Chapter Nineteen
Dom
April 22
When we was kids we thought growing up was the end all of all. Damn we was stupid as hell. Bein' grown ain't brought us shit but more drama than we coulda ever thought of in high school. I ain't caught up with my babydaddy yet but I ain't sleeping on this shit either. I get a chance to sneak a peek at Hiasha's records and her father's name is William or something like that. Even though I done got over Kimani and her friend Hiasha being sisters I am strugglin' like a bitch to take care of my daughter alone and it's been enough of that shit. Broke as I am, my ass is ready for some damn child support. Fuck thatâ
“You hungry?”
I look up from my newest journal with my favorite pen in my mouth as Corey walks into his bedroom with his big dick swingin' between his thighs. “No, I'm 'bout to go,” I tell him. I ain't even sure I made the right move to come to his apartment tonight. Thing is he called me. We talked. We laughed. I missed him. He offered for me to come to his place and for the first time I made that move. Two hours filled with watchin' TV, fuckin' like crazy, with a small nap right after and a bitch like me is ready to roll out. This shit feel too comfortable. Too right. Too much.
“Why you leaving?” he asks, giving me that damn dimple smile of his as he drops down onto the queen-sized bed beside me. He reaches over to massage my nipple and my whole breast feels hot from his touch. I can't explain the way this jokey motherfucker makes me feel.
I don't even answer his ass as I smile and shift my eyes back down to my journal.
This little short motherfucker with a dick like a six-foot man is really getting to me. He really dropping that pressure for us to be a couple. I ain't had a man to call my fuckin' own since Lex. I never really thought I would find a motherfucker that could make me feel like him. Why the fuck is it so hard to separate the pussy from the heart?
My pen drops to the bed as he leans over to stroke his tongue against my hard nipple just the way I like. By the time the pen falls from my hand and rolls off the bed to the floor I am laying flat on my back and spreadin' my legs wide as them motherfuckers will go. I moan and arch my back but my eyes pop open as he shifts his sexy ass away from me. I turn my head on the pillow to look over at him with a little frown. “What's wrong?” I ask as I grind my hips against the bed.
“I got more going on for me than just my dick, Dom,” he tells me as he climbs off the bed and walks over to the chipped dresser in the corner.
Oh shit. Here the fuck we go.
“I know that, Corey.”
His back is to me as he gets somethin' from the top drawer. What, this fool 'bout to shoot me? Shit, where I come from that shit don't sound all that crazy to me. “What you gettin' a gun or some shit?”
Corey looks over his shoulder at me and frowns. “What?” he asks as he turns. “You must mean a shotgun.”
My eyes drop down to the blunt in his hands. I lick my lips a little as I watch him raise that fat motherfucker and put it between his lips to light. “You smoke weed?” I ask, surprised and a little mesmerized by the thick smoke rising from the lit tip.
Corey strolls his ass back over to the bed. “I don't smoke while I'm working. Weed ain't that serious for me to be high around kids . . .
but
what I do between seven at night and seven in the morning is my time.”
The scentâthat one of a kind scent of weedâis callin' my ass. When he drops down on the bed beside me and tilts his head back to blow a thick cloud of smoke I almost feel like a little fist of fuckin' smoke is knockin' me against the head sayin': “Sniff me, bitch.”
“Want a shotgun?” he asks as he holds the blunt between his teeth and shifts his body to kneel beside me on the bed.
Sniff me, bitch.
Me and my mama used to give each other shotguns. That shit pushed more of that good ass weed into your system.
You know you want to sniff me, bitch
.
I used to love me some fuckin' weed. I could smoke a half ounce by my goddamn self. That and a bottle of Henny and a bitch was straight.
Just say yes
.
And after a while I smoked so much of that shit that weed didn't do shit for me no more. I moved my ass right on to pedope. I almost overdosed off that shit.
One tear races down my face as I twist my damn eyes away from that temptin' ass blunt to look over at him. “I can't,” I whisper as that struggle to stay fuckin' sober grips my throat and my chest.
Corey sits up. “What's wrong, baby girl?” he asks with concern on his cute-ass face.
My drug counselor told me moments like this would come in my life. That second where you have to decide to tell somebody in your life about your addiction. Trustin' 'em not to hold it or use it against. Believin' that they will still look at your junkie ass the same way. Wantin' everythin' to stay the same.
Why I do this shit to myself? Why the fuck my life got to be all about using drugs and gettin' the fuck up off them?
“I used to . . . uhm . . . get fucked up off . . . I used to get high . . . off dope. I can't be 'round you smokin'. See, bein' with me ain't as easy as you think.” I drop my eyes from his 'cause I don't want to see all that shock, and disbelief, and only God knows what else.
I can't stop them damn tears if I want to. But this the shit. The realness. I hear the blunt hiss as he drops it in a glass of soda. That little nigga gathers me in his arms and pulls my head against his chest and holds me like he ain't got shit to do in the world but try to make it better for me.
And that makes me cry even harder.
“I like you a lot, Dom,” he tells me as he rubs my back and presses his face down on top of my head. “Fuck that. I won't smoke it around you. Shit, I'll even stop smokin' it if you want. Fuck that shit. Dom. Fuck it. I got you, a'ight? I promise I got you.”
