Solace & Grief (27 page)

‘It's all right,’ Manx said, managing a supportive half-smile.

Grateful, Solace continued. ‘If we're going to look for Starveldt, then the Voice seems as good a thing as any to start with. Maybe it'll show up the next time I use the key; maybe not. I don't know. But it's all I've got to go on, and weird though it is, it's better than nothing.’ She stopped, looking at everyone in turn.

Electra was drawn, drained from the talk as much as the events preceding it, so that she seemed all uncertain eyes and sharp edges. Even Manx, a protective arm thrown around her shoulders, looked tired. There were circles under his mismatched eyes that Solace hadn't noticed before, either out of carelessness or because they were newly acquired; but whatever the reason, she felt responsible for their presence. Jess, for all her earlier enthusiasm, was paper-thin, her blue eyes huge and childlike. Unusually, her thick, black hair was unbound, its wildness serving to give her a witch-like appearance. By contrast, Evan was surprisingly composed, although paler still. Perhaps it was just their closeness in the armchair, but at that moment he looked more like Laine than his sister: Laine, whose small face was deliberately blank, as though she were carefully weighing up what was said (
and what was thought,
Solace amended) before passing judgement. Strangely, it was Harper who seemed the most relaxed, but then again, he was the only one lying down. That left Paige, tense and whey-faced, the pink-and-purple streaks in her hair seeming to stick up like the tufts of a novelty wig. It would have been comic, were her hands not gripping the wooden edge of her chair so tightly that the colour had bled from her knuckles. Of everyone present, she was far and away the most terrified, and despite what she was about to ask, Solace was hard pressed to blame her.

Dropping her gaze, she sighed. ‘I'm sorry for everything that's happened. If I'd known what was really going on, I never would have put you all in danger. But the thing is, I
didn't
know, and now that I do – and I feel selfish saying this, but it's the truth – I'm glad you guys have been here. I don't know what I would've done without all of you. Any of you. Really. I've never had… well, friends, before now. It changes things. And I understand if you don't want to come looking for Starveldt. Heading down to the Gadfly and grabbing a few drinks seems a hell of a lot more attractive than almost-certain danger. Who knows – if I wasn't around, then maybe Sanguisidera would leave you alone. But if you want –’

‘Solace,’ Jess cut her off. Walking over, she reached out and gripped her shoulders. ‘The last time you went out in the sun, you fainted and started trying to look like Laine. Colour me crazy, but I think you're going to need a teensy bit of help if this venture of yours involves daylight. Yeah, it's dangerous, and it's not like I'm averse to the Gadfly. But this, what's going on now? Even if it's frightening, it's important. Besides, tell me the better choice we have? Or at least,’ she added, glancing around the room, ‘that was just speaking for me, anyway. No one else has to agree.’

‘Damn right I don't!’ Paige snapped.

Everyone turned.

Her cheeks flamed red. ‘Don't all look at me like that! I'm bloody frightened and I have been ever since Tryst and Claire and Phoebe died. This isn't some stupid
game
. It's not something we're getting into lightly, or because we want some fun on a Friday evening.’ Tears filled her eyes as she hugged her knees. ‘I don't know what's
happening
any more. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm supposed to be doing. I've never had a great life, but parts of it haven't been too bad, either, and I'm sorry, but I'm not going to sit here and clap my hands with everyone else and say “tra-la-la, everything is fine and wonderful on our grand new adventure” when it
isn't
!’ She stopped, wiping her eyes and gulping back sobs. ‘I'm
frightened
.’

‘Paige,’ said Harper, as gently as he could, turning to look her in the eye. ‘We're all going. At least, I think we are.’ When nobody contradicted him, he continued. ‘And I know how you feel, I do. I think we all do. But no matter how we got into it, there's just not an easy way out, and it makes sense to stick together, like we always have. You don't want to be left on your own, do you?’

‘No,’ Paige shot back, ‘so I don't have a choice, really, do I? I've got to go with you, no matter what. As always.’ Miserably, she hung her head.

Humans
> came a withering sigh from the couch.

Manx and Solace stared at Duchess. The little cat had lifted her head and was staring straight at Paige. A moment passed before the short girl realised what was happening. Her eyes widened.

‘She's talking to me?’

I am talking to you, smallest human. See here
> She paused, glaring at Manx.
Translate
!>

‘Oh! Er, she says, “I am talking to you, Smallest Human. See here”. She wants me to translate.’ Nervously, he looked back at Duchess, who blinked with slow approval.

Good. Tell her this: there is no point in wailing about what cannot be changed. She will go, and you will go, and I will eat my swan. Things will happen as they happen – no faster, no slower. No more, no less. Only those who bewail their fate have no hope of changing it. Cats know better
>

Too startled even to laugh, Manx passed this on. Silence filled the room, and Solace watched a flicker of emotions cross Paige's face: surprise, indignation, defensiveness and then – most surprisingly of all – a kind of acceptance. The anger faded from her eyes. Her shoulders slumped, but seemingly more from relief than defeat. If the decision was out of her hands, then what was there to rail at? She sniffed again, but only once.

‘Hang on,’ Evan blurted, breaking the moment. ‘Am I the only one wondering how on
earth
does Duchess do what she does? I mean, no offence intended, but she's tiny! A cat!’

Feline eyes narrowed.
Cats do not know every human secret. Why should you know all of ours
?>

Dutifully, Manx relayed the sentiment.

Evan snorted. ‘That isn't an answer!’

‘Somehow,’ Manx said wryly, ‘I don't think you're going to get a better one.’

Very well
> yawned Duchess.
I will sleep now
> She closed her eyes, then opened one of them a fraction, looking slyly at Electra.
I was promised a second swan, human. Do not forget
>