Silence (27 page)

The two Sheikohs waited there for a
long hour, and then another one. Finally, Emili’s eyes flickered
open. Her crystal blue pupils were tinged through with yellow
lines. The teenager’s hand clawed at his ragged heart and silently
he watched the memory unfold.

“
What the hell happened,
Emi?” Sheikoh interrogated the girl desperately. She half-smiled up
at him, her usually lucid eyes curiously blank.

“
Their
microwave broke down. While I was working, they gave me a cup of
coffee and put me in the
best
mood. Like the most
amazing
mood ever.
You’ve got to try this,” Emili urged him in a clumsy mockery of her
beautiful voice.

Hearing those words again pierced
Sheikoh like an arrow. His breath whooshed out. He suddenly
realized that this was the first time that he’d heard Emili’s voice
since she’d died. If Indigo told Sheikoh that it would help the
pain if he broke his ribs one by one, Sheikoh’d acquiesce with a
nod and a thank you.

“
The man
realized that it was Four when he found a phone number. Remember
battery caging? We called it and a Legacy man sold us some more. He
taught us how to mainline the stuff and… Oh. Em Gee. It
was
heavenly
,” Emili confided emphatically.

Then she yawned and stretched and
Sheikoh noticed writing on her arm. He assumed that some kid had
written on her while she’d been unconscious. Emili curled up like a
cat and fell back asleep; Sheikoh pulled off one of her socks and
spit on it, preparing to wipe the writing off. At the last second
something caught his eye. Sheikoh read the note that Emili had
written him.

The watching teenager didn’t need to
read it with him; his nightmares had repeated the message over and
over. He memorized it a long time ago. Sheikoh recited the words
out loud.

“
Dear Sheikoh,

“
I know that I’m stupid I
know that this is irresponsible, but sometimes you just have to go
out and live, right?. I know that I said that when dad did this
that it was wrong on every level, but I don’t feel it anymore, I
guess? All I feel is happiness and love for you and Dorothi. And If
I’m doing anything to hurt you guys then I’m sorry. Maybe I’m
exactly the same as dad, but I don’t think so. I’ve spent my whole
life hating him for what he put me and Dorothi through, but now I
see that he just wasn’t strong enough. I’m strong enough though. I
won’t lose myself.

“
Just in case, you’re the
man now, Sheek. I know that you can handle anything. Make sure that
you take care of Dorothi if I can’t, and if you tell me to go away
then I will. I know it’s irresponsible for me to keep drugs in the
same house that you two live in, but maybe Four isn’t as bad as
everyone says it is. We’ve always said that drugs are bad, but it’s
not as simple as that. They are just a thing that bad people blame
their mistakes on. Drugs aren’t the cause of crime, they’re the
effect.

“
Don’t worry about me. I
can control myself. I’m not as weak as the other addicts. I love
you more than any sister has ever loved her brother,” Sheikoh
murmured in a dull voice.

He watched from Alimiat’s armchair as
Sheikoh lifted up the unconscious girl and carried her back to her
bed, but his arms were empty. The prone form of Emili lay
unconscious in what Sheikoh suddenly realized was his walled
garden. This time, the chair didn’t follow the memory of a younger
Sheikoh. Tears dripped down his cheeks as Sheikoh looked at Emili.
It felt like a funeral.

The flowers’ and vines’ bright greens
begun to wither. Their greens stalks twisted into crinkled, brown
corpses. Grass receded before an onslaught of coarse dirt.
Overhead, the sun slowly faded until it had blackened under
eclipse, and the garden was plunged into brooding
darkness.

The walls lit up with the aftermath of
that day.

Emili hadn’t been strong enough of
course. Mainlining Four was the most addictive process in the
world. After Emili had taken two more doses of the drug, Sheikoh
looked up some stuff online and discovered that Four’s chemical
make-up was different now than it used to be. The new version was
even more concentrated. So much so, after a few doses withdrawal
was usually fatal.

