Sin for Love (17 page)

“I’ve gotta get going, Reese.”  I stood and rinsed my cup in the sink.

“Let me spend the day with you.  Where are you going?”

Those words were like music to my ears. I didn’t want to be away from him.  Turning back to face him, I said, “I’m taking Abigail to the zoo for the opening of the polar bear exhibit.  I promised her a long time ago that we would go.”

“Would she mind if I tagged along with you?”

“After you impressed her with your shmallow-making skills, I’m sure she would kick me if I didn’t bring you.  I was planning on taking Emily’s car, but can we ride your bike to their house?”

He stood and walked over to me, pressing his chest against mine while he reached around me to put his mug in the sink.  Nuzzling my neck, he said, “You really love the feel of the engine between your delicious thighs, don’t you?”

“Mmmm, yes, but if you keep doing that, she will have both of our heads for being late.”

Abigail swung the door open and started stomping across the front yard just as we pulled up.  From the way she had her arms crossed and a scowl on her face, I knew we were in big trouble.

“Auntie, you are late.” Her words were clipped and to the point.

Reese beat me to the punch in apologizing. “I’m sorry, princess. It was all my fault.  I wanted to go with you to see the polar bears and Tessa had to wait for me.”

“You want to see the bears too, Reese?”  she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Only if you’re okay with that.”  She smiled up at him and he smiled back.  She had him tied around her little finger, just like the rest of us.

“Reese and I are going to go see the polar bears, Auntie. Gimme that helmet,” she said while reaching for the helmet that was still in my hands.

Reese took the helmet and secured it to his bike “I’ll take you on my bike in a couple of years, princess. I promise.  Now let’s go see those bears.”

But Reese wouldn’t be around in a couple of years. He wouldn’t even be around in a couple of weeks.  Reese would be back in Mission Beach, and I would be here with an emptiness that would never go away.

“Reese”

By the time we got to the polar bear exhibit on the far side of the zoo, Abigail had already convinced me that she’d needed popcorn, cotton candy, a candy bar, and a souvenir cup filled with fruit punch.  Tessa had tried to talk me out of it every step of the way, but Abigail would bat her eyes at me and I just hadn’t been able to resist.  I knew that one day we could have another trip to the zoo.  The thought that one day we would have our little girl here tugged on my heart.

I was glad that we had taken Emily’s advice on bringing their big red wagon. There was no way Abigail wasn’t going to crash after all of that sugar.  We parked the wagon off to the side and Tessa took Abigail’s hand in hers.

“There is a big crowd so don’t let go, Abbs, okay?”

“Okay, Auntie, I won’t,” she agreed as she reached up and took my hand in her empty one.

We got as close as possible without pushing into the crowd.  The zoo had two polar bears and the keepers had just put out big blocks of ice that had treats frozen inside of them.  I could hear one of them telling the crowd that the challenge of getting to the treats kept the bears minds’ engaged.  I felt a tug on my hand and looked down to see Abigail’s eyes begin to well up with tears.

I put one knee down to be on the same level as her. “What’s wrong, princess?”

“I can’t see the bears ‘cause of all these stupid people,” she complained, the sugar crash apparently just moments away.

I looked up at Tessa, who smiled and nodded, giving me the go-ahead.  “They aren’t stupid people, princess,” I said gently. “They just want to see the bears like you do.  If you’d like, you can get up on my shoulders.”

Abigail started bouncing on her toes, so I picked her up and placed her on my shoulders before standing again, her tiny feet tucked under my arms.  I felt her little hands wrap around my chin to hold on and she squealed when one of the bears slid into the water.

After a few minutes, Abigail let out a big yawn and told us that she was getting tired.  I put her down and she locked eyes with a plush polar bear that was almost as big as she was.

“Auntie Tess! I need that bear!” she yelled while pointing at it.

“You have plenty of bears at home. You don’t need another one,” Tessa sighed, no doubt knowing where this was going to lead.

“I do I do I DO!” I could almost see the steam coming out of her ears as she was instantly pissed off.

“We have two options here, Reese.  The sugar has taken over and turned her into a little monster, so either we can haul her out of the zoo kicking and screaming until she passes out. Or we can give in and you can go get her that bear.  The choice is yours.”

