Six Degrees of Lust (33 page)

imp right in front of Mac.

232 Taylor V. Donovan

Jesus frigging Christ, what the hell was going on here? Hadn’t

he just decided there were no signs of interest on Remy’s part?

Was he losing his mind, thinking his friend now looked like he

was willing and ready to take him to bed?

“Tell me, Macky boy.” Remy honest to God purred those

words. Shit. This was so not good.

“If this is some kind of twisted game you better stop, Remy.”

Mac took one step back, thinking it’d be better if he went inside

and waited for the other man to snap out of whatever funk he’d

fallen into. “You need to stop,” he repeated, his big body tense

and more than ready to sprint if he had to.

Still, this was his best friend, so he preferred to make a more

subtle retreat, but before he could take another step in the room’s

direction Remy jumped out of his chair and pushed him against

the balcony wall, crushing Mac’s lips with his.

Mac tried to move away, he really did, but Remy grabbed the

back of his head and stretched his body against Mac’s, effectively

holding him in place. Mac had a few inches and several pounds

on his friend. He knew he could have pushed him away if he

wanted to, but Remy’s naked chest against his own and the raspy

tongue alternately tracing his lips and sliding between them,

seeking entrance, had stunned him into total immobility.

Then to Mac’s utter horror, his breathing picked up, his blood

pressure skyrocketed, and instinct took over. He parted his lips

and let Remy’s tongue inside his mouth to do as it willed.

For a moment there he gave in to the kiss. The technique was

perfect and all the moves right, and Mac found himself kissing

Remy back, meeting every stroke of his tongue with one of his

own, getting lost in his body’s reaction to the other man’s assault.

He was sweating a little now and even getting aroused. That

was something he couldn’t prevent. He was young and had a

rather healthy libido. Physically, he was more than ready to go

with it and follow his friend’s lead, but mentally, not so much.

And emotionally? Christ. His feelings were such a mess he got a

splitting headache just thinking about it.

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233

He couldn’t do this. Not with Remy, who happened to be

his best friend… Fuck, not with anyone, as he’d assured Sam he

wouldn’t be with anybody else.

And why couldn’t it be the hot Yankee kissing him out of his

mind right now anyway? He’d give his left nut for a chance to roll

between the sheets with Sam right now. To blow him and hold

him and look into his amazing blue eyes and get to witness again

the way they darkened, then closed in ecstasy the moment he got

inside Mac’s body…

Shit.

He shouldn’t be thinking about Sam… Why was he thinking

about Sam?

He wrenched his mouth away from Remy’s and grabbed his

slim hips, putting a halt to the madness. He was aroused, yes, but

it was just a physiological reaction to the closeness of another

male.

Mac took several deep, harsh breaths and threw his head

back. “Why’d you do that?” he finally asked.

“I didn’t get hard,” Remy whispered, resting his head on

Mac’s shoulder.

“What? Were you tryin’ to?”

“I was doing my fuckin’ best… But I couldn’t. You have never

made me hard.”

“You say it like that’s a bad thing,” Mac said after what felt

like minutes, totally mortified that he had gotten slightly aroused.

“It is! I thought you would.”

“Care to tell me why?”

“Because you’re blond.”

“Because I’m…” Mac rubbed his face with both hands.

“Yeah… that makes perfect sense.” He glared at his friend.

“I’ve got the worst case of identity crisis, Mac,” Remy

mumbled with what Mac was sure were tears in his voice.

Remy’s distress took care of Mac’s residual arousal. He still

234 Taylor V. Donovan

felt a bit disoriented and nervous, not entirely sure what was

wanted or expected of him, but he sure as hell wasn’t leaving the

room until he found out.

He watched Remy drop down on the chair he’d been sitting

in earlier and lean his head back to stare at the ceiling, trying to

get his emotions under control. Mac didn’t say anything. He just

took the chair across from his friend and waited for him to talk,

all along fighting a smile.

“Like I mentioned earlier, you are one hot piece of ass,”

Remy finally said, looking Mac straight in the eyes. “I had myself

convinced…here’s the deal. If I were to react to a man in a sexual

way, it’d have been you.” He leaned forward and gripped his

knees with his hands. “You or Braxton, but I wasn’t about to go

experimentin’ on the boss. I like my job, ya know?” he joked, a

ghost of a smile on his lips.

“You sayin’ I won by default?” Mac chuckled when he got

one of Remy’s signature winks as a response. He seemed to be

relaxing, all signs of anxiety slowly disappearing from his eyes.

Thank God. “Can I ask you somethin’?”

“I just invaded your personal space and tried to have my way

with you, man. I’d say you can ask me whatever the hell you

want.” Remy shook his head a little, as if he couldn’t believe he

had actually done what he did.

“Why did you want to go to that club tonight? “

“It was part of my experiment. I wanted to see if anyone

would catch my attention.”

“The blond guy did,” Mac pointed out carefully.

“He most certainly did. Then I came here and kissed you and

couldn’t get hard for shit, even though I think you’re hot.”

“You’re gonna have to walk me through this slowly, buddy. I

don’t understand why you’ve been checkin’ me out or wanted to

see if a guy would—”

“Somethin’ happened,” Remy interrupted him. “A while

ago…between me and Chris…”

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235

“Chris? Murphy?” Mac all but shouted, his eyes opening

huge. “Chris, as in our Christian? That Chris?”

“The one and only. I was feelin’…things, man. Found myself

attracted to him. I thought it was his personality. You know how

he is, all bubbly and happy and shit.” He took a deep breath.

“Then we went to Braxton’s New Year’s Eve party…year before

last, you remember that? Anyway, I almost kissed him.”

“You almost what?”

