Silent Night: Vampire Holiday Romance (The Night Songs Collection Book 4) (19 page)

“You don’t have to wait on me,” I insisted, my voice still lacking strength. “I’ll clean it up later.”

“It’s okay, I’ve been waiting years to take care of you.” He looked up at me and smiled. “How about I draw you a bath?”

He couldn’t have made me happier if he’d told me I just won the lottery. Covered in my own filth, dried sweat, and innards, if I had the energy I probably would have peeled my disgusting skin off. If I moved wrong, I’d catch a whiff of myself. I didn’t know what Aidan was, but he was a saint for coming close to me when I smelled like this. “I’d love that.”

I was still so weak Aidan had to carry me into the bathroom. Four days of no food, water, or movement really kicked my ass. He sat me down on the edge of the tub, helping me out of my clothes and easing me into the warm, bubbly water.

Mr. Casanova had a dimmer light in the bathroom, which he turned down low and let the candles he’d lit illuminate the mirror and light the room.

“I wish I felt better.” I rested my head on the edge of the tub. The bath felt like a resurrection.

Aidan got down on his knees at the edge of the tub and rolled up his sleeves. “You will. It just takes time.” He took a dry cloth and dipped it into the water as he picked up my arm, bringing the cloth the length of it. He squeezed out the cloth, dipping it back in and repeated the motion, over and over, all over my body. I moaned when he touched me, his fingers brushing my skin as he labored so gently, so lovingly, wanting absolutely nothing but my happiness.

The most painful thing was that I just couldn’t just give it to him.

Not getting off of his knees, he moved to the end of the tub where my head rested. He picked up a cup, dunking it in the water then carefully emptying it along my hairline. Rubbing shampoo between his palms, he brought his hands to my hair, gently rubbing my scalp, and turning me to jelly.

He rinsed and conditioned my hair, then ran a wide comb through it as it dangled over the edge. I might have purred. When he was finished, he helped me to my feet and wrapped me in a blanket- sized towel. Once I was back on the bed, Aidan helped me into fresh pajamas, and pulled the blankets back up to me.

“That was wonderful. Thank you.”

“Feeling better?” he asked.

I picked up my head slightly off the pillow, but it still swam. “Not yet.”

“Just rest.” He ran the backs of his fingers over my cheek. “I’ll be right back.”

This was so greedy. I felt awful. I didn’t deserve his kindness, his charity, his absolute blind love. I deserved Matt, who might be dead or at the very least extremely maimed. Or, slightly better, to be alone. Everyone I loved left me or disappointed me. Maybe I should just cut out the middle man and accept the inevitable.

Twenty-Two

“Where is she?” Paige demanded of Aidan, barging into the house. I didn’t see her, but from the tone of her voice and the amount of force she used on the door, I knew she didn’t come in timidly.

“I’m in here,” I called out, interrupting Aidan’s answer. Paige would fly off the handle at the first hint of danger, so the fire needed to be put out immediately.

“Where?” She must have gone to my bedroom.

“In the other bedroom.”

“Oh.” She stood in the doorway, unsure what to do next.

“You can come in.” Propped up by a half dozen pillows, I was milking my bad life choices and poor self-esteem to the legal limit. A book rested on another pillow on my lap, and a mug of tea steamed on the end table. I’d actually taken a liking to it in the last few days. It was so Aidan, how could I not?

Paige tiptoed through the room, and moved a sweatshirt off the chair with two fingers before she perched herself on the edge of the cushion.

“What happened to your phone?” No
hi, how are you, why are you lying in bed
, just right to it. “It says it’s out of service.”

Crap. “It is.”

“Wouldn’t
he
give you money for the bill?” Paige sneered and jerked her head toward the living room. “All you had to do was ask me, Kyndra.
I would’ve helped you out.”

“I changed my number,” I looked away from her when I said it.

“What? Why wouldn’t you tell me what it was?”

“I didn’t want to.”

