Sneaking Suspicions (The Tharon Trace Mysteries Book 1) (3 page)

She laughed nervously, her face still burning. “Well, if I had my own choice it wouldn’t be Eddie Edwards.”

Kaid’s face turned thoughtful.  He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and kicked at the loose stone which Tharon had lodged free.  “Who says you don’t have your own choice?”

He had her completely confused.  “Veronica and Tracy already chose you and Helm.”

Kaid met her eyes and his dimples were replaced by a serious expression. “Just because they chose us doesn’t mean we have to choose them.”  The dimples returned and he playfully asked, “So which one of us would you choose?”

Her breath caught in her throat.  How could she answer that?  From the corner of her eye she saw Veronica approach Helm and her heart lurched.  No.  If she chose and was rejected, there was no coming back from that—either for the one she chose or the one she didn’t.  If she just had their friendship back, that would be enough.  She tried to sound casual. “I think I choose not to choose anyone.”

He held her gaze a moment longer, an unspoken challenge for her to pick one of them, and then he laughed.

She laughed too and felt her nervousness dissolve, melding back into their old familiar friendship.

He said, “You can tell the girls that we choose not to choose either.  Come on, you can be on my team.  We’re receiving.”  He fastened a yellow Velcro flag around her waist.

Tharon hesitated, “I really shouldn’t.”  She could almost feel the mental daggers Veronica shot at her back.

He took her by the shoulders and forced her to look into his eyes. “Seriously?  Can’t you decide anything for yourself?  You never used to be so wishy-washy.  Don’t let my sister and Veronica control you.  Do you want to play?”

How could he act like he could pick up their friendship as if nothing had happened and how dare he accuse her of being wishy-washy?  Her expression hovered between anger and happiness and she wasn’t sure which won.

She shoved against his chest. “Yes I want to play.  But I’m giving you fair warning, my hesitation had nothing to do with your sister and Veronica.”  She knew that wasn’t entirely true and felt a little guilty for saying it.  She forced herself to not look at Veronica and jogged onto the field.

While she waited for the kick off, she chanced a look at the sidelines where Veronica talked to Helm.  She wondered if he would agree to be Tracy’s boyfriend.  She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.  The thought of him liking Tracy stabbed at her heart in an unsettling way that surprised her.  She didn’t realize she was staring at Helm until he winked at her.  Her heart fluttered.  She smiled and felt their old familiar connection even from all the way across the field.  Was that just her imagination?

Tharon focused on the game and only ran the wrong way once.  Playing pushed the dread of facing Veronica out of her mind and for the first time in a long time she simply enjoyed herself.  When the bell rang she purposely avoided catching up to Veronica and Tracy.

Kaid punched her shoulder lightly. “Did you have fun?”

Still trying to catch her breath, she smiled. “Yes.  That was great.”

Kaid’s dimples danced as he teased her. “I see why you were reluctant to play.  You aren’t very good at football at all.”

She playfully backhanded his arm.

Helm swept in between them and slung a protective arm over her shoulder. “Leave her alone, Kaid or she’ll start ignoring us again.”

The icy ache lodged again in her chest as she breathlessly whispered, “It wasn’t ever me who walked away from our friendship.”  She shrugged off Helm’s arm and ran back into the school.

With a measure of finesse she successfully avoided Veronica and Tracy the rest of the school day.  As they lined up to get on the bus she knew she had to relay Kaid’s message.

Tracy bubbled as she huddled close to her friends.  “Oh, my goodness, I thought I was talking to Eddie, but it was Everett.  He got mad because he wasn’t included and he likes Veronica.”  She gave Veronica a sly look then turned to Tharon. “I talked to Eddie in art class and he agreed to be your boyfriend.” She beamed at Tharon.  “Isn’t that exciting?”

In spite of her shock, Tharon managed a less than enthusiastic, “Great.”

Veronica chimed in next.  “Well, I talked to Helm and he said that you were like a sister to him, Tracy.”  She gave Tracy the briefest of sympathetic pouts.  “He said he likes someone else, but he wouldn’t tell me who it is.  I’m so sorry.”

Tharon’s face flushed as she wondered who Helm liked.  Her stomach twisted into knots and her heart sank.  Helm liked someone.  Why did that fill her with such sadness?

Veronica ignored Tracy’s crestfallen,
Oh
and turned to Tharon.  “So what did Kaid say?  Tell me everything.  You and he were talking and laughing a lot.  Does he like me?”

