Shameless (16 page)

For the first time, he was starting to believe it was an accident, nothing more than a cruel twist of fate. He felt inner peace begin to unfurl; knowing the mother of his child didn’t hold him responsible for her death meant he could start to let it go and start to heal the old wounds that had been holding him prisoner for too many years.

He tipped her face up and kissed her lips gently, tentatively. “Thank you; you have no idea how much that means to me.”

She smiled, wiping away the sheen left behind by the lipstick. “You’re welcome.” 

“I’m glad you’ve decided to stay, Sierra. This is where you belong.”

She shook her head, flattening her palms against his chest. “I don’t want you to misunderstand. I did that as a favor to Jimmy and Edna. It had nothing to do with you, or us.”

He smiled, not believing a word she said. “Really?”

She moved her arms to his biceps, holding him further away. “You really are shameless. You’ll do whatever it takes to get what you want, won’t you?” She held her hand up when he would have defended himself. “I meant what I said earlier. We can’t work together. I’ve already done things I wish...”

“Don’t,” he said firmly. “Don’t say that you regret what happened earlier. I don’t what to hear it.”

She dropped her head against his chest, allowing him to continue to keep pace with the music. “I didn’t say that.” She looked up, her eyes dark with desire. “It was amazing.”

He growled, feeling his arousal growing between them. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me right now.” His hands spanned her waist, drawing her closer, until there was no room for doubt.

“I want you, Trey. I’ve always wanted you. That was never the problem between us.”

His hands traced the smooth skin of her bare back. “I know, but things could be different this time.”

She closed her eyes. “I want to believe that, but I can’t take that kind of risk. Our break up almost destroyed me the first time. If it happened again, I don’t think I could ever pick up the pieces...”

He touched his fingertips against her lips. “That would never happen, sweetheart. I would spend every day for the rest of our lives making sure you knew how much I loved you.”

She looked at him, her eyes desperate, pleading. “Don’t you think I want to believe that? I still love you. I’ll probably always love you, but I can’t take that kind of risk again.” The song ended and she withdrew from his arms.

He watched her walk across the dance floor and through the exit doors toward the restrooms. His instincts told him to go after her to do anything, say anything, to make her believe him. But before he could act on his impulse, Megan was at his side, settling into his arms as a new song began to play.

“I thought she’d never leave,” Megan muttered, drawing him closer.

He set her at arm’s length, unable to take any pleasure in the solace she offered. He had spent too many years imagining the woman in his arms, the woman he was making love to, was Sierra. He couldn’t waste another minute of his life pretending.

“Trey, please,” she whispered, looking at the curious onlookers dancing around them. “I’m just asking for one dance.”

He sighed, guilt permeating his resolve. They had been dating for more than three months, sleeping together. The least he could do was explain to her why he couldn’t see her again. He drew her in closer, but still kept a respectable distance between them. “Why did you come here tonight, Megan?”  

She pouted, her glossy red lipstick staining her teeth. “I wanted to see you.”

“So why did you come with Luc?”

She shrugged, causing her strapless dress to dip lower, revealing an impressive amount of cleavage. “He asked.”

Trey glanced over at the table where his friend sat, talking to his parents. “Why the hell would he do that?”

She traced a manicured nail up and down his shirtfront. “He said your ex-wife was back in town.”

“And?”

She sighed. “And you still had it bad for her. He said if I had any hope of keeping you, I’d better do some damage control.”

He stilled her hand, looking her in the eye. “Megan, I think you’re a sweet girl, but I made it clear from the start that this wasn’t going to go anywhere. I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship.”

She grunted. “Huh, sure didn’t look like that from where I was sitting.”

He hated to see a woman cry, hated to know he was the cause. But he knew there was little he could do to halt the inevitable. “I’m not gonna lie to you; I’m still in love with Sierra.”

She looked up at him, the tears spilling over her cheeks, leaving twin streaks of mascara in their wake. “Why? She’s engaged to another man. You’re Trey Turner; you could have any woman you want. Why do you want the one woman you can’t have?”

He wished he could answer that question without causing her more pain, but this was the time for full disclosure. “She’s the only woman I’ve ever wanted. She’s the love of my life, Megan. I’m sorry if it hurts you to hear that, but it’s true.”

She put her head down, sniffling. “I knew this was too good to be true. Why would a guy like you want a girl like me, right?”

He tipped her chin until she was looking at him. “Don’t say that. I meant what I said; you’re a great girl, Megan. You’re going to find the right guy, but you can’t do that if you’re wasting your time with me.”

She sniffled again, louder this time. “But, I love you. I want to be with you.”

He looked up and saw Sierra standing in the doorway, talking to his sister, looking thoroughly disgusted with him. “Look, I’m just trying to be honest with you. I hope you understand. Maybe we can still be...”

She poked her finger into his chest. “Don’t you dare say friends.”  

“Can you believe him?” Sierra asked Marisa, glaring at Trey and his dance partner. “No sooner I leave and he replaces me with the next warm, willing body. I guess some things will never change.” Sierra thought back to their last night together, cringing at the knowledge that as soon as she walked out on him, he welcomed another woman into his bed.

Marisa glanced at them. “Please, that woman has been trying to hook Trey since the day she met him. Trust me, he’s not into her.”