Right then in that moment his words and the feel of his arms is way better than the hardest of dicks.
Chapter Twenty-One
Cristal
“T
he most accomplished woman is known for what she does and not just whom she does.”
I took a sip of my mojito as I look at Carolyn over the rim of the glass. It is time for some of her wisdom and she certainly looks the part of my mentor to high society. Her thin frame covered in an elegant red jersey dress by Christian Dior. Classy gold jewelry by David Yurman. Valentino shades ready to slide into place. Birkin bag on the empty chair at our table ready to be slid onto her arm. Her well pampered feet softly cushioned by Giuseppe Zanotti heels. Trendy blunt bob personally designed by Frederic Fekkai. And to top it all off a Fendi sable worth more than I made in a year was checked and ready to slide onto her back effortlessly.
She had generously gone through her closet and given me outfits that I could only dream of affording. So today as I sat in the perfect size six Chado Ralph Rucci ivory dress, black lace Carolina Herrera trench and this bad pair of Christian Louboutin slingbacks, I look the role of the black socialite on the rise. By every outward appearance anyone who really did not know me (like just about everyone in this restaurant) would think I have every right to be here amongst them.
The girls are waiting for me back at the apartment to go over Mo's court hearing in a few days and Mohammed is home fixing me a special Caribbean dinner for later tonight, but at that moment nothing matters but the knowledge Carolyn is about to drop.
“What is the legacy you will leave behind for your children?” she asks as she raises her bejeweled hand to wave away the waitress who just stepped up to our table.
And with that simple motion the waitress is gone. As always I am truly impressed.
“Don't get me wrong. I've done office work too but now you won't catch me on
anyone's
job.” She leans back in her chair and crosses her legs exposing her one-hundred-dollar silk stockings. “I grew up in Harlem with a drunk for a father and a junkie prostitute for a mother. Whenever the bitch did remember to send me to school I wore sneakers with holes in the bottom and jeans with my knees exposed. I was a hungry, napped-headed, ashy mess. And look at me now.”
The look she gave me is pure cockiness. “I made sure that I aligned myself with only the best. I walked like them and talked like them and learned from them. When I married my beloved husband I was ready to
become
one of them.”
I nod my head to let her know that I am listening and I am understanding.
“Now since you've made it clear that your . . . handyman is your futureâand he barely has a decent pot to piss in or a window to throw it out ofâthen you need to supply your own pot and window.”
Carolyn's words are the end all of all to me . . . except where it comes to Mohammed. True, my friendship with Carolyn had put the first dent in that armor surrounding our relationship but I love him with all that I have and ever hope to have. She has tried to hook me up with wealthy menâsome handsome and some not, some young and some who were well into the sugar-daddy range. According to Carolyn these older fish were the best to catch because it put a woman closer to the time his will is read. It seems that being a wealthy widower is the real fun.
“I love Mohammed, Carolyn,” I remind her as I lean forward to reach for my drink.
She rolls her eyes. “Trust me, I know the pleasures of a young firm body to stroke my clit. I have plenty of young ass from here to Brazil . . .
but
I don't let anything or anyone fuck with my money.” Carolyn sits forward on the edge of the leather club chair and reaches over to lightly rub and then pat my hand. “Remember that, Danielle.”
Remember it? It's been my motto, my mantra, my everything . . . until Mohammed. “I think you're right about defining my own legacy . . .”
My words trail off as a commotion breaks out near the front of the restaurant. I turn in my seat to take a look.
A thirty-something woman is pushing past the maître d' to storm over towards the rear of the restaurant. My eyes get wider and wider when it looks like she is headed straight to our table. I turn back to Carolyn. The cold and hateful look on her face shocks the hell out of me. If looks could kill that woman headed our way would be dead. I twist back around in my chair.
“Why are you doing this to me, Carolyn?” she yells from halfway across the restaurant. “What? So you don't know me now, you old bitch?”
Two bus boys roughly shove her back towards the glass front doors.
One last look at Carolyn and her façade is back in full effect. She is calmly sipping her glass of water as if there is not a woman screeching her name as she is hauled out of the five-star restaurant.
My eyes must hold questions because Carolyn waves her hand dismissively as she says, “I hired that asshole, Kelle, as my personal assistant and I fired the bitch for stealing. The little slut even put her raw ass into my silk panties. Nasty bitch.”
I cock a brow. “There is one thing I will never wear second-hand and that is someone's worn underwear. No offense.”
Carolyn laughs. “None taken.”
“Too bad she couldn't appreciate working for you,” I say, leaning back as the stoic waitress brought out our plates of sliced fresh fruit, croissants, and shrimp salad.
Carolyn cut her eyes at me. “I thought about offering you the position when I first met you,” she admits before using her utensils to dice the jumbo-sized shrimp in the salad.
I lock my eyes with hers. I am anxiously awaiting the rest.
“
But
I have bigger things in mind for you than being anyone's flunky . . . including mine.”
She raises her crystal goblet to me and I gladly toast to a life of bigger and better things.
