SLEEPER (Crossfire Series) (35 page)

“Check my makeup every day?” she suggested dryly, arching her eyebrows in mockery. She made a face at herself.

Nikki laughed. “No. What you see in the mirror isn’t what people see. I’ve learned to look at myself through other people’s eyes,” she said. Lily looked at her, noting the darkening emotions in the other woman’s eyes. “Especially my husband’s. There’s nothing like a man’s true love reflecting your image in his eyes, Lily.”

How beautiful to know that. Lily closed the compact and gave it back to Nikki. “You’ve obviously never been a Wretched Wench,” she said, grinning. She always felt relaxed enough around Nikki to joke with her. “Ask Amber what that is.”

“A Wretched Wench?” Nikki repeated, amused. “You’re going to keep me hanging till I see her? Can’t you tell me now?”

Lily nodded to Reed standing at the door. “Not when he’s around. Some things we women have to keep from them.”

“Damn, and I’m interested in the subject of wretched wenches,” Reed said, walking into the room. He had a pleased look on his face. “This is the first time I’ve shown up and not seen both of you in deep discussion. It’s good to see you laughing, sweets.”

Lily shrugged, a small smile on her face. She still didn’t trust this place, Command Center, or ComCen, as they called it. Even when the doctors explained to her the exact procedure of the test they would be conducting, she didn’t trust them. After all, she’d learned a lot about hypnotic levels in those manuals they’d given her to read in her spare time. She was a Level Three—they thought. That meant she could go under two more levels and not even know it.

She looked at Reed. She’d learned his sharp gray eyes never missed anything. Even though he didn’t often tell her everything he saw, she knew he was the one who’d suggested bringing in people she’d once trusted. Talking with them, she could reconnect with her “old” self, as well as know she wasn’t being manipulated.

Or, at least, that was the theory. She was still afraid sometimes that everything around her would go poof. Good things never lasted, right?

“I’ll see you both at the wedding,” Nikki said, taking her leave. “Good luck, Lily.”

Lily thought of her visitors. Talking with Amber had been easier than she’d imagined. They’d even brought in Tatiana. Knowing she was all right had released a lot of tension inside Lily. She’d wondered what had happened to her girls. Tatiana was adjusting easier than she herself was, which was pretty amazing, when she remembered how the girl had been so broken she’d sat in her room staring silently at a closed window for weeks.

Lily couldn’t believe Reed had used his own money to help most of the girls who hadn’t wanted any help from GEM or any authorities. After their experiences with UN peacekeepers, they weren’t going to trust any agency that easily. Lily was glad. Selfishly, she didn’t want them to be dependent on any group of people. Again, Reed had understood her better than anyone else. His generosity and quiet strength calmed her worries. He was as solid as a rock. For the life of her, she couldn’t understand what he saw in her.

“Oh, yes, indeed, Joker.” Ever since she’d found out that was what his teammates called him, she’d had fun teasing him about it. She enjoyed secretly knowing the real Reed had his own sense of humor he shared only with her.

The walk to the solarium was quiet. One hand on the heavy door, she gave Reed a quick smile, knowing he wanted to be with her, that he didn’t want her to do this without him. But it wouldn’t be the right thing to do.

“I can do this,” she told him. She took a deep breath and entered.

Bradford Sun turned around from the artificial waterfall by the rock pool and studied Lily silently as she made her way to him. He carried his jacket in front of him. It was warm in the solarium, very different from the rainy weather outside, and one of the few places in the Center she actually liked. Her heart sank at the sight of his drawn face. He was looking thinner, and there was a hardness about him she hadn’t seen before.

“Hello, Lily.” His voice was still that soothing diplomatic tone that had always irritated and attracted her. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

She stopped a few feet in front of him. “Hello, Brad.”

A heavy silence fell between them as they stared at each other. The last time she had seen him, he’d been unconscious. They had been lovers, and, afterwards, she’d received one of those phone calls that had turned her head inside out. It’d made her believe everyone was using her and her girls, that everyone would betray her if she didn’t follow instructions. She’d taken a hypodermic needle out of her purse and…

She swallowed. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. Not in that way.”

His smile was slightly bitter. “You did call emergency just in time. As you can see, I survived.”

“And you saved me in the end too,” she said, her gaze direct, even though she felt like a heel. “You called me and provided the release code. Why? I wouldn’t have done it if it’d been the other way round.”

“You were going to decimate a whole summit with some kind of explosive device, remember? I couldn’t allow that to happen.” He released a sigh. “It’s been difficult letting you go, Lily. I know, from my own sources, you’ve started a new life, that you’re with someone else now.”

She looked away for a second, then glanced back. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I was an angry woman who only acted on emotions. I don’t know how to explain it, not even now, but, yes, I was attracted to you and, yes, I acted on that attraction. But I never fell in love with you. Never loved you.” Her voice softened at the haunted look in his eyes. “Brad, nothing I say will ever, ever earn me forgiveness. I’m not here to ask it, but I do want to look you in the eye and tell you I’m ashamed of what I’ve done and that I’ll always carry the cross of what I did to you and Amber.”