Still, she had tried to stay herself.
Emili woke up earlier, took care of the shop, tinkered with
peoples’ broken gametoys and cellpads like she always had, but
occasionally she would slip a couple glow out of the register and
score some Four. At first Sheikoh had pretended not to notice. But
‘occasionally’ had quickly turned into daily.

She had come home progressively more
delirious each time, and Sheikoh had began to worry. The money he’d
‘earned’ disappeared. The irony hadn’t appealed to him.

Then one night, Emili hadn’t come
home. He had had to search the Four dens for her. If he hadn’t run
into one of her new drug buddies, he would’ve had no idea where to
look. Sheikoh had followed the rumors of forged glow and found
Emili unconscious and beaten bloody in an alley. That’d been the
last straw. Sheikoh spent the rest of her life playing prison
warden.

At first, he’d tried to wean her off
the stuff, but she’d spent her time throwing up blood and thinking
up ways to escape and score. He’d added a lock to her room, then
barred her window, but Emili had been an intelligent, resourceful
addict; she had always gotten out of the house when she wanted to.
Sheikoh had to have a dog tracker implanted in her, or he’d never
find her when she’d run away. They’d fought and threatened one
another, but the two of them had always hid the full truth from
Dorothi.

So, for Dorothi, Sheikoh had finally
relented. He had stood aside and let Emili destroy herself. There
wasn’t a day that he didn’t regret it, but he kept a unconcerned
front as guilt tore him to pieces. He had all but killed one of the
two people in the world he’d truly considered family. While she had
the drug in her system, Emili almost seemed to revert back to the
girl he’d loved. They’d talked for hours about memories and laughed
and joked. As addicted to Four as Emili had been, Sheikoh had been
more addicted to the warmth of her presence.

She had ended up taking exorbitant
doses, hovering on the border of overdose every other day. Each
week had begun to leech the life from her skin. Emili became a
zombie, professing love for the chemical yellowing her eyes, lining
her face and stealing her hair. And then her teeth.

And then her life.

Sheikoh watched it happen
again.

Her last words sounded in his
ear.

I’m sorry…

Sheikoh was too.

The dam burst, and he
screamed.

The memories on the walls and in his
head rushed over him, spinning and howling like a swarm of hornets.
He buried his hands in his hair and shrieked his pain to the sky of
the hellhole he had been thrown into. Shades of memories battled
before his eyes, the screams of everyone he’d ever known rang in
his ears.

Sheikoh screamed louder than he ever
had in his life, trying to rip his throat open with the sound.
Nonetheless, he couldn’t even hear it over the chaos surrounding
him. Dorothi, Emili, Daneil, Anima, Chain, Indigo, Sanatous, the
faces of the people he’d killed, they all half-materialized,
darting around and physically slamming into Sheikoh. Pummelling
him. Knocking him. Shoving him.

Sheikoh screamed until his lungs were
raw and spent. Bodies smashed into him and blasted him from every
direction. He fell to his knees, and let his head hang. The forms
stopped slamming into him.

The area around Sheikoh charged with
motion, and he didn’t even notice. He couldn’t bring himself to
care.

The air swirled and screamed
violently, growing louder and louder until it hit a discordant
shriek. The chaos funneled itself into a whirlwind of pain, of bone
white powder, of pair after pair of yellow eyes that stared at him
as they spun around before him.

   
Sheikoh had eyes only for the body lying in the
center of the hurricane. He gazed at the sleeping beauty and
noticed the spark of her eyes riding the vortex around her. He got
that he was dead. But he had always thought of dying as the end.
The end of struggling. The end of fear. The end of pain and
everything else. He wasn’t supposed to have to
relive
it. He’d never
felt so cheated.

Suddenly Sheikoh was screaming
again.

“
Why
can’t I just die?!” He demanded the sky.
“
Why can’t I just go to sleep?! WHY
DO I HAVE TO LIVE THIS ALL OVER AGAIN?!”

Sobs wracked his body, and he bent his
head to the ground. His face burned. He flung a wild, animal shriek
into the vortex of pain and memories. It’s echo swirled around and
around and around and around, sounding long after he’d
stopped.

