Six Crime Stories (4 page)

"
Not a chance
,
"
I said.
"
He
'
s just a whackjob.
"

"
So where
'
s he comin
'
up with all this dark forces
,
Tibetan lama
,
shape-shiftin
'
monster bullshit?
"
said Dex.

"
Aw
,
I don
'
t know
,
"
I said
,
bumming a smoke.
"
Thinks he
'
s some kinda action hero straight out of a comic book or pulp magazine or somethin
'
.
"

"
Dude
'
s stoned
,
"
said Dex.
"
The
'
Sociation is
,
too
,
if they think Johnny Murder
'
s come back.
"

"
I saw him on tape at Harrah
'
s
,
an
'
he sure looks like Johnny
,
"
I said
,
blowing out smoke
,
"
but you
'
re right. It can
'
t be him. People don
'
t come back from the dead
,
no matter what you do.
"

"
I know
,
"
said Dex
,
and from the way he dropped his voice
,
I knew he knew I was talking about Cherry. About what I did trying to bring her back...and the price I paid.
"
So who you think this lookalike is
,
then?
"

"
Twin brother we don
'
t know about?
"
I said
,
taking another puff on the cigarette.
"
Someone made up to look like Johnny? Could be that
'
s why he was hangin
'
around a makeover joint.
"

"
But why would anyone want to impersonate that dead son of a bitch?
"
said Dex.

"
I don
'
t know
,
"
I said
,
"
but the whole thing
'
s givin
'
me a bad case of
déjà vu. People droppin
'
dead an
'
gettin
'
beat around me
,
an
'
I
'
m lettin
'
'
em down again.
"

Dex pointed his cigarette at my face.
"
That
'
s bullshit an
'
you know it
,
"
he said angrily.
"
What happened before wasn
'
t your fault. Johnny was one of us
,
an
'
we all trusted him the same as you did.
"

"
But I should
'
ve known
,
"
I said
,
flicking away my cigarette butt.
"
I should
'
ve stopped him before he killed anyone. I sure as hell should
'
ve been the one shootin
'
him in the face instead of Father Sees-All after Cherry died.
"

"
Maybe you would have if you hadn
'
t been in custody
,
"
said Dex.
"
If the cops hadn
'
t been questionin
'
you about Cherry
'
s death. It ain
'
t your fault you didn
'
t get to blow Johnny
'
s brains out personally.
"

"
I should
'
ve saved her
,
"
I said quietly.
"
At least I should
'
ve paid Johnny back for what he did.
"

"
Listen
,
"
said Dex
,
throwing an arm around my shoulders.
"
All that matters is Johnny
'
s dead. This asshole makin
'
the rounds ain
'
t him. Don
'
t let what happened before get in the way of bringin
'
him down.
"

Suddenly
,
I felt another arm drop around my shoulders. The air filled with the smell of daffodils and antifreeze.

"
No worries on that count
,
my friend
,
"
boomed Starbulk.
"
I assure you
,
nothing will stand in the way of our victory over the shape-shifter.
"

"
Geez!
"
said Dexter
,
hopping out from under Starbulk
'
s embrace.
"
Don
'
t go sneakin
'
up on people like that!
"

I turned and glared at Starbulk.
"
I
'
ve been thinkin
'
,
"
I said.
"
Why don
'
t we split up
,
Quinto? That way
,
we can follow different leads an
'
track down Johnny in half the time.
"

"
Great idea
,
"
said Starbulk.

Immediately
,
my mood brightened.

"
However
,
"
said Starbulk
,
"
I think it best if we don
'
t divide our forces just yet.
"

So much for the good mood.

"
Now
,
if we were facing General Clonefire and his Multitaskers
,
it would be a different story
,
"
said Starbulk.
"
Though
,
now that I think about it
,
I wonder if our foe might be plural in nature. You know
,
I battled a shape-shifter once who was able to duplicate herself. Went by the name
'
Many Jenny.
'"

Dexter looked at me and shook his head.
"
If there
'
s duplicate Johnnys out there
,
"
he said
,
"
I
'
m glad we got an expert like you lookin
'
out for us
,
Quinto.
"

At that moment
,
my cell phone beeped. The number on the display was Inside Charlie
'
s.

