Shades of Gray (3 page)

CHAPTER 3

P.J.
lay in the hollow of Cole’s arm, her head rested on his chest. Lethargy had her in
its firm grip and she was okay with that. She was loose and limber and extremely satisfied.
She hadn’t felt this good in a long time.

His fingers stroked idly up and down her arm and she liked the sensation of those
light touches.

Never in a million years would she have guessed when she got up this morning that
she would have had mind-blowing sex with Cole and then be snuggling with him afterward
like an old married couple.

It defied logic.

“Why didn’t we do this a long time ago?” she asked.

Cole’s grip on her arm temporarily tightened. “It certainly wasn’t for lack of desire
on my part. I figured you’d have my balls if I ever suggested it.”

She pushed upward so she could face him, and his hand fell down her back to rest possessively
on her ass.

“So why now? You didn’t come all the way to Denver just to say hello, so you obviously
planned this.”

“I wouldn’t say I planned it,” he corrected. “I hoped. I was tired of wondering whether
this preoccupation was one-sided. I finally said fuck it and got on the plane. The
worst you could do is tell me to fuck off and mock me for the rest of my life.”

She laughed. “Would I do that?”

He cupped her breast with his other hand and rubbed his thumb across her nipple. “You
most certainly would.”

Her breath hitched as he continued to toy with her nipple. It was a stiff peak straining
toward him, begging for his touch. Her entire body was begging. It scared her because
this was one man she would never be able to get enough of.

It was like putting a ten-pound Hershey bar in front of a chocolate addict and expecting
the person to stop after one bite.

“So who were the guys at the bar?” Cole asked.

She went from being deliciously mellow to instant agitation at the mention of Derek
and company.

“That bad?”

She glanced at Cole, who was studying her curiously.

“Not people I really want to talk about.”

“Throw me a bone here, P.J. I know next to nothing about you and I have to admit,
I’m not in the habit of going to bed with women I barely know.”

She lifted an eyebrow.

“You don’t believe me? Do you think I’m some kind of man whore?”

She smiled at that. “Maybe not a man whore, but I’m sure you get your share of action
from the ladies. There’s not a whole lot wrong with you.”

“Somehow you make what seems like a compliment sound more like an insult.”

She sighed and sat up, crossing her legs so she could sit next to him. He remained
lying down so that she was looking down at him, her knees just touching his side.

“It’s complicated.”

“Aren’t most things?”

She couldn’t argue with that.

“They’re from the S.W.A.T. team I was on. I was . . . involved with Derek.”

“Is that the guy you decked?”

She winced. “Saw that much, huh?”

“Kind of hard to miss. Pretty impressive swing, by the way. He’s much bigger than
you and you nearly flattened him.”

That made her grin. Cole was just . . . comfortable. She liked being around him. He
was easy to talk to even if she rarely talked about anything personal. Maybe it was
why she was careful not to broach those kinds of topics with him, because he was so
easy to talk to that she’d no doubt find herself blurting out everything.

“Yeah, that was Derek.”

“So I take it the breakup wasn’t exactly amicable.”

She sobered. “Not at all.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She’d never told anyone about what had
happened, even though she knew her current teammates were curious as to why she left
S.W.A.T.

“Derek was dirty and I refused to look the other way. He was stealing drug money and
later even drugs themselves when S.W.A.T. was called in to assist in drug busts. Instead
of logging everything, he’d pocket stuff from the scene when things were still chaotic.
I don’t know how long it had been going on. But one night I saw him pocket cash along
with a bag of marijuana. When I called him on it, he basically told me to shut the
fuck up and forget I ever saw it.”

“Upstanding guy,” Cole said in disgust.

“Maybe I was naive and too idealistic. I mean, to me, when I took the oath as a police
officer and when I joined the S.W.A.T. team, it meant something to me. I had a very
clear vision of right and wrong. Everything was very black-and-white to me with no
gray area. But even being that way, I wanted to give Derek the benefit of the doubt
and I was reluctant to turn him in because, like an idiot, I thought I was in love
with him and I felt loyalty to him because we were lovers.”

