Silence In Numbers: File One (20 page)

“Good, I think she could really use a friend right now. She said to call her at some point and tell her whatever time you’d like to meet tomorrow.”

“I’ll do that!” Lenora smiled. “I’m surprised… You said something, didn’t you?”

“Well,” Reno rubbed his neck, “I may have suggested it a little after she said she wanted to apologize to you, too.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. She seemed happy about my idea, though. Believe it or not she said you’re as close to being her family as any of us are.”

Lenora blinked. “Wow… She really said that? That’s a lot of pressure… And she deserves actual family. Everyone needs family.”

“Well you’re the best family anyone could ask for, so if anyone can help her with that, it’s you.”

“I hope so. At least I know she’s open; I don’t imagine she’d force herself to do this if she didn’t want to. I’ll come up with a time and give her a call. Why don’t you go ask Lianne where she’d like to go with you tomorrow?”

Reno grinned. “Great idea!”

Lenora watched him walk off before her thoughts went back to the following day. People like Katsumi Samakura rarely opened up, if ever. Lenora was excited knowing she had a chance to actually get to know the woman, but she was also a little nervous. She knew Katsumi needed someone close more than she did; after all, Lenora had Reno, while Katsumi had no one. Messing this up would be worse for Katsumi than anyone else and Lenora hated being unable to help people more than anything. She didn’t plan to lose this chance.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ayane looked up as Katsumi came in. She immediately read the emotions in her older sister and moved over on her bed, opening her arms. Katsumi dropped onto the bed, curling up against Ayane as the younger woman wrapped her arms around her. “Oh, Sumi… I haven’t seen you like this in a long, long time.”

Katsumi laid her head on her sister’s chest, closing her eyes as tears ran from them. “I haven’t felt like this in a long, long time…” she said softly. “I feel like I failed everything. I wanted to give up today.”

Ayane hugged Katsumi tightly. “I know. It’s impossible not to feel that at some point when you do what you do.”

“I feel like I did right after mother…”

“Hey, this is nothing like that,” Ayane said as she looked down at her sister.

“It’s similar,” Katsumi said with a distant look in her eyes. “I failed… every part of this. I didn’t even find him. I abandoned my team, my duties, you… all for nothing. I didn’t even find him myself, only when they sent me his location. Everything would have been the same without me.”

“You didn’t fail anything, Sumi. And this is coming from someone who knows every detail of your last two weeks. I’m proud of you. Do you hear me?”

Katsumi looked up at her. In reality, while Katsumi had almost always been ‘the older one’, the adult, the one that usually took care of her… in truth, she was only three years older than Ayane, and times like this really reminded the younger girl of that. Even Katsumi couldn’t always be the adult. “Really?”

Ayane met her look with a gentle smile. “Yes. You should know that. You know how highly I think of you; doesn’t it mean something that I’m not disappointed?”

“Yes… Of course it does.”

“You tell that stupid self-deprecating mind of yours that, then. You should trust me more than it.”

Katsumi gave a small smile. “I do. Your opinion’s more important to me than anyone’s.”

“Well I’ve known you almost thirty-one years now. I know everything there is to know about you.” Ayane smiled. “I know you deserve a lot better than to be hating yourself for not saving ‘enough’ people. I guarantee you that none of the people you saved hate you. Be proud of what you did, Katsumi, because no one else could’ve done it. You’ve always been amazing like that.”

Katsumi sighed, burying her head in her sister’s chest, surrounded by pale blue hair. “You always know exactly what to say. It’s almost not fair…”

“That I won’t let you stay in a depression?” Ayane smiled. “Come on, you’re better than ‘poor me’, Sumi. I like when you’re happy. Plus when you’re happy you don’t think about making stupid decisions like quitting.”

“Stupid?”

“Of course it was stupid. We both know you’d go crazy without that job. What would you do, sit around and knit?”

Katsumi laughed softly. “You have a point…”

“And more than one, too. What about the money for our house, huh? I’m not exactly making millions sitting in here.”

“You’re right… as always.” Katsumi lifted her head to look at her. “Still… I think I did pretty well at… being selfish, for a second there.”

“You could use practice,” Ayane smiled.

“I might get it… Now that this is happening again.”

“Your emotions, you mean?” Katsumi nodded and Ayane sighed, running her fingers through her older sister’s hair.

“We still don’t know why…”

“I know. But this time wasn’t as bad as last time.”

“What if it becomes that bad? What if they get even more uncontrolled? I could-“

“That won’t happen,” Ayane assured her. “I won’t let it. We’ll work at it together.”

“I feel like they’re tearing their way out of me,” Katsumi said in a quiet voice, not lifting her head from her sister’s chest. “Everything’s in chaos…”

“Then let’s focus the good ones,” Ayane said comfortingly. “And you can let everything out with me – it’s keeping them in that causes so much stress.”

Katsumi sighed, closing her eyes. “I guess you’re right…”

“You need to relax, and to rest, and to take care of yourself… or for me to take care of you.” Ayane smiled. “Will you stay here tonight?”

“You just don’t want to send me home where I’ll be alone.”

“Maybe… Is that a no?”

“Of course not.” Katsumi smiled. “I’m surprised you don’t mind sharing the bed again, though, having had it to yourself all this time.”

“It’s overrated. I prefer a sleeping arrangement that gets me breakfast made in the morning.”

Katsumi chuckled. “After the life we’ve had you still ended up spoiled.”

