Shadow's Awakening: The Shadow Warder Series, Book One (An Urban Fantasy Romance Series) (43 page)

“Hannah, everyone here has a basic idea of who you are. It would be helpful if you could fill in the blanks.”

“What do you want to know?” Hannah asked, wishing they would all stop staring at her.

“Start at the beginning,” Iris replied with a gentle smile.

Hannah thought she heard a groan of impatience from the other end of the table. Her stomach in a knot at the weight of all the eyes trained on her, Hannah did her best to tell them about getting sick, her mother dying, Glenn and the Vorati, Conner and Kiernan’s rescue, and her captivity in the lab. She thought it was wise to do some judicious editing. They didn’t need to know that she and Conner had been intimate. That was just for them. She did tell them that Michael and Druj wanted to get a Shadow pregnant, but she left out the fact that she was already pregnant. No way she was spilling that in front of everyone. She still hadn’t figured out how to tell Conner.

The Shadows reacted with predictable anger and pain at the news of Michael’s plan and the information that he already held three of their females. Kate took Sorcha’s hand and squeezed it tightly. Iris closed her eyes as if fighting back tears.

Conner and Kate filled in their own roles in the story. Hannah noticed that Kiernan said nothing, just watched the room. More often than not, his eyes were across the table on Sorcha. For her part, the pretty redhead studiously ignored him.

It wasn’t easy for Hannah to lay out the details of her life for a bunch of strangers. Even harder were the things she deliberately skipped and those she still didn’t understand. The worst was trying to describe how she’d sent Conner energy in the last fight with the Vorati. Still not exactly sure what she’d done, Hannah couldn’t seem to find the words to explain. As if annoyed, the big Shadow at the foot of the table interrupted.

“It’s the bond, girl. You’re bonded to the Warder. Good to know it still works.” He sent an irritated glare at Kate before making a rolling gesture with his hand at Hannah as if to say “Get on with it.”

Hannah stopped speaking, shocked. This was the second time someone had mentioned a bond. Kate had said something about using the bond to feed Conner energy. Now that Hannah was at the end of her story, she realized that while she’d been telling what little she knew about what had happened to her, the rest of the people at the table, except for Conner and Kiernan, knew a whole lot more. Taking a steadying breath, Hannah decided she wasn’t giving up anything else until someone told her what the hell was going on.

“I want an explanation,” she said, trying to sound authoritative. She wouldn’t have dared to actually resonate with this crowd, but a little extra confidence wouldn’t hurt. Conner smiled beside her, placing his warm hand over hers.

Iris leaned back in her tall chair, resting folded hands on her ribcage. “I think it’s time for a bedtime story,” she said. “What I’m about to tell you is a history lesson all Shadows learn in childhood. I’ll be very surprised if the Warders at the table have any idea of their true past.”

Hannah was reminded of her first conversation with Conner at the kitchen table in the cabin.

“Warders and Shadows both were created by the ancients. We were designed to work as Warder and Shadow bonded pairs to fight the Vorati. For many, many years we did so, living and fighting the Vorati together. Around 400 AD, due to various cultural and historical circumstances that we don’t need to go into right now, the Vorati were gaining in numbers. Back then they were still corporeal. From all accounts they were horrific demons that fed on human pain and suffering until the victim was as good as dead. When they had extracted all the emotional energy, they would eat their victim alive. Our oldest texts have some illustrations that are quite revolting.” Iris grimaced, as if the memory alone was disgusting.

Perversely, Hannah immediately wanted to see the pictures herself.

“The Warder and Shadow numbers had thinned and for the first time since our creation, the Vorati were winning the war. Humans were dying in massive numbers. At the time the Vorati population was centered in Rome. Civil wars hid the loss of human life. Instead of saving themselves, the humans were making themselves more vulnerable with their constant infighting.