Cole frowned.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” she muttered. “You aren’t thinking anything I haven’t said
to myself countless times since. I was young and an idiot. To make a long story short,
I confronted him and told him that if I ever caught him doing it again I’d turn him
in.”

“I’m guessing that probably didn’t go over too well. Is that what caused the breakup?”

Her lips tightened. “No. And no, he didn’t take it well. Told me he didn’t take threats
and that I needed to butt out. At that point our relationship cooled in a major way,
but I figured he’d get over it and that my threat would dissuade him from doing it
again. I’m still pissed at myself that I even gave him that second chance. It wasn’t
the right thing to do, but I was thinking with my heart and so I went against everything
I believed in. I hated myself for that.”

“Damn,” Cole murmured. “Don’t you think you’re being a little too hard on yourself?”

“No,” she said bluntly. “I wish I would have been harder. Two months later, we assisted
in another drug raid. This was a big one. Several police officers went down, and Derek,
the asshole, instead of worrying over his fellow officers, was more concerned with
taking money from the scene. I went to my commander the next day and told him what
I saw.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah, exactly. Internal Affairs got involved. It was a big, messy investigation.
Derek was smart, though, and he didn’t leave any sort of trail. No deposits to a bank
account. No change in spending habits. He’d planned long term and was apparently stashing
the money where it couldn’t be found and was going to use it at a later date or maybe
quit and then move off somewhere and spend the cash. I don’t really know what his
plan was, but whatever it was, it certainly didn’t include me in the picture.”

“So they didn’t have any evidence on him?”

“No,” she said softly.

“Is that why you left then? Because you couldn’t work with him any longer?”

She hated this part. It still had the power to unravel her even after all this time.

“P.J.?”

She looked up, not really wanting to continue the conversation at this point.

His gaze was intense. Peeling back layer after layer until she felt bare and vulnerable
under his scrutiny.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

She drew in a long breath and then let it out. “What I left out is the fact that my
two best friends, or rather Derek’s best friends who I thought were my friends too,
along with Derek hung me out to dry.”

Cole slipped his hand over the knee closest to his reach and squeezed gently. “What
happened?”

“Up to this point, Derek and I had kept our relationship secret. It was against policy
for members on the same team to fraternize, a rule, mind you, that didn’t exist before
I joined because I was the first female on that team. But Derek went to our commander,
along with Jimmy and Mike to corroborate his story, and told him that Derek and I
were lovers and that he broke things off with me and that I’d launched my accusations
out of revenge. Jimmy and Mike backed up his story by telling him a bunch of made-up
shit, like that I’d threatened to ruin him when he broke up with me. And then they
leaked that story far and wide until there wasn’t a police officer in the precinct
who didn’t know that I was a crazy ex-girlfriend who’d tried to fuck over a fellow
officer.”

“What a dickhead,” Cole said in disgust.

“I didn’t have a friend left in that department or on my team. No one
wanted
to believe that one of their own could be dirty, so it was far easier to believe
his made-up bullshit. And there was also the fact that not everyone on S.W.A.T. was
overjoyed that a woman had joined their ranks anyway, so Derek didn’t have to work
hard to discredit me in their eyes.”

“Wow,” Cole said, shaking his head. “That is some fucked-up shit.”

“So I walked away, and I still hate myself for giving up that easily. I was devastated
because I honestly didn’t see that coming. I did what I thought was the right thing
and it was the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life. But I couldn’t just stand
by and let him continue what he was doing, because it was wrong, and I thought it
would be as simple as telling the commander what I knew to be true and that the situation
would be resolved. I learned the hard way that sometimes it is the wisest choice to
just sit back and say nothing at all.”

“Bullshit,” Cole said.

