Shy... (25 page)

He wasn’t storming off. As Josh drove toward the
sandwich place across town, he was just going to meet an old friend like he had
scheduled before he ever knew that he couldn’t satisfy his wife – couldn’t
bring her to orgasm. His wife was making a sandwich in their kitchen and he was
driving across town to get his. Josh thought there might be a word for that.
There was some word that described characters living parallel but separate
lives from each other. The only word Josh could come up with was “sad.”

He felt a dark desire to hurt her. Not physically, but to
make her feel the sadness and guilt that he felt. He wanted to turn away from
the road to the sandwich shop and go up some other road into the waiting arms
of a mistress. He pictured some slutty creature in silk. She had heavy breasts,
a smooth curved ass, muscular legs. He pictured his hands cupping her breasts
and running his fingers over her tight body. In his imagination, he saw long,
dark hair. He closed his fingers in her hair to bring her in to kiss her with
the passion that his wife lacked – that he had failed to bring out of her. He
then realized that the woman he had built in his fantasy was Mandy. Even in his
cheating fantasies, a passionate, satisfied Mandy was all that he wanted.

Josh sighed and let the images drift away. Even if he
wanted to go out and cheat, he had no prospects. He hadn’t been looking for
any. All he wanted was more sex from Mandy. He went through most of high school
and college unable to get any girl to go out with him much less have sex with
him. If he wanted to cheat on his unsatisfied wife, he was going to run into
that same problem again.

He thought that maybe his lack of practice was part of the
problem he was having bringing Mandy to orgasm now. She was quiet in bed and he
could use a little direction. It wasn’t fair that she expected him to figure it
all out by himself. She was reserved in life and in bed. Maybe it was her own
coldness that was the problem. She needed to thaw.

Josh shook his head. While he was waiting for her to thaw,
he would be going without sex from a wife, a gorgeous wife, that had no
motivation to get back into bed with him.

He nearly missed the parking lot and made a hard turn to
bounce over the curb into a space. His heart pounded and he took a deep breath.
“That’s the most action I’ve seen all month.”

Josh got out of the car and walked halfway to the shop. He
paused and held up his key fob. He pushed the button to lock the door, but
nothing happened. He kept pushing the button, but he was getting no reaction.

Josh sighed. “Story of my life.”

The battery must have died. He didn’t even know what kind
of battery this door locking remote took or how to change it. Josh stared at his
keys and felt helpless. He needed someone to tell him how to fix this and
everything else – including Mandy.

He put his keys away and walked inside without locking the
doors. He mumbled. “Another job unfinished. Nobody wants what I have anyway.
Leave them unlocked. Take the whole car, if you want. Someone else can probably
drive it better anyway.”

He spotted his friend in the corner and sat down across
from him. Josh picked up the menu, but he couldn’t even focus on the long list
of choices.

“I already ordered you a sandwich I thought you’d like. Is
that okay?”

At first, Josh thought it was weird that Pastor Mason would
just assume he knew what Josh would want, but then he realized it was one less decision
he had to make on a day where he was doing everything wrong. He set the menu
aside. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

Mason said, “Were you talking to yourself when you came
in?”

Josh grimaced and looked away. “I’m having a rough day.”

“I thought so from the way you fumbled into the parking
lot.”

Josh rubbed his eyes. “You saw that, huh?”

“Yeah, it was like you never pulled a car into a slot
before.”

Pastor Mason was smiling, but his wording brought up an
image of himself on top on Mandy. She was lying still and quiet in the dark. He
was sweaty and bucking against her slow and uneven. Her breasts bobbed slightly
with each motion. He realized now that she was feeling nothing. Maybe if he was
bigger, he thought. The image changed and he saw Pastor Mason on top of her and
she was actually moaning.

Josh shook his head and coughed.

“Josh, are you okay, man? What’s going on?”

Josh looked at Mason and then quickly looked away. “Mandy
and I had a little bit of a fight.”

“You want to talk about it?”