Ayane smiled brightly. “It’s a talent!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Katsumi grunted, rolling over as her phone rang. Having been asleep for the first time in nearly two weeks it was a little hard to wake herself up enough to answer. She checked the time: 8:00 PM. Ayane grumbled beside her, snuggling closer in an obvious ‘I’m not getting up’ move. “Whoever’s calling, kill them so they can’t call again…”

Katsumi chuckled. “You’re violent when you wake up…” She pulled the phone to her ear. “Hello?” she answered groggily. Hardly her professional manner, but she wasn’t exactly feeling professional at the moment.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, you were sleeping, weren’t you? Of course you were sleeping, I should have realized-“

“Calm down, Lenora,” Katsumi said through a yawn, “any time you called me I’d be asleep. I’m not getting up until tomorrow morning. I expected to be woken up by your call.”

“Oh, okay. I’m glad you’re catching up on sleep.”

“That makes two of us,” Katsumi chuckled. “I’m taking this whole week to play catch-up. Catch up with sleep, catch up with rest, catch up with friends, catch up with work. In that order.”

“You’re actually putting work last for once?”

“For this week only.” Katsumi smirked. “Don’t expect me to change. I just don’t want to lose all my sanity. But yes, I figured the whole team needs a rest week at this point. I don’t think it’s been easy for anyone.”

“No, I don’t think it has. I really appreciate that decision myself; the time off you give Reno is always important to our family.”

“Mmm. People with families should spend time with them.” She looked at Ayane who opened an eye to stare back at her through her now-messy blue hair.

“I know you give him more time off than anyone else. The rest of you need it, too, though.”

“Sano has friends he visits and places he goes during time off, so he enjoys it. I don’t ask what the other two do, but they seem not to care one way or the other on vacation days.”

“And you?”

“I tend to hate extended time off. I need to take it this week though.” Katsumi’s voice grew a little quieter. “I’m starting to take more notice of my limitations,” she continued as Ayane continued to watch and listen.

“If you work yourself too hard, you burn out. You’ll be a lot more effective if you take a rest every so often. It’s pure logic.”

“That’s how I’m trying to think about it. I’m still going to go crazy on days off.”

“Well maybe I can help you stay sane a little. Reno told me you wanted to go to lunch tomorrow?”

“If you’re available.” Katsumi rubbed her eyes. “I need to talk to you as much as I do the members of my team.”

“Well, we can get into that tomorrow. How does one in the afternoon sound? It will give you plenty of time to be awake, but later than that I think you’d be starving.”

Katsumi smiled. “Sounds good. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then.”

“Great! I’ll text you directions to the place to meet me tomorrow. Sleep well!”

“Thanks. Tell your daughter hi for me.” Katsumi ended the call and programmed an alarm for ten the next morning before setting the phone back on her nightstand.

Ayane closed her eye again. “I’m glad you’re thinking about your limitations now.”

“Some things are more important than pushing myself.” Katsumi yawned again.

“Good. Nice emotional breakthrough. Now go back to sleep, you’re keeping me awake,” Ayane huffed.

Katsumi smiled, closing her eyes. “So sorry.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ayane woke up in the middle of the night, blinking and stretching. It was probably around two in the morning; she always woke up around two in the morning. She smiled as she realized she was still curled against her sister, snuggling closer and tightening her arms around her. She couldn’t deny that she’d missed this.

Ayane was a strong-willed woman, but the loneliness of living in a hospital bed was difficult even for her. Even though Katsumi visited her twice every week and she had friends that visited on other days, it was still hard. She’d long ago grown tired of waking up alone, spending the day alone, and going to sleep alone. The nights were the worst; she’d wake up around two and have no one around, and the feelings of loneliness would be amplified as many fears were by the night. More than just a general loneliness, the amount to which she missed Katsumi – and felt her absence – was sometimes enough to even make her cry, although whenever it got that bad she always contacted her sister and talked to her for a few hours.

She felt much better as she laid her head on her sister’s shoulder, looking up at her serene face. Katsumi was the only one who’d been there for her from birth until now, and she was the only one who’d been there for Katsumi. The two sisters had really had only each other for the longest time. Even now, when they had others in their lives that cared, there was still no one as important or as close. There would never be. It was simply impossible, really; no one else could ever truly understand what they’d been through. No one else had been through it. But she and Katsumi, they’d both been through the same things, and each of them had only survived because of the other. And of all the days they had lived, the only time a single day had ever passed without them talking to each other for at least an hour had been when one of them was unconscious.

Ayane sighed. Because Katsumi was the older and stronger-willed one, she’d always tried to take care of Ayane even though she was only three years older. Fortunately Ayane herself wasn’t useless. She was strong, fast, skilled, smart – just like her sister. But Katsumi was something she wasn’t, and that was a leader. She had a strong desire to protect and take care of others, especially Ayane. Her sister was stubborn that way. It was part of the reason she always acted hard and invincible, a rock that could support anyone.

But Ayane knew differently. Katsumi wasn’t invincible – she could be hurt just like others, physically and emotionally. Ayane had seen her sister in the absolute worst conditions imaginable. She’d seen her break in ways her friends would never know were even possible. It had been so bad at some points that Ayane remembered being told by her sister that she was the only reason Katsumi wasn’t giving up life entirely. She’d been there for those times and all the others, and she knew she was a guiding strength behind her sister.

That was why she knew no one would ever replace either one of them for the other. For Katsumi specifically, she was past the point of letting anyone in completely. Ayane knew her sister would never again fully open up to someone; parts of her were forever closed off. But Ayane had been let in long before that ever happened; she knew every part of her sister’s mind and personality. It was impossible for anyone else to reach such a state. It made her sad for her sister, but Ayane couldn’t help feeling happy to be so important and needed by the person she cared for most.

It was something entirely special knowing you would forever be the closest person to someone, the only one who could be totally close to them. Ayane took this position very seriously and did her best to support Katsumi like only she could, and she knew how appreciated it was since Katsumi told her fairly often. And it was times like this when she realized how necessary it was.