"
Johnny came in the casino with a redhead named
Corinna
Crimsone
,
"
said Charlie.
"
She bought his chips with her credit card.
"

"
Corinna
Crimsone?
"
I said.
"
Sounds familiar.
"

"
One of the guys recognized her on tape
,
"
said Charlie.
"
She
'
s a dancer at CrocoDelilah
'
s up on Bourbon Street.
"

"
That
'
s right
,
"
I said
,
an image of the beautiful redhead popping into my mind...naked and gyrating on stage.
"
Thanks
,
Charlie. You
'
re the man.
"

"
Just remember
,
"
said Charlie.
"
You owe me another case of Jax.
"

"
I
'
ll make it two an
'
a bucket of crawfish
,
"
I said
,
and then I hung up and headed for the strip club. Starbulk
,
as usual
,
trotted along beside me
,
running his mouth in such a way that I wanted to punch it shut.

*****

When we got to CrocoDelilah
'
s
,
I thought about asking my buddy working the door
,
Coley Bassinette
,
if he
'
d follow up on that punching I
'
d been thinking about. He was big enough to smack down Starbulk
,
for sure
,
and he
'
d do it in a heartbeat...but I lost my nerve and settled for asking questions about our girl
Corinna
.

"
She cut out early
,
"
said Coley.
"'
Bout twenty minutes ago. Said somethin
'
about meetin
'
someone at the aquarium. Big date
,
I guess.
"

"
The aquarium?
"
I said.
"
What kinda big date is that?
"

"
Well
,
"
said Coley
,
"
I been tellin
'
her there
'
s other fish in the sea. Maybe she took me literally.
"

I slipped him a twenty and hailed a taxi. With
Corinna
running twenty minutes ahead
,
I
'
d have to get to the riverfront fast.

Or should I say
we
'
d
have to get there fast. Even though I shut the cab
'
s door in his face
,
Starbulk managed to fling it back open and plant his ass on the seat right beside me.

*****

Thanks to Vera
,
a friend of mine and member of the
'
Sociation (she does puppet shows on Royal Street on weekends)
,
Starbulk and I slipped into the Audobon Aquarium without having to pay admission. The crowd was light
,
and we soon spotted
Corinna
hanging around the penguin tank upstairs.

Unfortunately
,
she spotted us at about the same time. I don
'
t know whether she recognized one of us or caught a vibe off us or was just plain jumpy
,
but she hightailed it.

Without a word
,
Starbulk sprinted off after her. I was just about to follow when someone else caught my eye: Hamhock Coubillon
,
a low-level mob flunky
,
standing over by the shark tank trying not to look suspicious. He managed about as well as one of those sharks would have if it had hopped out of the tank and plopped down beside him.

Hamhock was watching Starbulk light out after
Corinna
,
and it didn
'
t take a genius to figure out he was there because of her. I guessed he might just be the bigger fish of the two
,
so I left
Corinna
to Starbulk and meandered on over toward Hamhock.

I got about three steps before he spotted me. It took about a second for him to recognize me
,
decide I had business with him
,
and hotfoot it in the direction
Corinna
and Starbulk had gone.

I took off after him
,
confident I had a shot at catching up. Hamhock had a jump on me
,
but he weighed at least as much as I did; for once
,
my two-hundred-ninety-nine-and-a-half pounds weren
'
t a handicap.

Of course
,
though our physiques were about equal
,
Hamhock had an advantage in sheer nastiness. As he barreled through the seahorse exhibit and past the otter tank
,
he grabbed anyone who got in his way and threw them down in front of me. Not being a vicious son of a bitch like him
,
I had to slow down and catch each one
,
falling further behind.

Hamhock plowed through the Mississippi River habitat
,
thundering past the white gator and the bayou and riverbank mockups. Just when I thought I was gaining on him
,
he picked up a little kid and heaved him at me like a football
,
forcing me to scramble for the pass so the kid wouldn
'
t crash into one of the tanks.

I felt bad about just handing the kid off to his screaming mother and running away
,
but I was determined to land Hamhock. His running away suggested to me he had something to hide...more than usual
,
that is.

By the time I
'
d bounded downstairs
,
I
'
d lost sight of Hamhock...but there was only one route to the exit
,
so I followed it. When I saw some people getting helped off the floor in the jellyfish room
,
I figured I wasn
'
t too far behind my quarry.

Hustling out past the giant Gulf of Mexico tanks
,
I caught a glimpse of Hamhock
'
s fat ass through the glass
,
motivating for the exit on the other side. As I circled the tanks in pursuit
,
I saw him drop a woman in the doorway for good measure on his way out.