Tharon’s mouth felt dry.  She focused her attention on the frayed threads on the toe of her shoe.  “Well, it isn’t that he doesn’t like you.  He just doesn’t want to pick a girlfriend.”

Veronica’s mouth dropped open.  She glared at Tharon. “Exactly
what
did he say?”

Tharon tried to swallow the lump in her throat.  In a voice barely above a whisper, she said, “He said he chooses not to choose.”

Veronica frowned at her.  “And just what did you say to him?  Just what were you talking and laughing about?  What did you say about me?  Are you trying to keep him for yourself?”

“I didn’t say anything about you.  Listen, I don’t want to have a boyfriend if you two don’t have one.  I didn’t want to do this anyway.  I’ll just tell Eddie that I’m choosing not to choose either.”

Lightning flashed in Veronica’s eyes.  “Do you think I can’t get a boyfriend if I want one?  I imagine I’ll have a lot better success without you stabbing me in the back.”

Tharon sputtered, “I didn’t say you couldn’t get boyfriends.  And I didn’t stab you in the back.”

Veronica spoke low, her words were laced with venom. “If you didn’t stab me in the back, then why don’t you want Eddie now?  You were just covering all your bases to make sure you had a boyfriend and we didn’t.  Did you poison Helm against Tracy too?” 

Tharon shook her head. “No, that’s ridiculous!  I never picked Eddie.  You picked him for me.  And I only agreed to Eddie because you and Tracy had already picked Kaid and Helm.”

Veronica stabbed her index finger at Tharon and sneered. “So you admit you wanted Kaid and Helm for yourself.  How many boyfriends do you need?”

Tharon balled her hands into fists at her side.  Tears seeped at the edges of her eyes.  “I’ll tell Eddie it was a mistake and I’m sorry.  I never wanted anything to do with this stupid, childish, boyfriend scheme in the first place!” 
Oh crap! I just called Veronica’s plan stupid.

Veronica’s face turned hard as stone.  She folded her arms and tilted her head. “No,
I’ll
tell him for you.”

Veronica and Tracy shouldered past Tharon to pull the Edwards twins aside and talked with them in low tones.  At length the four of them turned to grace her with looks of withering hatred, except for Eddie who simply looked sad.

Tharon climbed numbly up the bus steps and walked down the aisle in stunned silence, searching for a place to sit.  She glanced at her friends bunched up on a seat with Sarah Felger.  Veronica sneered at Tharon with hatred still blazing in her eyes.  Tracy looked from Veronica to Tharon with confusion and sadness.  Sarah opened her mouth to say something to Tharon, but after one glance at Veronica next to her, she closed her mouth and gave Tharon an apologetic shrug.

Tharon found an empty seat and scrunched up next to the window alone.  She turned her head to the frosted glass and blinked back the tears threatening to betray the pain in her heart.  What was wrong with her that she couldn’t keep friends?

She felt someone sit down next to her.  She knew it was Helm even before she looked at him.  His comforting presence overwhelmed her.  She brushed at her moist eyes with the back of her hand and turned to her new seatmate.

Helm’s hazel eyes smiled at her.  “Hi.”

Warmth coursed through her. “Why are you sitting with me?”

Helm spoke low, so only she could hear him. “Because you’re upset and I’m your friend.”

She searched his face.  His boyish softness was giving way to stronger angles, but his eyes still smiled before the rest of his features caught up with them.  The only word that came to her as her heart warmed to his familiar companionship was a quiet, “Thanks.”

Her lips curved into a contented smile as she sank against Helm’s arm.  She looked up and saw Tracy standing in the aisle glaring at her.

Oh crap.

CHAPTER 2

The school bus stopped to let Eddie and Everett off at the sprawling farm their father managed.  The sign at the edge of the road heralded the proud beacon of ‘Royce Edwards Corporate Farms: A Subsidiary of CalVin Industries,’ in bright green lettering.  The sign towered twice the height of the bus and remained lit up all night long.

A smooth black asphalt lane snaked a half mile to the three story red brick farmhouse sitting on the highest hill for miles around.  Two massive, bright red barns loomed behind the house and three low, long, white buildings fanned out from the circular drive to the right of the barns.

Tharon heard the twins moving up the aisle from the back of the bus.  She dreaded facing Eddie.  She never wanted to hurt anyone, no matter how badly they may have treated her.