Paige’s mouth dropped. “What?”

This was so awkward. Did I really think I’d never have to explain why I did that? Like with a wipe of my hand, I could just erase our whole relationship? “I don’t know what to say.” Since I still wouldn’t look at her, Paige came around to the other side of the bed, sitting down on the mattress. “Every time I see you lately, I feel awful afterwards. And Aidan thought—“

“Oh. Aidan thought,” she mocked. “Aidan thought he’d just separate you from all of your friends. Aidan thought he’d just storm into Matt’s house and retrieve you, like a fucking knight in weirdo armor. And Aidan thought it was okay to snap Matt’s neck when he caught you with him.”

I gasped. “How do you know all of that?”

Paige stood up and opened her jacket to show me her all black outfit. “I just came from Matt’s funeral, Kyndra. He’s dead. Dead! Because of that guy.” She pointed at the doorway.

“That didn’t happen.” Even if everyone insisted it did.

“His sister pulled me aside and told me about it at the service. She’s too afraid to go to the cops, because she said Aidan acted like an animal. All crazy eyed, baring teeth, and shit. She’s worried about you, because you left with him. She thinks you’re in danger.”

“Do I look like I’m in danger?” I gestured to my pillow fortress, trying not to let my hand shake. Matt’s sister could have been on anything that night, but there was no way we could have seen the same thing if it didn’t really happen. “You don’t have to worry about me, Paige.”

“Really?” She raised her voice. “You spend the night with this guy the first night you meet him, move in with him, what? A week later? Then you suddenly quit your job that you’d been all gung ho about, and cut yourself off from your friends that you’ve had for years? And then he kills your ex? Tell me at what point I’m supposed to stop worrying.”

When she put it like that, Aidan sounded like an abusive asshole. But she’d had it in for him ever since I told her I about him. She didn’t know him, and she hadn’t seen him in normal, everyday life.

“I didn’t quit. I got fired. And he accepts me for who I am.”

“Did you tell him all the times you stayed at my house before you started living with Memere? When your mother would trade in her food stamps for booze? And that you stayed with me when you had no place to go? And that you could have moved in with my family?”

“Not in those exact words.” I felt like shit, but I had to stand my ground. Or else Aidan and I just looked foolish. “Paige, you can’t deny that you and I have been growing apart. We have nothing in common anymore. And at the party, I felt like you were ashamed of me.”

“No! I was trying to protect you! You have no idea what people say about you, do you?”

“Well, now I have a pretty good idea.” The sting cut more than I expected it to. I hadn’t had the easiest time in high school, but I would hope once we’d turned our tassels and walked away with diploma in hand, we’d be able to look past the pigeonholes we put people in. “Let them think whatever.”

“God, Kyndra. They don’t think, they know! They’re excusing it because they know you lost your grandmother. But you’ve got to get your shit together and stop burning bridges. You aren’t going to have anyone left to turn to the next time you fall.”

“What are you saying?” Instead of sad, I actually was starting to feel relieved.

“Apparently what you want me to say. You’re the one who doesn’t need me anymore.” Paige’s eyes shined with tears. “So I’ll go.”

“Paige,” I called after her, but she didn’t break her stride. A strange sense of peace came over me as she stormed out of the room. I sat motionless, still slightly dumbstruck, until I heard the front door slam. Even though I wasn’t upset, I was still sad. Another loss.

And Matt. Dead. That took my breath away. Even if I’d hated what he’d become, he’d been such a huge part of my life for so long. And even if he’d been horrible to me, I’d convinced myself somewhere deep down that he still cared about me.

Now it was all gone.

Could Matt’s sister be trusted? She didn’t even care enough to have her son with her all the time. She cheated the government to get that apartment for almost nothing. She was an addict. But she told Paige Aidan did exactly the same thing I thought he did.

Aidan knocked on the door frame even though the door was open. I’d picked my book back up, but the words didn’t permeate my brain.

