Silver Linings (5 page)

Before Sandra responded she sank down on a kitchen chair. ‘Oh, Kitty, I only have to get through another ten weeks and then it will be all over.’

‘Oh, Mum,’ Kitty whimpered, ‘please don’t say that you’re going to be like Ella Jones and … die!’

‘No. No, I’m not ill as such,’ Sandra explained. ‘It’s just that I’m going to have a …’ She now hesitated and giggled before finishing. ‘A baby.’

Kitty’s mouth gaped. Her eyes quickly widened and she began to shake her head. ‘But, Mum,’ she spluttered, ‘you’re thirty-six. Oh no, you just couldn’t be doing things like … Well, what you do to have a baby with Dad at thirty-six!’

To add to Kitty’s consternation Sandra started to titter. ‘Kitty, I love your dad and he loves me and both of us so looked forward to having the house to ourselves on Saturday afternoon and being able to …’

‘Oh no, Mum, you’re not saying that with me and David going to the pictures and Bobby and Jack away playing football that you and Dad …’ Kitty started to wretch before she spluttered, ‘What am I going to say to the girls in Oxo?’

‘Tell them the truth.’

‘Mum, they all come from families of two or three and their parents act … decently.’ Kitty sniffed. ‘Don’t you realise, Mum, that I won’t be able to hold my head up when people know that my dad of thirty-seven and mum of thirty-six … No, I can’t say it because the picture that is coming into my mind is so disgusting.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous, Kitty. There is nothing wrong with a man and woman being … em … loving towards each other.’

‘That so? Well why, since I took my monthlies, have you been saying that I would find what you have just done with Dad revolting? And that I should never ever let myself be used by any boy for his gratification.’

A long ‘Ahhhh’ escaped Sandra and she hummed and hawed before she eventually said, ‘In your case …’

‘And why not yours?’

Flabbergasted, Sandra tried to think of a suitable riposte but she had been rendered speechless.

Kitty, on the other hand, was now in full flight but before she could tear into her mother again, Bobby, whistling loudly, burst into the house. ‘We are the boys,’ he chanted, grabbing Kitty around the waist and proceeding to dance her around the floor. ‘Can you believe it? We whacked them five-nothing.’

Feeling relief seep into her, Sandra chanted, ‘That’s just great, son. And do you know how Jack’s team fared?’

‘Oh, they scored too.’

Donning her coat, Kitty smirked. ‘Scoring is what this family seems to be good at.’

‘I’m just about to dish up the tea, Kitty. Come on now, take off your coat and sit down. I made your favourite – potted meat and—’

Before Sandra could finish Kitty butted in. ‘Quivering potted meat is the last thing I want to look at tonight. I am away to get myself a poke of chips.’

For the next six weeks Sandra tried every trick in the book to get her relationship with Kitty back on track. She even scrimped and saved so she could buy Kitty a pair of black-market pure silk stockings, but they were still lying in their wrapper on the dressing table. Conversation between mother and daughter was reduced to the bare minimum. Sandra was broken-hearted. Wasn’t it the case that she had always been proud of the fact that she and Kitty were more like sisters than mother and daughter? There was also the added aggravation for Kitty in that Sandra seemed to be getting so big around her stomach that she waddled. The climax came when Kitty had just arrived home from work and Sandra excitedly said, ‘Kitty, you will never guess.’

‘You’ve decided not to have a baby,’ was Kitty’s sarcastic reply.

‘No … well yes …’ stammered Sandra, ‘but because we are going to have another child, Edinburgh Corporation say we now have enough points to be rehoused and your dad just has to sign the papers and we will get a three-bedroomed flat up in Restalrig Road – you know, up the top of the brae round from your granny’s house in Parkvale.’

Kitty just shrugged.

‘Oh, Kitty,’ pleaded Sandra. ‘Are you not excited? You will have a room to yourself, dear.’

‘Huh,’ responded Kitty, ‘that will only be until this brat you are going to have is bunged in beside me.’

The papers from Edinburgh Corporation regarding the renting of the house in Restalrig Road had been signed and the Council had awarded Johnny the key when Sandra went into premature labour.

When Kitty arrived home the house was in turmoil. The clay-pipe-smoking midwife, who had been summoned urgently, was ordering Jenny and Kate to keep up the supply of hot water.

‘Why on earth did Sandra not book Grace Tosh for her lying-in?’ Kate coarsely whispered to her mother.

‘She did,’ Jenny retorted, ‘but as Sandra has gone into labour early and Grace was delivering for someone who had booked her I just had to take Aggie.’

‘Oh, Mum. Are you sure she’ll know what to do?’

