Sidelined (11 page)

“I’ll room with him.”

Shannon started to say something but stopped, his mouth open, as if he’d forgotten what he was going to say, leaving Levi to fill the silence. “The past three weeks… I guess some of it’s my fault. He just gives me this cold dead stare and goes through the paces. I know he’s not here. I thought if I left him alone, he’d bounce back, or that they’d piss him off enough to…I don’t know. I don’t know how to handle all this. It’s not in the guide book. Homosexuality in the locker room 101. Nope, no entry. And there’s damn sure no entry for consoling the significant other of a deployed Marine. I believe we’re talking all kinds of trailblazing here. I’m sorry, Coach, I just don’t know what to do in this situation.”

Shannon sat on the edge of his desk and bowed his head. “Me either. I was a Marine. I know what my wife went through while I was deployed. The never knowing if the next call or next knock on the door would be someone from the Corps bringing bad news. I served in Desert Storm. And even all that doesn’t mean I know how to…Murphy isn’t as tough as he lets on. I got that early on. He’s smart. Mensa qualified. There’s no genius category here. We’re all about one evolutionary step above knuckle dragger here, except for Murphy. And to be frank, I saw it last February. The love between them. The sexual tension. It was there; we just don’t recognize that. He’s here. He’s working his ass off. But he’s not here, not mentally. And I’ve got orders to bench him if he doesn’t start living up to his potential. Then on top of that, I’ll have a mutiny on my hands if I force anyone of those assholes to share a room with him while we’re in Oakland.” He scraped his face, running his hand through his hair, and pinned Levi with a look that made Levi want to melt through the floor. “I don’t know how you keep your shit together with all the fag and queer slurs being slung.”

Every hair on Levi’s body stood on end. The room suddenly too hot and too cold at once. “I don’t know what you mean. I said I’d room with him because he’s my friend and I’ve got nothing against him. And—“

“I know about your trips to the clubs, Levi. I’m not going to out you or force you to do anything that will out you. Rooming with Murphy will put a load of shit on you. And I’m not going to force it. But we’ve got no choice this time, everyone has to double up. And that means my options are my only two gay players or putting Murphy with someone who might do him permanent damage.”

Levi squeezed his hands tight to keep his fingers from shaking. He looked away. Careful. He’d always been so careful. Going to the clubs farthest away from the mainstream, picking up guys who wouldn’t know a football from a baseball, much less any of the players. He changed his face, his voice, his hair. He’d been so damned careful. “I’m not…” but the lie froze on his tongue.

“I know the look, son. I see it in my son’s eyes. I see you in his partner’s eyes. The shit you must have taken to get to this point. The scars you wear. I see the physical scars, Levi. I know some of your history, the rest I pieced together. Your dad, I’d bet.”

Tears prickled his eyes. He studied the pattern in the carpet, looking for something to count. Tile was always better. The first tear dripped onto his hand. There was nothing to count to stop the demons from taking over. “Yeah, my father. He believed in conversion therapy. Pray the gay away. When that didn’t work…” Levi shrugged and studied the tear as it rolled over his hand to drip onto the carpet.

Dale just nodded and looked at the same patch of carpet Levi was staring at. “He’s broken, Levi, his Marine died a horrible death. The media has played him as a villain, the anti-gay groups…he needs someone in his corner. Someone who knows a little about what he’s going through. I don’t want to bench him, Levi. But he can’t play if he won’t play. I’m not going to push you into something you can’t handle.”

“I can’t make any promises. He’s shut me out. But I’ll room with him. They’ve called me fag lover enough already.” Levi shouldered his bag and turned to face the door. He stopped before opening it. “I didn’t know about your son.”

“He’s a good man. They’re adopting a baby. I’m going to be a grandfather.” Levi could hear the pride in the man’s voice.

“Congratulations, Coach,” he said and left the building.

*

Somehow they managed to put the game in the win column. Murphy played like a man on fire. Levi could feel his quiet desperation. His pain. The determination to save his job if nothing else. And Levi connected with him in the final seconds of the game, the extra point putting them up by two for the win.

After dinner, he rode the elevator up to his room. Murphy sat on the bed, wrapped in a towel, his long hair hanging in wet clumps over his face. He looked up when Levi entered. “I wondered who drew the short straw.”

“I volunteered. Slayer snores.”

