Shock (10 page)

ED SAT BACK AND LET OUT AN EXHAUSTED
puff of air. “I don't think I've ever eaten that much in my life,” he said, blinking helplessly at the exactly one mouthful of saag motor ponir sitting in the silver dish in front of him.

“I will take that,” Tatiana said, scooping it up with her fork.

“That's unbelievable! Where are you putting it all, in your backpack?” he asked, peeking under the table to make sure she wasn't. “You know, a lot of girls are afraid to eat in front of guys.”

“I am not a lot of girls,” Tatiana said.

“Well, you eat like you're about seven of them.”

“Hey, you guys!”

Ed looked up to see Megan and three other girls from school.

“Oh, you found us!” Tatiana cheered. “I didn't know if you got my message!”

“You left them a message?” The question just popped out of Ed's mouth. He hadn't meant to ask it. He was surprised to find himself feeling disappointed that he wouldn't have Tatiana all to himself. Despite all the times he had told her—and himself—that his romantic feelings were only for Gaia, he thought—this twinge of regret told him—he might have a little crush on Tatiana, too.

“Oh, did you think you were going to have her all to yourself?” Megan cooed, as if she'd read his mind.

“No,” Ed mumbled. This was an annoying development. He didn't want his feelings to get even more messy and jumbled. Besides, this was a boisterous bunch—even though there were only a few of them, they were so giggly and chatty that they filled the tiny, train-car-size restaurant with their presence. People at other tables kept glancing over. Megan's book bag boinked a lady sitting across the aisle.

“Well, we definitely need to adjourn to another location,” Megan announced as the lady glared at her and tried to protect her food from any further unintended book bag onslaughts.

“Sounds good to me,” Tatiana said. “We should go to Blue and Gold and play pool.”

“Very badly? Can we play very badly?” Melanie begged.

“Well, you can,” Megan told her. “I think I'm getting better at it. I'll kick your ass, anyway.”

“I hope you don't mind,” Tatiana whispered across the table as she gathered up her things.

“Of course I don't,” Ed said. “I might go home, though.”

“No! You have to come!” Tatiana grabbed his arm affectionately. “I want you to come, too. Please?”

Ed shrugged. The fact was, he was glad this giggly posse had shown up. They'd stop another awkward confrontation from happening—like when Tatiana had tried to kiss him. If he was developing feelings for her, then he had to keep a comfortable distance. But he really wanted to be out. What was at home? Nothing but thoughts of Gaia.

“Okay, I'll come.” He nodded. They went to the divey bar a block away and took over the back room, writing their names on the little blackboard so their mini–pool tournament could proceed. Then the girls started knocking the balls around on the green felt. They clearly had no clue how to play.

Ed couldn't resist. “You might want to hold it like this,” he told Megan. “Look, between your knuckles so the cue actually goes where you're aiming it. Hit this one over here,” he added, pointing out the sweet spot on the seven ball.

“Ohmigod, it went in!” Megan yelped. “Yay, I'm a pool player!”

Soon he was giving a miniclinic to the assembled girls. “This should have been your intramural activity, not skateboarding,” Tatiana teased.

“You're probably right,” he said. “Especially since there's a definite irony in my teaching skateboarding after what I did to myself. I should have handed out wheelchairs to everyone who took it.”

Tatiana laughed. “Ed, you're terrible!” she scolded.

Someone handed him a Sam Adams, and Ed took it. It was fun playing pool, but if he'd been given his choice of activities this evening, hanging out with these girls would not have been one of them. As the novelty of the pool lesson wore off, there was more chatting and less ball-hitting. Ed noticed there was a distinctly catty turn to the conversation.

“I mean, I don't know who told her Burberry was still in style, but she was wearing that pukey plaid with no shame whatsoever.”

“Wait, maybe she was being funny.”

“No, she was not. She was just wearing it. I don't know why she didn't pair the skirt with a pair of Y2K commemorative sunglasses and some dot-com stocks. She looked so ninth grade.”

“Maybe tomorrow she will wear the Ralph Lauren puppy sweater,” Tatiana added to the conversation, pronouncing Ralph Lauren with the correct non-French accent and indicating not only a knowledge of but an interest in both fashion and bitchery. Ed wilted slightly. This wasn't a surprise, but it was a side of Tatiana that wasn't his favorite.

