Shoot Out (The Baltimore Banners Book 7) (18 page)

Her arms tightened around the box, holding it even closer. She started rocking back and forth, her breathing harsh. Hair had fallen from her ponytail and hung in her face, hiding her eyes, her expression. Mat waited, not sure what to do, not sure what to say.

She finally looked at him, her eyes a little wild despite the relief he saw in their amber depths. "He didn't get this one. He didn't find it this time. He couldn't destroy them this time."

Mat couldn't stand it any longer. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, holding her tight against him, like that would be enough to protect her.

"What didn't he get, baby?"

"My pictures. He didn't find them. They're safe."

He didn't ask Nicole to explain. He didn't have to because he instinctively knew what she meant. Mat closed his eyes, fighting against the emotions tearing him apart, focusing on the one that was most important: taking care of Nicole.

"You need to call the police. File charges—"

"No."

"Nicole, you have to. After what he did the other day? After this?"

She leaned back, sadness filling her eyes as she shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Nothing will happen. It never does. A month or two of jail time, maybe, but after that? Nothing. I can't do it again, Mat. I can't go through that again. It's over. He got what he came for: the money. That's all he wanted."

He wanted to argue, to convince her she was wrong, that she should call the police. But her silent plea tore at him, begging him not to push. He clenched his jaw, torn between doing what was right—or doing what was best for Nicole.

Mat finally swallowed his arguments and nodded. Nicole tried to smile but it wavered on her lips, dying away as she leaned against him, her eyes closed. He held her for long minutes, feeling her body slowly still, feeling some of the tension and desperation leave her. He dropped a gentle kiss on the top of her head then pushed to his feet, tugging Nicole with him.

"Come on, we're leaving."

"But—"

He placed his hands on either side of her face, tilting her head back so she would look at him. So she could see his eyes, see the emotions racing through them—through him.

"I am not letting you stay here. I'm not. I—" He swallowed, cleared his throat, started again. "I care about you, Nicole, and there is no way I'm letting you stay here. I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing you were here, knowing what could happen. Please. Come home with me. Please."

Could she see what else was in his eyes? Could she understand the words he couldn't say, not yet? Mat didn't know. And that was fine. It was too soon, she had so many other things to worry about it. But she had to know he cared. Didn't she?

Yes, she did. He could see it in her eyes, a spark of acknowledgement. And that was all that mattered.

Nicole pulled her gaze from his and slowly nodded. He breathed a silent sigh of thanks and pulled her in for a quick hug.

"My things—" She stopped, her shoulders slumping as she looked around at the destruction surrounding them.

"We'll figure something out, don't worry." He grabbed her hand and gently tugged, pulling her from the room. He needed to leave, to get her out of there as soon as he could. He wouldn't be able to breathe, to relax, until he did.

It would be a long time before he could relax at all, not after seeing all of this.

They reached the bottom of the stairs but Mat didn't pause, just reached out for the door handle. Her mother called out, her voice too loud, too scratchy.

"Nikki, where are you going?"

"She's leaving."

"Wait. You can't just do that! Where are you taking her?"

Mat looked over his shoulder, expecting to see Nicole's mother hurrying toward them in a fit of maternal outrage. But she was still on the sofa, a fresh cigarette held between her thin fingers as she leaned forward. Like she couldn't be bothered to get up, like it was too much trouble.

Mat clenched his jaw and stared at her, hiding nothing from his eyes, letting her see it all. His anger, his contempt, his willingness to do whatever was necessary to protect Nicole. She sat back with a gasp, her hand coming up and curling around the stained collar of the robe.

"I'm taking her somewhere safe." Mat pulled the door open, not caring that it slammed into the wall. He guided Nicole down the steps and out to his car, made sure she was safely buckled inside before moving around to the driver's side.

The engine roared to life and he stomped on the gas pedal, accelerating faster than needed as he sped away from the curb. He glanced over at Nicole, making sure she was alright, wondering if she would change her mind. But she simply sat there, not even bothering to look behind them as she reached over and curled her hand around his.

Nicole studied the image on the screen, squinting her eyes and tilting her head, checking it from different angles. A few more adjustments and she was done. She printed a copy then saved the final image, making a back-up as usual.

Except nothing was
as usual
. Not anymore, not for the last two weeks. She could deal with it when she was busy, when she was occupied with her pictures, her mind so engrossed that nothing else mattered.

It was when she wasn't busy that the whirlwind of changes hit her, overwhelming and dizzying to the point her stomach dipped and rolled and her lungs seized, fighting to draw breath.

