Softly and Tenderly (36 page)

Authors: Sara Evans

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BOOK: Softly and Tenderly

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June sat next to Jade, stroking Asa’s head. “I love the smell of the prairie, but I’m ready to be in the Hollow again. I miss the morning fog clinging to the hills.”

“And Rebel?”

June smiled. “We’ll see. So far, so good. And what about you?”

“We’ll see.” Jade set her chin on her son’s head. “So far, so good.”

Approaching the brown mound of Mama’s grave nestled in the shade of a maple, Jade held on to Asa’s hand. Tufts of summer’s green grass crept along the base of the tombstone.

Beryl Hill

At home with Jesus, finally free
.

“We’ve come to visit your Granny Hill, Asa.” Jade let loose the blanket in her arm, spreading it on the ground beside the stone.

The late-afternoon sun kissed her shoulders—she hated being inside on such beautiful days. She gathered her knees to her chest and tipped her face toward the light.

“Mama, good news: we’ve decided to keep the house, not sell it. At least not yet, anyway,” Jade said to the air. She smiled as Asa scooted his truck over the grass and into the dirt of Mama’s grave.

“Mama, here. Hold, please.” Asa stuck out his hand, offering Jade his truck. Calling her Mama came from within him. She’d never coaxed him. Neither had June.

Satisfied his truck was in good hands, Asa climbed onto his small tricycle and reached his chubby legs out to the pedals.

She’d never tire of hearing her name—Mama.

If she’d had known what the start of the year would’ve been like, she’d have hidden behind the door of New Year’s Eve and never come out.

But it was facing the pain, pushing through the heartache, that brought her to this moment of peace. Life had true hope for her.

Max was doing well at his Texas outpost, but digging up the wells of his past caused him to struggle with dark revelations. He questioned everything. Even his career. So far, he’d not mentioned their marriage. But Jade was glad. She had her own doubts to wrestle down.

When Max called, though, he sounded strong. His emails were filled with his easy prose, updating her on his progress, signing his notes with a simple, “Love, Max” as if he understood he didn’t deserve her.

Jade exhaled. She wasn’t sure he did. But no matter, she’d let none of it disturb her peace today as she sat on the mound next to Mama with the wind in her hair. She’d deal with Max when he came home.

The most surprising thing this year? Asa. How could such joy come out of such bitterness? Only God could do such a thing. When she held Asa the night she’d found him in the living room, she’d been overwhelmed with the sense of wanting to never let go.

He was her son.

The crunch of tires over the gravel added notes to the air. Jade tipped her chin north toward the heavens.

Footsteps swished over the grass and a warm, solid Dustin dropped to the ground next to her. “June said you’d be here.”

“She said you called.”

Asa pedaled past them on his tricycle, flashing a tiny grin at Dustin.

“I’m going to get you, buddy,” Dustin teased.

Asa pumped his legs, ducking down toward the handlebar without a squeal or blip of laughter, and set his determination to flee. His blond head disappeared as he dipped below the rise of the knoll.

“He’s doing good.”

“I’m married, Dustin. I stood before God and man and made a vow.” The confession released the balloon of pressure lodged in her chest.

“Hartline and I sat on the bleachers last night, talking until after midnight.” The breeze inched between them, carrying the song and scent of the crystalline day. Asa emerged from the other side of the mound, driving straight for Jade and Dustin.

When he crashed into Dustin’s foot, he laughed as if he’d won and knew it, then reversed his way back down the small mound.

“I take it you weren’t talking about your business.” Jade smoothed away the wisps of hair covering her eyes.

“We weren’t.” Dustin’s arms rested on his raised knees, and the curve of the horizon—where blue sky met green earth—reflected in his glossy eyes. “We talked about you and how I should’ve never let you go.” He peered at her. “I wish you were my wife and that little boy out there were mine. But I realized last night . . . I can’t come between you and Max. I’ve made darn sure to stand in his shadow so when he hit the dirt, you’d see me waiting there.” He picked at the grass, winding thick blades around his fingers. “And I’ve learned to live with woulda-shoulda-coulda, but I can’t live with busting up a marriage. I’d hate myself, and ultimately, so would you.”

Jade let his confession ride, the tenor of his words resonating with her own recent revelations. Asa sped toward them again, sweeping wide around their backs and gunning down the knoll.

“You saved me, Dustin, in so many ways.”

“I also crushed you.”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that, but I’ve finally moved on. I’m not sixteen anymore. I’m thirty-one, and a lot of life has flowed over my wounded soul. I’m stronger, healed. I did love you desperately, Dustin, but if someone handed me a magic wand right now to turn back time, I’m not sure I’d do it . . . I love Max, Dustin. God help me, I do.”

Dustin’s arm swung around her shoulders, and he pressed her into him. “Then you love him with all your heart, hear me?”

Her newly constructed wall of confidence cracked, and Jade sobbed against him. Dustin would be so easy to love. So easy to lie back in the grass and let the sunlight pass over them.