My wallet was out of my pocket and the bear was settled in the wagon with Abigail in two minutes flat.  After making sure they were all set, I turned to Tessa and said, “What is your favorite part of the zoo?”

She laughed. “The big cats.  They are on the other side of the zoo.”

“Let’s go see the kitties then.”

Somewhere between the giraffes and the camels, Abigail had shifted to lie down. Using her new bear as a pillow, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.  The sun was still high in the sky and we didn’t want her to get burned so we parked the wagon under the shade of a tree.  Tessa and I stepped just a few feet away so that we could watch the tiger stalking back and forth while we talked without waking her.  I moved to stand behind her with my hands on the wooden post fence in front of her, trapping her against my body.

“Doesn’t he look like he is just waiting for the right time to pounce and take down his prey?”

Tessa’s question reminded me of how I felt when I was sitting in the shadows night after night watching her dance.  I had been a tiger and she had been my prey.  I’d caught her and had no intention of letting go.  “He looks like he knows he is strong, the alpha male, like he takes what he wants.”  With the last word, I pressed against her, showing her what being near her did to me.

“What is it that you want, Reese?” Her voice was trembling and barely loud enough for me to hear.  I wanted to tell her that she belonged to me and I to her.  That we were perfect together.  That my future was with her.  But I was afraid that like a deer in the forest she would scare easily and run.

“I want to be inside you with your nails digging into my back and your thighs wrapped around me.  I want to feel your muscles clench around me until we can’t stand.  I want you, Tessa.”  She shivered against me, her whole body vibrating from the energy coursing through it.

“You’re a bad, bad man Reese Nichols.”

“I wasn’t lying when I told you I could give you what you needed.  Let me give you that, Tessa. Let me take care of you.”

She turned around and, with my arms still around her, looked up at me, her eyes glistening with the threat of tears.  “You did, Reese.  You showed me that you accept who I am and I’ll cherish that forever.  You have no idea how much that meant to me.”  She looked over at Abigail, who was still sleeping in the wagon. “She likes you. I’m sure she really would have liked to go on a bike ride with you in a few years.”

“She will. I don’t break my promises.”

Tessa got the deer-in-headlights look, her eyes going wide, and I could see that she was fighting the urge to run. Before she could react, I slammed my lips into hers and kissed her until we were both out of breath.

“Tessa”

We got back to my apartment late after taking Abigail home.  I hadn’t known how I was able to stay upright on Reese’s bike on the ride back.  Then, the walk up to the third floor was almost more than I could take. I was exhausted.  We walked inside and Reese dropped the bomb on me—the words that nobody wants to hear, when he said, “We need to talk,” as he sat down at the table by the window.

“That doesn’t sound good,” I said and sat across from him.  What could have happened?

“There is something I’ve got to tell you, something I’m not necessarily proud of.  But you need to know.”

“Okay…”

“That night, so long ago, when we were at the carnival?” He waited for me to nod my head then said, “Something else happened earlier that night.”  I was instantly awake, eager for him to continue.  “A bunch of us went to see Madame Miranda.  We were buzz-drunk on beer and wanted to get our fortunes told, so we went in her tent.  We all took our turns, and for some reason, she decided to tell all of us how we would find our soul mates.”  Reese took my hand in his, rubbing the back of my hand before he continued on. “When it was my turn, she first told me that I would hurt myself doing the right thing, it would change my life forever, and I’d suffer for it.”

“Ruby,” I whispered.

“Yes, Ruby.  And I would do it again a million times, no matter what it cost me,” he said, “but that’s not what I’m talking about.  I need you to know what Madame Miranda told me about how I’d find my soul mate.”  He stopped talking and was just staring into my eyes.

I was confused and couldn’t figure out why he kept using the word soul mate.  Reese’s blue eyes were pleading, wishing for me to understand, but I didn’t.  He ran a hand through his hair and started again.

“I didn’t even believe her until after I shattered my ankle.  Lying awake in the hospital, waiting for surgery, I had a lot of time to think about what she had said, and while I was hopped up on pain killers, I made a plan. I was determined to find the one who would be my other half.”

“Well, what did she tell you? How would you find her?” I asked, my hand tightening on his.