She took a deep breath now and pressed a hand to her stomach, trying to control the flock of butterflies that had taken nest there. It was unreal, all of it, like some kind of hazy dream that kept playing out with no logical end in sight.

Nicole looked around, her gaze skimming over the room. No, not just a room. An office. Her office, to use as she pleased, with space to spread out, with amenities she had never imagined.

The desk with the built-in filing cabinets and drawers filled with every accessory she might need. The leather chair she was sitting in, overstuffed and soft, perfectly balanced. A state-of-the-art printer.

A brand new laptop loaded with every photo editing program she could ever want.

It was too much. Entirely too much. It didn't matter that the desk and chair and the other furniture had been here already. The laptop was new, and so was the printer. Mat had come home one afternoon, carrying the boxes upstairs and asking her if they would work for what she needed. No questions, no expectations.

It was too good to be true. Nicole knew what they said about things that were too good to be true. And she couldn't help but wonder if maybe she still hadn't learned her lesson, if the last two years fighting to get out, to find her own way, had been for nothing.

If she had moved from one abusive, controlling relationship to another.

Except the comparison wasn't even close. Mat was nothing like her ex had been, certainly not abusive. Definitely not controlling. He made sure she had her own space, encouraged her to do her own things, praised her photography. He opened his house to her, gave her a set of keys to his second car and told her she could use it whenever she needed. Told her to feel free to invite her friends over.

Except she didn't have any friends, not really, not since before Donnie. Not even the girls at the club could be considered her friends, certainly not enough to call or chat with after quitting. Not because of Mat, but because she couldn't handle the thought of going back there. Not when she hadn't enjoyed working there in the first place.

Mat had even gone to the hospital with her, when she went back to give Mia her pictures. And he'd surprised the girl with a small plush dragon with iridescent wings and a bright green body and glowing gold eyes.

Nicole brushed at the tears that came to her eyes, refusing to let them fall. Was it really too good to be true? Had she gone from one bad relationship to another?

Her heart told her no, she hadn't. Her heart told her Mat was the real thing. But her mind didn't want to accept it. How could she, after all she had been through? People like Mat didn't exist, not in her life. He smiled and laughed and gave, expecting nothing in return.

He hadn't even slept with her, not since bringing her home. He was affectionate, kissing her, holding her, cuddling with her while they watched television or just sat there and talked. About everything and anything, getting to know each other. But he hadn't pushed for sex, not once. They weren't even sleeping in the same room.

Part of her wondered if he was giving her space, making her feel comfortable, giving her time to adjust. Adjust to what? She didn't know, but something told her that she would have to be the one to initiate anything more.

Is that what she wanted? Yes. More than she wanted to admit. And that was the problem: she wanted so much more, and that scared her. What she was feeling scared her. Because she was very much afraid that she was falling in love—had already fallen in love with him—no matter how loudly her mind screamed that was a bad idea.

"Nicole, you ready?"

Mat's voice drifted into the room from the hallway. She swiveled in the chair, turning her back to the door and running her hands over her face, wiping at her eyes. She took a deep breath and pushed the hair from her face, trying to erase all traces of her thoughts and hopes and fears from her face.

She heard Mat behind her, felt his arms come around her from behind as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek. He stepped back and spun the chair around, the corners of his mouth tilted in a smile.

"The girls are downstairs, ready whenever you are."

Nicole tried to smile but it wavered on her face. She had been hoping to get out of the planned excursion but every excuse had been brushed off or waved away. Unless she was suddenly overcome with the flu or appendicitis in the next thirty seconds, she didn't see any way out of it.

She was doomed to go dress shopping. With Bridget and one or two other girls, wives or girlfriends of Mat's teammates. And she didn't want to go, not even a little bit. But she had to because Mat wanted her to go to his friend's wedding.

In two days.

Which meant she couldn't put it off any longer, couldn't make up excuses to reschedule.

Mat smiled again, no doubt knowing exactly what was going through her mind. He leaned forward, his mouth claiming hers for a searing kiss. Then he grabbed her hands and pulled her from the chair, walking backward toward the door.

"You're going to have fun."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes you will. This is a chance for you to get out, get to know some of the other girls, have some fun."

"This isn't a good idea, Mat—"

He stopped her with a kiss. Slow, deep. She sighed and leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his neck. His heat wrapped around her, filling her, chasing away some of the doubts and fears. But then he pulled away, leaving her breathless.

Leaving her frustrated and confused.

"It's a great idea. Give it a chance, you might surprise yourself." He smiled, that crooked boyish smile that made her toes curl, and reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ears.

Then he turned, leading her out into the hall and down the stairs.

