Shattered Souls (22 page)

Chapter 26

“What were you told? What did you find out?” I demanded. “Why are you pulling away from me?”

“I need to leave tomorrow morning.” Logan’s voice was distant.
The good news from my trip to Zelo quickly washed away, and I was left with emptiness.

“What?” I yelled louder than
I intended.

“It’s only to get things ready
. If we want to lead them back East then I need to start the trail. It’s going to take every second we have to get your dad’s place ready.”

“And?” I asked, raising a brow. “I know there’s more.”

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t move. The family room felt like a place I’d never stood before, like I was watching a scene unfold in someone else’s home, someone else’s life — again.

“This doesn’t even feel real. The way you’re treating me. I need to know it’s you making this choice and not someone else.
I feel like the fairies are controlling you.”

“It’s not someone else, but it’s not my choice. It has to be done. I need to leave. But not because I want to.”

“It’s a choice and you
are
making it.” My voice trembled as I watched him, hoping he’d make a move toward me, but he was still. “And being unkind while doing so.”

“I’m not being unkind.” Logan said, his throat muscles constricting. “Do you think this is easy for me?”

“Easy enough, if you’re willing to leave me like this.” I forced the lump back down. I was not going to cry, not in front of him. “We weren’t going to leave for back East until we were both ready and then we’d set the stage. You taking off like this throws everything for a loop.”

“I love you, Triss. That’s the reason why I’m doing this.” His eyes darkened.

“I don’t understand where this is coming from. You’re not honoring my wishes. You’re on the pursuit of something that might not even be a possibility, wasting time that we don’t even have. I would’ve thought you’d rather spend the time we have left together—
together—
rather than chasing some imaginary solution,” I said, almost shouting. I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall. To him, it probably looked like I was trying to back away from him when, in actuality, leaning against the wall was to prop myself up because at this moment, I didn’t think my legs could hold me any longer.

“You think that’s why I’m leaving?” His eyes locked on mine. “To stop the curse?”

“It’s the only thing I can think of and since you’re refusing to tell me anything my assumptions are all I have.”

He narrowed his eyes, taking one step forward.

“Before this moment, when have I ever gone against your wishes, expectations, hopes? Never,” his voice was calloused.

“You’re doing it now. I don’t want you to leave. I need you here with me.” The hopelessness that was seeded in my abdomen began blooming through my entire body. There would be no talking him into staying. His eyes said everything.

“I would’ve thought that you’d understand I’d only do this if I had no other choice. And with everything we’ve encountered so far and what we’re facing in the future, I wouldn’t leave unless it was absolutely necessary. It’s not like I’m trying to do this to hurt you, to keep a secret from you. This is killing me,” Logan’s voice broke.

“Then why leave?”

“I want to wake up from this nightmare as much as you do.” He averted his eyes from mine.

“
Show me you love me. Prove to me it’s you making this decision,” I whispered, closing my eyes to force away the tears.

By the time I opened my eyes, Logan was already in front of me. One of his hands quickly grabbed the nape of my neck, his fingers pressing into my flesh. “You want to make sure it’s really me making the decision? Is that what this is about? Do you think I’m possessed or something?” His voice was aggressive, as he attempted to hide the hurt in his eyes.

“I didn’t want to think it was you
leaving
me,” I whispered, feeling the warm trail of tears roll down my flesh. “I never wanted to believe you could do this to me.”

“It’s to protec
t you. That’s the only reason I’d leave,” he whispered. “Our connection is so strong it’s allowing people to tap into your mind through me, and it’s too dangerous right now. I’m sure the fire, and the dream about our fictitious daughter, to name a couple, are all because of the
nectunt
we share. Your mind needs to be clear, and me being around is only making it worse. I can’t stand the thought of someone getting inside of you because of me. And I need to get back there and implement our plan.”

“Who’s to say the distance will stop the damage from being done if the
nectunt
is already shared between us?”

“I just know.”

“I don’t understand where this is coming from,” I whispered.

“Remember when Dace and Bakula wanted us to separate?”

I nodded, turning my head away. “So you talked to them about this too?”

“The dream of our daughter?” his voice low. “The fire at the house? How much more are we going to risk?”

“Mind warfare,” I whispered, turning my head to look at him once more.

He nodded.
“That’s what Ethan’s begun.”

“We will be back together as soon as it’s safe,” his voice was deep, dark. The distance his tone applied scared me.
“As soon as everything’s ready, you’ll meet me back there.”

