Slide (Black Addiction #1) (3 page)

“Seriously, Joe. If you spent as much time concentrating on your own love life as you did worrying about mine, you’d be a lot happier. Probably getting more action as well.” Positives all around. As far as disclosure, they weren’t getting jack.

“That’s an
avoid
if ever I heard one,” Max laughed.

I could have launched on the defensive that the
avoiding
was being done by the two people currently taking up space on my sofa. Considering there was a perfectly good house of their own they could be chilling in. But instead I flipped them off and headed back to my room. I left them to fight over who was getting the spare room and who was getting the couch, the outcome not affecting me either way. What
was
important was that in few hours everyone was going to need to be razor sharp. Studio time was happening, and I wanted to make the new tracks my bitch.

My perfect life was
over.

Crushed like a forgotten Oreo at the bottom of the box.

How could I have been so stupid?

As the streetlights slowly peeked through my drapes, so did the realization that everything I’d worked for in the last two years was gone. The man I’d encouraged and loved for two years dumped me without a second thought.

Our
special
dinner did not end up with him giving me a key. Quite the opposite in fact, he sat me down and told me we were over. Done. Finished. Through.

While I had assumed those random acts of sweetness were leading us to the next level, they were nothing other than cowardly sidesteps to showing me the door. He’d been trying to soften the blow. It was over. I was over.

We’d been discovered, or at the very least our fling had been, and the senior partners were not amused. Actually they were the opposite of amused. Talk of unprofessionalism and breaking of contracts was thrown about. Fraternization apparently frowned upon. I really should have read the fine print.

Long story short, they agreed if I left quietly they would give me a letter of recommendation. A message my boyfriend hand delivered with the parting words that although he “cared for me, it was time we both moved on.”

When it came down to the crunch, he bailed on me like a bad investment.
Sorry, thanks but no thanks
, my services were no longer required. Even the chance for our relationship to continue now that we no longer had to hide was also shunned. Too much trouble, too many raised eyebrows—the clean break preferred.

Asshole.

So, I was sent packing with four weeks severance pay under a cloud of suspicion. I had been reduced to lunchroom fodder, the gossip ranging wildly from corporate espionage to an unplanned pregnancy. The truth not anywhere near as sensational as the lies, and yet still no one suspected our indiscretion.

“Open up, Ali.” Renee hammered at my door.

Her visits over the last week had been a daily occurrence, her stopping by with the excuse of bringing me food. I think it had less to do with the Chinese takeout and more to do with making sure I hadn’t hung myself with my shower curtain.

“I’m still alive. Leave the sweet and sour pork by the door and allow me to wallow in peace.” I didn’t even bother lifting my head from the pillow; I had no intention of moving from my couch.

“I’ve got sushi and I’m not leaving it on your doorstep. Open the door.”

She was persistent; I’d give her that. And probably more caring than I deserved. She’d always known Rob would break my heart and not a single “I told you so” had escaped her lips. Instead she fed me, let me cry and then locked me in the bathroom until I showered. Friends don’t let friends smell.

“My life is over and you brought me raw fish?” I opened the door wearing the same stained T-shirt and sweatpants I had been living in for the last two days. There was no need to get fancy; misery didn’t have a dress code.

“Your life is not over, this is just a hiccup. And sushi is good for you.” She pushed past me and took the five short steps from my door that landed her in my kitchen.

“I’m sorry. I guess I’m a shitty friend as well as shitty girlfriend. Oh, and I’m a shitty paralegal too it seems. Just all-around shitty.” I let the door slam as I joined her in the kitchen. As far as wallowing was going, I was still neck deep. It was good to be successful at something, self-pity being my only option currently.

“You aren’t a shitty friend.” She pulled the bamboo chopsticks from the plastic bag. “Or any of that other stuff.” She tactfully added. “But you can’t sit in your apartment and hide from the world for the rest of your life.”