Brad kept quiet for a few seconds. “Still the same Lily, though,” he finally murmured. “Still charging ahead as if it’s you against the world. No one is after you now, Lily. Not even me. I came here for closure because I had to see this woman I fell for, to see whether I really was that stupid and blind.”

Lily winced. “You weren’t stupid or blind.”

“I feel it. And even more stupidly, I still want you.” Moving closer, he shifted the jacket, freeing a hand from under the folds. He reached behind her, pulling her to him.

He didn’t hold her, but Lily didn’t turn away from his kiss. She realized she didn’t want to touch him because she was afraid she might still feel something. His touch was firm but gentle, not angry like she’d expected.

“Yes.” They could never go back to those days. Besides, she wouldn’t fit into his world. She would still have avoided him after their time together, she was sure of it. She hadn’t wanted any kind of relationship with a diplomat. “I wish you only the best, Brad. Thank you for saving me.”

He laughed, a rough sound devoid of amusement. “Good-bye, Lily,” he said quietly. “Go.”

Her eyes met his for another long moment. She didn’t think she would see Bradford Sun again, but she refused to say good-bye. Someday she would make amends, even if she had to do it without his knowing it.

She turned and the door opened. Reed stood there, waiting for her. His gaze was intense as he ignored the man behind her. She walked steadily toward him, knowing Brad was watching, understanding this was the closure he wanted. Her walking away from him meant something to him.

When she reached Reed, she turned and looked back. Brad had already turned to face the fountain. His stance was rigid, his head bowed. The waterfall was oddly loud as it echoed through the solarium. Guiding her out, Reed shut the door.

She smiled. That explained why he’d opened the door after the kiss. He wanted to make sure she was walking back to him. He’d understood her need to find out, yet he hadn’t been willing to stand outside passively. He was, after all, a SEAL, and not likely to want to be second to anyone.

“I’m very sure,” she said. She squeezed his hand. She didn’t want the subject of Brad to be between them. “Seeing him doesn’t change how I feel about you. It was important to do the right thing.”

“I know. And he saved your life. For that the man deserved a thank you kiss, at least,” Reed said, as they made their way to the front of the building.

She cocked her head. “Did you really think I wanted to go back to him? Would you have let me go?”

He shook his head. “Not a chance, babe. I’d never have let you near him if there had been any doubt in my mind.” He draped an arm over her shoulders, pulling her closer. “A part of me is jealous you were involved with him, that’s all. I know what it’s like to want you, you see. And from where I was, I could see he wasn’t over you yet. Not by a mile.”

She sighed. “I hurt him. I told myself I’d make it up someday.”

“The most important thing is you stood in front of him and owned up to him. There’s nothing harder than admitting you were wrong, especially in matters of the heart. I’m proud of you.”

She studied Reed’s profile for a second. She’d come to understand this aloof man so well. He was thinking of his mother again. They stopped at the closet near the entrance, where everyone hung their winter jackets.

She pulled her jacket off its hanger, then turned to him, arching an eyebrow. “I can show you what I want, but we’ll be late for Jazz’s wedding.”

Epilogue

They flew to Louisiana for Lieutenant Jazz Zeringue and Vivi’s big wedding, which was to take place the following morning. Reed wanted Lily to see his teammates out of uniform. He also wanted to introduce her to them in an informal setting. The wedding was the perfect time to let everyone know what Lily meant to him. She would be his date there, and his teammates would know he wanted them to welcome her into their circle.

Vivi Verreau, Jazz’s bride, had already met Lily several times. Reed was glad that the women had struck up a friendship because of their backgrounds. He’d forgotten Vivi was a runaway herself and was now a volunteer in an organization helping runaways and orphans in Southeast Asia. Lily’s interested questions had told him her heart was still very much set on helping girls in similar situations. He filed that knowledge away for the future.

That night, when Lily lay quietly in his arms, he thought about all they’d shared. From the moment he’d seen her up in the Macedonian mountain pass, he’d admired her strength and courage. She’d been a lone woman against insurmountable odds, and she’d survived. She’d been afraid to come back to the United States, but she’d placed her trust in him and had gone through six weeks of intensive testing and “deprogramming,” as T had called it.

He planned to take her away when the authorities finally okayed her papers. There was a beach in Florida he wanted to show her. He wanted to build a monster sand castle and walk her into it. And then he wanted to ask her to marry him. He smiled in the dark at the image of her sun-kissed face smiling back at him. Drifting off to sleep, he thought he heard her say yes.

The Zeringue wedding the next day was as chaotic as a firefight. While the guests were arriving for the festivities or being shown to the huge temporary structure in the back of the house where the nuptials would be held, an army of help in the main house was trying to make things go smoothly before the ceremony itself. There were men everywhere at the Zeringue household, and Reed grinned as he watched his commander’s eight sisters act like field marshals, ordering them about on last-minute tasks. He left Lily for a bit to give a helping hand to his teammates, who were trying to arrange the overflowing trays of food on a long table without spilling any of it on their suits.

“If you’d just move that plate with the meatballs an inch, we can get this plate of wings in right here,” Cucumber said.

“Why not just move the wings to the end of the table, man?” Dirk pointed to an empty place.