“Well, look what the fuck the cat drug in.”
I close the front door and give Dom's sarcastic ass a mean eye roll. The ladies and the kids are all in the living room, obviously waiting on me. With work, living it up with Carolyn in NYC, and squeezing whatever time I have left for Mohammed, I have hardly seen my beautiful apartment . . . or my godchildren and friends. I did not have a clue what is going on with everyone outside of Mo's custody battle.
How are Dom and Alizé getting along?
Is Dom willing to admit that she likes Corey for more than his jokes and his dick?
Is Alizé still mad at her moms and sleeping on her father's couch? Is she willing to go back to teaching dance classes yet? How is she dealing with Cameron's marriage?
Has Mo convinced Taquan to finally give up the dick?
“Damn, Cristal, you looking like a
Vogue
fashion layout,” Alizé says as she sucks on a red BlowPop, in a mean jean jumpsuit and thigh-high leather boots.
Moët's eyes are sad as always as they take me in from head to toe. She says nothing. She just looks back down at Tiffany sleeping peacefully in her arms.
Dom moves Kimani in between her legs to begin loosening her hair from her ponytail. Mother and daughter are both sporting velour sweatsuits. “Look like a bitch back on the grind workin' that addressbook.”
I pause before I sit down next to Moët on the couch. “I am not cheating on Mohammed.”
Dom sucks her teeth in obvious disbelief.
“I thought this meeting was to talk about Mo . . . not me,” I stress as I lean back into the comfort of the chair and cross my legs.
Alizé frowns as she gives me a hard look. “Damn, bitch, since when does hanging out with your friends become a meeting?” she snaps.
“You all know what I mean,” I say, giving them that signature Carolyn Ingram dismissive wave.
“No. What we know is what your sneaky wannabe bougie ass been up to.” Dom leans forward to pick up a newspaper from the floor to hand to me.
The
New York Post
's Page Six Section shows a picture of me standing next to Carolyn, Star Jones-Reynolds, and Holly Robinson-Peete at a charity event for autistic children. The caption reads:
“Socialite extraordinaire Carolyn Ingram shows the star power she can pull to raise money for yet another of her worthy causes. Pictured left to right: Star Jones-Reynolds, Holly Robinson-Peete, and Danielle Johnson (ex-fiancée of Platinum Record's owner Sahad Linx).
I am looking so good in this cropped camel Bottega Veneta anaconda jacket with a matching tank and linen skirt. I fit right in with these stylish and wealthy Black women. I smile as I read the caption again. I do not mind at all being linked to Sahad.
When I look up from the paper (which I plan to keep) there are three pairs of eyes on me.
For the first time
ever
I feel like we are not as close as we all should be, or rather
I
am not as close to them as I should be. But they have to understand that a friend like Carolyn Ingram will get me to places their friendship cannot. If not for Carolyn giving me hand-me-downs that are still worth thousands of dollars used, I would not be able to sell things to loan Mo a thousand dollars towards her lawyer's fees.
We are all growing up. We are not the same four teenagers chilling in the caf at University High. I am a grown-ass woman who is learning to look (and plan) for my future.
“You cheating on me, Danielle? Huh?”
I drop my fork onto my plate wishing like hell that Mohammed would let me enjoy the jerk chicken and wild rice he made for our dinner. I want some good food, some good sex, and a good night of sleep. Instead he is filling up my evening with petty arguments.
Mohammed sits across from me at the small round table with his eyes locked on me as he wrings his hands. I look away from him at anything and everything but his eyes. The bright orange of his kitchen's walls. The pots and utensils on the counter from his cooking, messy as always. The black tile on the floor. Anything. Everything.
“What you done find some rich sugar daddy to buy you all those nice things you worship?” he asks.
Even though he is pissing me off I love the way his accent makes the word
thing
sound more like
ting
. I love it and I love him. I turn my eyes back to him. “I am not cheating on you, Mohammed.”
“Ain't like it ain't something you ain't done before,” he tosses at me under his breath.
I toss my plate away from me and it crashes to the floor as I jump to my feet. “Yeah, I chose you over Sahad. Sue me for picking you over
my
Benz,
my
clothes,
my
furs,
my
jewelry,
my
trips out of town,
my
walks down the red carpet,
my
life as a celebrity. I chose a bigger dick and love. Excuse the fuck out of me, Mohammed.”
He smirks. “If all those things were yours, where are they now?” he asks mockingly.
I feel like crying but I
dare
a tear to fall. All of this is too much.
Carolyn's advice.
Now since you've made it clear that your . . . handyman is your futureâand he barely has a decent pot to piss in or a window to throw it out ofâthen you need to supply your own pot and window
.
Alizé's criticism.
Damn, bitch, since when does hanging out with your friends become a meeting?
And now Mohammed's mocking.
If all those things were yours, where are they now?
All I want is a better life. To accomplish my dreams. To have it all.
“I'm going to bed,” I tell him as I rise from the table.
“Danielle,” he calls out.
I stop at the kitchen entrance but I do not turn around.
“You're losing me, ya hear? One of these times you gone 'come 'round and I ain't gone be here.”
I walk out the kitchen without saying a word.