Pushing past the woman as she bellowed at me for not helping her
,
I bowled through the exit and into the lobby. Hamhock was already through the main doors and chugging over the plaza outside by the time I got midway across the lobby floor.

But I kept after him. I was soaking wet and puffing like an asthmatic elephant
,
but I made up my mind I was going to get him...and I did.

Hamhock stumbled on the other end of the plaza and just about took a header. Arms windmilling like crazy
,
he managed to keep his feet...but he tripped on the edge of the Moonwalk along the river and almost went down again. This time
,
he had to stop to regain his balance before charging off...which gave me the time I needed to close the gap and make contact
,
slamming all two-hundred-ninety-nine-and-a-half pounds of me into his equally massive bulk.

I rammed him back against the railing overlooking the Mississippi
,
which at first seemed like a good idea. Then
,
he pasted me in the jaw and wrestled me around so I was the one with my back to the river.

Breaking bones on a daily basis gave him an edge in the strength department
,
and he started forcing me over the railing toward the surging waters below. I brought my knee up hard into his groin
,
but it didn
'
t seem to faze him
,
and he took advantage of my lifting a foot off the pavement to shove me back further.

Then
,
in the middle of fighting for my life
,
I caught a whiff of daffodils and antifreeze.

Two tweed-sleeved arms shot from behind Hamhock and under his armpits
,
then pumped straight up and back
,
hands interlacing behind his head. Hamhock released me and wobbled backward
,
thrashing to escape the full nelson in which he was locked.

Now
,
Hamhock being the big boy that he is
,
I would
'
ve expected him to break free
,
but Starbulk held tight. Hamhock wrenched around every which way
,
but couldn
'
t get loose...and then Starbulk tightened up his grip and Hamhock started groaning.

"
Settle down
,
big fella
,
"
said Starbulk
,
squeezing harder.
"
I promise
,
it
'
ll hurt worse if you don
'
t.
"

Hamhock grunted in pain.
"
You
'
re makin
'
a huge mistake
,
"
he said through clenched teeth.
"
You
'
re screwin
'
with a made guy here!
"

"
Horseshit
,
"
I said
,
able to talk again now that I
'
d finally caught my breath.
"
You ain
'
t made now an
'
you never will be
,
you dumb stooge.
"

Hamhock sneered.
"
I
'
m made
,
all right. Just ask Gino Laplaca.
"

"
Might as well ask Jimmy Hoffa
,
"
I said.
"
Neither one of
'
em
'
s likely to turn up anytime soon.
"

"
Wrong
,
"
said Hamhock.
"
Gino
'
s back
,
an
'
I
'
m workin
'
for him.
"

I chuckled like I was laughing it off
,
but Hamhock had my attention. Laplaca
,
the biggest wiseguy in town
,
had disappeared three months ago
,
right before he was due to testify against some friends of his; everyone figured he
'
d been kidnapped and killed to keep his mouth shut. Seemed like kind of a coincidence that I
'
d been looking for Johnny Murder
,
and now Hamhock and I were talking about another bad guy who had supposedly returned from the great beyond.

"
Workin
'
doin
'
what?
"
I said.

Hamhock just grinned. Starbulk tightened his grip
,
but the grin stayed put. Hamhock wouldn
'
t say another word.

When we finally gave up questioning him and Starbulk knocked him out with some kind of pinch on a pressure point
,
I gave ol
'
Hamhock a fist in the gut on his way down. I didn
'
t have to
,
and I
'
d probably pay for it later
,
but he deserved it...and the guy posing as Johnny Murder wasn
'
t around for me to hit at that particular moment.

"
What happened to
Corinna
?
"
I said as Starbulk dusted off and straightened his tweed jacket.
"
You lose her?
"

Starbulk shook his head and hiked a thumb at a nearby lamp post.
Corinna
stood with her arms around it
,
handcuffs locked around her wrists.

"
Never let it be said that I
'
m not a pro when it comes to chasing women
,
"
he said with a wink.

"
Better get the cuffs off
,
"
I said
,
"
an
'
we better get her outta here. We
'
re attractin
'
attention.
"
People were slowly approaching from down the Moonwalk and across the aquarium plaza; I knew it wouldn
'
t be long before the cops made an appearance.

"
Where to?
"
said Starbulk
,
producing a key from his jacket pocket and unlocking the cuffs.

"
The one place no one would think to look for a hottie like her
,
"
I said.
"
My apartment.
"