A group of Warder mages devised a plan to wipe out the Vorati with a powerful spell. The spell required the sacrifice of a number of bonded Warder and Shadow pairs as well as several hundred humans. We Shadows have never been comfortable with spell craft, but large scale sacrifice was out of the question, no matter how bad things had become.”

Iris paused, laying her hands flat on the surface of the table. She closed her eyes as if steeling herself to go on. Hannah noticed that the mood in the room had grown somber.

“The Warder mages decided to go ahead with the spell without the support of the Shadows. They kidnapped several young, un-bonded Shadows to power the spell, as well as a large group of humans. I’ve always supposed they thought when the spell killed off the Vorati, they could ask for forgiveness. The spell succeeded, at least in part, but it had terrible consequences. The young Shadows the mages sacrificed didn’t have enough power to drive the spell craft. Without enough fuel, the force of the spell reached through the young Shadows and into every bonded Warder and Shadow pair alive, draining their life force. They died instantly, along with the Shadow children and the humans the mages had gathered. It was a self-inflicted genocide. At the time, most of the adult population had a bonded mate. Only the young remained on both sides. Very few mature Warders or Shadows survived.

“The Vorati?” Conner asked.

“A partial success,” Iris said. “It wasn’t enough to kill the demons as effectively as it did our people, but it did render them incorporeal. It was several hundred years before they learned to steal the bodies of immoral humans to become the creatures we fight today.

“After the spell, there was a schism between the remaining Warders and Shadows. The Warders felt, I assume, that if the Shadows had gone along, the spell would have worked and only those planned for sacrifice would have died. The Shadows believed the Warders were all power hungry murderers.

“A little bit of trivia,” Iris said in a lighter voice. “Shadows were originally known as the Amoleti. Latin for “the power to avert evil.” At least those in ancient Rome went by that name. After the schism, the Warders withdrew into the Citadels. The Amoleti melted into the dark corners of the world, taking the name of Shadow as a homage to the darkness cast by their loss. In the years since, we have had as little to do with the Warders as possible. With our enemy weakened, it was possible to work independently. There has not been a bonded Warder and Shadow pair for well over fifteen hundred years. Until now.”

“I don’t understand,” Hannah said, very much afraid she did understand.

“Don’t be thick, girl!” The Shadow at the end of the table gave it a thump with his massive fist, leaning forward to spear her with his sharp gaze. “You and the Warder there are bonded. All of us can see it plain as day. Must have happened the second you met since it’s almost fully developed. When you fought the Vorati, you shared your power with him. It’s why the ancients created us. He balances your power. His energy helps to support your shields and stabilize you. In turn, you can feed him the elemental energy of the earth.” Turning his steely eyes to Iris he said, “I’m not sure why we had to sit through a history lesson to tell the girl what she wanted to know.”

“Garran,” Iris answered his look with a firm glare of her own. “They’ve been through a difficult time. Some diplomacy is in order. Shut it.” With a smile she turned back to Hannah. “There’s a lot more to the bond than just the benefit of fighting—”

“Is it permanent?” Hannah asked, her voice tight with anxiety.

“It is,” Iris said. “It can be blocked, but I don’t recommend it.”

Hannah thought she was going to pass out. If she’d been planning on trapping Conner she couldn’t have set it up better. Tied to her for life, not just by an unplanned baby, but by a mystical bond that couldn’t be removed. She had a flash of their future: Conner being kind, putting up with her and their baby because it was the right thing to do while she fell deeper and deeper in love with a man who liked her but would never really love her. Or worse, he would begin to resent her for taking him away from his people, for saddling him with a child and tying him to her forever. His friendly regard would change to hate and they would still be stuck together.

Iris opened her mouth to speak. Hannah had the sickening feeling she was going to say something about the baby. She’d scanned Hannah’s body up in their room. She probably knew. Hannah couldn’t take another second. Jolting to her feet, she mumbled that she needed some air. Blindly, she bolted for the hallway, desperately searching for a door that would lead out of the Sanctuary.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

The welcoming Sanctuary suddenly resembled a maze. Hannah ran through the dimly lit hallways, careening around corners, looking for a way outside. All she wanted was fresh air and quiet. For all these revelations to stop for just a minute so she could catch her breath and figure out what to do.

