn’t change
mine. I like my life. I wouldn’t have it if I’d had another family. You don’t
need to worry about me. I just don’t want those ghosts to hurt you.”
“I
wish you knew how many times I laid awake wishing you were my mother.”
“I
do know,” Pearl said. Candace had begun to cry in her arms. “Your mama is who
she is, Candy. She loved you the best she could. If you ask me, she never had
anyone love her, not even really your father. Like my own mama. She just didn’t
know how to be one. Families aren’t always what you are born into. You make
them as you go.”