“
WHY
WON’T YOU LET ME JUST
DISAPPEAR
?! I DID IT! I’VE LIVED!
I’M DONE! NOW, LET ME
GO
!”

Sheikoh ripped at his hair, cracked
and broken. His voice carried above anything else, and his memories
dropped whatever they were doing to listen.

“
LET ME
DIE!” Sheikoh shrieked at the heavens. “HIT MY SOUL WITH LIGHTNING
BOLTS UNTIL THERE’S NOTHING LEFT! UNLESS YOU CAN’T YOU
IMMORTAL
ASSHOLE
!
SHOW
YOURSELF
!!!!”

His challenge boomed over the silent
storm.

A flash of light shocked through the
vortex swirling around Emili. She rolled herself up to her feet in
the center of the storm. Her arms hung unnaturally limp at her
sides like they were still dead. Sheikoh’s eyes narrowed first and
then widened. His fury drained into confusion.

Disbelief.

Emili hung in the air for a moment,
head and arms lolling in the rushing winds. Then she flicked her
arms up, and the maelstrom exploded outwards. Sheikoh’s arms
instinctively shot up, protecting his face. Furious gusts tangled
his hair and tugged at his clothing.

It was over in a second.

He cautiously lowered his
arms, staring at the figure across from him, eyes wild with
hope.
Emili..? Could it… be?

Sheikoh met her gaze, and an icy
shiver traced his spine. He immediately knew that this was not the
girl he’d known and loved.

This was not Emili.

Chapter 14: A Sycrarian’s
Curse

Magic glared from her eyes. Emili’s face was half hidden
behind a pair of flames, spurting radiant, flaring sparks into the
air. Like the eyes of the Celestials’ he’d faced, only… well, more.
The Celestial’s glow hadn’t extended past their eyes. Emili’s
however leapt and danced above her sunny, blonde hair like fire.
White fire. Edged with brilliant rainbow.

The room around them had suddenly been
bleached white. They were alone inside an empty, stark-white box.
Sheikoh couldn’t tell how far it all stretched; there didn’t seem
to be any shadows at the edges of the walls. If he hadn’t felt the
ground beneath his feet, he would’ve thought he’d somehow ended up
in the middle of a cloud.

The only colors were his and Emili’s.
Sheikoh thought through the possibilities, trying to determine what
entity hid beyond those white flames. Only one explanation made
sense.

“
So… There really is a god,
huh?” Sheikoh asked nervously.

He’d never really believed in a
supreme being. Until now.

“
It would
seem so, my lord,”
Emili intoned in
a Celestial’s eerie voice.
“ What is thy
bidding?”

Sheikoh started when he heard the
Celestial double voice reverberate from Emili’s mouth. Then he
forced out a laugh at the statement. God had to be joking. That was
a joke. Right? This was God.

Sheikoh’s laughter fell flat and
hollow. It elicited no response from the creature inside Emili. He
quickly stopped, fidgeting under the menacing impassivity of
Emili’s flame-eyed face.

“
Yep
that’s me, good old God, creator of the heavens and the earth dot
dot dot. But no, really, mate- uh
sire,
I mean… what is going on
here?” Sheikoh asked Emili’s body uncertainty, unsure how he was
supposed to address a deity. “Why can’t I just, you know, move
on?”

The flickering, rainbow-outlined
flames of Emili’s eyes watched Sheikoh for a few moments without a
change in the girl’s expression.

“
I don’t
understand what you mean, my lord,”
God finally responded in the double-voice of
magic.

“
Okay,
stop with this
lord
thing. I get it, I’m sorry about what I said
before, you’re the supreme deity and I’m a lowly human and all. Why
not just give a break, you know?” Sheikoh’s mouth exclaimed
suddenly before hurriedly adding “
ma’am
.”

‘
Wow… you
really should be
medicated
or something,’ he derided himself ruefully. He
steeled himself against an explosion of God’s hellfire
wrath.