“Kissed him. I was drunk, although not that drunk…anyway,

Chris was pulling away from me. He wouldn’t call much, he

wouldn’t even come to Houston… Then last year he asked me to

take care of the food for the Southern Winterland festivities and

I thought… shit, I thought he’d be fine, but he was still ignoring

me and I couldn’t have that, so I…”

“You what?”

“I made sure we’d have some time alone after everybody went

home on closing night. We made out. Jesus…we made out and

then I freaked the fuck out.” Remy got up and started pacing

from the balcony to the room, rubbing his head. “We didn’t part

on good terms and I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell

happened ever since. I’ve been with a lot of women, so I know

I totally can function with them…and I’ve been to lots of gay

places in the past few months. I’ve kissed a few guys, but not

once did I react till tonight.” Remy looked at the ceiling, bit his lip

and frowned. Then he resumed his pacing when apparently the

white stucco failed to give him the answer he was seeking.

“Are you sayin’ the blond guy made you hard?” Mac almost

choked on his own damn saliva when he saw Remy nod slightly.

“You’re shittin’ me!”

“I’m not.”

“What the…” Mac jumped out of his chair and went to stand

by the balcony’s balustrade, doing his best to hide his face from

Remy’s view by all of a sudden showing an inordinate amount of

interest in their hotel’s terrace, the pool, the noises of people still

out and about having a good time, the music in the distance… “I

236 Taylor V. Donovan

thought you were straight,” he blurted out.

“I am.”

“You just told me you felt things for Christian. You made

out with him and got it up for another pretty twink, Remy,” Mac

snapped, looking at the Cajun boy over his shoulder. “Make up

your mind!”

“Lookin’ at the twink made me all warm and fuzzy. Shovin’

my tongue down your throat didn’t even tickle my balls, so no, I

don’t think I’m gay, cher,” Remy shouted back.

“That’s got to be the stupidest statement I’ve heard you make

in all the time I’ve known you,” Mac said, shaking his head a little.

“Oh, yeah? Care to tell me what makes it so stupid?”

“The fact that I might not be your type? The very strong

possibility that you could be gay for Chris? You’re all twisted in

knots over him. Don’t you think that could mean something?”

He pointed out, heavy on the sarcasm. “Just… forget it, man.”

Mac just wasn’t in the mood to explain to Remy that types and

attraction to said types worked the same in both the homosexual

and heterosexual worlds. If the boy wanted to think he wasn’t

gay based on such ludicrous evidence, who was he to tell him

otherwise? He’d realize how wrong he was as soon as he got hard

over the next dude that happened to look a bit like Chris.

“Then how about you answer my question?” his friend said.

“Ever feel the urge to kiss a man?”

“Fuck,” Mac grimaced, nervous all over again. “About

that…” He took a deep breath and made himself face Remy,

who was standing by the door with a blank facial expression but

eyes shining with what Mac could only think of as realization.

“All the time. I not only feel like suckin’ face with men, but also

want to jerk them off, have them suck me off, and fuck them

from here to kingdom come.” His voice shook a little, but he

didn’t care. “I’m a bonafide closet case queer.”

“How long?”

“All my life.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the

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237

other. “I’ve never been with a woman, Rem, not once… I need

a drink.”

And with that he went inside and took a swig straight from

the bottle of vodka in their room.

§ § § §

“Holy… shit.”

Remy Benoit was thrown for a loop. Not many things ever

took him by surprise but out of the ones that did, this certainly

took the cake. He’d been so nervous about telling Mac all the

shit he’d been going through in the past six months that it never

occurred to him his friend might be keeping an even bigger

secret.

And considering the family Mac came from, that secret could

have the effect of a nuclear explosion if it ever got out.

He watched Mac come back outside and lean against the wall.

Remy had so many questions, but mainly he was upset that he’d

been kept in the dark along with everybody else, like he wasn’t

Mac’s best fucking friend.

But then he remembered the guy was one of the most honest

and honorable people he’d ever met. It wouldn’t be fair to judge

his decision of keeping quiet just yet. He’d rather find out why he

was telling him now than get upset over stuff he couldn’t change.

“Mac…”

“I’m sorry I lied to you.” There were tears shinning in Mac’s

eyes. His mouth trembled as badly as his hands, but his gaze was

fixed on Remy’s, not trying to hide his sorrow or remorse.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I promised my mother I wouldn’t say anything… We made a

deal. I had to pretend for five years that I’m straight, just so that

my sexuality didn’t affect my father’s political career.”

“Is the time up? Is that why you’re tellin’ me now?”

“Not yet, but soon. Just a few more months… I’m so sorry

I asked you to do things for me under completely false pretense,

238 Taylor V. Donovan

Rem. Fuck. I’m so goddamn sorry.” He broke down, letting out

what Remy could imagine were years of repressed emotions.

“Don’t.” He walked to Mac and hugged him tightly. “Don’t

you dare apologize, not to me. I don’t need it, ya hear me?” He

grabbed his friend’s wet face between his hands and made eye

contact. “We’re good, you and I. We fuckin’ are.”

“Thanks… thank you, Rem.” He cried harder, and it was easy

for Remy to tell that it wasn’t relief causing the tears. He thought

about it for a moment and quickly came to a conclusion.

“Does the rest of your family know?” he asked. “This rift

between you and them, is it because they found out?”

“Nah… I told you I stayed in the closet mainly because

of them… for them… They’ve known since I was a teen, but

refused to acknowledge it. And now my mother refuses to honor

our deal as well.” Mac’s voice was low and he was shaking all over.

Slowly Remy made him slide down to the floor and sat right in

front of him. “Amy thinks you’re my lover.”

“Well, that certainly explains why she’s always such a bitch.”

He smiled a little. “Did somethin’ happen yesterday?”