Sheisty (8 page)

She seemed very happy, so good for her. I was so curious to know who her baby daddy was, but again I decided not to pry.

Shit, as long as the bitch moved on, why should I care? "Okay, well take care and good luck," I said as I was leaving.

"Epiphany, if you're really sincere, thanks for not having any hard feelings. I know you were really feeling C-God," she said.

My heart dropped, I threw my bags down and charged at her ready to catch a case for beating this pregnant hoe's ass. She had to be lying. How the fuck could he do this to me... and with her?

Tanya jumped in her car, locked the door and screamed, fumbling with her keys as I tried to kick a hole in her door. Then it dawned on me, the motherfucker never told her about us, nor did he stop seeing her. I calmed down and stopped to hear what she was yelling from inside the car, but she pulled off.

I was furious and I knew she was gonna get to him before I did, lord only knows I had to calm down because I wanted to murder the bastard. Still sitting in my parked car in front of the mall, I called Keisha and the minute I started to tell her tears flooded my eyes. However, for some reason I wasn't getting the support I was expecting from my so-called best friend. She was cold and distant.

"Listen, before you continue," Keisha interrupted, "I need to know if you knew anything about your lil' boyfriend having serious beef with Tucker."

"What? How could you ask me something like that? Of course I didn't know and that's what I'm trying to tell you, I obviously didn't know a lot about that motherfucker." Not even caring about what went down with C and Tucker, I went on about what he did to me.

Days went by without me answering my phone. I just wanted to shut the world out and all I could do was feel sorry for myself. Why me? When's my chance at happiness gonna come?

Shit, I did everything he wanted me to. I never cheated. I gave him the pussy whenever he wanted it. I go out and get drunk with him, even put up with his baby momma drama and now Tanya's gonna be #6.

All these thoughts ran through my head as I listened to "Why Does it Hurt so Bad?" by Whitney Houston on the
Waiting to
Exhale
Soundtrack, over and over again. I can't understand why he'd want to give her a baby and not me. I am 20 times better looking then her. What does she have that I don't?

For instance, she stays in her mom's basement and I live in an apartment. She leases a Honda Civic and I own a BMW. She's more of a Filene's Basement, T.J. Max, and Marshall's type of shopper while I'm Bloomingdale's, Saks, and Nordstrom. Now, that's a big fucking difference. The more I compared myself to Tanya, the more frustrated I became. It felt like I was putting a puzzle together, but didn't have all the pieces.

I finally moved into my first apartment.
It's a small one bedroom in a basement, but it's mine. I still had a few things at my mom's that I need to get. While packing my stuff, I ran across several unopened letters from K.C. I didn't even know he had written me since he'd been locked up. The first letter said:
Sha,

By the time this letter reaches you I hope it finds you and
your family in the best of health.

As for myself, I'm doing the best I can considering my cir-cumstances. Listen, I know I'm facing a lot of time in here
because the man has got me on some bogus conspiracy charges,
but I am innocent and I'm gonna fight these bastards for my life.

I have a lot of time to think in here and I could not let another
day go by without writing to tell you how much I love you and I
apologize for not treating you like the Nubian Queen that you
are.

You stuck by me during all the bullshit and I'll always love
you for that. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

A nigga needs you to drop me a line or come see me. I'll be waiting.

Love always,

Kalub Cright

Something melted inside of me. My insides got all hot and shit, because deep down inside I had mad love for him. As hard as K.C. tried not to show it when he was out on the streets, I knew he loved me too. I had to see him and drop a few dollars on his books. By the time I got to the last letter his words were slightly different:

Sha,

Yo, shorty you really shitting on a muthafucka. I guess you
ain't really give a fuck about me cause now a nigga fucked up
and I can't even get a few words on some fucking paper from
you yo, that shit hurts, word up. I took care of your bum ass
when your people ain't do shit. I ain't never asked you for nuttin', it's all good though, a nigga see what's really good. U take
care, breath easy baby girl.