“What if that moment is too late?”

His eyes flashed and he pressed me against the wall. His fingers intertwined with mine as he held them above my head.

“Do you want to know
what question haunts me every moment of my life?” he asked.

My mouth became parched, and I looked away as the lump in my throat continued to form.

“What’s that?” I whispered, refusing to look him in his eyes.

“What if you aren’t waiting for me on the other side?” Logan asked, brushing the hair off my shoulder. “I’m scared to death that when I will finally leave this earth, you won’t be waiting for me. You won’t be there…”

I had nothing to say because I worried about the same thing, which was what made me want him by my side at all times. Why couldn’t he understand that? Finding the strength inside of me, I looked up at him as he released my hands. I traced my finger along his jawbone, the muscles twitching as I trailed down to his shoulder.

“That’s precisely why I don’t want you to leave me,” I said. “I want to act like everything will be fine, but I know it won’t be and any second you choose to be away from me is one less guarantee I have in this life.”

“Then let’s not have another wasted moment,” he whispered, his body pressing up against mine.

“You’re all I have been able to count on. I can’t lose that.”

“Baby,” he crooned, “I’ll never—”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” I whispered, swallowing my tears.

He held my gaze as he brought his lips close to mine. “I never would.” His breathing was ragged as he scooped me in his arms and carried me to the bed.

“We’ve come too far to
not push through this last bit,” he said, placing me on the bedspread. “It’ll require sacrifice, but it’ll be worth it.”

His hands coiled my hair as I allowed myself to be in this moment and accept
his answers for what they were— hopes we attempted to make a reality. That was all life was really. I shouldn’t hold our relationship up to any other standards. I smiled back at Logan, feeling the butterflies in my belly overtake my worries, as he peered down at me. He slid his knee between mine and brought his lips close to my ear. His warm breath tickled my neck as his mouth slowly ran down my throat.

I
ran my fingers through his hair as his lips traced down my collarbone, sending shivers to my toes.

He sat back up, straddling me. Stripping his shirt off, he tossed it on the floor
, and my heart skipped a beat. His shoulders broad, the string of muscles contracting as he bent to raise my shirt over my head. The cold air hit my flesh as his eyes scanned over me as if I was his possession and something about that excited me.

Logan’s eyes connected with mine as his finger followed the outline of my
nectunt
, sending more shivers down my spine. “You are so beautiful, and you are mine.”

“In this world and the next,” I whispered as he brought his lips down to mine.

Chapter 27

I woke up and he was already gone. I was secretly relieved because I didn’t think I’d be able to make it through a goodbye. This way there was no goodbye. The emptiness I felt in the bottom of my heart didn’t compare to the emptiness that now inhabited the
nectunt
. We weren’t going to contact each other through any direct methods. He would speak to his mom, my mom or Trevor, but that was it. I would have to depend on them to tell me everything about Logan and what he was doing.

I quickly took a shower a
nd left the house. I was headed over to my aunt’s where I’d meet up with Angela and Trevor. Today was the day. My aunt and mom had spoken with Maddie, and it was decided that the undercity was the best place to make the switch between us. I was in a completely unsettled place between having Logan gone and thinking I’d no longer be in the body I thought of as mine.

When I reached my aunt’s
house Trevor, Angela, and Jenny were already there. Angela gave me a big hug once she saw me. How was this girl not scared to death? I certainly was.

“Are you really okay with this?” I asked her. Trevor was standing next to Angela
, and a big smile spread across his lips as he slid his arm around her waist.

“Yes
. I know I should be nervous, but I’m just really excited. I guess ignorance really is bliss.” She laughed.

“And your mom slipped her a little something,” Trevor said, chuckling.

“She did?” Angela asked, her brow furrowed.

“I guess we’re a tricky bunch,” I teased.

I looked behind Angela at my mom and watched her release dust between her thumb and index finger into what I presumed would be my drink. I shook my head and laughed as Angela turned around to see my mom bringing me a cup of tea. I looked into the liquid and watched the remaining white speckles dissolve.

“I’m not sure if I should say thanks or not,” I said to my mom, who was smiling at me.

“It’s best for all involved,” my mom explained.

“It’s not a painful process
switching places,” Ellsy said. “It’s not something that I would call pleasant either.”

