Shy Charlotte’s Brand New Juju (Romantic Comedy) (22 page)

“You didn’t write in our names?” Fiona elbowed Leopold.

“Leopold and Fiona,” Hannah corrected herself, “care about
you enough to give you the ultimate gift. The one weekend that will completely,
totally, unconditionally, perfectly, absolutely, finally and utterly transform.
Your. Life.”

Hannah flipped the page. “On Day One, losers walk in. On Day
Three, winners walk out.” Hannah paused for a moment, reading silently to
herself then.

“When does the loser’s plane leave?” Charlotte whispered,
trying to smile.

“Tomorrow morning,” Fiona said, clapping her hands together.
“I’ll drive you to the airport. And you’re not a loser.”

Charlotte took a sip of her water. Then she said, “You know
what? I’m not sure this is my thing.”

“Sorry. You can’t turn it down.” Fiona’s eyes flashed. “We
have spent a fortune. Haven’t we, Leopold?”

“And not a small fortune. A big one. Huge.”

“Like forty-five thousand dollars huge.”

How Charlotte wished she didn’t know that.  

“Sorry,” Fiona said, flicking her eyes toward her. “That was
kind of tacky. It’s just. I’m not going to let you
not
go.” She
continued, “Not only do you get admission to all of the events, but we have
purchased the VIP Platinum Diamond Ultimate Premiere package, which means you
get to sit right up next to Donny. Front row.”

Charlotte blinked.

“You don’t even follow him, do you? Donny Masterson?” Fiona tossed
her hands in the air and looked toward Leopold, then back to Charlotte. “I was
afraid of that. Have you read
any
of his books?”

Charlotte crossed her arms. “Sure. I mean I think everyone
has read that one…what is it called…?”

“He has so many mega hits. I think he is the number one author
of all time. Any author. Any book.” Leopold said.

“Wouldn’t that be
The Holy Bible
?” Gracie asked then.
She was looking steadily at Charlotte, her hands pressed together and against
her lips.

“I mean
except
for the bible,” Leopold said.

“He’s so popular because he has found perfect peacefulness,”
Fiona added. “He says there is literally nothing you can say that would upset
him. And his new wife says it’s true.”

“There hasn’t been a disagreement in his family in more than
eleven years,” Leopold said.

“It’s because he has found his chi.” Fiona pumped her head
up and down.

 “He found his cheese? What kind of cheese?” asked Maxwell,
who had been quiet all day, thanks to the new Gameboy his mother had presented
him with that morning.

Fiona leaned toward Charlotte. “I don’t think you quite
understand what you are holding in your hands. I mean, I would love to go to
something like this. It’s on my bucket list, actually.”

“So, did you buy a seat for yourself?” Charlotte asked.  

“Leopold and I just thought you should go on your own. We
know how you like your alone time. You are always telling us we should respect
and honor that, and this is our way of doing that.”

Now
they wanted to respect and honor her alone time.
She wished that they could have done that by treating her to an hour alone at
the bookstore, where she most definitely would not be seeking out Donny
Masterson titles.

Still, she had to admit that going alone would be a lot less
embarrassing than sharing the experience with someone. Hell, she thought, she
could hide out in her room and never attend a thing.

“A weekend to just be by yourself, without me meddling.”
Fiona laughed. “Besides, I want to stay and take care of the girls.”

“Maybe you should go instead of me. I mean, since it’s on your
bucket list.”

“No, no. Charlotte you are not getting out of this. Think
about Caleb. Think about how much he wants you to stay just as you are. I’m
sure he’d love it if you didn’t go. But you need to show him that you are
better than that. That you are better than him.” She paused to blow out an
elaborate sigh, then she went on. “I can just imagine what he would be saying…”
She twisted her mouth and made her voice deep and gravelly, “This isn’t
Charlotte’s thing.”

“We need to leave Caleb out of this,” Charlotte said.

“But he doesn’t want you to change. He wants you to stay just
the way you are. Sitting in your little kitchen. Being at his beck and call.”

Charlotte straightened. “Fiona, we don’t talk about Caleb
like that in front of the kids.”

“Okay…just, will you go? It’s so, so important to me that
you go.”