ONE

I ain't even gonna trip 'cause these letters were dated back three and four months ago. He's only speaking out of anger

'cause a nigga thinks I shitted on him. After making a call to the house where at least 75% of our black men reside, Riker's Island, I was told that he was transferred upstate. It took me a week to find out his exact location and information. But I had to see him.

Listening to him beg and plead on my answering machine several times a day didn't help much.
It only made me weaker and more eager to hear what he had to say even though it wouldn't matter now after all the bullshit that went down. I wanted to talk to him and needed to hear what he had to say, his side of the story. As much as I tried to fight the feeling of missing his no good ass, I couldn't.

It's a difficult situation when your heart won't feel what your mind needs it to. It's been 24 hours since my phone stopped ringing and the thought of C just giving up on me made my heart hurt. I checked my caller ID to make sure I didn't sleep through any of his calls, even though I really haven't slept much. I just needed to make sure. I would rewind and replay every message over and over again until I finally stopped fighting it and called him up.

The first ring had my heart pounding. Second ring, it pounded even harder. Third ring and then his voicemail, my heart dropped into the bottom of my stomach. I hung up the phone wishing I never called him at all. Damn, I should've just picked up the phone. Maybe, he's with Tanya. I thought to myself feeling partly to blame for him saying, "Fuck it." Ring...

Oh shit, that's my phone. I jumped up and ran to the caller ID to see if it was him, 'cause that would determine if I would answer or not. It was him. My heart started pounding again; I picked up, speaking in a tone that showed no pain.

"Hello?"

"Epiphany?" he hesitated, unsure that it was me.

"Hey," I said.

"Did you just call me?" he asked.

That's the bullshit; he puts the ball in my court to start off the conversation. I threw it right back in his.

"Well, I was out of town a couple of days, and I got your messages. So I was just returning your call." Yeah, I lied about being out of town but I wasn't about to let this nigga know that I was in the house all week, fucked up and losing sleep over him. "So, what's up C-God? What you gotta say?" I said, giving him and myself the benefit of the doubt to at least hear what he had to say.

"I need to talk to you face to face," he said. Face to face is too easy. He's probably thinking if I see him I'll get weak. That's what that's all about and I'm not going for it.

"Listen C, whatever you have to say can be said over the phone, 'cause I don't wanna see you. Oh, and no more lies please." I threw that in to let him know that I was fed up with all his bullshit. After an hour of listening to what he had to say, I learned that he just found out Tanya was pregnant, and it happened before we grew close. He also said he wasn't sure if it was even his. Although she said it was, he heard she was fucking with someone else. C also said he was gonna tell me once he knew whether or not he was the kid's daddy. He said I needed to know she meant nothing to him. I was somewhat convinced, but I didn't want to make getting back with me too easy. So, I brought up his beef with Tucker.

"Yo, that was just a small beef over some nonsense. That shit has been squashed. So when can I see you?"

"Whenever you want to," I replied eagerly, as excitement started to take away the pain.

K.C. and I kicked it and everything is all good.
Seeing him made me realize how much I really love that nigga and he needs me to be in his corner right now. Since he's been locked up, his peoples been shitting on him, so he's been on some fuck the world type shit. He said I was his first visit since he was shipped upstate and seeing me made a nigga feel like he had something to fight for.

He was waiting on an appeal 'cause there was some foul play on the state's part, which means he might be coming home.

But, his lawyer needed 10g's to proceed with the appeal. Three visits later, collect calls, some sneakers, underclothes, lawyers fees and about $600 dollars in commissary, he asked me to marry him.

K.C. always knew the right shit to say to me, but being in jail made him more sensitive, respectful, and loving. With all that in mind, I said "Yes." I have a lot of shit going on in my life that he knows nothing about and I don't need him to know. His freedom card has been revoked. He's in there and I am out here tackling life everyday doing what I got to do to survive.