Mandy had said she maybe wanted to talk, if Josh calmed
down. Mason was offering to talk because Josh wasn’t calm. Josh gritted his
teeth. “I don’t know. This isn’t really a pastor and sandwiches sort of topic.”

“Believe me. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that everything
is a pastor topic,” Mason said. “You wouldn’t believe the things people have
confessed to me in every, dirty detail. But I would never tell their secrets of
course. And I disagree. Everything goes with sandwiches.”

Josh breathed out a single laugh and rubbed his face. “It’s
really personal.”

“It’s got to be sex stuff,” Mason said. “Everything is sex
stuff. You won’t shock me. Believe me.”

Josh shook his head. “It’s the opposite of shocking and
exciting. It’s downright boring.”

“How often do you have sex?”

Josh bit his lip. “Listen. Maybe we could just eat
sandwiches and talk about sports.”

“Josh, before I was Pastor Mason, you and I were old high
school buddies chasing tail, right?”

Josh’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “As I recall,
you got the tail and I just did the chasing.”

Mason smiled. “I’m a changed man now.”

Josh shook his head. “I’m not. I’m still chasing and not
getting any.”

“How often?”

***

“Once a month. Maybe less.”

Mason shook his head. “That’s a problem. Did she tell you
anything in your fight that was useful in figuring out the problem?”

Josh swallowed and spoke barely above a whisper. “I don’t
satisfy her.”

“She doesn’t have an orgasm?”

Josh shook his head.

Pastor Mason said, “You have to fix this.”

Josh felt heat in his cheeks. It was back on him. “You want
to come over and show me how it’s done, old buddy?”

Josh regretted the words as soon as they left his lips. The
image of Mason on his moaning wife popped up again in his head and stuck. Josh
felt a stirring heat down below and crossed his legs. He felt lost.

Mason pulled a card out of his shirt pocket and set it on
the table. Josh picked it up. There wasn’t much information on it. He read,
“Dr. Mark Tuttle. Therapist?” Josh looked up at Mason from the card. “Couples
therapy?”

“This is something different,” Mason said. He swallowed and
looked away. “This is a bit more … intense. He deals with intimacy and sexual
issues.”

Josh looked back at the card and bent it. “I don’t know if
I can talk Mandy into this.”

“She’ll probably go for working on the marriage. Most women
can be talked into that even when they won’t put out.”

“Mason. Jesus, man. I mean … sorry. No offense.”

Mason smiled. “If you just get her there, Mark will do the
rest. He is a miracle worker and I’m a bit of an expert on that particular
subject.”

Josh looked down at the card. “Something has to change, but
I’m afraid. I only found out today what a bad job I do satisfying her. I’m
terrified to find out what else might be wrong.”

“Catherine and I used him.”

Josh looked up from the card. “You?”

Mason stared intently at Josh and nodded. “Catherine grew
up in a strict family. She felt a lot of guilt. It got in the way of intimacy
and satisfaction … for both of us. Things got bad. Mark fixed that for us. You
have to trust his process. Whatever happens, whatever issues are brought out,
and no matter what happens, you have to trust that what he does will work. I’m
telling you from my own experience. Let it happen. Let him do his thing and you
both will be changed.”

Josh swallowed. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

Mason said, “He will solve it in just one session.”

Josh looked up. “That’s not possible.”

Mason shrugged. “We used him for our marriage. We … my wife
has sex four times a week at least.”

Josh thought it was odd that Mason said “we” and then
switched to “my wife.” He was more focused on the four times a week after one
session of therapy though. “That’s the truth?”

Mason shrugged. “Let him do his thing, Josh.”

The sandwiches arrived and Josh put the card away. Mason
ordered Josh a toasted sandwich. He didn’t like hot sandwiches, but he took a bite
to be polite. It was a lot better than he thought. Josh thought maybe he should
let other people order more often.

***

 “I’m scared, Josh. I don’t want to do this.”