She looked up in surprise at the explosive outburst.

“You did the right thing, P.J. Don’t ever doubt yourself on that count. You did the
right thing and they didn’t. That’s on them. Not you.”

“But I’m the one who lost,” she said in a bitter tone.

“I’m sorry for the way it went down, but I’m not sorry you walked away, because it
brought you to our team. To me.”

She was startled by the hint of emotion she heard in his voice. He levered up on one
elbow, turned so they were much closer now and reached up to cup her cheek. He pulled
her down into a tender kiss, and this time he took his time exploring, slowing the
pace from their earlier reckless haste.

Slowly but with a firm hand, he nudged her over onto her back, his mouth never leaving
hers.

Where before they’d been impatient and eager, now he seemed determined to be patient
and gradual.

“I’m glad you came to KGI,” he murmured into her mouth. “I can’t imagine the team
without you.”

She felt him reaching toward the nightstand, and then a moment later he rose up just
enough that he could roll on the condom, and a bare second after, he slid into her
in one firm push.

She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his body, pulling him even closer
until they were molded against each other, flesh on flesh, no part of their bodies
not touching in some way.

He rocked and undulated his hips, leisurely drawing out their pleasure, all the while
making love to her with his mouth. Covering her face and neck with tender kisses.

It was a complete change from earlier when every kiss, every touch had been hot and
frantic, almost a race to completion. That had been sex. Pure, unadulterated, hot
sex.

But this?

This was different, and it unsettled her even as she allowed herself to fall over
the edge with him. Because this wasn’t just sex. It felt a hell of a lot like making
love. And she hadn’t reached that point with Derek even after two years of being with
him.

CHAPTER 4

THE
peal of an obnoxious cell phone ringtone startled P.J. into wakefulness. She’d been
having the most awesome, erotic dream, and it irritated her to be so rudely yanked
from it.

She stretched and yawned, feeling oddly rested, and promptly bumped into a hard male
body.

Her eyes flew open. Oh shit.

David Coletrane was in her bed.

She’d had hot monkey sex with Cole.

They’d also made tender, sweet love, and maybe that was what bothered her the most,
because she couldn’t just brush it aside as a one-night stand. Couldn’t chalk it up
to blowing off some steam and walk away from it, pretending it never happened.

She was so fucked and now she had to face the awkward morning-after stage.

The phone quit a moment and then started up again as she lay there admiring Cole’s
beautiful physique. He muttered something and then promptly leaned over, blindly grabbing
for his fatigues that had been discarded the night before.

She got a prime view of his ass, and oh Lord, what an ass it was. Every part of him
was delicious, and she continued to stare dumbly as he grabbed the phone and put it
to his ear.

Reality had a way of dumping a cold bucket of water over her head. She was positively
numb over what she’d done. What
they’d
done. It was quite possibly the dumbest thing she’d ever done, and she’d made some
pretty stupid decisions in her life.

This was going to fuck up everything.

“Cole,” he said shortly. “Yeah, Steele, what’s up?”

P.J. froze. Goddamn it. They were being called out on a mission. Today of all days?
The one time she’d given in to temptation and had crazy, insane, all-night sex with
her teammate, not to mention pouring her guts out to him, and they had to be called
out now?

Cole’s expression was grim, and then he said simply, “I’ll be there.”

He ended the call and then turned slowly to meet P.J.’s gaze. On cue, her cell started
ringing and she was contemplating the most modest way to sprawl over his body to reach
her phone when Cole reached down and snagged it for her.

“P.J.,” she said crisply, not wanting even a hint of what she’d spent the night doing
to come through that phone call.

“P.J., this is Steele. We’ve been called up. How fast can you make it back out to
Tennessee?”

She glanced over at her clock to see it was quite early. “I’ll head to the airport
and see what I can get standby on. Should be able to get out this afternoon.”

“Let me know fast. If you can’t get on the first flight, we’ll send a Kelly jet for
you.”