Reality. Something I didn’t want right now, not that my reluctance to deal stopped it from arriving on my doorstep in the form of my best friend and questionable dinner. She was right. Hiding was not the solution. Lord knows I’d been giving it a try, and all it got me was greasy hair and a smelly apartment. My severance pay would soon dry up while my bills would not. And while one of the four weeks was spent wallowing, I literally couldn’t afford anymore time off. So while I wasn’t ready to deal with society, I would at the very least have to start dealing with the classifieds.
Who knows, maybe sticking a toe in first by rejoining the human race would prepare me for an interview
. It’s not like I had much more to lose. “You’re right.” My shoulders slumped as I leaned against the wall for support. “I need to get out.”

***

It would have been easy to get dressed up, get drunk and have sex with some random guy. At least that’s what Renee wanted me to do. But every single time we’d walked into a bar, I almost had a full-blown panic attack over the thought of some guy seeing me naked. My confidence—which had always been lacking—was now nonexistent, and even alcohol didn’t seem to help.

With Renee as my cheerleader, I persevered for an entire week. Night after night, bar after bar, with only one of us ending up getting lucky—not me. My attempts at flirting bordered on embarrassment next to my cool femme fatale best friend.

Even with my battered bravado and lackluster enthusiasm, I put on my prettiest dress and highest heels in what would be my fourth attempt at trying to get laid. This time without Renee—the pressure of having an audience just making it more difficult. Apparently a one-night stand would cure me, or at least send me into post orgasmic bliss so that I wouldn’t care for a while. I wasn’t convinced, but I was willing to give it a try.

It was while I was at the bar, sipping a Diet Coke through one of those ridiculous cocktail straws, that my world went even further into a tailspin.

“Hey, Ali-cat.”

The nickname sending chills down my spine despite the bar feeling like a sauna.

“Rob.” I twirled around to the direction of the voice, his smiling face greeting me as I made eye contact. Damn it, he still looked good.

“Wow, I thought it was you.” His eyes moved over the curves of my body, pausing over my mostly exposed cleavage. “You’re looking
well
.”

Every night I fantasized about this very moment. The one where Rob would run into me, see me looking fabulous and then declare what an idiot he’d been and beg me to take him back. It was the sweet dream I’d lull myself off to sleep with, concluding with me telling him there’d be a cold day in hell before I’d take him back and crushing him like he’d crushed me. I’d smile as I drifted off into sleepland knowing he’d realized too late that I was the woman of his dreams and I’d leave him crying just as he’d left me.

“Rob.” I tried to keep my voice level while my pulse hammered away under my skin. “How lovely to see you.”

It wasn’t a lie, I was genuinely glad to see him. It might have taken me a couple of weeks but my emotions had moved from sad to mad. And while a few days after my spectacular dumping and firing I might have taken him back, now it was seeing him grovel that would give me the most pleasure.

“You too, Ali-cat.” He leaned down and kissed me gently on the cheek. “Seems like you were holding out on me.” His brow rose as he eyed my dress again.

“Oh, this?” I giggled shamelessly. “Just a little something I threw on.”

Okay, so when it came to sexy and flirty I sucked. The seduction game was as elusive to me as the Loch Ness monster, and me trying to be sexy was probably just as scary as Nessie.

“Well, it obviously agrees with you.” He smiled, his hands gently rubbing up my arm. I tried to stop myself from cringing at his touch, or punching him right in the balls, more to see if he still had any.

“Listen, I’m glad I found you. I’ve been thinking a lot about you the last few days.” Rob moved closer, the noise from the bar making it hard to hear him.

“Oh?” I mentally smiled as I prepared to tell him to go take a hike.

There are times in life when you wish there was a pause button. Where the moment just needed to be savored just a little longer than time allowed. Not to gloat, but to validate that good things eventually happen to good people. Karma, payback and all the stuff, would eventually do its duty and the righteous would stand victorious. Sure it was a little conceited, but I figured I’d earned my moment and I wanted it to last just a little longer.