Everett stopped by her seat.  His curly red hair poked out from the edges of his stocking cap and his green eyes glared at her.  The all too familiar anger lines pinched between his eyebrows.  “Kind of childish to hold a grudge since second grade, isn’t it?”

Tharon’s face burned.  It had been more than a year since Everett had referred to the beating he gave her exactly four years ago.  She’d never told anyone.  Why hadn’t she?  It wasn’t fear or intimidation—not anymore—at least, not since her father had trained her to defend herself.  Why did she never tell anyone?  She wasn’t embarrassed.  Was she trying to protect them?  No.  Not them.  It was to protect Eddie.  He’d been immediately sorry and she’d frankly forgiven him.

Everett, however, was another matter.  He never passed up an opportunity to mutter a cutting remark or call her a name.  But rarely did he say anything when someone else could hear him.  He lacked the courage to show his open hostility to her in front of anyone.

Tharon glared back with grit and steel in her eyes.  She raised an eyebrow and her lips curled in a tight smile that challenged him to reveal the secret threat. “What happened in the second grade?”

Everett flinched and glanced at Helm.

Helm looked from Tharon to Everett. “What’s your problem Edwards?”

Everett grunted and continued up the aisle.

Eddie paused and looked at her with a sad expression.  She wondered how identical eyes could look so completely different.  Where Everett was all hard lines and hatred, Eddie showed a gentle kindness.  The hurt in his eyes pierced her heart.

She said, “I’m sorry, Eddie, I’m just not ready to have a boyfriend.”

Eddie’s gaze traveled from her to Helm. “It sure looks like you’re ready.”

A pang of guilt coursed through her as she watched Eddie lumber to the front of the bus and trudge to their long driveway.  He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets while he waited for Everett to get the mail.  Her eyes met his one last time and his sadness twisted the knot in her chest.

She didn’t want to have a boyfriend but she realized it wasn’t all Veronica pushing Eddie on her.  She did like Eddie, not in a
boyfriend
way, nor the
brother-friend
way she liked Kaid, nor even in the
I-like-myself-better-when-I’m-around-you
way that linked her to Helm.  She wanted to be friends with Eddie—to get past the past.  Had she destroyed that chance forever?

The bus turned onto Little Sandy Creek Road.  As they neared Helm’s bus stop, he nudged her with his arm and whispered, “Are you going to be okay?”

Tharon leaned against his arm. “If I survive the ride home.”

He frowned. “This is my fault, isn’t it?”

She gave him a crooked grin. “Yes, if you and Kaid hadn’t been such jerks and ditched me, none of this would have happened.”

He tilted her chin up to look at him and whispered, “I know.  It’s not what you think, though.  Call me if you need me.”

It was on the tip of her tongue to say something corny like,
I’ll always need you,
or,
consider yourself called
, but even thinking it made her want to gag.

Tracy and Kaid’s stop was another half mile down the road.  Kaid gave Tharon a playful punch on the shoulder when he passed her but Tracy looked back at her and burst into tears.  “I hate you!  I never want to speak to you again.  Stay away from me.”

Tears swelled in Tharon’s eyes and the lump in her throat grew to the size of a softball.  She couldn’t have spoken even if she could think of something to say.  She never wanted to hurt anyone, how is it she’d managed to hurt almost all her friends?

Kaid tried to sooth his sister. “Tharon didn’t do anything.  Don’t be mad at her.”

Tracy’s tears evaporated into fury. “Didn’t do anything?  She poisoned Helm against me and she poisoned you against Veronica.”

Kaid’s anger rose as he rose to Tharon’s defense. “She did no such thing.  She never said an unkind word to us about either of you.  Tharon, Helm and I have been friends for a long time.  The best times I’ve had in my life have been with them.  I wish I’d never agreed to stop hanging out with her.”

Tharon’s heart thundered in her ears as his comment sunk in.  She found her voice. “Who did you agree with?”

Kaid blinked, and looked at her.  It took a long moment before he said, “I promised not to tell.”

Veronica Miller stood and rounded on her.  She spoke quiet enough that her father, Chuck, the bus driver and her fourteen year old brother Cody, couldn’t hear, but loud enough for Tharon to feel the contempt laced in her words. “It was your mother!  Did you really think that all of a sudden Tracy and I couldn’t resist your sparkling personality?  You’re such a slob, such a loser and half the time you smell as bad as those pigs you raise.”

She climbed onto the seat and gripped the seatback as she hissed at Tharon. “Your mom begged our moms to make us be friends with you to get you to change.  I guess she doesn’t like you any more than we do.”

