Shannon's Daughter (33 page)

“What
are your plans for tomorrow?”
 
Just as a
precaution, he returned the bed to its stowed position and closed the doors
firmly.

“I’m meeting
Aunt Addie and Agnes for Mass at nine.
 
That’s
all, really.
 
What about you?”
 
The hopeful spark in her eyes tugged at his
heart.

“On
Sundays I try to get out to Hertford to see my grandparents.”
 
He hesitated, questioning his impulse.
 
“I don’t suppose you’d care to go with me?”

“Oh,
Kendall, I’d love to!
 
I could even get
Hammonds to drive us.”

“No, I
don’t think so.
 
My bringing a guest will
be shock enough.
 
Arriving in a
chauffeur-driven car would be too much.
 
We’ll take the train.
 
It’s only a
little over an hour’s trip.
 
I usually
stay through tea and get back to the city before eight.”

“That
sounds like fun.”
 
She had somehow
managed to find her way back into his arms and raise her face to within inches
of his.
 
“I suppose you should call me a
cab now, shouldn’t you?”

“Why?
 
I was planning to walk you back to the
hotel.”
 

“Oh.
 
Well, in that case, we should probably go
soon.”
 
Her arms tightened around his
waist, aligning her body against his.

“Yes.
 
Definitely.”
 
Kissing Peg was much like breathing, he
decided as he tested the seam of her lips and found entry, impossible to avoid
for long without dire consequences.
 

“Why
Bleaker?”
 
They fell into step easily,
strolling along the quiet street.
 
“It
seems an odd name for a quartet.
 
I
assume it’s named for someone?”

He
chuckled.
 
“No.
 
You see, at the time we got together, we were
all struggling.
 
We agreed to join forces
because things were so grim for each of us.
 
Geoff said we might as well starve together, since things couldn’t get
any bleaker than they were.”

“Oooh!
 
That’s pretty awful, isn’t it?
 
But I suppose it’s too late to change it, now that you’re successful.”

“I
wouldn’t go that far, but we get our fair share of gigs.
 
And we’ve decided the name is our good luck
charm.
 
No going back now.”

They
walked on in silence, Peg’s hand finding its way into his.
 
“So tell me about your grandparents.
 
I remember you said your grandfather’s a
barrister.”
 

“Retired.
 
They’re both in their late seventies now.
 
Granny had a mild stroke two years ago and it
slowed her down a bit.
 
Grandfather says
she gets confused at times, but she puts on a good show for me.
 
They’re funny together, correcting each other
and arguing about silly little things, but they’re the best example I know of a
happy marriage.”

“You’re
really close to them, aren’t you?”
 
Peg
squeezed his hand gently and he looked down, touched by the warmth in her
gaze.
 

“They’ve
been wonderful to me, supporting me through everything with my father and
sending me to Oxford.
 
I could never
repay them for all they’ve done, but I intend to stick by them as they get
older.
 
I’m really all they have in the
way of family.”

“Your
father was an only child?”

“
Yes,
and so am I, of course.
 
When they lost him, I knew somehow I would have to take his place.
 
Not that they’ve put any sort of pressure on
me, but I know my responsibility.”
 
He
paused, forcing himself to smile despite the memories.
 
“You’ll like them.
 
Aside from being a bit old-fashioned, they’re
very sociable.
 
They don’t get many
visitors, so I’m sure they’ll make you feel like an honored guest.”

Brown’s
was in sight as they rounded a corner.
 
“I’m sure I’ll love them.
 
I’ve
never known any of my grandparents, so you can share yours with me, how’s
that?”

“Just
don’t get them started on the subject of me as a child.
 
Granny will have us there until
midnight.”
 
They passed the doorman,
still hand in hand.

“Come
up, just for a few minutes?”

“I
really shouldn’t.”
 
At the foot of the
staircase, he stopped short.
 
Peg turned
back with a scowl.

“Give
me one good reason.”

“I can
give you three.
 
You
and me and a hotel room.
 
Dangerous combination.”
 

She
chuckled softly.
 
“Perfect combination,
if you ask me.
 
But since you’re so
determined to go slowly, you’re probably right.
 
So I’ll just say thank you for a lovely day, and I look forward to
tomorrow, how’s that?”

“Very
sensible.
 
Good night, brat.
 
Meet me down here at eleven.
 
We’ll grab a bite to eat on the way to the
station.”
 
He brushed a kiss on her cheek
and made a hasty exit, ignoring the quizzical look in her eyes.
 
If she’d asked him again, he knew he’d have
gone right up those stairs, good sense be damned.
 
 

Chapter
Thirty-two

It was
a pleasant trip, the weather fine and the train not overly crowded.
 
He’d telephoned his grandfather that morning
to warn him he was bringing a guest, “Patrick’s niece from New York,” and
received the expected welcome.
 
Peg,
dressed very primly in a simple blue suit, had refrained from flirting, opting
for conversation about British public transportation and the views out the
window over anything more intimate.
 
