Short Century (32 page)

So I have an appointment tomorrow to have an abortion. I will have a family one day, but I have a few things to do first, even though I'm not yet sure what they are. I have quit my job—my days of cheering for America are over—but I do not know what I will write next.

I do know that I must stop thinking about Arthur and Emily, Jersey and Jason, Miranda and Daisy. Whatever is in them that has cast a shadow upon me, either I or what I'm standing on will move eventually, and then I'll have the full benefit of the sun. After all, while Emily and I both failed to save our siblings, only I got out with my vision intact. There is something romantic about Emily's isolation, but there is much more in it that is cowardly. There must be something in this wilderness, and there must be a way out of it.

There are worse things to be than an orphan.

Acknowledgments

It is humbling to think of how many people have supported me during the years I wrestled with Arthur.

For their friendship and incisive commentary on drafts, I am indebted to, among others: Emily Austin, Thom Blaylock, Jae Won Chung, Keats Dieffenbach, Vedat Gashi, Olena Jennings, Ryan Joe, Simma Kupchan, Adam B. Kushner, Josh Lebewohl, Courtney Elizabeth Mauk, Abby Rosebrock, Chandler Klang Smith, Rachel Somerstein, and Alexa Winnik. No one read more drafts than Yvette Siegert, without whose advice and insight I would be a greatly diminished person and writer.

Thank you to many teachers, including Sam Lipsyte, Ben Marcus, D.A. Miller, David Plante, and Alan Ziegler. Particular thanks are due to Leslie Woodard, a brilliant and generous mentor to me and to many others, who died suddenly in October of 2013 at the age of fifty-three.

Special thanks to Julian Tepper. Thanks to Tyson Cornell and the team that brought this book together: Julia Callahan, Angelina Coppola, Alison Klapthor, Alice Marsh-Elmer, and Lisa Weinert.

My deepest thanks of all to my parents, Michael and Barbara Gerrard, to my brother, William Gerrard, and to Grace Bello. Though she despises the word “inspiring,” Grace inspires me every day, and makes every day worthwhile.