Sierra turned her back on the couple and faced her friend. “He’s sleeping with her; I’d say he’s into her, literally and figuratively.”

Marisa shrugged her shoulders. “He’s a man, Sierra. If a woman is going to throw herself at him, he’s gonna go along for the ride.”

“That’s the problem. He’s Trey Turner; women will always be throwing themselves at him.” She struggled to keep her voice level, not wanting to betray her insecurities, even to her closest friend. “I can’t compete with that.”

Marisa took her hands and looked her in the eye. “Honey, you don’t have to compete. You’ve always been the only woman for my brother. I can’t imagine that will ever change.”

“I can’t take that chance, Marisa.” She squeezed her friend’s hands and withdrew. “I love your brother, but I can’t trust him to be there for me when I need him. We can’t build a relationship without trust.”

Marisa sighed, looking disappointed. “I understand how you feel, Sierra. I know Trey wasn’t there for you after Callie died, and the way he’s been living his life since has done little to prove that he’s ready to change, but if you were to give him another chance, I really believe that would give him the incentive he needs to turn things around.”

“But what if it didn’t? What if he’s not capable of changing, no matter how much he wants to? Where does that leave me?” She fought to hold back the tears. She had already shed more tears in the last twenty-four hours than she had in years. “It leaves me in exactly the same position I was in five years ago. Living in that big, empty house alone and wishing he would come home. I don’t want to go through that again. I can’t go through that again.”

Marisa stroked her upper arm, offering comfort. “So, where does that leave things between you and Trey?”

“I can’t get involved with your brother again, Marisa. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear.”

She didn’t want to risk her friendship with Marisa or her relationship with Trey’s friends and family, but she couldn’t put herself in harm’s way to appease them.

Marisa drew her in for a hug. “You know I would never want to see you get hurt, honey. I love you and I love Trey. I just want to see you both happy, whether or not that means being together.” She drew back to look her in the eyes. “You know I’ll support you no matter what you decide.”

Sierra hugged her friend again, needing the comfort, the support. She had been on her own, except for her sister, when she met Trey, and she had come to depend on his friends and family more than she wanted to admit. She couldn’t imagine what she would do when the time came to say good-bye to them.

“Thanks, Marisa. You don’t know how much that means to me.”

“Can anyone join this party?” Jared asked, slipping his arm around his daughter.

Marisa winked at Sierra. “Just a little girl talk, Daddy. Nothing you would be interested in.”

“Be that as it may, I think your date’s itchin’ to twirl you around that dance floor.”

Marisa sighed dramatically. “I guess duty calls.” She squeezed Sierra’s hand. “We’ll talk later, okay?”

Sierra nodded and smiled. “Of course, go. Have fun with that gorgeous man of yours.”

Marisa winked, whispering, “I intend to, girlfriend.”

“How ‘bout you, pretty lady? Would you like to dance with an old man on his birthday?”

Sierra smiled up at her former father-in-law, her heart filling with the love and affection she felt for this man. He had accepted her as a part of his family from the first time she set foot in his home more than seventeen years ago and time, distance, and divorce had only strengthened their bond.

“I’d love to.” She accepted his crooked arm as he led her onto the dance floor.

He enveloped her in his big, strong arms and she felt safe, protected. He was so much like his son, yet so different. He was strong, opinionated, and determined, but he stood by and protected those he loved without reservation. He didn’t run away or take the easy way out. She looked up into his smiling eyes and knew Trey would look exactly like him in thirty years. A part of her wished she would be around to see that version of the man she loved.

“My son is a damned fool, darlin’.”

Sierra laughed, not surprised by his comment. Jared always said exactly what was on his mind. “How so?”

“You were the best thing that ever happened to him, and he let you get away. Hell, he drove you away.”

She tightened her grip on his shoulder, considering her response. She had never discussed the breakdown of her marriage with her former in-laws. She hadn’t wanted to depict their son in a negative light.

“It was a difficult time,” she said carefully.

“It sure as hell was for everyone, and my son was off on some damn tour bus when he should have been at home supporting his wife.”

Sierra touched his creased cheek. “I know how difficult it was for you to lose your first grandbaby.”

“We were devastated.” His blue eyes filled with tears. “You never get over something like that.”

He glanced at his son, standing in the corner of the room, surrounded by a small crowd of people. “I know Trey never got over it. He’s never been able to forgive himself for what happened to his little girl.”

“I know,” Sierra whispered, her voice broken. “I wish he could; he needs to let go of the past.”

He tore his eyes away from his son. “Maybe you could help him with that? He needs you, honey.”

She closed her eyes, wishing she could grant this man the only favor he’d ever asked of her. “I’m sorry. I wish I could, but...”

He held his hand up. “Say no more. You don’t owe me any explanation, darlin’.”

“But...”

“No, I mean it. You’re a good woman and you were a good wife to my son. You left him because he didn’t give you a choice. I just thought I saw something between you two tonight.” He shook his head. “Must be my eyes playin’ tricks on me.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, almost afraid of the answer.

“I saw something in the way you looked at him tonight. Thought maybe you were still in love with him.”

He looked her in the eye and she had no choice but to admit the truth. “I am, but...”