Against
the backdrop of green fields and grazing cattle, she seemed deliciously fresh
and innocent, and that innocence lifted his sprits to an unfamiliar altitude of
youthful lightheartedness.
 

His
grandparents had been their usual gracious selves.
 
Peg appeared charmed by their well-preserved
Georgian house and his grandfather’s lovingly-tended garden, asking appropriate
questions about each.
 
Kendall
congratulated himself.
 
Bringing Peg had
been a fine idea.
 
Judging by the
pleasure registered on their faces, the visit had benefited all three of the
people he cared most about in the world.
 
Even Mrs. Beatty, who’d served as his grandparents’ housekeeper for as
long as he could remember, shot him a congratulatory smile as she wheeled in
the tea cart.

Looking
back, he realized that, ironically, leaving Peg alone with his grandmother, the
gentlewoman who had loved and nurtured him unconditionally throughout his life,
had been his fatal error.
 
When his
grandfather suggested they step into his study for a moment to discuss “a bit
of dull business,” the two of them were bent together over an album of family
photos, his grandmother going on proudly, if a trifle inaccurately, about her grandson’s
early musical accomplishments.
 

“You fellows
take your time.
 
I don’t get many
opportunities for girl talk these days.”
 
Waving a delicate, trembling hand, she smiled cunningly at Peg.

“Just
don’t tell her all my secrets, Granny.”
 
He’d winked at her, oblivious to the portent in his caution.

When he
returned, announcing that if they were to make their train, they’d best be
starting out for the station, he instantly sensed Peg’s distress.
 
She refused to meet his gaze, her expression
closed and her smile fixed.
 
While she
said a warm farewell to both his grandparents, he’d felt distinctly left out of
their final exchange.

“Please
have Kendall bring you out again, my dear.
 
He says you’ll be in England all summer.”
 

“Yes,
sir.
 
But I’m afraid I have a very full
schedule.
 
If I don’t see you again,
please take care of yourself.
 
Thank you
so much for having me today.”
 
He’d
watched her tiptoe to press a kiss on his grandfather’s cheek, turning to bend
over his grandmother to do the same.
 
Her
eyes were suspiciously bright, as though tears welled behind her lowered
lashes.

On the
brief walk to the station, she hadn’t said a word.
 
He gave up any attempt at conversation once
they were in their compartment, mutely studying the back of her head as she stared
out the window.
 
By that time, if he were
honest, he’d guessed the truth and was too terrified to say anything.
 

Miles
out into the countryside, she said softly, her face still turned from him, “Why
didn’t you tell me?”
 

“Tell
you?”
 
His mouth dry as dust, he paused
to try again.
 
“Tell you what, Peg?”

In her
eyes, when she finally turned to him, he read the agonizing truth, her heartache
mirroring his own.
 
Without a shred of
hope that he was mistaken, he drew a ragged breath.
 
“How could I?
 
No one knows except for my grandparents.
 
How could I tell you?”

“You
told me everything else.
 
Or I assume
most of it.
 
Why not tell me the whole
truth?”

“First
will you please tell me exactly what Granny said to you?”

She
took her time, studying her hands, clasped tensely in her lap.
 
“She said she was glad to know you had
friends, both men and women, because given your circumstances, it would be a
shame to cut yourself off from all companionship.”
 
She hesitated, biting her lip to stop its
trembling.
 
“She said when you brought Jenny
to meet them, she was concerned that something wasn’t quite right, but you were
obviously so much in love, she’d hoped things might work out.”
 
Pausing again, she dropped her voice to a dry
whisper.
 
“She said how tragic it was for
a fine man like you to be denied the happiness of a home and family because of
what happened to your poor little bride.”

“I
see.”

“It’s
true, isn’t it?
 
You’re married.”
 

He
permitted himself a bark of bitter laugher.
 
“Yes.
 
Married to a woman who
doesn’t know me, a woman I slept with twice and who tried to kill us both.
 
But married until death do us part.”

Without
saying a word, Peg laid her hand over his.
 
“I’m sorry.
 
I can’t imagine having
to hide something like that.
 
I just wish
you had trusted me enough to tell me.”

Without
warning the carefully-maintained shell crumbled, releasing a barrage of long-pent
emotions he hadn’t known were there.
 
He
blinked the tears burning his eyes, fought the sobs gripping his chest and
gasped for air.
 
“How could I tell the
one girl I’d dared fall in love with that there’s no hope of ever sharing my
life with her?
 
Don’t you see that I was
too selfish, too cowardly to be honest with you?
 
I wanted you so badly, I lied to myself.
 
I’ve gambled against time, pretending that
someday Jenny will be well enough for me to get a divorce, that if I can hold
onto you long enough, things might change.
 
If I’d told you the truth, can you honestly say you would have fallen in
love with me?”

Peg’s
response was to hold out her arms, drawing him into an embrace so strong he let
himself collapse against her.
 