Chuck Miller looked in the mirror above his head to see what was taking so long.  “Kaid, Tracy, you need to get off now, I’ve got to get home and milk the cows.”

Tharon looked at Kaid.  Sadness clouded his features and she knew that Veronica spoke the truth.  He backed towards the door and mouthed
I’m so sorry.

Tharon clutched her backpack to her, she could barely breathe.  The mile to her family’s farm seemed to take an eternity.  When Chuck stopped the bus in front of the drive, as usual, Veronica and Cody were the only other students left on the bus.

She hurried to the exit.  Cody looked up from his chemistry book and smiled.  He started to repeat their customary playful banter. “Hey, Dork, have a nice—” he saw the tears streaming down Tharon’s face. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

She shook her head and wordlessly ran off the bus, being careful to hide her face from Chuck.

Chuck called after her in his cheery voice. “Have a nice evening.  I’ll see you in the morning bright and early.”

She ran past her tri-color English Shepherd, who sensed something was wrong.  He whined and tried to nuzzle her hand as she ran.  “Not now Shep.”

Bounding up the steps, she burst into the house and threw her backpack onto the bench in the foyer. “Mom!  Where are you?”

Lista Trace emerged from the kitchen wiping her hands on a dish towel.  Her blond hair was gathered up in a perfect French twist; her porcelain skin flushed crimson on her cheeks; a smudge of flour dusted her chin.  The gathered floral apron ballooned out over her growing baby belly.  With warm brown eyes she looked at her daughter reprovingly. “That’s not a lady-like greeting.  Can we try that with better manners?”

Tharon jutted out her chin. “Is it true?  Did you tell Kaid and Helm that you didn’t want them to spend time with me anymore?  Did you beg Tracy and Veronica’s mothers to make them be friends with me?”

Her mother paled. “Yes, but let me explain—”

“Explain what?  That you didn’t like the person I was?  That I wasn’t the perfect girly daughter you wanted so you picked Tracy and Veronica to mold me because that’s what you want in a daughter?  How could you?”  Her voice caught in her throat. “Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep because I missed Helm and Kaid?”

Lista twisted the dish towel in her hands. “I just wanted you to broaden your circle of friends—to let you experience the feminine side of life to see if you’d like it.”

For once Tharon didn’t try to hide her anger and hurt. “How could you not trust me to find my own way to the person I want to be?  Why didn’t you trust me to choose my own friends?  Tracy and Veronica even had me convinced I shouldn’t go hunting with Dad anymore.  Was that your idea too?”

Her mother took a step toward her but stopped when Tharon flinched.  Lista said, “Ever since you were little you’ve spent every minute you could playing in the woods with those boys or hunting with your father.  I wanted us to have something in common.”

Tharon backed to the door. “You should have left me alone.”  She grabbed her winter coat off the hook by the door and shouted at her mother.  “Veronica and Tracy hate me.  I don’t think they ever wanted to be friends with me.  Don’t ever try to pick my friends for me again.  Ever!”

She slammed the screen door open and rushed down the steps without stopping to shut the front door.  Tears streamed from her eyes, blurring her vision, but she didn’t need to see clearly.  She could find the way to the woods blindfolded if she had to.

As she navigated the narrow strip of sod between garden beds in the field on the south side of the house, her shoes slid on the rotting remnants of pumpkin vines.  She crashed onto one knee as Shep nosed under her arm to stop her from falling.  Her arms wrapped around him and she buried her tear stained face in his fur.  “At least you’ve always loved me.”

On the other side of the gardens the old growth timber towered ahead of her, its stark branches waving her onward in the wind.  After brushing off her knee, she resumed her path to the woods. 

Her mother called from the front porch. “Tharon, come back!  I’m sorry!”

Tharon tugged her winter coat on over her wool coat and saw her father, Tom, as he climbed onto the tractor to pull the manure spreader from the cow yard.  She could tell that he’d been making trips all day; a trail of manure meandered around the barn and up the grassy lane to the fields beyond the orchard.

She stood and looked at the farm: her mother on the porch, her father’s strong back as the tractor faded from view, Maisy Baker’s cottage beyond the house with the plume of smoke rising from the chimney.

Of course she’d be back.  Of course she’d forgive her mother.  Of course she’d survive.  But at that moment she just wanted to be alone and cry.  The only other place in the world that she felt at home was in the woods.  She turned her back on the farm and stepped beyond the tree line, never imagining the peril in her chosen path.