“And I fuck men. Careful, I might ass rape you while you sleep.”

“I’ve had worse first dates.” He laid his jacket over the luggage on the bed and pulled the tie from around his neck. “I hate suits. And press dinners. And just all of this bullshit.”

“But you do it so well. The voice of the team. I would bet you’d make a good analyst when all this bullshit is over.” Bo pulled a comb from his bag and started to smooth his hair out. His powerful shoulders glistening with leftover moisture. Levi had to turn away. Shoulders were probably his fatal flaw. More specifically, broad shoulders and narrow hips. And ‘Cephus was the poster boy for every one of Levi’s fantasies.

“Yeah, how about I’d rather be shot than do that for a living. I’ve got a bank full of money, I’m pretty sure I won’t have to worry about something like that when the time comes.” Levi shucked his clothes and laid them over the chair near his bed. Murphy didn’t even look his way when he strutted to the bathroom in just his boxers. “What about you? What do you see yourself doing?”

Bo didn’t answer; he didn’t even look up. He braided the damp hair and flipped it behind his head then rolled into the bed and pulled up the cover. The wet towel hit the floor just before he turned off the light.

Levi sighed and closed himself into the bathroom. His arm hurt like a bitch from the hit he’d taken in the third quarter. Thirty was starting to feel damned old. He brushed his teeth and downed a handful of Advil. And asked the man in the mirror exactly what he had planned for the next phase of his life when thirty-five was considered old and he was damned near there. The man in the mirror had no idea.

The scream penetrated the dark. Levi shot out of bed, his heart racing, and looked for the cat being murdered. Or whatever the fuck that was. He fumbled for the lamp just as a second long low cry of pain rent the silence. Bo sat up in bed, his eyes and hair wild. He wasn’t seeing. He called for Dylan. And then he saw Levi and turned away.

“Bo?”

“Leave me alone,” the man answered, but Levi could hear the fear in his voice. Emotion choked him. The shaking shoulders enough to replace any indecision he’d had, Levi pulled the sheet out and climbed into the bed behind his teammate. “Leave me alone, Brody. I’m okay.”

“How long have you had nightmares?” Levi rested his arm over the trembling man. He stroked the skin he found, a forearm. Bo didn’t fight him. He allowed Levi to touch him and to hold him as he cried. “It’s okay, Bo. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. It’s not ever going to be okay. He’s gone, Brody. I loved him, and he’s gone. Burnt alive in an attack on—why are you doing this? Leave me alone. My gay might rub off on you.” Bo linked their fingers and held him captive. Levi closed his eyes on the mental image he didn’t want. Picturing the moment when the Marine had flipped the big man over his shoulder on the practice field. The two of them horsing around that day. Yeah, it was there. And the Marine was a damned lucky man to be loved by Bowen Murphy. To live with the knowledge of how the man died…well, Levi wasn’t strong enough to handle that sort of thing.

“I know, Bo. I know. I’m sorry.” Bo just nodded and shook in his arms.

“Don’t leave me. Okay. Just. I won’t…I don’t want to be alone anymore. I feel like I’m dying. I want to die.” Bo rolled in his arms and tucked his face into Levi’s neck. All he could do was hold him and stroke his hair. And hope like hell the man wasn’t suicidal.

“I won’t leave. I’m here. I’ve got you.” He felt as if he were speaking to a child instead of a giant of man who made his living throwing guys bigger than himself to the ground. He held him when Bo finally cried himself out. And when he slept.

Morning light filtered through the edges of the curtains out to the balcony. Strong arms circled him. Warm breath washed over his neck. The erection sliding along his ass to kiss his back brought his dick into full awareness. He ran his hand along the forearm that held him cradled and rocked his hips back into the exquisite heat. What a way to wake up in the mornings. He could definitely get used to it. His bedmate froze. The hand over his heart went into full retreat.

“I’m sorry, Brody. I wasn’t. It’s not what it looks like.” The fear in Bo’s voice broke his heart. He grabbed his hand before Bo could pull away entirely and held him.

“Don’t know what it looks like. Probably hot. But it feels fucking good. Don’t stop.” He pulled the hand up to his mouth and kissed the knuckle as he pushed his ass back into the source of the morning heat that he craved.