“I don’t
know.
 
I just know I did,” she whispered
against the back of his neck.
 

He
couldn’t be sure how long they stayed that way, awkwardly slumped together on
the narrow seat.
 
When the train signaled
an upcoming stop, he sat up, finding his handkerchief and struggling to bring
himself under control.
 
“I’d be lying if
I said I’m sorry.
 
I’m not sorry for
loving you, but I never meant for it to go so far.”

“Is
that why you’ve been holding me off this time?”

He took
a moment to let go of all pretense.
 
“Three
years ago, I still had hope.
 
Jenny had
shown some improvement and I latched onto the thought that soon it might be over.
 
When I saw you, I was lost, Peg.
 
I honestly believe I’d been waiting for you
to grow up, knowing I could fall in love with you.”
 
He smiled shakily.
 
“You swept me off my feet.
 
I didn’t think in two weeks we could get into
too much trouble, but I was wrong.”

“But
Jenny hasn’t improved?”

“No.
 
If anything, she’s worse.
 
The doctors have tried everything at this
point, but nothing has changed.”

“What
exactly is wrong with her?”

He
prepared to pronounce the diagnosis, words he’d never spoken to anyone but his
grandparents.
 
“Catatonic
schizophrenia.
 
She hasn’t uttered
a word in nine years.”

“Do you
go to see her?”

“I used
to.
 
Every month.
 
But then she started to become agitated
around me.
 
Now I go occasionally, but I
don’t get close enough for her to see me.
 
I just need to look at her every now and then, I suppose, to remind
myself she’s real.”
 

“How
much of what you told me before
was
true?”

“Everything.
 
I simply omitted the fact that during Christmas my first year at Oxford,
I ran away to Scotland with Jenny and we got married.
 
Jenny’s five years older than I am.
 
She said her family would never approve.
 
I knew my mother wouldn’t either.
 
I know it sounds absurd, but I think we were
both insane at that point.
 
Jenny
challenged me in every way, emotionally, intellectually, musically.
 
She drove me wild with desire,
then
held me at arm’s length saying she could never make
love outside of marriage.
 
I was young,
stupid, and determined to have her.
 
I
would have done anything she asked, so when she showed me how simple it would
be to elope, I couldn’t get to Scotland fast enough.
 
By the time we’d been back in Oxford a month,
I began to feel as though I’d married a stranger.
 
Her behavior was more erratic than ever, she
wouldn’t let me touch her much of the time and I had no one to turn to for
help.
 
I took her to meet my
grandparents, confessing to them what we’d done because I was afraid for both
of us.”
 
His narrative at an end, he felt
surprisingly relieved.

“Are
you responsible for her financially?”
 
Hardly the reaction he’d have expected, but not an odd question, given
Peg’s training.
 

“No.
 
Her father is her legal guardian.
 
Grandfather made sure things were set up that
way when she went into the asylum.
 
Frankly, her father’s been very good about everything.
 
The courts gave him full control over her
affairs.
 
I have no say in her treatment
and no obligation to her financially.”

“That
seems unfair.
 
You can’t do anything for
her, but you’re not free to get on with your life.”

“It’s
the law.
 
Regardless of fairness, Jenny
is my wife until such time as she’s competent to agree to a divorce.
 
And I have to accept that time is unlikely to
ever come.”

She sat
silently for several minutes, her face again turned to the window.
 
Spent and numb, Kendall awaited her
verdict.
 
Now that she had all the
damning facts, he felt sure it would come with swift finality.

“I’d
like a little time to think about all this.”
 
She turned back to him, her eyes dull.

Stunned,
he muttered, “Of course.”

“We
have so much to do this week with the wedding, but it might be best not to see
each other except for that.
 
Dad will be
getting in on Wednesday.
 
I don’t want
him to suspect that anything’s wrong.
 
You said you had things to do too?”
 
She seemed to be thinking her way through the days ahead.

“Yes.”
 
Hope perversely set his heart racing.
 
“Will you be all right?
 
I mean, if you should need anything, you know
all you have to do is call?”

She
smiled sadly.
 
“I think I have to work
this out on my own.
 
If you come to my
rescue, I won’t be able to think clearly.
 
Will
you
be all right?”

“I’ll
be worried about you.
 
I’m the one who’s
hurt you, I know, but I’m also the only one who knows what’s wrong.”
 
He pinned her with an urgent, silent plea.

“Don’t
worry, I won’t tell anyone.
 
I respect
the reason you’ve kept this a secret.
 
I
can imagine what your mother’s reaction would have been when you were hurt.”

“I
wonder if you can.
 
When it happened,
Grandfather immediately encouraged me not to tell her.
 
Mother would have made things so much more
difficult, and she’d just started seeing Patrick.
 
We all hoped she’d finally get on with her
life, but if she’d known about me, and especially about Jenny, she’d have found
some way to make it her problem.”