Josh took deep breaths before he answered. Yelling in the therapist’s
waiting room before the first session would probably not help the process much.

Josh adjusted on his end of the leather sofa. It was like a
rawhide leather. The metal bolts that held the material stretched over the arms
and cushions were big and had edges to them. They rubbed the backs of his knees
and his arms. He felt very small and weak on the couch for some reason.

The walls and tables had a similar outdoorsy sort of look
to them. One piece of art on the wall looked like a lasso closing around a pair
of leather riding gloves. The gloves looked worn and marked. The rope had
frayed threads off each of the braids. The whole display made Josh feel
uncomfortable for reasons he couldn’t place.

Maybe Mandy had a point. Mason and his wife had used Dr.
Mark Tuttle. Mason wouldn’t make up a story and Josh reminded himself, four
days a week – at least. He whispered to himself. “Let Mark do his thing. He’s a
miracle worker.

“What?” Mandy was at the other end of the imposing sofa.
That was certainly not a good sign. They needed a miracle and Josh was willing
to go to any length at this point.

“Nothing. I was just thinking about something else.” Josh
scanned the bookshelf across the room. Even the books were bound in leather.
The entire room was thick with the smell of it. Josh normally liked that smell,
but in here it felt intimidating. “Mason and his wife used, Dr. Tuttle. He says
it helped them … a lot.”

Mandy made an audible sigh. “I wish you hadn’t talked to
him about our problems. I’m not going to be able to look him in the face
anymore.”

“He’s a pastor.”

“He’s your buddy and you were talking about our sex life.”

“Or lack of it.”

Mandy looked away. “I don’t know if I can talk about this
with a stranger.”

“You said, if I calmed down, that maybe we could talk. This
is the best place to do that. This guy is supposed to be exactly what we need.
Mason assured me that if we do exactly what he says, he will solve our
problems.”

Mandy fidgeted on the leather. Josh saw something he
couldn’t read cross the muscles and expressions on her face. It scared him a
little. She said, “I’m willing to try.”

“I’ll do anything to make you happy and satisfied, Mandy.
Seeing you … fulfilled is all I want.”

She looked at him and looked away. She started to slide
toward him on the couch. He felt a thrill in his chest and reached for her.

The door to the inner office opened and they both jumped
back to their sides of the imposing, leather couch.

The man that leaned out was wearing a denim shirt and dark
jeans. He had black boots with shiny, steel toes over the tips. The man smiled
and straightened his back. His chest and shoulders were broad and the shirt
defined the hard lines of muscle underneath. His belt was dark leather with a
frayed rope over it held in place by shiny metal bolts that matched the couch.
Josh thought the man looked more like an imposing cowboy or outlaw than a
therapist. He did seem to go with the sofa. His hair was brushed back into dark
waves.

“I’m Dr. Mark Tuttle, but you’ll call me Mark. Let’s get on
in here and make life better.” He stepped back into his office without closing
the door.

Josh stood first and took a few steps. He turned and saw
Mandy still sitting on the couch. She shook her head. Josh took a deep breath.
“Please.”

She stood and they walked in together, but not touching.
Josh thought about the fact that Dr. Tuttle had said they would call him Mark
like it was an order instead of an offer. Josh imagined Mark was the kind of
guy that would order him a toasted sandwich and then make him eat it.

As if to punctuate this point, Mark said, “You, dear, sit
by my desk. And you. Have a seat on that settee over there.”

Josh looked around. There were more leather books, but the inner
office was more refined. The shelves, desk, and accents were all dark wood. The
wood smell replaced the leather.

Mandy sat down on a wood chair next to the desk facing Josh
like she was ordered. Mark leaned back on the front of his desk near Mandy. As
Mark leaned back, Josh saw his bulge in the front of the man’s jeans. From this
angle, it was level with his wife’s cheek. Mandy was looking too. Josh felt a
wave of jealousy. She saw Josh looking at her and she looked down at the
hardwood floor of the office.

Josh cleared his throat. “Dr. Tuttle?”

***