Gracie leaned over and looked at her mother.

“How long do I have to be gone?”

“Three days. It’s just three days. I promise you’ll come
back a new woman.” Fiona’s voice was sing-songy. “It will be so good for you.”

And that’s when Charlotte went down deep inside herself. It
was as though she had activated an autopilot device, which allowed her to go
through the motions, to do what people asked her to do, to meet their
expectations; allowing her to greet the world with a smile, to say thank you
and you’re welcome and whatever else anyone wanted her to say.

The following day, she let Leopold drive her to the airport.
She even let him kiss her goodbye, right on the lips. Then she got out of his car
and she smiled and waved at him and then she boarded an airplane.

A short while later, she found herself at a convention
center in a shrieking, pulsing mob while men in silver tank tops over-enunciated
motivational phrases into their headsets: “Are you getting pumped?” and “Are
you ready to rock your life?”

Someone thrust a bag at her, filled with a laminated place card
and a nametag, plus a travel mug, a keychain, and a series of motivational
stickers, all printed in silver, evidently because she was in the VIP Platinum
Diamond Ultimate Premiere Inner Circle. Then a succession of complicated
acronyms, each defining a simple concept, flashed upon a Jumbotron screen.

What city was she in? She had forgotten. She realized
suddenly that this was the first time she had been out of town without her kids,
and she hadn’t even been outside the convention hall.  Inside here, there was
exuberance and enthusiasm and redness and noise and rapture. After a few hours,
Charlotte decided to go upstairs to lie down. Just for a moment.

When she woke and returned, she was not sure whether it was
day or night and she was met immediately by a skinny woman named Georgie, also
with a silver nametag. Georgie linked arms with Charlotte. “Donny is teaching
us to radiate our energy. Like a force push. And I need a partner. Do me, and
then I’ll do you.”

Georgie positioned Charlotte back about four feet. “Okay.
Now. Feel this.” She closed her eyes and her face grew red. “What am I beaming
at you right now?” She blinked her eyes open. “Am I beaming happy feelings? Or
sad feelings?”

“Um… Happy?”

“Yes! Ha ha! It works!” Georgie said and then she fanned her
hands and began twirling, twirling in a circle. “Do you want me to do you?” she
asked, stopping abruptly.

“No.”

“Why?”

“I missed learning the technique. But it’s okay.”

“Where were you?”

“I was taking a nap.”

“You were sleeping? During a Donny Masterson Master Class?”

“I guess so.”

“Honey.” And she closed her eyes and shook her head from
side to side.

Charlotte sat with Georgie through Donny’s lessons on
instilling bravery and on exuding a bolder form of confidence.

“It’s your job to overdo it!” Donny shouted, and the crowd
cheered. “Overdo anything and everything.” More cheers. “Be overly energetic!
Be overly cheerful. Be overly confident. Because—beautiful people—there is no
such thing as too much of these qualities.” And then there was some more hopping
and dancing and strobe lights. “Say it after me,” he shouted, “I OVERDO
EVERYTHING.”  And the crowd did.

And then Donny said a series of other things, and then it was
over, and Charlotte flew home, and Leopold and Fiona, together, picked her up
at the airport. She let Leopold kiss her again. This time he stuck his tongue
inside her mouth and put his hand on her breast. “We can’t wait to hear all
about it!” he exclaimed.

“What was Donny like?” Fiona gushed, “Is he as beautiful in
person as he is on the brochure?”

She didn’t answer, so Leopold said, “I have had a crush on
that man for a decade. I mean, I do not generally swing that way, but everyone
wants to take him to bed, don’t they?”

“Right?” Fiona said, looking at Charlotte and giggling.

“I don’t.” Charlotte finally said, mostly to herself.

“And there she goes.” Fiona shook her head. “He was making a
joke, Charlotte. Why do you insist on taking everything so seriously? He didn’t
literally mean he wants to have sex with him. It just means that everyone loves
him.”

“Speak for yourself, toots.” Leopold said, and he and Fiona
laughed again.

***

The children had made another bed sheet banner, with glitter
and glue. “Welcome home, Aunt Charlotte,” it said, but, this time, Hannah and
Gracie were each holding an end.

