Soldier's Women (2 page)

The urge to jump up and run trickled down her spine, making it hard to
breathe. Just when she thought she was going to give in to her cowardly
impulses, she heard a knock on the door. It startled her. Feeling like a deer
caught in headlights, she froze.

Trying to sound calm, she said, “Come in,” her voice hitting a high note. She
mentally cursed the dead give away that she was afraid, she’d always hated that.
She wondered briefly if someone had read her thoughts of flight and come to make
sure she wasn’t taking off.

The door opened a hair, the hinges squeaking lightly in protest, and she
heard the familiar voice of Irene Savage.

“Are you dressed, honey?”

“Yes,” Sera said, filled with relief to discover it was not some
cold-mannered nurse, not just yet anyway.

Irene opened the door and came fully into the room, shutting it behind her.
Her face was warmer than the sun on a summer day. The woman could have lit up
the night with the smile on her face. And it was infectious. Sera found herself
smiling in return, although she was still very nervous. The woman was so excited
that she was finally going to be having the grandchild she had always wanted she
was practically beside herself.

Once Irene settled down with a magazine in a chair beside the operation
chair, that Sera was sitting in, Sera looked around again at the creepy office
equipment that was required for artificial insemination. She had never imagined
having her first child this way. She felt a little guilty about it.

She had never tried to have a baby with a man, but she didn’t think she would
have had any trouble. There were lots of women who couldn’t have a baby on their
own who would probably resent the fact that she was capable and would probably
feel like she was just doing it because she wanted to cut out the middle man.
They were partially right about wanting to cut out the middle man part.

Men made everything so much more complicated than it needed to be. With this
procedure, she could have the baby she wanted without worrying about how the man
would be as a father. Would he stay around? Would the child have issues if they
separated? This way, the man was never involved and couldn’t cause trouble. The
only problem was, since she didn’t have a man and she didn’t have a family, she
didn’t have a support team rallying behind her.

She’d always heard that children raised with more adults around did better.
So, when Irene had not only volunteered but been thrilled with the idea of
playing her support team, she was relieved. She was a very independent woman and
felt that she could have managed fine on her own, but it felt good to have
someone backing her, especially someone who was just as happy about the prospect
of a baby as she was. Men never seemed to be as happy about babies as the women
around them were.

So, it was good that Irene had decided to be a part of the process. She was
great moral support, and the mother she didn’t have to tell her about all the
experiences of motherhood firsthand. And, although the excitement Irene elicited
at the moment made her more nervous, it also bolstered her courage. She had
gotten through three pregnancies, and she was fit as a fiddle, which led her to
believe Sera would be just fine as well, even though she wasn’t getting pregnant
the traditional way.

It wasn’t as if she had any other options, though, besides the one that Irene
offered. She had grudgingly admitted to herself that she hadn’t had any
relationships, serious or otherwise in years. And since answering the newspaper
ad and meeting Irene, they had become fast friends. She hadn’t realized how much
she had missed the company of another person, of another woman. Yes, she had
friends, but they were all vested in their family lives, something she didn’t
have. And Irene had come to treat her like a daughter in law. She tried to tell
herself that she wasn’t in this alone. Irene was with her. And a woman was much
better company than a man anyway. She had been supportive from the beginning,
where most men seemed to freak at out the news of an impending baby and a
determent to their sexual appetites.

She could get through the insemination process because Irene would be her
pillar. Things couldn’t have been better.

Two months Later

Irene was over at Sera’s house paying her a visit, when the phone rang.

Sera, not expecting any calls, wondered briefly who it was. She made her way
over to the table where the phone sat and picked it up.

“Hello.”

“Hello,” came an unfamiliar woman’s voice. “I’m Darlene from Dr. Yules’
office. Is this Sera?”

“Yes, this is Sera.”

“I was calling to inform you that the results are back. Two of the fetuses
are doing just fine.”

Sera felt relief rush to her head. She hadn’t tried to focus on negative
possibilities but it was something she knew she’d have to keep in mind. She
hadn’t realized how much she’d wanted to hear those words since she’d been
inseminated until she’d gotten the good news. “That’s fantastic! Thanks for
calling.”

“You’re welcome. Don’t forget your next appointment is scheduled for next
Monday.”

“Thanks for reminding me.”

“Have a good day.”

“You too.”

Sera hung up the phone and turned to Irene.

Irene looked at her expectantly. She’d heard half of the conversation and was
sure it had something to do with the pregnancy.

Sera went and sat down beside Irene on the couch and took her hands in her
own.

“They said that there two fetuses are doing well.”

Irene felt a rush of excitement. She didn’t want to display too much of it
though, just in case anything happened. There was still a lot of pregnancy
left.

“Why don’t we celebrate the good news by going shopping?” Irene suggested.
“I’ve been wanting to look at baby things for quite some time now.”