But Max was working hard, baring his heart and soul to strangers as well as to her. Jade needed to keep her pledge. She wanted to be there when he came home.

Wringing her sobs dry, Jade sat up, brushing her fingers over her cheeks, scanning the grounds for Asa. He’d paused to search the grass for something, bugs probably, his recent fascination.

“Will you be all right?” she asked.

“Absolutely. Doing the right thing isn’t easy, but it’s always good.” He gazed toward the road, his Adam’s apple dipping and rising with each swallow. “I have a date with Kate tonight. We have a lot in common, and I think she’ll—” Dustin cleared his voice. “Hey, I need to get going.”

His kiss lingered on Jade’s forehead.

“Send me a Christmas card?” She stood with Dustin. The blue light of his eyes shone with backbone and belief.

“Every year.” He backed toward his truck. “See you, Asa buddy.”

The boy jumped off his trike and ran toward Jade, crashing into her leg. She swung him up into her arms as Dustin fired up his truck and aimed for the road.

Heading west, he drove toward the burnished blaze hovering above the bend in the road. Jade watched until a wash of light enveloped his tailgate, and everything that had been disappeared.

“All right, all right, you.” Jade came into the moment, setting Asa on the ground. “I’m going to get you, son. Better run fast.” She chased him over the Indian mound toward the trees.

Son
. She had a son. As Asa’s laughter buoyed in the air, it seeped into her heart, watered the dry places, and redeemed her barrenness with love.

Letting him run just beyond her grasp, Jade tugged her ringing phone from her pocket. The number on the screen arrested her forward motion. This wasn’t his day to call. Jade answered, “Max, hello.”

Acknowledgments

Thanks to all who helped the book come to life:

Our editor, Ami McConnell, ever wise, ever seeing, a talent at seeing the layers in story and drawing them to the surface.

The team at Thomas Nelson: Natalie Hanemann, Katie Bond, Eric Mullett, and Allen Arnold, for your work and faith in this project.

Jennifer Stair, for her insight and edits.

Al and Will Donaldson for insight on a ’66 Cadillac.

Susan May Warren for keeping the candle burning during the drafting stage.

Ellen Tarver for reading the book in the early stages and offering ideas.

April Schaffer who jumped behind
The Sweet By & By
with enthusiasm and energy, and created such a great street team. You rock!

Reading Group Guide

1. In the opening scene, Jade thinks she might be barren. Other than being childless, what are ways her heart and life are barren? Have you had barren seasons in your life? How did God meet you?

2. June has known for years of her husband’s infidelity. Is there a reason she’s kept quiet? Are there issues in your life or your family’s life that cause you to remain quiet for the good of the whole? When is this a dangerous thing to do?

3. Jade’s mother, Beryl, was an absent parent during Jade’s childhood. But now she’s dying of leukemia and Jade is taking care of her. Why does Jade do this? Is there someone in your life who has hurt you but you repay with kindness?

4. When Jade discovers Max has a son younger than their marriage, she loads Beryl into a car with June and heads for Prairie City. It is a natural inclination to run from trouble and pain. What issues have you run from in your life? Would it have been better to stay, face the pain, and work it out?

5. Jade is tempted by her relationship with Dustin. He symbolizes her heart’s longing to return to someone safe, and something familiar. Can you think of a time or incident where you wanted to return to something familiar as a source of comfort? Perhaps food or drinking, a relationship, or a place? What was the outcome?

6. Back in Whisper Hollow, Max is adjusting to instant fatherhood. His secret affair produced a beautiful boy. While God forgives us of our sins, we are often left to deal with the consequences of our actions. How does this impact Max? How has a similar situation impacted you?

7. Jade wants to have a connection with her Mama before she dies and looks through a box of her things -- memorabilia and pictures. Why is this important for Jade? Is there someone in your life you need to connect with before they move on, or perhaps die? Why is healing and forgiveness important in our lives?

8. During a spontaneous party for Beryl, a little red bird appears and sings her a song. Did you feel this was symbolic? Share a time when you heard God speak to you in an unusual way.

9. During the story, we see Jade suffering from panic attacks and fear. Are there times in your life when panic hits you out of nowhere? How do you respond? What hope do we have in Jesus, the Prince of Peace, to get us through those anxious hours?

10. After the funeral, Jade has a depersonalization moment. She loses all sense of self, panics, and runs down the road. Dustin is the first to catch her and she tells him to “let her go.” What does this symbolize in their relationship and in Jade’s Prairie City life? Is there something or someone you need to tell, “Let me go”?

11. When Jade hears Max’s son, Asa, crying in the farmhouse living room, she comforts him. How does this impact her heart? Share about a time in your life when God comforted you in an unusual way, or through an unlikely source.

12. By the end of the book, Jade has bonded with Asa. How does this answer her fear in the opening paragraph about being barren? How has God filled the barren places of your life?

From multi-platinum award-winning artist
SARA EVANS
with
Rachel Hauck, the novel that started the Songbird Series…