“I heard her father lost a bundle on that merger that never happened,” someone else added. “But if she's scrounging, she's better off wearing no name than old names.”

“She's better off staying home if she's going to let her ass get that big,” Tatiana said. “Did anyone notice that the stripes looked like ocean waves?”

Everybody busted up laughing. Ed had no idea who they were talking about, but something about the conversation was making him kind of sick. Yeah, it was mean, but there was something else, too. He took a long swig of Sam Adams and suddenly felt dismally tired. He put down his cue and went to sit on one of the banquettes.

I should be happy,
he thought.
Here I am, out with the hottest girls in school, and I'm the only guy in sight. Isn't this like the plot of some teen movie? I should be having the time of my life.

Woo-hoo.
The trouble was, something about this scene—the bitchy girls, the fashion report cards, the endless chatter—was awfully familiar. Was he just having a random case of déjà vu or…

Ugh. He knew exactly what this reminded him of.

Way back in the far reaches of his memory, he had a vision of himself—young, nervous, and eager to impress his new girlfriend, Heather. He'd fallen for her because of the way she was when she was just with him. But a major flaw in their relationship was the way she became in these packs of females. He had spent too much time hanging out with her in places like this. Listening to her yak with her girlfriends. Struggling to keep up with their cleverer-than-thou bitchfests. Years later, after all he'd been through, he was ending up in the same circle of girls, doing the same shit. Only this time the queen bee was…

“Ed, don't be so mopey,” Tatiana complained, coming over and yanking at his arm. “Everybody's having fun. What are you, a lightweight?”

Tatiana. She had somehow turned into the new Heather. And she wasn't the queen bee. She was acting like the queen bee-yotch. All of a sudden Ed felt like he'd been yanked back into Casa Heatherosa.

“I want to see someone doing a shot,” she announced, like a demented cruise director. “Who is first?”

Maybe he was overreacting, Ed thought. Maybe Tatiana just had a couple of drinks in her and was acting obnoxious. But even if that were true, it made him like her less.

But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that this was the second time in twelve hours that Tatiana had reminded him of someone else. An ex-girlfriend, no less.

Am I so predictable that I'm going to spend the rest of my life dating the same two girls over and over again?
he wondered.
Or is Tatiana somehow doing this on purpose?

He had no idea which—if either—was true. He took a closer look at Tatiana. She had seemed like her old self when he went to her match, but now he was replaying it. There was something in her eyes, some kind of bitterness that hadn't been there before. Almost like she had experienced some great personal letdown, a betrayal so huge, it had changed her outlook on life.

But she hadn't said anything about having problems. They were friends, weren't they? Ed would have known if something huge had gone down. Maybe she was worried about applying to college? Ed's sister had turned into an obsessed monster before she'd even ordered her applications, and every meeting with her adviser had thrown her into a deeper funk over how she'd never get into Bennington or Bard. Or something with her dad? Ed had never heard a full explanation of who he was or why he wasn't around. Most of his friends had an almost fetishistic interest in their absent parents. The more he thought about it, the more he realized something was off with Tatiana, and try as he might, he couldn't figure out what it could be. She did well in her classes, and she had tons of friends.

Oh, jeez, it's not me, is it?
he wondered.
What if she's upset because she's hung up on me?
The idea seemed impossibly self-absorbed, but Ed couldn't dismiss it as a possibility. Given how messed up he'd been feeling over Gaia, he now had ample evidence that a sick heart could ruin every aspect of someone's life. And knowing he might be having that effect on Tatiana just made him feel even worse, and weirder, and less like a party animal. This night was getting really unfun.

Ed shook his head and took another swig of beer. It wasn't having the desired effect. His mind wasn't clearer, it was more clouded, and he was starting to feel like Heather, Gaia, and Tatiana were three freaky personality-switching sprites. Heather went from bitchy to nice. Gaia was so hot and cold, she was practically a split personality. And now Tatiana had gone from
Pleasantville
to
Cruel Intentions
.

Ed watched Tatiana from his spot on the banquette. This was just so confusing. The balls on the pool table made sense: You hit them and they rolled into each other. But Tatiana was one giant curveball, a cue ball that wiggled off in bizarre directions. Come to think of it, all girls were like crazy cue balls.

It was enough to make Ed seriously consider some sort of skateboarding monastery.