Slated (43 page)

He leans in. ‘Do you hear the voices, Kyla, or whatever your name is? Voices in your head,’ he whispers.

My heart pounds,
th-thump, th-thump
, loud in my ears.

‘Listen to the voices. What are they telling you, now?’

Run!

I squirm away, bolt for the door.

‘How does it feel?’ he asks.

I turn back to look at him, I can’t help myself. ‘How does what feel?’

‘Knowing that you killed Ben. That he is dead, and it is all your fault.’

‘I didn’t! I…’ What colour is left drains from my face. ‘Is he really dead?’ I whisper.

He smiles. ‘What do you think?’

Run!

I dash through the door and down the hall, then race across the school.
Go to the track.

My feet pound twenty times around before I remember: Mrs Ali banned me from the track at lunch. I concentrate. No; that isn’t quite right. She banned me from running with Ben at lunch, and Ben isn’t here, is he? But I leave enough time for a shower at the end.

I have somewhere to go after school.

I’m waiting by Jazz’s car end of day.

‘Hi,’ he says. ‘I didn’t think you’d still want to go.’

I force a smile. ‘Is it okay?’ Making myself sound casual, like still going to Mac’s as planned isn’t a big deal. But it is the biggest deal. Holding on to confronting Aiden – focusing the anger – is the only thing that has kept me from dissolving in a puddle.
He is dead, and it is all your fault
. No! If he is, it is Aiden’s fault: Aiden and Mac.

‘Of course,’ Jazz says. ‘I was hoping you’d come. Let’s go.’

We’re well away from the school before I dare ask.

‘Jazz, did Ian find out anything about what happened to Ben?’

He tilts his head side to side. He looks like he doesn’t want to answer.

‘Tell me! Whatever you know. Please, I need to know.’

‘There isn’t much to tell. Nothing we didn’t already know, or guess.’

‘Tell me anyhow.’

‘Ian’s mum is a friend of Ben’s mum. She told her that when the paramedics got there, they seemed to revive Ben, but he wasn’t breathing on his own. Maybe he wasn’t breathing for too long before they got there. But she doesn’t know, because once the Lorders arrived, they kicked her out. When the ambulances left the Lorder van followed, and they weren’t in a hurry to get to hospital – no lights or siren – so she was afraid of the worst. But they won’t tell her where they took him, or what happened.’

I say nothing. Blink hard and stare out the window. Dead or alive, the Lorders took him away. What is there to say?

Jazz takes the last turn and soon we’re pulling up to Mac’s. He parks the car out front.

‘Kyla, there is something else. Ben’s mum gave Ian something to give to you.’

‘What?’

‘It’s in the boot.’

We get out of the car, and he kicks the boot, hard, until it pops open. ‘Better than a key,’ he says.

There is a cardboard box inside: a big box.

‘Go on,’ Jazz says, and I open the lid. There is paper wrapped around something, and I tug at the top pieces, and see metal. Metal feathers! It is the owl. She must have finished it. I run my fingers along a wing.

‘She said Ben asked her to make it for you, so she wants you to have it,’ Jazz says.

‘I didn’t know that,’ I whisper. She brought this creature to life, based on my drawing. It’s so beautiful, and it is from Ben: she still gave it to me, even though she must wonder if I had anything to do with what happened. She never would have if she knew what I did. Tears prickle behind my eyes, and I blink them back.
You can’t keep it.
My face falls. ‘I can’t take it home. How can I explain where it came from?’

‘I figured as much. That’s why I brought it today. I bet Mac can keep it for you, here. Let’s ask him,’ he says, and grabs the box out of the boot. ‘Come on.’

I follow him to the house. Ben’s mum wouldn’t have given it to me if she knew where Ben got the pills. If she knew the part I played.
He is dead, and it is all your fault.

Jazz opens the door. ‘Hello?’ he calls out.

Mac appears from the kitchen. ‘Hello. How are you, Kyla?’ he says. He half smiles, but his eyes are sad. He knows about Ben. ‘Want some tea?’

‘Tea?’ Jazz says, in mock outrage. And heads for the cupboard with the beer. Mac fills the kettle, and while it boils sends Jazz out back to look at some new car he is working on.

I lean against a cupboard. ‘Is Aiden here?’

Mac nods. ‘In the back room,’ he says. ‘I’m so sorry about Ben. He was a nice bloke.’ His face is full of sadness, but if it wasn’t for him, Ben would never have met Aiden and got those pills.
If it wasn’t for me.

‘Is there anything…’ Mac starts to say, and puts a hand on my shoulder, but I shrug him off. I want to rage at him, but I hold it in for now, and back away.

‘I want to talk to Aiden.’