“Will do,” she murmured, peeking at Cole from the corner of her eye.

She hung up and then took a deep breath, preparing to deal with the awkwardness.

“Guess we should go,” she said lamely.

“Yeah, we can hop a ride to the airport together,” Cole said.

He lay there completely unbothered by his nudity while she was sitting up, covers
pulled to her chin as mortification swept over her.

She shook her head forcefully. “No. We go separate.”

Cole frowned. “That’s stupid, P.J. We’re here together. Why on earth should we leave
separately when we’re going to the same damn place?”

“I don’t want anyone to know we were together.”

His frown deepened.

“Look Cole,” she said before he could protest further. “We have to work together.
I don’t want there to be any speculation on our . . .” She choked and almost said
relationship. “Our association. This isn’t some office job where we flirt and play
cutesy. People’s lives depend on our concentration and I don’t want to become the
butt of jokes by Dolphin or Renshaw or Baker and I don’t even want to know what Steele
would do if he found out we hooked up. He’d probably toss one or both of us off the
team.”

“Are you saying I’m a distraction?”

The smug look on his face made her want to hit him. He was grinning and he’d stretched
out his considerable length and rolled to his side, propped up on his palm as he stared
unabashedly at her. She could swear he was plotting to yank the sheets from her, so
she tightened her grip just in case.

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. When she reopened them, Cole was still
staring at her like he wanted to have her for breakfast. A flutter began deep in her
belly and worked outward until her skin was warm and flushed. Damn but the man was
good. Everything about him was good. His mouth, his tongue, his hands and his cock.
Most definitely his cock.

“Look, can we just agree that last night was a mistake? A huge mistake. One we need
to promise never happens again. We can’t afford to fuck up our jobs or the team. It’s
best we go our separate ways and pretend this never happened.”

Suddenly he loomed over her, big, all badass. She hated how small she felt beneath
him, and she loved it all at the same time.

With a low-sounding growl, he pressed her down to the bed and covered her mouth with
his, kissing her until she was panting for breath.

Even as he was pressing her downward, his hand tugged at the sheet until it slid to
her waist. One hand came up to cup her breast, his thumb rolling over the rigid peak
of her nipple.

God, she loved his hands on her.

His tongue slid past her lips and filled her mouth, tasting her, rubbing over her
tongue and exploring every inch. He had a mouth made for sin, and she wasn’t a good
girl by far. She’d done her share of sinning. If last night didn’t send her to hell,
she didn’t know what would.

When he pulled away, her lips were swollen and her entire body was tingling and alive
with lust and desire.

His hand stayed intimately cupped around her breast as if he had no desire to break
the contact between them. His eyes were hard and piercing, anger and lust all rolled
into those blue orbs.

“If you think I’m going to pretend this never happened, you’re out of your goddamn
mind. Now stop being silly and let’s get our asses to the airport. If it bothers you
that much, you can get a different ride from Nashville. But there’s no reason we can’t
take the same plane back.”

Her heart stutter-stepped and she swallowed hard.

Finally his hand slipped away from her breast, leaving her instantly cold and still
aching for his touch.

“I have to get my rental back to the airport, so you can ride with me,” he said as
he rolled out of bed.

Her lips tightened at how readily he’d taken over and started dictating the action.
Then she sighed. He was right. She was being stupid and shrill. But the very last
thing she wanted was for her team to know she and Cole had just spent a hot night
together under the sheets. Or rather on top of the sheets. Twisted in the sheets . . .

Her face bloomed with heat. She had to stop. She was the one harping about concentration
and focus and hers was shot straight to hell because all she could remember was how
good Cole felt sliding in and out of her body.

* * *

THE
fates were kind and at least she didn’t find herself seated next to Cole when the
plane lifted off four hours later. The two had packed, or rather Cole had watched
as P.J. threw a few changes of clothes into an overnight bag. Most of her gear was
stowed with KGI. She had plenty of backup at her apartment, but when she had to take
a commercial flight, she was SOL for bringing anything but the bare essentials.