“Levi, you don’t…it’s…you look so much like him, I forgot. You fit in my arms just like he does…did. I was dreaming…I’m sorry.” Bo’s hair fell over his shoulder, the braid had long ago fallen free. Levi fingered a strand as he turned to face his friend. Fear and lust fought a battle in his eyes.

Levi moved Bo’s hand lower over his belly to his straining erection. “I can be him for you, Bo, if that’s what you need.” He shoved his boxers down his hips and rocked against the velvet heat trapped there. “I can be that for you. Now.” He lifted his leg and hooked it over Bo’s thigh, opening himself to Bo.

Bo didn’t say anything, a curtain of hair fell over Levi’s face as he positioned himself. He sighed when Bo pushed inside him. He could be whoever Bo wanted him to be. For as long as he needed him.

* * * * *

The small scars stood out in contrast to Levi’s tanned skin. Tracy skimmed his hand along the curve of his shoulder and down to the blade. A knot stood out just below the skin. Levi moaned when he pressed too hard. “That hurts,” he mumbled, his voice sexy with sleep.

“Type Six shoulder separation. I’m not surprised. I am surprised that you have as much mobility as you do.” Tracy traced each surgical scar with his tongue. Now he knew the why and the how of one deep dark Levi secret. The other was a Revelation in and of itself.

“Mmmm, Doctor Tracy, I love it when you get all analytical on me. Tell me, Doc, I have a stiffening of my lower third appendage, and need a cure. Can you help me?” Levi backed his ass against Tracy’s stiffening lower third appendage and rubbed sensuously.

“Are you always horny in the morning?” He left off rubbing the shoulder to skim his hand under the sheet along the curve of Levi’s body until he found the object that needed curing.

“Leave off the
in the morning
part, and the answer is yes. And I like your technique, but your bedside manner leaves much to be desired.” Levi cried out when Tracy nipped his shoulder. “See, sadistic, I bet you get off on hurting your patients.”

“I’m about to get off on your ass. I’ll decide later if I need to beat it for insolence.” Tracy reached lower to cup Levi’s balls, making him gasp and open his legs wide enough for Tracy to slide between.

“Liked this position, did you?” Levi pressed his face into the crook of Tracy’s arm and bit him. But he squeezed his legs tight just the same, trapping Tracy between them.

“It was interesting. Almost penetrative, makes you lose control. Checking your ass, taint, and balls in one procedure. Seems to be in good—“ Levi reached behind him and slapped his ass. “Damn, Levi, are we looking to take this to the next level? I have a flogger in the bedside drawer if you’re interested.”

“Oh, fuck, Tracy, don’t say things like that if you have no intention of following through.” His voice was husky, breathy, and Tracy loved hearing him on the brink like this. “Hand cuffs, fur-lined. I’m delicate. Oh fuck, don’t stop. Okay, just don’t stop.”

“Levi Brody cuffed to my bed, a ball gag in his mouth to keep him from talking so damned much. I can picture it.” Tracy buried his face in Levi’s exposed neck. His body tingling all over. God, fucking Levi was fun.

“Only if you wear the thigh-high dominatrix boots and ass-less chaps. A bolero jacket.” Levi gripped his hip, his nails leaving marks that damn near sent Tracy over the edge. “Jack me. Make me come. Fuck, Tracy. What the hell is it about you that sends me…oh, god, begging, I’m begging. Make me come. Please, baby.”

“Since you asked so nicely.” Tracy spread Levi’s dripping pre-come along his shaft and pumped him. Levi threw his head back, nearly hitting Tracy in the chin, his keening moan as he fucked into Tracy’s hand sending Tracy over the brink he’d hovered on since Levi came into his life. He filled his hand with his own cum using the slick to finish Levi off.

They lay there, both wrapped up in the sheet, breathing hard when the door opened. “Tracy, it’s nearly noon. I was hoping you’d come up to the house—“

“Oh my fucking god.” Tracy couldn’t face his mother, he tucked his head deeper into Levi’s neck, wishing the bed would swallow him whole. “Mama….Levi, stop laughing.” And that made Levi laugh even more. “Fuck.”

“Guess I should have waited a little longer,” his mother had the grace to say, but Tracy couldn’t look at her.

“That’s the understatement of the century,” Tracy said just as a ringing started by the door. “Why’d you come?” Levi snorted, and Tracy shoved his head into the pillow to shut him up.