“It’s your room,” The air weighed so much that I needed to lighten the mood somehow. Or else all the bad stuff would become real. “Come in.”

“Are you okay?” He asked, climbing under the covers but not touching me. “I overheard some of that. It didn’t sound pretty.”

“I think so.” I leaned back on my pillows. “I’m better with it than Paige is. But I’m worried. About you.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.” Aidan lay on the pillow beside me, mirroring my position. I could drink in looking at his face forever, but I had to stay focused. Every day, something new about him frightened me. I couldn’t ignore that, plunging into a fantasy land parallel to his.

“When you came to Matt’s house, I thought I hallucinated what I saw, but his sister repeated the same story to Paige. You scared the hell out of his sister, but Paige will do something without even thinking. She will turn you in.”

Aidan wrinkled up his nose in disgust. “You can’t be upset that guy is gone. Do you have any idea what I walked in on?”

“You snapped Matt’s neck!”

“I wanted to strangle him with his own veins, and drink the blood of everyone in that room.” His eyes glowed that frightening red again, and he placed his hand over my arm to keep me from running. “But I restrained myself.”

“He’s dead,” I whispered.

“Good.” Aidan didn’t waver on his opinion.

“You’re scaring me.” I sat up, pulling the blankets tightly around me. I had chills.

“I’m protecting you,” he insisted. “You should have been afraid of Matt, not me.”

Paige’s accusations paraded through my brain like the concession ad at the beginning of a drive-in movie. My breath caught in my throat. Aidan was so detached from reality, and he was working on bringing me down with him.

Twenty-Three

Aidan insisted I reschedule my drug test for the end of the week. The appointment loomed large on the calendar for tomorrow. Even though I thought it was set up for failure, I didn’t want to upset him. I’d googled like crazy, trying to figure out if it enough time had passed since that night at Matt’s house, and every source I found said probably.

Three days for the drugs to work their way out of the system if it was a one-time thing, and up to twelve weeks if you were a habitual user. For me, the truth lay somewhere in the middle. In the last couple of months, I hadn’t used that much. But right after Memere died, getting high was how I coped with the pain. I didn’t think much of it because unlike my party friends, I had the ability to walk away from it if I wanted to.

Convenient, but no less dangerous.

“I’m not going.” I followed Aidan into the kitchen when he woke up. I’d obsessed about it all day, drinking my weight in water to try to flush my system and looking for the magic answer that would ensure I was in the clear. I never found it.

“You’re crazy if you don’t.” He shook his head as he filled the teakettle. “That job is yours, and they’re doing everything they can to hold it for you. Take the test.”

“I’m going to fail,” I insisted, leaning against the counter with my arms crossed. My pouting was wasted since Aidan was ignoring my tantrum.

He sighed as he poured the hot water into the mug and dunked the teabag in. He leaned against the counter, his frustration visible in the rigidity of his shoulders. Then he pushed himself away, and put his arm around still-pouting me. I stuck my bottom lip out for good measure.

“You need to relax.” He picked my ponytail up, studying it as he wrapped it around his hand. Lip sliding back to neutral, I closed my eyes and tried to take his advice.

“I used a lot this summer.” I tried to stay focused. I loved having my hair played with, and Aidan did it better than anyone. Not that that many people had tried. “And the websites said that it could stay in my system for up to three months with regular use. But no one says what regular use is.”

Aidan brought his finger to my lips, the light in his eyes dancing. “That doesn’t sound relaxed.”

I licked my lips and kissed his finger. I couldn’t help myself. Self-control obviously wasn’t my thing. No matter how weird things had been in the last week, that was still adorable.

He didn’t move his finger away, instead he brought his thumb to my jawline to caress it while I nibbled. His other hand was still wrapped in my hair, and he brought the rest of his body into mine. He ran his face along my hair, down to my neck. He pinned me to the counter with his hips while we kissed. Instead of pushing him away, I pulled him in closer.