Give it a chance, you might surprise yourself.

That's what she was afraid of.

"You've lost your fucking mind, Herron. Completely and totally lost it."

Mat glanced in the rearview mirror, scowling at Kenny's reflection. He opened his mouth to respond but Derek jumped in, adding his own opinion.

"You can't lose what you never had to begin with."

"Fuck you, dude. All of you." Mat tightened his hands around the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white. For the tenth time in as many minutes, he questioned the wisdom of asking the guys along. Why had he bothered, when he knew this is what would happen?

"He's thinking too much with his dick, that's the problem." Harland leaned forward, pushing his head between the seats, his eyes still on his damn phone, doing who knew what this time. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. He was into it all, always posting pictures or dry one-liners. A grin split his face, just for a second. The phone beeped with some kind of notification. Harland glanced at it, frowning, then lowered the phone and brushed the hair off his face. He chomped on his gum, the sound crackling in Mat's ear, and shook his head.

"Your problem is that you haven't dated enough. You're always waiting for the 'right one'." Harland's mouth twisted in a sneer as he made air quotes with one hand. "Now that you're getting it on a regular basis, you think you're in love."

Kenny gave a short bark of laughter and nudged Harland in the ribs. "So says the guy who can't get a real woman to look at him twice. You're so full of shit, Harland."

"Hey, I've got women. Lots of them."

"Yeah." Derek snorted. "Online, maybe."

"That's not—"

"Alright, knock it off. All three of you." Mat shot them each a look, his eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched. The glare didn't seem to faze any of them but at least they shut up. For now.

He rolled his eyes then glanced at the side mirror, checking for traffic before merging onto the exit ramp. Kenny leaned forward, pushing Harland out of the way, and pointed to nothing in particular. "Two blocks up and make a right."

Harland reached over and smacked Kenny's arm. "Get your fucking elbow out of my face, will you?"

"It's not in your face. And if you would fucking move, you wouldn't—"

Mat shot another glare toward the backseat. "Knock it the hell off! Christ, you're like a bunch of fucking two-year-olds back there."

Derek turned in the seat, laughing. "Yeah boys. Knock it off before Daddy turns the car around."

"You're not helping. You know that, right? Not helping at all."

"Don't look at me that way. This was your idea, remember? Did you really expect anything different when you invited these two along?"

"Oh, and you're any better?" Mat snorted his disbelief. "Please. Don't kid yourself."

Derek rolled his eyes but didn't say anything—unlike Kenny and Harland, who were still bickering in the backseat. Mat moved into the right lane and stopped, waiting for the car in front of him to make the turn.

Kenny took a break from his shoving match with Harland and leaned forward again. "On your left, just after that next light."

Mat nodded, his eyes searching for the place. Derek shifted in his seat, his voice lowered so the other two wouldn't hear him. "Are you sure about this?"

Not really, no. But Mat nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure."

"I mean, like, really really sure? This isn't something you can change your mind about once it's done."

"Yeah, I know."

"You say that, but do you really? Because I don't think you do. I don't think you realize—"

"Dude, enough. I know what I'm doing. Okay?" At least the words sounded convincing, to Mat's ears at least. He cut across the two lanes of traffic and pulled into the parking lot, finding a spot close to their destination. He stared through the windshield at the storefront just off to his right, his damp hands still wrapped around the steering wheel.

Was he really doing this?

Yeah, he really was.

"Fifty bucks says he changes his mind." Harland pulled some bills from his wallet and waved them around.

"You're on." Kenny pulled his own wallet out and thumbed through it.

"Nah, he won't change his mind. Like you said, Harland, he's thinking with his dick. But I got a hundred that says he cries like a baby."

"Fuck you, Derek."

"What? I told you, you have no idea what you're getting into." He pulled a crisp bill from his wallet and handed it back to Harland, placing his bet. Harland grabbed the money then climbed out of the car, joining Kenny on the sidewalk. Mat watched them for a few seconds then turned to Derek.

"What makes you say I'm thinking with my dick?"

"Because you are. It's like, now that you're getting sex on a regular basis, your mind has gone completely mushy."

"But I'm not."

"Yeah you are. Just being here proves your mind has turned—"

"Not that. I meant about the sex."

"What about the sex?"

"I'm not—" Mat snapped his mouth shut, wondering what the hell he was doing, why he was saying anything at all. Derek leaned back in the seat, studying him, confusion giving way to disbelief.

"You're not…what?"

"Nothing." He reached for the door handle but Derek grabbed his arm.

"Are you trying to tell me that you and Nicole aren't—"

"Just forget I said anything."