There had been plenty of times the Kelly jet had flown in for her, making a quick
stop to get her and her gear before heading out for the latest mission. Steele had
mentioned the possibility of her moving closer to the KGI base in Tennessee, but so
far she’d hesitated, not willing to make the final break from her past.

Maybe it was time to move forward. It would make things a lot easier if she were in
closer proximity to the rest of the team. Hell, she lived, ate and breathed with them
seventy-five percent of her time anyway. The other twenty-five percent she spent in
her tiny apartment on the outskirts of Denver, and she spent nights in a hole-in-the-wall
bar and strip joint. Yeah, that was the kind of life she’d always imagined having.

Steele lived just outside of Nashville, a little less than two hours’ drive away from
the Kelly stronghold on Kentucky Lake. He was a loner, and maybe that was why she
liked and respected him so much. He didn’t want to be intruded on, so he rarely intruded
on his team members.

Nashville was far enough away that she wouldn’t be covered up by the team all the
time, but close enough that for missions they had to act fast on, she wasn’t stuck
traveling from Denver or having the team come to her en route to the eventual location.

But now she had a complication she hadn’t envisioned.

Cole.

Cole lived between Nashville and the KGI compound. Moving to Nashville would mean
being a lot closer to him, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that now. He was
a distraction she didn’t need.

The person sitting next to her in the middle seat got up and headed for the lavatory,
and P.J. leaned into the window, hoping to get an hour nap before they landed in Nashville.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Cole also head in the direction of the bathroom
from several rows behind her.

When the woman who’d been sitting next to P.J. came out, Cole stopped her and the
two spoke a moment. Cole turned on that infectious charm with the suave smile, and
in disgust, P.J. watched as the woman became putty in his hands.

She frowned even harder when the woman returned but didn’t stop at her seat and instead
continued on. Then Cole started back down the aisle without going into the bathroom
and she groaned when he stepped over the person in the aisle seat and plunked down
beside P.J.

“Oh come on, Cole,” P.J. muttered. “Was that really necessary?”

He grinned. “I just told her that we’re traveling together and couldn’t get seat assignments
and then offered her my aisle seat a few rows back. She was happy to accommodate us.”

“And again, why?”

“Loosen up, Rutherford. You’re way too uptight. You act like last night was the end
of the world.”

“Shut up!” she hissed out between her teeth. “I’m not having this conversation with
you on a crowded plane.”

He turned and leaned in so he was close, and he murmured in a low voice, “It happened,
P.J. Nothing you say or do changes that fact, so get over it.”

“It doesn’t mean you have to act like we’re a freaking couple now.”

“Why are you so prickly?” he asked.

There was no censure or condemnation, just honest curiosity.

“You’ve been standoffish since day one. No one can get close to you. No one can ask
you questions. Hell, you know all there is to know about me, Dolphin, Renshaw and
Baker. Not so much Steele, but then who does? But you act like it’s a cardinal sin
for us to know a damn thing about you. What happened with S.W.A.T. sucks, but do you
honestly think the team would judge you if they knew? Or is it that you don’t trust
us because your last team let you down?”

She sighed and banged her head against the window. They still had two more hours and
now Cole was right up in her space. No escaping. Unless she wanted to hang out in
the cramped lavatory for the rest of the flight.

He shifted closer to her until his shoulder rested against hers and she could smell
him. Her soap on him, since he’d used her shower. But she used plain soap, so that
wasn’t what she was smelling. It was him. Clean, delicious male.

It was too easy to remember how much time she’d spent up close and personal to all
that wonderful male flesh. She’d licked him and he’d licked her in return. Oh yes,
he had.

She shivered.

“You cold?” he asked. “I can adjust your vent.”

She shook her head and wondered how she was going to survive the next two hours.