‘Of course she will, only last week she delivered triplets to a wifie up in East Restalrig Terrace and she was only expecting twins.’

Kate huffed. ‘Fine, but Sandra doesn’t look well. Mum, I’m so scared.’

These words had just been uttered by Kate when Kitty asked, ‘What’s going on?’ She was now looking quizzically at her grandmother and aunt. ‘I mean the two of you looked as if you’d lost a bob and found a sixpence.’

‘Oh, Kitty, your mum is just about to bring a wee brother or sister into the world for you.’

Kitty slumped down on a kitchen chair. ‘She just can’t,’ she blubbered. ‘What I mean is she said it would be another four weeks. Another month would have given me time to think of what I’m going to tell the girls I work with. Aunty Kate, don’t you realise how embarrassing this is for me?’

Kate looked dumbfounded. ‘Kitty,’ she snorted, ‘don’t be so silly at a time like this.’

‘What do you mean, “at a time like this”?’

‘Kitty, the midwife has not said anything but your granny and I are both worried. Things don’t seem right.’

Swallowing hard, Kitty looked directly at her grandmother. ‘I know that it’s not right. I told her that. Told her I did that she was too old to be doing what she was with Dad …’ Her voice trailed away.

‘Not that kind of right, Kitty,’ her grandmother haughtily responded. ‘And it was right and proper for your dad and mum to love each other. Believe me, my lady, you are very wrong to think and say that it wasn’t.’

Kate walked behind Kitty’s chair and she began to massage Kitty’s shoulders. ‘Look, love, what Granny and I are trying to say is that there would appear to be complications with your mother’s labour. But try not to worry as it might work out fine.’

‘You mean the baby might die?’ Kitty almost whispered as guilt began to swamp her.

Before Kate or Jenny could respond a dishevelled and blood-splattered Aggie Mack came into the living room. ‘I’ve managed to haul the wee lassie out. And some job that was. But the mammy …’

‘Sandra, my sister-in-law, is she … ?’ Kate started to ask as panic began to gallop within her.

‘Ah well, your Sandra or whatever … she’s no so good. And it’s no my fault,’ Aggie said defensively. Lifting her soiled apron to mop her brow she then added, ‘I wouldn’t have taken the job on, no I wouldn’t, if I’d known she was a bleeding bleeder.’

A sound like a wounded cat meowing escaped from Kitty. Before anyone could say anything or stop her Kitty dashed into the bedroom.

The scene that confronted her was so surreal. The broken gas mantle was giving out ghostly rotating hues of yellow and blue, which seemed to Kitty to accentuate the horror she was looking at. All she could see was her mother lying limp upon the bed. A queasy faint feeling overtook her when she noticed that Sandra’s pallor was whiter than the bed sheets that covered her.

‘Mum,’ Kitty whimpered. ‘Please, please speak to me.’

Sandra’s eyelids fluttered and her right hand began to crawl across the bedcovers towards Kitty.

‘Kitty, my pretty Kitty,’ she said in a weak, barely audible voice. ‘Look, darling, at my side here, it’s your baby sister.’

‘No, I don’t want to look at her. I just want you to say that you will not die and leave me.’

Jenny and Kate were now also standing by Sandra’s bed and Kate leaned over and picked up the small bundle at Sandra’s side. The baby was just so tiny and adorable that Kate had to say, ‘Oh, Sandra, she’s a wee beauty. Know what? Her wee face is so round, pink and perfect that she looks like a rosebud.’

Sandra tried to struggle up in the bed and with outstretched hands she indicated that she wished to hold the baby. Kneeling on the bed Kate placed the tiny bundle into Sandra’s arms. Sandra smiled as she looked down at the baby. ‘You’re right, Kate,’ she said in a small voice that was barely above a whisper. ‘She is like a rosebud. So that’s what I wish her to be called.’ Sandra then closed her eyes and she breathed in deeply as if trying to find some strength from somewhere. Once she felt strong enough she held out her hand to Kitty. ‘Kitty, my dear, pretty Kitty, you are going to have to grow up very quickly – and be strong.’

‘Strong?’ questioned Kitty. ‘But I’m not strong.’

‘Oh, Kitty,’ Sandra slowly snuffled, ‘all of us think we cannot be strong until we have to be.’ There was a pause before Sandra added, ‘You will be surprised where your strength will come from.’

Tears were now coursing down Kitty’s cheeks and all she could say was, ‘Mum, please don’t tell me that you’re going to leave me.’

An uneasy silence filled the room. Eventually Sandra sought Kitty’s hand again. ‘Darling, will you promise me something?’

‘Anything, Mum. You just have to ask.’