Irene was so thrilled, Sera couldn’t help be get caught up in her enthusiasm,
even though she was still worried that there was the possibility that she
wouldn’t be able to carry the babies to term. She didn’t want to think about
that now. Neither one of them ever discussed that possibility, although they
both knew it was a very real one. She wasn’t a young woman anymore, and
artificial insemination wasn’t a guarantee.

They got up and grabbed their purses and headed for the door. They stepped
outside and got into Irene’s car parked out on the street.

Irene drove the two of them to a shopping plaza downtown, and they got out
and went into several baby stores. The first store they went into was filled
with a variety of toys for boys and girls and some very nice clothing as
well.

Irene picked up a soft stuffed fuzzy football from a display that featured
various local and national teams. She turned to Sera, stroking the football.

“I’ll just bet you’ll have a boy!” She paused, looking down at Sera’s
stomach. “You look like you’re carrying that baby low.”

Sera laughed. She was barely pregnant and already Irene was making
predictions. And she knew that they both knew she barely had a baby bump. It
would be a while before they would be able to tell whether she was carrying the
baby low or high. And she thought that determining the sex by how you carried
the baby was probably just an old wives tale.

“I don’t know, Irene, there’s a fifty-fifty chance I’ll have a girl.”

They both laughed.

She tried to imagine what a baby of hers would look like.

Irene had spent hours showing her photos of the Savage boys when they were
babies and toddlers. They had been so adorable. Each of them had been tow-headed
until they were about five and then their hair had become darker and darker
shades of brown.

Because she was a blonde and Nigel, the baby’s father, had been when he was
young, she wondered if there was more of a possibility that the baby would be.
She didn’t actually have a preference for a boy or a girl. She would just be
thankful if both babies made it. It would be so ideal to just be pregnant once
and have two babies, then she wouldn’t have to get pregnant again, if she didn’t
want to, because they’d have someone to play with. Whatever happened, she was
sure she would think her baby was the most beautiful or handsome baby in the
world.

That thought made her recall something Irene had said about Nigel. When he
was born, because he was her first and her hips hadn’t spread enough, the shape
of his head was a little strange. Irene hadn’t noticed. She saw him and had eyes
for no one else. Nigel’s father however, couldn’t help but notice and made a
deal out of pointing it out to Irene. He had told her that the baby looked like
he had an alien head. Irene had laughed at such nonsense, she had told her,
because there was nothing in the world wrong with Nigel.

She wondered if she would have the same blind adoration of her child as Irene
had had for all of hers. She stepped away from the football display that Irene
was still admiring to another that was overflowing with yellow flowers, pink
ribbons, and little girl’s gowns. She picked up a long flowing white christening
gown, complete with a cap embroidered with delicate flowers.

“Isn’t this precious?” Sera asked Irene.

She stroked the soft ribbon laced through the cap before she laid the garment
back where she had found it. Turning to Irene, she became all seriousness.

“You know, I’ll be happy whether I have a boy or a girl,” Sera admitted
truthfully.

The only thing she worried and wanted more than anything, was for the baby to
come out complete and healthy. There was nothing more important than being
healthy, and she worried about the baby having all of its fingers and toes and
everything else in working order. Irene had assured her plenty of times that the
constant worries over the baby were what every first time mother experienced.
But for Sera, the first time mother, it was hard to let mere words lay her very
powerful fears to rest.

Irene beamed at Sera’s comment. She wasn’t worried about whether the baby was
a boy or a girl, either. The only thing she thought about was how she could
hardly wait till it arrived. And she knew they were in for a long wait. That was
the hard part about knowing exactly when the baby was conceived, you knew it
would take about nine months from that date. When she had been young, she had
never found out right away, but, of course, their situation was entirely
different.

They left the store and strolled down the sidewalk to enter another. They
made their way through each and every different baby attire and toy shop that
downtown had to offer in a matter of hours.

When they left the last of the baby clothing shops, Sera said, “I don’t think
I really want to buy anything until I’m sure what I’m going to have.”

What she left unsaid was the fact that, at four months, when she would find
out the sex of the baby or babies, she would feel more hopeful that they would
make it to full term. She was scared of getting attached and then loosing them.
She tried not to stress about it much, there was no need to be pessimistic, but
the fact was never far from her mind, a fact highlighted by the number of eggs
the doctor had implanted that already hadn’t made it.

“I guess you’re right. I’m just so anxious to buy the baby things, it’s hard
to wait,” Irene agreed.

Sera smiled at Irene. She missed her own mother. She was glad Irene was
there, she was a wonderful woman, with many admirable qualities including the
way she made her feel comfortable, but it hurt that her own parents had never
gotten the chance to have grandchildren, although she knew they wouldn’t have
been thrilled like Irene. The childhood Nigel experienced and the one she’d had
were vastly different. He had been very lucky to have a mother that enjoyed
motherhood so much.

Her own parents loved her but were more work oriented. They spent most of
their time furthering business interests instead of making room for quality
family time. To them, that was the most important thing they could do because it
was through their hard work that their family flourished. And, they felt like
they should lead her by example.