“I’m getting married.”

The words had come out of his mouth but just like the night when he told me we were through, it was as if I hadn’t heard them correctly.

“What?” My eyes flew open in a shock I had no hope of disguising.

“I know it’s sudden but I’ve known Susan most of my life. We dated through college and well, we found our way back to each other. Our families are ecstatic. Naturally, our mothers are already naming our children.”

I was going to be sick. The room was spinning; the heat that had been mildly uncomfortable before was now suffocating, and my lungs wouldn’t expand enough so I could breathe.

“Ali-cat, are you all right?” I felt his hands grip my arms as my body swayed on the barstool I was precariously close to falling off of.

Words failed me as my throat dried up and my mouth refused to function. In my fantasy he begged me to take him back, not tell me he was over me and ready to make some other girl his wife.

How could he have replaced me so quickly?

Had I honestly meant nothing?

Was I so easy to toss aside that he couldn’t even give it a few months before I’d have to see his smug-ass face smiling from the engagement announcements of the newspaper?

And just when I felt I was either going to throw up or pass out, a miracle happened and I was able to not only remain upright but conscious too. It would have been asking too much for me to think of something to say, so in the end I didn’t try but climbed off that barstool and walked away instead. Just like that—I was gone.

My miracle unfortunately didn’t extend much past getting me out of the bar where I stood like a deer in headlights, looking at the street traffic.
Think, Ali, think.
I willed my brain to kick into gear and figure out something that would get me off the sidewalk and away from the nightmare I’d left behind.

Then in a moment of clarity, or further delusion—jury was still out as to which—I thought of Rusty. Why my mind would go to the sexy, hot and charismatic mystery man when my sanity was swirling down the drain, I had no idea but whatever lifeline I had, I was hanging onto it.

Madness. That had to be the only explanation as I hailed a cab and directed him to the bar where we’d had our first and only real conversation. My pulse raced with every mile we got closer. I literally had no idea if he would be there or what I would even say if he was, but hoped I’d have the chance.

The cab had barely stopped at the curb when I threw myself out of the car and tossed the driver some money. I’m fairly sure that the tip I left was payment enough for my insanity, but in case it wasn’t, I mumbled an apology as I made my way from the cab to the door. I was done being safe. At least for tonight.

Channeling my inner Renee, in a move I’m sure she would be proud off, I stalked into the bar with a purpose that even surprised me.

It took me mere moments to locate him, and he was every bit as impressive as the memory. Wearing a pair of faded blue denims and NYFD Tee, he was effortlessly sexy, his smile curling as he lifted his beer to his mouth.

He laughed at some joke I obviously couldn’t hear as a posse of women and men surrounded him. The girls vying for his attention as they pawed at him like a puppy. He didn’t seem to mind their wandering hands or their constant attention.

It was either bravery or just plain insanity that had me push my shoulders back and walk right to where he was standing. I did my best to ignore the crowd, or at the very least not make eye contact with them. Damn, I wasn’t
that
brave.

“Do you remember me?” I almost shouted as every pair of eyes in his makeshift group came to rest on me.

“Sure I do,” he said with zero hesitation. “You’re Alison.” A smile that could impregnate a thousand virgins lit up his face.

Him knowing my name was enough of a sign that I was going to sleep with him.

While some people prayed for weeping Madonna’s to show them the way, I contented myself with the beautiful man being able to recall me from the sea of girls he’d no doubt encountered in the last couple weeks. A sign was still a sign, right? And who was I to decide what constituted divine intervention. Hell—a place I was no doubt earning a spot in—I’d been avoiding the whore tag my whole life and it had gotten me nowhere fast. My goal to be everything my mother wasn’t hadn’t brought me happiness, and if nothing else tonight I would lose myself in that big screaming O that Renee promised would change my perspective. Inner sensible voice be damned, I was having sex with Rusty tonight and it was going to be earth-shattering.