“Mom,” Gracie said, once Charlotte had put down her
suitcase, “we need to talk.”

“Sure, sweetie.” Charlotte took a deep breath and studied
her daughter. Ah, Gracie, one of the only two people in this world she could
always count on. Thank God for Gracie.  

Gracie cleared her throat and leveled her eyes at her
mother. “We need you to talk to Dad. You said you would and you haven’t. We
need to know if and when we’re going to go back to Missouri.” She sighed. “We
need to know if we are going to be living with Dad or with you.”

“What? Did he say that? Does he want that?” 

“He just mentioned that he was worried that if we stay out
here, he would never see us. And he said he’d fight for us…to live with him.
But he also said he hoped it wouldn’t come to that…” Gracie said.  

Hannah joined in. “But we have to know. We have to know what
to tell him.”

“Okay. Yes. Absolutely. Of course. I’ll go talk with him.”

“This isn’t just about you, you know,” Gracie was saying. “We’re
all suffering here. And if you don’t love Dad anymore, it doesn’t mean we
don’t.”

***

Without remembering getting into her car or driving or
turning or parking, Charlotte found herself in front of the college and walking
toward the building that housed Caleb’s office.

And then, there he was, walking directly toward her. Special
Ed. A man she could just start over with. A man she could be someone new with. A
man who could make her breath catch again, her heart race again. A man who
would make her feel free; powerful and sweeping and important.

“There you are!” he said, both arms outstretched. “Where
have you been?”

She chuckled and dipped her head. “On the ultimate journey
of self-improvement and personal growth.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Learn anything good?”

“That I’m lonely and afraid.”

“Oh.”

“Do you want to go out?” she said. She would talk to Caleb
later. After. She wondered if Caleb could see them standing there, out his office
window. “Like instead of coffee, maybe, to dinner. And then maybe I could come
back to your place for awhile.”

Ed looked at her then, and he smiled. And he looked away.
And then he looked at the tree by the parking lot, for a long while. And then
he took a deep breath. He reached for her hand and she gave it to him, and he
held it for a moment.

And then he looked her straight in the eyes. She could see
herself in there, just as she was, only standing a little taller, a little
straighter, and it struck her how, when certain people looked at you, it was
possible to see exactly what you looked like to the rest of the world. For a
moment, she inhabited her space as seen, as witnessed, by another.

“Charlotte.” His voice was very quiet and his hand was soft
and warm. “I would love nothing more than to take you home with me. Right now.”
An energy rose in her. A feeling of wiping the slate clean. “And, if I’m being
honest, I will tell you that I’ve fantasized about it. Imagined how it would
be. To take you in my arms, to slowly undress you, to make the sweetest love to
you. And then to hold you.”

She closed her eyes and swayed for a moment. Her legs tingled
and felt like they might give way.

He looked back up to her eyes now. “But you are not mine to
have.”

“Ed, you have to understand. Caleb has moved on. And so have
I.”

Ed shook his head. “He is the father to your daughters. And
he still loves you.”  

“No. It’s over.”

“I don’t think you believe that, Charlotte. I really don’t.”

“Why? Did he talk to you?”

“No, I’ve never had a conversation with him. It’s just…you
have built something for so many years. You have reached the point where you can
finally enjoy one another…You have reached the point at which a perfect date is
sitting at home and eating off one another’s plates and making fun of people on
TV. You have reached the point at which you can read one another..in which you
know, instantly, what the other person needs, at any given time. Do you know
how many single people would kill for that?” He laughed. “Hell, I would kill
for that. But you can’t rush something like that. It takes loads of time. And
now that it’s here, you can’t throw it all away over a misunderstanding.”

“It was more than a misunderstanding. And I thought you were
all about change. What happened to ‘everyone can make a different choice
anytime they like?’”

“They can. You always can. But I think your best life is
staring down at you from the third floor of that building over there.” 

Charlotte shook her head. “No. I am different now.”

“Are you sure? Would you rather be here, living with Fiona,
than at your house, living with your husband? And your children? I mean, you’ve
met some serious weirdoes.”