Shades of Dark (36 page)

“You mean walk around like you do?”

He grinned. I used to call him my personal arsenal. Then his grin faded.

“Chaz. I don’t know what would happen if you discharged that. We don’t know range, aftereffects, residual effects. That’s something Sullivan, Marsh, and I talked about last night. Or this morning.” He rubbed his eyes then looked up at me. “Sullivan has to know about this.”

“It could be hours before I see him again.”

“We may have to force the issue. Put the rifle back in the ready room. Is Ren awake?”

Ren. God, yes. I wanted to smack myself in the head with the rifle for being stupid. “He’s in the galley with Dorsie. I’ll get him. Meet us in the ready room. Ten minutes okay?”

“Make it five. I have new clothes I can’t wait to wear.”

Ren was deeply troubled. He sat at the ready room table, hands folded. The winds of an approaching storm churned the usually placid water-tones in his voice. “I left Stol as a child but of course, I’ve read of the traditional
guri
requirements. But I never thought…” and he turned clouded eyes toward Philip and me. “We’re not on Stol. This is not a clan dynamic. And the Serians—”

“Were rulers for centuries,” Philip put in. He had his double holster wrapped around his hips. His gray coverall was open to the waist, revealing the matching thermal shirt underneath. The coverall’s sleeves were rolled up, showing a few inches of the gray thermal’s sleeves and Philip’s muscular forearms. “Their word was law. Their requests were honored without hesitation. Regarth probably thinks Chaz should be flattered by his proposition.”

“Chasidah, I am so very sorry. I feel ashamed to be Stolorth.”

I sent rainbows across the table. “Del should be ashamed, not you.”

“It is his tradition. That is the only excuse I have,” Ren said. “And I pray this doesn’t come to violence. It shouldn’t have to. It’s a misunderstanding.”

“There was no misunderstanding. He asked me what I would do to keep Philip alive. I understood very clearly what he was saying as well as what he wasn’t.”

“Can you reach Sullivan?” Philip asked.

“I can’t promise Del won’t know.”

Philip shrugged. “If he does, then this issue will come to a head that much sooner.”

“I need a moment in prayer. Please.” Ren leaned his elbows on the table and rested his forehead on his fingertips.

My heart pained for Ren, for his abrupt disillusionment, for his shame at what was being forced on his friends by one of his own kind. It was easy to forget, looking at him so tall and strong, that the thirty years he’d lived were not exactly translatable to myself at age thirty. Or Philip. Or…Thad. Stolorths had much longer life spans. Ren had seen thirty years, but physically and emotionally, he’d yet to reach twenty-one as we understood it. He was still a young man, and one who had spent most of his life sheltered in a monastery. This was a lot of pressure on him.

He raised his face. “Yes. I’m calmer now. Let me see what I can do.” Ren closed his eyes, resumed his prayerful position again. But this time I suspected he wasn’t seeking guidance from Abbot Eng.

After a moment he looked up again. “Sully knows I’m very upset about something. That’s all he knows, and if Del was listening, I believe that’s all he’d sense as well. It should bring Sully here, but it might be five minutes or two hours.”

It was ten minutes.

The door from the corridor opened. My hand went to my Grizni, Philip’s to his pistol. Sully stepped in, alone. The door closed behind him as his dark gaze swept the room. He frowned.

“Can you shield us, this room, from Regarth?” Philip asked him.

Chasidah?

Sully, do it, please. I’ll explain everything. I’m fine. You’re fine.
I sent my usual sloppy rainbows.
Ren’s fine.

The tension in his shoulders relaxed a little.

“Yes.” His eyes snapped to infinite dark and a silver haze glistened over his skin. No lightning bolts, no translucence. I hadn’t told Philip about that, but then he’d been studying
Ragkirils
. He probably knew.

More silver haze sparkled in barely perceptible clusters around the room. But the room was brightly lit. It was something I saw more out of the corner of my eyes than head on.