‘All right. Jazz is best not to meet or know about him, all right? I’ll keep Jazz out back a while. I’ll tell him you wanted some time alone.’

‘Sure. Whatever.’

I stalk down the hall to the computer room, and open the door.

Aiden is sat at the desk, head in hands.

He looks up. ‘Hi,’ he says, his eyes wide, round; dark blue startling against pale skin. ‘Mac just told me about Ben. I can’t believe it.’ He gets up and reaches out a hand towards me, but I turn to shut the door, and it drops.

‘What do you know?’ I ask.

‘Just what I heard from Mac, which I guess he got from his cousin. That Ben cut off his Levo.’ He shakes his head. ‘Why would he do that?’

‘You mean you really don’t know?’ I say, disgusted.

‘What do you mean?’

‘You gave him those pills; they did something to him. And you told him about the AGT cutting Levos off and that it worked. You did this to him!’ I say. My voice is getting louder, shrill.

‘Not so loud,’ he says, glancing at the window.

‘I’ve been hushed for days, not able to say anything. I will say what I want now, and you will listen.’

‘I’m listening,’ he says, his voice quiet, drawn in.

‘Those pills weren’t just Happy Pills, were they? They didn’t just make his levels go up. They did something else.’

Aiden inclines his head forward. ‘That is true,’ he says. ‘They help stop the Levo from dominating how you think.’

‘They made him do it!’

He shakes his head. ‘They don’t work like that. What they do is more let you think for yourself.’

I shake my head, denying his words. But it sounds so much like what Ben said.

‘I understand your anger about what happened. But it’s not my fault. I don’t understand why he would have done that. Just thinking for himself wouldn’t do it. Something must have happened, something that pushed him. Made him feel it was the only option.’

I stare back at him in horror. The something that happened…was Wayne, and Ben being unable to protect me.
It’s your fault.

I wrap my arms around myself, the anger and the misery getting mixed up in themselves. ‘No,’ I say. ‘That’s wrong. If you hadn’t given him the pills it never would have happened.’

Aiden flinches. ‘I’m sorry, Kyla. So sorry. But think this through. It’s not my fault for giving him the pills, or Mac’s for bringing me here, or Jazz’s for bringing you here.’

I stare at him, freaked out. It is almost like he is reading my thought processes through, following where my mind is going. And he
can’t
take away my anger. I need it. And the only one left to blame if they are all taken out of it is
me.

‘Then whose fault is it?’ I whisper.

‘Think about it. Who Slated Ben? Who gave him a Levo, and booby-trapped it against removal. Who did these things?’

‘The Lorders: they did it.’

‘Now you see why what we are doing is so important. We have to expose what they do. Help me with MIA.’

Danger.
I shake my head, back away. No. After everything that has happened, he is still twisting words around, manipulating things to try and make me do what he wants. Everything he says sounds so reasonable, but it is wrong. Without Aiden, nothing ever would have happened to Ben. And what will become of me if I help him? Any step out of line and Dad will return me; he said so. He, Coulson and his Lorders, and Mrs Ali: they are all watching my every move. And Dr Lysander and her
tell me what is different about you, Kyla
. They and Aiden are all crowding in on me. This is the hunt; I am the prey.

‘Are you all right, Kyla?’ Aiden says, finally realising what he has missed. That my Levo hasn’t vibrated once through all of this. He looks curiously at my wrist but I cover it with my hand.
Hold the anger.

I head for the door.

‘If there is ever anything I can do, anything…’ His voice trails off.

I pause. ‘There is one thing. Find out what happened to Ben.’

He says nothing. I turn back.

His face is sad. ‘Kyla, I’m sorry. It is unlikely Ben survived. But if he did, the Lorders had him. It wouldn’t be for long.’

‘Find out,’ I repeat.

‘If I learn anything, I’ll pass it along to Mac.’ But he stresses
if,
like it is a closed book.

I leave him and shut the door.

Mac and Jazz are out back still but I don’t join them. Not yet. Sadness is threatening the anger; it won’t focus, wobbles, and my levels are on the way down. I wander into the kitchen, and there, on the table, is the box with the owl.
This won’t help.

I pull the rest of the paper away and pull it out on to the table.

It is magnificent. The last time I saw it the wings weren’t finished; they are, now, and span several feet across. It is amazing how all the disparate bits of metal have been joined together to form something greater than the sum of its parts. I lightly touch the wings, the sharp talons, beak. A beautiful, lonely creature, but deadly if you happen to be a mouse. I run my fingers across the back of the owl’s body. What was that? A slight noise, a rustle, as if something is loose. I turn the owl around for a closer look.

It is hard to see. One very tiny corner of white. I just manage to trap it between two finger nails, and pull; out comes a small square of paper.

A note?

My hands start to shake as I unfold it.