“Madame Miranda told me that if I could find the woman who could go through the seven deadly sins with me and still love me, she would be my soul mate.  So I made up a trial, a way of going through all of the sins that would tell me when I’d met her.”

“What do you mean a trial? What kind of trial?”

“Do you know what the seven deadly sins are, Tessa?”

I nodded. I had grown up in a Christian household, so of course I knew about them.  Feeling like I was back in church, I started listing them off, counting my fingers. “Lust, gluttony, pride, sloth, wrath, envy, and greed.”

“Good.  Do you remember after we first met, on our first date, how I kept ordering Jäger bombs for you and you got super drunk?”

“Yeah, I remember. That was the night I officially broke up with Jäger.  I had a raging hangover the next day. Ugh, that was awful.”

“Well, that was to get us through one of the easier sins—gluttony.”

What is he talking about?  I still didn’t know what he meant by ‘trial.’  Was this like some sort of fucking test he was putting me through?  I started to think he was playing some sort of game with me.

“What are you trying to tell me Reese?”

“We’re almost there. We only have to get through two more sins together.”

What. The. Fuck?  I pulled my hand away from his as memories from the past few weeks started swimming in my tired brain.  The memories turned into puzzle pieces that were fitting together.  I could feel the heat creep up into my face as realization and then anger coursed through me.  He had put me through a fucking test, had played games with my life.  And now it felt like he was crushing my heart.

“Is that why you took me to your house in California? To see how I would react to all of your money?  Was that supposed to show I could pass the test for greed, Reese?”

“Yes, baby, and you did so good.”

“I did good? I did good?  How did you expect me to react? Like some gold-digging whore just because I dance for money?”

“That was usually where it ends,” he said.

“What?”

“Others couldn’t see past the money.  Once they saw what I had, they started expecting me to spend it on them, like they were entitled to it.”

That’s when it hit me. I wasn’t the first woman Reese had put through his little fucked-up trial.  I stood up quickly, my chair tipping over behind me with a loud crash.

“How many, Reese? How many women have you done this to?” I demanded.

“That doesn’t matter. All that matters is that we’re almost there.”

Reese stood and walked over to put his arms around me but I pushed him away, shook my head, and quietly said, “You played games with me, Reese.  You hurt me.”  Another memory danced across my mind and my voice became louder. “Oh my god, Reese! I almost fucked Myles because of you!  Get out! Get the fuck out of my apartment.  GET OUT!” I screamed the last two words as I shoved his shoulders, pushing him toward the door.

“Tessa, don’t do this.  We are so close. I know we’ve got to make it.” I was still pushing at him, the tears streaming down my cheeks as I was shoving him toward the door. “We have to make it.  Because…” He planted his feet and paused.  Hs expression changed as he said, “Because I love you.”

“You hurt me!” I shouted back at him, my arms down at my sides with my fists clenching so tightly it was turning my knuckles white.  My whole body was rigid with rage coursing through my veins.  I stood my ground and calmly said, “Reese, you need to leave now.”

He dropped his head turned and opened the door to leave.  Before it closed behind him, he said, “We have to make it, Tessa.”

My knees gave out from under me and I crumbled to the floor.  The room was spinning like I was on a merry-go-round or had had too much to drink.  Closing my eyes only made it spin faster.  I was going to be sick.  Too shaky to walk, I crawled to the bathroom on my hands and knees, barely making it to the toilet in time.

I woke up the next morning with my cheek on the cold bathroom floor.  The last words Reese had spoken were still ringing in my ears. “We have to make it Tessa.”  He’d said the words like his life depended on it, like the world would end if they weren’t true.  And that’s just how I felt—like my world was ending.  I’d spent the night lying on the bathroom floor, thinking about what Reese had done, trying to imagine how many times he could have put some other woman through this fucked-up trial of his.

Around and around my head spun thinking about how I’d gotten to this point.  Before Reese had walked into my life, I had been happy. I mean, that was how I’d looked at it.  I hadn’t been sad and I hadn’t had this ache in my heart, so that meant I had been happy.  But it was a lie I had told myself for years.  I hadn’t really been happy.  I’d been numb.  I’d been cold.  I’d been empty.  Reese had come in and he’d filled me up; he’d made me whole.  And then last night he’d ripped it all away. He’d torn me apart.