Angela’s
eyes widened, but the worry quickly vanished. Whatever she was on sounded really appealing. I brought the liquid to my lips and began sipping. It had a bitterness to it that I couldn’t place. It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t great.

“Can I have a glass of water too?” I asked.

Trevor nodded and walked over to the sink.

I looked over at Angela as I continued sipping the tea and within seconds, my body began to fall into a calm space.
However, the taste worsened instantly.

“How long does this last?” I asked my mom.

“About twelve to sixteen hours,” she said. “The last time I had it was when I gave birth to you.”

Even
with the drink mixture, a faint sadness swept through me as my mom’s reference brought the images of something I wouldn’t be experiencing. If only I could shut it out, everything that I’d be missing...

That
thought shattered as soon as it entered my mind as the drink continued to work its magic on me. I gulped down the last of the mixture and was thankful to Trevor as he handed me the glass of water. The bitterness got worse on the last few swigs. I eagerly swallowed the water, but unfortunately it didn’t wash away the awful taste in my mouth.

“The water didn’t help me either,” Angela said, twisting her mouth.

“Thanks for letting me know.” I smiled, trying to untangle my lips from one another. I was feeling very odd.

“I didn’t want to sway you in case the H
2
0 worked for you.” She laughed. Obviously she was in the really happy state of this herbal concoction, but I could definitely tell that it didn’t matter what happy state I might land into next, I didn’t want to have to stomach that taste ever again. It wasn’t worth it, not at all.

“We should probably head out to Maddie’s. Logan
’s already texted that he was at the airport, so once he left from here traffic must not have been so bad,” Ellsy told us all. My stomach clenched into a ball and then immediately relaxed. This stuff was impressive. Even if I wanted to wallow around in my sorrow, I don’t think I could.

“Logan came here this morning?” I asked.

Ellsy nodded, looking bewildered. “He filled us in on everything and wanted to say goodbye. I thought you dropped him off.”

I shook my head and attempted to be puzzled, but t
he feeling wore off immediately, leaving me empty.

“It’s hard to believe he thinks he can get everything arranged in a couple of days,” Aunt Vieta said.

I knew he was working this fast so we could be together again. A pang of something I didn’t recognize surfaced. God, I hated the stuff I just drank. I didn’t want to be immune to emotion. I wanted to live it… feel it…the highs and the lows.

“Are you okay over there?” my mom asked. “The stuff should already be hitting.”

“It is,” I confirmed. “I think that’s the problem.”

Angela shook her head an
d threaded her arm through mine, hauling me toward the door. “I say it’s time we get this new adventure started.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her ridiculousness. Her eyes didn’t seem to focus on much of anything
, and her voice was a complete octave higher. As we got to the door, I thought about Logan waiting at the airport alone, and my heart
almost
sank. The level of agitation that was occurring with these half-baked emotions was beyond frustrating.

V
ieta, Ellsy, and my mom scooted by us and Jenny opened the front door. Trevor, Angela, and I passed through first. We were on our way. The cold air hit me, and it felt the most real out of anything I’d experienced in the last several minutes. At least some senses weren’t completely affected.

“We’ll take two cars,” Vieta said, motioning for Trevor to drive Angela and me.
I followed him to his car and slid in the backseat. My body felt sluggish, and my arms and legs weighted. I wanted to lie down. I buckled in and slouched into a comfortable position. I propped my head on the door and felt the gentle vibration as the car took off for downtown Seattle. Angela was talking endlessly and didn’t appear to have the negative side effects that I was experiencing. Every bump and dip we went over made my stomach slosh around endlessly.

When Trevor pulled the car into the lot, I was so happy. I unbuckled and
opened the door, hoping the cool, crisp air would help. My aunt pulled into a slot a few spaces down.

My mom walked over and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. “You don’t look so
hot right now,” she said.

“That’s a good summation,” I confirmed.

“There’s nothing to be nervous about if that’s what’s adding to your overall being…”

I shook my he
ad and looked at my mom. “Will you be okay seeing Maddie?”

“Of course, honey. It wasn’t her fault. I volunteered. She didn’t force me,” she replied.

I swung my head too quickly and the nausea won out. I leaned against the car to steady myself. I’m sure it looked like I’d had one too many to anyone who passed by, but I didn’t even care. I wanted my head to stop spinning and my stomach to become neutral. Taking a few deep breaths in, I nodded. I was ready. Angela began looking pretty green herself and leaned on Trevor as we walked down the sidewalk to the gum wall. There was no one in the alley and Vieta and Ellsy swooped us through the other side. Each lit their wands, and we began walking down the stairs. It was hard not to think about Logan and when we were here together, but my thoughts couldn’t stay focused for long. Reaching the bottom, I opened the door and ducked, walking through the smaller room.