Life was work, and she had better get used to it while she was young. There
was no point in spoiling her and then trying to shove her out into the real
world. How could they expect her to do well if they didn’t start her work ethic
from the beginning? It had always been a hard pill to swallow, but, when she was
young, she had never realized there was any other way. After she had gotten
older, she realized that plenty of people she met had had wonderful childhoods
running around doing absolutely nothing in their backyard or laying around and
watching TV. during their summer vacations with their friends from school and
still managed to grow up to accomplish a great deal.

As they stepped out onto the sidewalk in front of the last toy store in the
plaza, Irene spotted a maternity store that had a huge sale sign out front, just
a short distance away.

“Oh, look at that, Sera. That maternity clothing store, We’re Expecting
You, is having a forty percent off sale for mother’s day. We should go take
a look around in there.”

“Why not,” Sera agreed. She hoped she wouldn’t get gigantic while she was
pregnant, but she knew that she also couldn’t expect to wear all of her normal
clothes. She didn’t wear everything skin tight, but her jeans wouldn’t allow for
a lot of growth around her middle. She purposefully wore her clothes fitted so
that she wouldn’t eat herself into the next pants size.

That made her think about the fact that there were still two eggs. What if
both of them made it? She would be so lucky to have two children at one time. Of
course, it would be extremely hard at first, not only because she’d never had a
child and didn’t know anything about taking care of a baby, but because she
would have double the trouble.

Since getting pregnant, she had begun to notice other women with infants and
small children and the way they interacted together. It was nothing like how her
parents had treated her. She had never really been allowed to go out with her
parents very much. Most of their outings had been business related. But when
they did go out together as a family, she had been expected to be very quiet and
composed, the perfect little lady. She looked back on it now and wondered if she
had been the unknowing example of their iron will to strangers that met them.
Here, do you see my daughter? Do you see how well I trained her?

They passed a woman who had her daughter in a contraption that looked like a
chest harness with a leash attached. She tried not to stare, but she couldn’t
help turning back after a few minutes and trying to get another look.

She stopped Irene in the street and discreetly brought her attention to the
woman and child that had kept going down the street behind them.

“What in the world would make someone want to put something on their child
like that?” she whispered.

Irene’s face scrunched in displeasure.

“I don’t really approve of those myself, but, until you have a child, honey,
you don’t really know what it is like. Sure, you can ask questions, and people
can tell you about their experiences, but you don’t really know. Yes, you can
imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes, but until you fill them, there’s no
true knowing.

When Nigel was young, I went shopping in a department store for a new outfit
for a wedding that was coming up. He was very young, only about two years old.
He was a very active boy but very quiet.

I only looked away for a moment to check a price tag, and when I looked back
he was gone. I became frantic. I began to run through the store. I stopped other
customers and asked them if they had seen my son. I called his name over and
over again, my voice cracking with the fear that was beginning to overwhelm me.

You can’t really know the worry, the horrible things that ran through my mind
when I realized he wasn’t beside me, that he was gone. I felt like the worst
mother in the world. All sorts of scenarios ran through my mind. Where could he
have gone? How could he have gotten away from me so quickly without me even
seeing him? Why didn’t he answer when I called him? Was he even in the store
anymore? Should I run outside of the store and look for him there? What if
someone had taken him? What if someone had snatched my baby, taken him away to
do lord only knows what to him? I would never see him again. And I would have to
live with the fact that I had let it happen, that something horrible had
happened to my child because of me.

And, slowly, as I kept calling out his name and scouring the racks of
clothing looking for him, I began to feel my heart sink until I thought I
wouldn’t be able to breathe anymore, the tears coming so fast I could hardly
see.

It was when I made my way back to where I had lost him and looked around
at the store at the other people who didn’t care a thing in the world about my
son and whether he was gone forever that I became so weak that I fell to the
floor in my despair.

Seconds later, Nigel jumped out of a clothing rack behind me yelling ‘Boo. I
scared you Mommy’.

I wanted to beat him within an inch of his life, but all I had the strength
to do was hold him tightly to my chest and cry.

I thought I had lost him that day. And when he was back in my arms, I knew
that I never wanted to feel that way again.”

* * * *

Nigel couldn’t believe the relief he felt to finally be back in town. It was
like a great weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. As his train neared
the station in his hometown, he thought about how he and Sgt. Wilmont had barely
escaped the last mission with their lives. Looking death straight in the eyes
was a very sobering thing.

And, they would be dead, both of them, if not for the sympathetic farmer that
had found them dehydrated and half dead from blood loss in that shallow
depression they had taken shelter in. Well, it had been the farmer’s dog that
had found them, but, nevertheless, the farmer had taken pity on them when he
found his dog trying to eat them. He had taken them into his home and nursed
them back to health, quite a feat considering the living conditions in that
territory. He would never be able to repay the kindness the man had shown them.
He had tried to repay him with money, but it had seemed like such an empty gift,
so petty next to what he had been given, life.