It's funny how life takes its turns. When he was on the streets, he took care of me, but he also did his dirt. Now, it's my turn to take care of him. Not because I owe him, but because I love him and I'm a rider for mine. I no longer needed to fuck with C-God, now that I had my own connect with his supplier. I'm making twice as much as I did when I was working for him, but he served his purpose.

Once he put me on, we ain't fuck around that much. It became mostly business, but we remained cool. You never burn bridges with a nigga like him. I like them thugs, but on the real that nigga's a lil' too self-destructive for me. He either gonna end up dead or in jail. I don't want to be caught up in that shit when it happens.

Chasity was on some new shit, so I stopped fucking with her all together. That licky licky shit wasn't my thing anyway, them fucking chicks ain't nothing but a headache, worst than a man.

Shit, trying to keep up with that kinky threesome shit was wearing me the fuck out. Not to mention her jealousy when it came to me and C having sex, and not including her. The bitch would start getting all emotional and wanna fight me. I ain't with that.

I'm making moves now and I ain't got no time for headaches. I had rings to buy. I never put that much thought into getting married, but I know one thing, if I wasn't paying for my own ring it would have been a much better one. Shit, they say that diamonds are forever and looking at how much they cost they should be.

Picking out K.C.'s band wasn't hard at all, but every ring that I liked cost $3000 and up. So, I settled for a nice little diamond chip cluster that cost me $600 bucks. I didn't need people asking questions about no big ass rock on my finger. As I was leaving the jewelry store, I ran right into Keisha. She was the last person I wanted to see. Her expression was cold, and I know she had every reason to be salty. I hugged her and tried to play shit off, but she wasn't falling for it. She hit me with every question that she could think of. I told her I was going through a tough time and just needed my space. It wasn't personal.

I did miss Keisha. She was always a sweetheart. I knew I could of at least return her phone calls. My problem wasn't really with her. I started to feel bad for cutting the only true friend I've known for half my life. With all that said I saw a look of true friendship in that girl's eyes, more than what I probably deserved.

Keisha forgave me and even though it was too late to be in her wedding, I was gonna make it my business to at least be there. I owe our friendship that much.

Last night there wasn't a lot of talking going on between C-God
and I.
When I opened up the door and seen my man standing there, I forgot why I was even mad at him in the first place. As a matter of fact, I was mad at myself for staying away from him so long. From the time he walked in the door up until the moment he left, there was nothing but straight fucking, I mean lovemak-ing going on. His lovin' was definitely what Epiphany Janee Wright needed to get back on track.

The way he sucked my pussy took me to a world of fucking ecstasy. As my legs started to tremble the need to feel him inside of me grew stronger. I pulled him up from my drenched pussy so I could taste it from his lips and as usual his thick 10 1/2 inches of hardness knew how to find its way home. I missed being fucked so good, it was long overdue.

My pussy starts to throb every time I think about my sweet chocolate boy wonder. I gave it to him anyway he wanted it and in every hole he wanted in. C has always been crazy about my head job and last night I almost sucked the skin off it and gar-gled his babies before I swallowed them.

I was really feeling myself after he screamed out "Damn I love you!" I wanted him open off of me so I gave him all I had to give including my chocolate factory (meaning my butthole).

For those that don't know... that shit hurt like hell until he got it all the way in. C didn't ask no questions when I got on all fours, doggy style, spread my ass cheeks apart and gave him my best

"fuck me now" facial expression. Why should he, after months of me refusing to take it there? He was so gentle and just like he said, the key is to, "relax your muscles and take deep breaths." From there on out it was a beautiful thing. God if loving him is wrong I don't want to be right. And if loving him means keeping it from Keisha, so be it.

Speaking of Keisha, this afternoon is the first wedding rehearsal brunch and I swear if I didn't have to be there I wouldn't. Two wedding rehearsals for a wedding that's less then two weeks away. Who the hell need two lessons on how to walk down a damn aisle and carry flowers? C-God left me drained of all energy, so sleep is what I needed to recharge my batteries.