"No. Oh no." Derek grabbed his arm again, stopping him from escaping. "Seriously, Mat? The girl is living with you, and there's nothing going on now?"

"No. I mean, it's not like that."

"Really? Then what is it? You take care of this girl, you're trying to keep her safe, bring her to live with you, and suddenly she doesn't want—"

"It's not her. It's me. I haven't—" Mat cleared his throat and looked away, his face burning in embarrassment. "I didn't want her to feel like she had to, you know? Didn't want her to feel like I was expecting anything in return. So I—I told her to take one of the guest bedrooms so she wouldn't worry and now—"

Derek burst out laughing, the sound too loud in the car. Annoying and abrasive. Mat pulled his arm away and thought about hitting him. Probably would have hit him if the wedding wasn't in two days.

Besides, if he hit him, Bridget would get upset and he didn't want that to happen.

"This is priceless. Absolutely priceless. Only you would do something so fucking asinine." Derek swiped a hand across his eyes, drying them. "You know, I meant that whole 'saint' thing as a freaking joke but now I know why it stuck."

"You're not funny. None of this is funny." Mat leaned his head against the seat and let out a heavy sigh, full of frustration and doubt. "And now I don't know what the hell to do."

"What do you mean, you don't know what to do? You just do what you did before. You know: a little wooing, some romance, making out, one thing leads to another—it's not fucking rocket science, you know."

"But I don't want her to think she owes me—"

"For fuck's sake. Mat, you were having sex with her before she moved in, why would she expect things to be different now?"

"I don't know. I just thought—"

"You think too much, that's your problem. And now she's probably wondering what's wrong, why things changed. Smooth, Mat. Real smooth. For someone usually so smart about women and relationships, you really can be a dumb fuck at times."

He heard Derek's words, every single one of them, but he didn't want to believe they were true. They couldn't be. Could they?

Shit. Had he really screwed up? He closed his eyes and Nicole's face immediately came to mind. Her smile, her laughter, the way she curled against him when they were watching television. His chest burned with remembered warmth, that spot just above his heart where she always rested her hand. Like she needed to feel the beating of his heart, like it reassured her or anchored her or soothed her or something. He couldn't put it into words, only knew that he felt something similar, that feeling her hand resting there always filled him with a sense of peace, of belonging.

Another image followed that. Nicole's brows briefly lowered in a frown, confusion flashing in her eyes as she watched him.

When he pulled away or backed off. When he slowed and stopped their kisses, not wanting to push, not wanting her to feel like he was expecting anything from her.

Fuck. Was Derek right? Had he screwed up?

Yeah, he had.

Fuck.

He heard the car door opening, heard Derek step out. "Come on guys, we're going back."

Mat shot upright, his eyes popping open. He reached across and grabbed Derek, dragging him back into the car. "Dude, what the hell are you doing? We're not leaving!"

"You're still going through with this? After what you just told me?"

"Yeah, I am. Why wouldn't I?"

Derek held his hand out to Kenny and Harland, telling them to hang tight, then climbed back into the car and slammed the door. "Seriously? You still want to go through with this?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

"Holy shit, Mat. After what you just told me? I thought you were to the point where it was all roses and rainbow unicorn shit with Nicole, thinking you told her you loved her, that you were planning the wedding, you name it. That's why I thought you were doing this. And then you tell me you're not even sleeping with her? That you put her up in a spare bedroom?"

"I never said I loved her—"

"Yeah, obviously, if you're not even sleeping with her."

"That's not what I meant."

"Dude, don't lie to yourself. You are so in love with her, it's not even funny. Everyone can see it."

"But—" Mat snapped his mouth closed. But what? Nothing, that was what. Derek was right, whether Mat was ready to admit it or not. It didn't matter that any sane person would say it was too soon, it didn't matter what anyone else thought. It didn't even matter that he hadn't even been able to really admit it to himself, not in those words. But his heart knew what it wanted, knew what was right for him.

Nicole. All of her—past, present and future. It didn't matter. He loved her.

He loved Nicole.

Mat smiled, a huge grin spreading across his face as a weight seemed to lift from his chest. Everything felt right now, like he'd found the final piece of a puzzle and clicked it into place, only to reveal a picture a thousand times more spectacular than he thought it would be.

He loved Nicole.

Of course he did. Why else would he be getting ready to do what he was going to do? And now he knew exactly what he wanted, could see it so clearly in his mind. It was going to be perfect.

He opened the door and climbed out, humming under his breath. Not even Derek could annoy him any longer, not even when he voiced his opinion—loudly, for everyone to hear—as they walked into the shop.

"You're out of your fucking mind."