Sully swiveled a chair around and sat next to me. “What’s wrong?”

“We could tell you,” Philip said, “but she’s your
ky’sara
. She can show you in far less time. Just let the memory run, Chaz, and don’t edit it to be kind.”

I tucked my hand in Sully’s, taking in his warmth, his concern, and replayed the entire incident, leaving nothing out, not my fear, not my hatred, not my disgust. And not the fact that I had a
Kyi
-killer sitting on my hip.

Sully was breathing rapidly, his mouth a thin line. The glow around his skin increased in small patches. His grip on me tightened, but I couldn’t hear his thoughts. He just sat there, staring at me, his fingers locked around mine.

“I know it’s tradition,” Ren said softly, “but it’s wrong. And we are not part of a clan.”

“He’s gone too far.” Sully’s voice was bitter. He released my hand and shoved himself abruptly out of the chair. He stalked to the end of the table, stopped. Turned back. “I understand tradition. I offered him your friendship. Your
friendship,
as I would to a brother. A link with him as you do with Ren. Not…Chasidah, you must believe me. I never offered him your body.”

“Even friendship, Sullivan, you should have asked her first,” Philip said, his tone flat.

“It wouldn’t have mattered.” I glanced at Philip on my left. “Del linked with me, very intimately, from the moment he met me on Narfial.”

“He told me he was concerned for our safety,” Sully said.

“I’m sure that was partly true. But he’s been in my mind, Sully, many times since then. And those times had nothing to do with safety and everything to do with his own pleasure. I told you about them. You said he’s teasing me. You asked me to treat him with respect. Well, I’m sorry, but when someone threatens to kill my friend unless I agree to a sexual liaison, then that’s not teasing. That’s blackmail. That’s rape. And I don’t respect someone who does that.”

He stood there, hands fisted at his waist. Anger roiled through the link between us then stopped, like a window slammed shut. I knew what he did.

Sully, talk to me. Don’t shut me out.

I can’t, Chasidah. You don’t what to know what I’m thinking right now. You sure as hell don’t want to experience what I’m feeling.

The link went dead again. He turned his face away, one hand grasping the back of a chair as he stared at an indefinable point on the wall that separated the ready room from the bridge.

He turned back once more. “I’ll handle it.” His voice held a deathly quiet note.

“Sullivan, a word of caution, if you’ll listen to the old man.” Philip leaned on the table. “We talked last night in terms of weapons, but if you confront Regarth in the
Kyi
while you’re still tied to this ship, the results may be the same. We may be stuck here, permanently. Or whatever you do could backwash and destroy the ship. The training he’s putting you through is not the same as two
Kyi
locked in battle. And it will be a battle, because someone like the Serian-Prime will not give up his claim on a
ky’sara
easily. Not after he’s seen what she’s done for you.”

Sully’s eyes narrowed but he said nothing.

“I’m guessing here,” Philip continued, “that he sees you have the potential to be stronger than he is. He can’t risk that. It threatens him. It threatens the innate power balance of Clan Serian that you’re now part of because you’ve taken the Bond of Brothers with him. Am I correct on that?”

The Bond of Brothers?

A slight flick of Sully’s fingers in an aimless gesture. “There are so few
Kyi
here in the Empire. It seemed a logical thing to do.”

“Do I want to know what this Bond of Brothers is?” I asked, not without trepidation, and not without a twinge of my own anger.
Damn you, Sullivan, it would be nice for you to ask me before you go adopting people into our family!

“Sully and I have one,” Ren said, his voice placid, reassuring. “It’s nothing bad. It’s a promise of protection, of trust. It’s somewhat like the oath you take when you join Fleet.”

Ren, I wanted for a brother. Del, I didn’t.

“Unbond,” I told told Sully. “Serve him notice.”

He wiped one hand over his face. “It’s not that simple.”

“Go AWOL,” I persisted.

“It’s not that simple.” This, from Philip. “It’s not unlike a
ky’saran
link.”