‘Then please swear to me that you will give up your job and rear Rosebud as if she was your own and … look after your father and brothers too.’

‘Mum,’ Kitty protested, ‘you can’t mean this. I’m only fifteen years old – what do I know about caring for a baby and … oh no … running a house too?’

‘Kitty, I was only twelve years old when my mother died and I was taken out of school to keep house for my dad and two brothers. I managed and I was not as bright as you are.’

Before Kitty could answer, Johnny came rushing into the room. ‘For Christ’s sake,’ he hollered, ‘what in the name of heaven has happened here?’

Sandra tried again to struggle up. ‘Johnny, my darling, it’s a wee girl, Rosebud.’

Going over to the bed Johnny lifted Sandra up into his arms. ‘Love,’ he whined as he stroked her hair, ‘never mind if it is a boy or a girl, it’s you that I want.’ He was now weeping sorely. ‘Please don’t leave me,’ he pleaded.

Sandra gasped. ‘Johnny, please, please promise me that you will never marry again. I just couldn’t bear it if my bairns were abused by a stepmother.’

Johnny nodded. ‘I promise you that, but love …’ Sandra did not hear his answer because death had silently stolen in and rendered her deaf and speechless.

Rocking Sandra backwards and forwards, Johnny began to look about the room. His mother and sister were awash with tears. He looked over to Kitty and just as he was about to ask her to come to him she jumped towards him and began beating him on the back. ‘I hate you, Daddy. You forced my mum to do things she didn’t want to do. She was too old to have another baby. And it’s not you that’s going to pay for this disaster. It’s me! Don’t you realise, Dad, that I’m going to have to give up my life to look after the little bitch!’

Jenny grabbed hold of Kitty and, birling her around to face her, she slapped her hard across the face. ‘That’s enough. How dare you speak to your father with such disrespect? And as to you being responsible for Rosebud …’

Before her granny could finish, Kitty interrupted, ‘No, Granny, you won’t take her on because I promised my mum, so I will look after her.’

‘Kitty, my dear, there’s no need for you to do that,’ Kate said.

‘Yes, there is. I made a promise to my dying mother and I will keep it. But I will never love her.’

It was now Rosebud’s turn to protest and she did so by wailing loudly.

‘She’s hungry,’ Jenny stated. ‘But how are we going to feed her, because, as clever as Kitty is, she won’t be able to breastfeed her.’

No one had noticed that the midwife had slunk back into the room. With a swift, silent movement she lifted her coat and as she donned it she looked at Johnny and asked, ‘About my fee … it’s due to be paid before I leave. And fifteen shillings is what I agreed with her.’ Aggie indicated with a back jerk of her thumb towards Jenny.

Johnny leapt towards the woman and, grabbing her by the coat lapels, he hissed directly into her face. ‘You are nothing but an incompetent bitch who has murdered my wife.’ By now Johnny was violently shaking the woman. ‘And now,’ he continued as Aggie’s false teeth wobbled in her mouth, ‘you have the cheek to ask me to reward you with a pay-off!’

Realising that Johnny was about to completely lose control, Kate leapt forward. ‘Johnny,’ she pleaded as she got herself between him and the woman, ‘get a grip. You’ll end up arrested for assault.’ She gulped before adding, ‘Or worse, and that isn’t going to bring Sandra back.’

Collapsing down on the bed Johnny spluttered, ‘And who in the name of God in heaven asked her in here?’

Jenny, eyes bulging with fear, began to pant and wring her hands. ‘Johnny, I’m so sorry, but she was all that we could get. The good ones were all out delivering babies and I just couldn’t manage by myself. Sandra was screaming in agony. I didn’t know what to do. All I knew was that our Sandra was in bother and I needed to get her help.’ Jenny stopped to blow her nose and wipe her tears before whispering, ‘I even had to say to Aggie here that I would pay her fifteen shillings instead of the usual twelve and sixpence if she would just come. Johnny, please try and understand that I was desperate.’

Kate, who was now trying to console her mother, looked directly at her brother before imploring, ‘Johnny, for heaven’s sake, try and understand that Sandra was in bother when Mum got here. She was frightened. She didn’t know what to do when Grace Tosh, the midwife Sandra wanted, couldn’t come. It was nobody’s fault that she was attending to someone else at the other side of the town. Can’t you accept our mum did the best she could?’

‘Look here,’ Aggie butted in as she extended her hand, ‘I am a competent midwife. It was meant to be. It was Him upstairs that had decided her time here was over. And everybody kens when that happens nobody can save anybody.’ Aggie stopped to wiggle her nose and sniff before saying, ‘Besides, the older a woman is the more likely complications are.’