Finally, a door appeared that was thicker than the others, a deadbolt above the handle. With a desperate shove, Hannah pushed it open, spilling out into the dark night.

The door swung closed behind her with a heavy clang. Cool, damp air chilled her flushed cheeks. Hannah stood behind the massive post and beam structure, looking out over a valley lit by moonlight. Within her view, lights twinkled, giving away the locations of what looked like cabins or small houses tucked away in the trees. More Shadows? It didn’t matter. For the moment, she was alone.

Wrapping her arms around her waist, Hannah dragged in ragged breaths, trying to calm down. She was just beginning to settle, soaking in the murmurs of the mountain forest and the steady energy of the earth beneath her bare feet, when the door opened behind her. Hannah didn’t need to turn to know it was Conner. His aura wrapped around her, filling her with the sense of all that was him. In another circumstance it would have been comforting. Right then, it felt like a test. To her utter humiliation, tears spilled over her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do it, Conner. I didn’t mean to trap you. I didn’t want to ruin your life like this.”

“What are you talking about?” Conner asked. Reaching out, he pulled her into his chest.

“You helped me get out,” Hannah said. “Kate told me. Now you can’t go back. You’re bonded to me and you’re not even supposed to be anywhere near a Shadow. I just wanted to be with you for a little while. I didn’t want to destroy your life.”

Hannah couldn’t stop sobbing. Why was this so hard? She wasn’t a weak woman. Two times she’d survived captivity by her enemy. She’d endured torture and she was still in one piece. Next to that, talking to Conner about their relationship shouldn’t be such a big deal. Yet she couldn’t seem to calm down. His solid arms around her, strong hands stroking her back, the sweet cocoon of the bond wrapping them tighter together made it all worse. Hannah pulled out of Conner’s embrace, forcing some distance between them. Conner took a cautious step back.

“Hannah, it’s okay. Please don’t cry. We can work this out.”

“No, we can’t work it out. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” Angry, she swiped at her wet cheeks. She’d looked pathetic enough weeping all over Conner’s chest. She was not going to cry any more.

If only they’d had time. Time to start a normal relationship, to date, to get to know each other. Time for Conner to fall in love with her. Instead they’d been forced together, irrevocably bound before they had a chance for anything to grow naturally.

Conner sighed, his eyes wary. “Look, Hannah, I don’t want to push you. You’ve been through a lot and the last few weeks of it are my fault. I didn’t feel right about bringing you to the Citadel.” He let out a bitter laugh. “I didn’t listen to my instincts and you ended up paying the price. I get it.”

“It’s not your fault,” Hannah exclaimed. “You did what you were supposed to do.”

“Yeah, the story of my life. Always the good soldier. And the one time it matters, I fuck up and turn the woman I love over to a man who wants to rape and torture her.”

Hannah gaped at Conner. What had he just said? He loved her? Frantically, she checked to make sure she hadn’t somehow figured out a way to resonate on Warders. It would solve a lot of her problems if she could bend Conner to her will, but she didn’t want his love like that.

No, she wasn’t doing anything to him. Maybe she’d misheard.

Conner turned to stare out over the moonlit mountains surrounding the Sanctuary compound. “I know you have a whole new life here,” he said. “So far we seem welcome.” He faced her head on. When he spoke again, he sounded resolved. “It might be easier if Kiernan and I take off and give you some space to settle in. But I’m not doing it. I’m not walking away from you.”

“I don’t want you to stay unless you want to,” Hannah said in a low voice.

“I just told you I did.”

“No, you told me you would, not that you wanted to.” She could tell Conner didn’t really get the distinction. To Hannah, it was everything. “What do you want?” she asked, terrified of his answer.