I stared at Philip, the import of his words hitting me, hard. Then I stared at Sully. “You’re fucking kidding me, right? I’m stuck with that son of a bitch calling me
lover
in my head until one of us dies?” Now, I was angry. Now, yes, I began to see Sully as complicit in this.

“I thought I was protecting you, Chasidah.” Sully’s voice had an edge to it. “Protecting Ren. It would give us resources. I saw the Empire falling apart. I saw Fleet not far behind. The church is splitting, Purity against Reformed. The Serians have been through this before. They have healed rifts between hundreds of clans. They have even sacrificed their own lives to do so. Del has this knowledge, and the few
Kyi
that are here are all Serians or Delkavras. His people.
My
people.
Your
people.”

He slammed his hand against the back of the chair. “Goddamn it! I wanted to be on the winning side, just for once.”

“My people? You sold me to the Serians?” I couldn’t believe what I was saying.

“I didn’t sell you. We’re part of them now. Ren is too. I had to. His own clan rejected him. He’s dead to the Ackravaros. By
Ragkir
law, he shouldn’t even use the clan name in his. Plus, he’s blind. If something happened to me, he could get killed on open dock. But branded as a Serian or a Delkavra, other
Ragkir
won’t dare try. I did it to save your lives!”

I looked at Ren, gave him a mental nudge. Did he know? No. His elegant face wore a startled expression.

“Thank you, Sully,” Ren said softly. “I know you meant well.”

Sully gripped the back of the chair with both hands and, with a soft but harsh epithet, dropped his gaze to the tabletop. Or seat of the chair. Or another galaxy in a distant corner of the universe somewhere under the
Karn
’s decking.

I put my own face in my hands. God. The road to hell was paved with good intentions.

“I understand what you were trying to do, Sullivan,” Philip said. “It’s not without merit. I’ve had to form a number of allegiances in my career that held potential for disaster if not properly handled. And I can’t honestly say I’d have done anything different if I were in your position. You had a unique and urgent problem. Regarth represented a workable solution. That solution, however, has now become a new problem.”

“He’ll leave the
Karn
when we hit Dock Five,” Sully said. “Distance will solve a good portion of these issues.”

That meant I only had to survive another five to six shipdays of Del’s brotherly love. Two and a half in jump. And four more to the A-B. And hope Philip didn’t die smiling in the meantime.

Chasidah. Please. I love you beyond all measure. I’d never hurt you. Or anyone you care about.

I didn’t lift my face from my hands. I couldn’t look at the pain on his face. I couldn’t let him see the emotions on mine.
I know, Sully. I know.

“And in the meantime?” Philip asked quietly. “Are you strong enough to keep him away from Chaz? From taking control of this ship?”

“I’m going to have to be.”

I raised my head, straightening. “That’s not an answer.”

Sully looked at me, a flicker of surprise. He hadn’t heard that tone from me in a while. It was the captain of the
Meritorious
speaking. Not his
ky’sal
, his angel-mine.

“We need a plan of action,” I continued, “a strength assessment, damage probability assessment, and options if the original plan doesn’t work. Do you realize, Mr. Sullivan, that if both you and Regarth are somehow incapacitated, no one else can take this ship out of jump?”

He stared at me for two, three heartbeats, while next to me, very much under his breath, Philip said, “Welcome back, Captain.”

I sat forward. “Our paramount responsibility is the safety and protection of those on board. That includes keeping command staff alive and functioning. Which also includes you. Unless you tell me you can’t handle a
Kyi
-gate transit without Regarth.”

“I can do it alone.”

“Noted. Can I be taught to handle a transit?”

“You can’t find the gate markers. Once I have those, yes, you can assist. But you’re not a
Kyi
.”

“Can Ren be taught to find them?”

A thoughtful pause. “Doubtful, and definitely not in the next two days.”

“I think you’d better sit down, Sullivan,” Philip intoned. “I’ve been in on these sessions with her before. She’s annoyingly thorough.”