Maddie was already in the center of the room, w
hich shocked me. I was expecting a moment to calm myself before we knocked on her door. I didn’t expect her to be waiting for us in the common room. She smiled at me but her face fell as she spied Trevor.

“Hi there, Triss,” she said. Her voice was as calm and nice as the first time I
’d met her, before she set us up.

I nodded and focused on Angela as she continued to lean on Trevor.
Maddie spotted him and began shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I can’t allow—”

“I’m not going to deal with this again,” I interrupted, shaking my head. I looked at my mother, as anger began percolating through me once again. “She pulled this with Logan, and I’m not going to waste our time.”

Angel
a glanced at me and then my mom before nodding her head. “I couldn’t agree more. Trevor and I found several spells that can achieve this. I heard the trouble you caused for Logan.”

“Did you?” Maddie asked.

“You promised you wouldn’t cause any issues,” my mom chided, wiggling her finger. “Now let us all in, and we’ll be out of your hair before you know it.”

Maddie pressed her lips together and then nodded.
“Alright.” She turned around and began walking toward the opening, and we followed behind.

The room looked very similar to when Logan and I had been
in it. There was a different painting that she was working on, but everything else seemed to be the same.

She had a spread of cheese, crackers, and fruits laid out on the table. None of it
seemed very appealing at the moment, but Trevor and Jenny quickly found a plate and began helping themselves. I sat down on the stool closest to me and Angela sat next to me.

“My first question is how do we switch back? Do we need to come back to see you?” I asked.

Maddie shook her head. “I’ll have an antidote for you both. The only trick is that you both drink it at relatively the same time.”

“I’m really quite impressed with how quickly you
’re mastering your abilities,” Maddie said. “Have you ever used my—”

“Haven’t needed it, I guess. Things just started happening
, and I’ve never had time to prepare it,” I said.

“Well
, doing it organically is much better than adding liquids and potions,” she confirmed. “It’s just that most of us depend on those liquids and potions. Okay, so are we ready?” She looked at Angela who looked at me, and I nodded.

“I’ve got a much more comfortable arrangement in the living room,” Maddie chimed. “Just follow me through these doors.” She walked to the double doors in the far corner. I slid off my stool and waited for Angela before we followed Maddie.

As understated as the room we just were in was, this room was the exact opposite. There were two large, red velvet couches in an L shape, and a black shag rug intersecting the couches.

“If each of you want to take a couch that would be best,” Maddie said, pointing.

“Good luck,” Angela said, hopping in place as she gave me a big hug.

Trevor came over and wrapped his arms
around her, and my heart dropped slightly. I wished Logan was here. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how one was to look at it, I didn’t really feel as horrible as I should.

There were matching chaise lounges pushed against the wall, which
was where my aunt, mom, Ellsy, Jenny, and Trevor sat down as Angela and I crawled onto the couches. I had to admit just how wonderful it felt stretching along the velvet upholstery.

I turned onto my back and stared at the ceiling, which had several large wood beams interlocked. I began tracing the pattern with my gaze, but Maddie began speaking.

“So what I’ll be asking of you is very little. I need you to listen to my voice and allow yourself to wrap into whatever is asked of you. There will come a point during this process where you will feel outside of yourself. At that point it is crucial that you do nothing to fight the feeling or the energy as your spirit is transferred from one shell to another.”

A chill ran down my spine as she referred to our bodies as shells, but I suppose that was all they were.
I glanced at my mom who was sitting against the wall, her elbows balancing on her knees, and her hands steepled together as she smiled at me.

I turned my attention back to Maddie as she walked around the room, gathering
candles and two pouches. She placed them on the coffee table that was in front of our couches.

“It’
s best to do this in the dark,” Maddie said, as the lights went dim. She worked quickly to light the candles in front of us, and once the flame attached to the wick I found myself breathing a sigh of relief. After my last encounter with her, I wasn’t fond of being in complete darkness around her. Although, being here with this many people had to work in our favor.

The dance of the flames reflected
in the mirror that was hanging behind my couch, and I let myself go into a slight trance as I watched the orange and reds intertwine.