Shackled: A Stepbrother Romance Novel (9 page)

A
fter my shower
, I slid beneath the covers in the darkness of my bedroom and tried to work my way through my muddled thoughts. The closer I seemed to get to forgiving Jonathan, the worse my paranoia became about my mom’s reaction when I inevitably had to tell her that I was moving back in.

Because if the bombshell of her daughter dropping out of college without even discussing it first didn’t send her into a tailspin—the news that her daughter was also sleeping with her future stepson certainly would. Especially considering we would all be living together.

It was a mess of epic proportions and while none of us had planned it this way, that really didn’t make things any better.

When the mattress dipped behind me, I jumped. I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t even heard Jonathan’s footsteps entering the room, but I definitely felt it when his arms looped around my waist and he dragged me back against his body.

I half-expected him to say something perverted or simply make a move in hopes of a repeat of what happened between us in the kitchen, so I was truly surprised when he just held me for a long time.

So long, in fact, that I started to feel the call of sleep beckoning me. It was hard to resist the urge, but I somehow managed it. As much as I wished I could find an excuse to delay it, I knew we needed to talk.

Jonathan obviously felt the same way. “You okay?”

“Not really,” I admitted with a heavy sigh.

I could feel him shifting around behind me, then he gently pulled at my hip to turn me over. I went along with it, just barely able to see his face with the soft glow of the moonlight coming in through the window.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

I nearly raised an eyebrow at the commanding tone of his voice, but stopped when I realized that there wouldn’t have been a point. He seemed to be under the impression that whatever was wrong had something to do with him, but that was only partially true. The only thing I could really do to ease his concern was admit the biggest issue.

“I dropped out of college.”

Even with the limited lighting, I could see his eyebrows raise high in surprise. “Shut the fuck up. Does your mom know?”

“Not yet. The plan was to tell her right when I got home and spend the next week smoothing it over, but seeing you and your dad kind of killed that plan. Now I don’t know how—or
when
—to tell her. But my stuff is being delivered to the house on Friday, so I have to figure it out soon.”

Jonathan was quiet as he contemplated the severity of my situation, but he kept his hand moving in small circles on my back. I hated to admit that I took great comfort from the small touch—so much so that I would’ve begged him not to stop if he tried to pull away.

Thankfully, it didn’t come to that. Instead, he pulled me even closer and tilted his head down to press a kiss to my shoulder. I shivered hard, grateful that he didn’t poke fun at my body’s instinctive reaction.

“Is it wrong of me to say that I’m happy? Because I really fucking am.”

“Why?” I asked, ignoring his hypothetical question. “Because if you think that this weekend meant that we’re getting together or something, then I’ll tell you right now that—”

“
No
,” he interrupted firmly and let out a sigh of frustration. “I meant that I’m happy that you’ll be around. That I’ll be able to see you more often. I missed you.”

“Why do you have to say things like that?” I whispered as I slammed my eyes shut.

I had never thought that Jonathan would be a romantic, but some of the things that had come out of his mouth this weekend were undoubtedly that. While a part of me swooned with every word, it also felt like I was being repeatedly kicked in the stomach.

“Because I love you. And I’ll keep saying it until you either believe me or tell me to fuck off.”

“Fuck off,” I mumbled pitifully.

A beat of silence passed and his body briefly tensed before relaxing back to normal. When he pulled me even closer against him a moment later, it was my turn to tense up.

“Nice try, but you’re going to have to try it again with a little more feeling.”

“Let
go
.”

“Never,” he whispered before craning his neck down and sliding his lips against mine.

I whimpered into the kiss, bringing my hand up to cup his stubble-ridden cheek as he softly moved our lips together. This kiss was far different than the hard ones we shared in the kitchen only an hour or so ago, but my body responded the exact same way. Judging by the strengthening pressure against my stomach, I knew he was in a similar boat.

When he finally pulled away, I sucked in a shuddering breath and allowed myself to relax again. There was really no point into continuing to try to deny my attraction to him. Even if the timing was awful, I still was willing to try this.

But before we got caught up in lust again, we really needed to finish this conversation.

“Okay, fine. Don’t fuck off.”

I could see the brightness of his teeth as he smiled and it made my heart melt even more than his words. Regardless of what he’d done in the past, he was here with me
now
. He was in love with me. Or at least he claimed to be, but something deep in my heart told me that he was being genuine every time he said the words. I believed him.

So in the grand scheme of things, did the past even matter? I didn’t have an answer to that, but forgiveness seemed to be getting closer with every hour that passed.

“So when did you decide to drop out?”

“I filled out the paperwork at the beginning of the month. Don’t get me wrong though—it wasn’t a quick decision. I thought about it for a long while just to make sure that I was following my heart and not just panicking. I was
so sure
of myself when I finally signed those papers. But now that I’m home…”

“It feels like you made a mistake?”

“I wouldn’t go that far. I… I still think it was the right thing to do. I’m just… I’m lost. I don’t know where to go from here.”

He was quiet, carefully contemplating everything I had confessed. I would have given anything for him to tell me what he was thinking—or to give me some kind of advice—but the sensation of his fingers tangling with mine beneath the blankets somehow meant more than anything he could have possibly said.

He eventually broke the silence, his voice confused as he said, “I don’t get it. All you talked about during senior year was going to college. What changed?”

“It… It’s like seeing a pretty dress in a store window. You buy it only to realize later that it doesn’t look as good on you as you thought it would.”

Jonathan shook his head, his eyebrows furrowing together with confusion. I sighed hard. Of course, he didn’t get it. The clothing analogy wouldn’t have worked with many guys.

“I wanted to go because my mom wanted me to go. I had convinced myself that it was a good idea, mainly for her benefit. But it just didn’t fit like I thought it would.”

Recognition began to dawn in Jonathan’s eyes and he slowly began to nod. “Okay, I get the dress thing. But why didn’t it fit? Was it the people or the classes or…” he trailed off, his eyes losing focus as they slid past me to stare at the wall. “Was it a guy?”

While my first instinct was the roll my eyes, I couldn’t stop the slight curling at the corners of my lips as I asked, “Why? You jealous?”

“Fuck yeah, I am,” he growled, the sound of it sending tingles through my body. “I’m not naïve enough to think that you didn’t sleep with anyone while you were there, but I’d prefer not to think about it.”

I didn’t even bother to point out the absurdity of his statement. After the words left his lips, I could see the apprehension dawn on his face that told me he realized how fucked up it was.

It’s in the past. Just let it go.

“No, it wasn’t the people. The classes, though… Yeah. They might have played a part in it.”

Jonathan frowned. “How’s that? You’re one of the smartest people I know.”

“Maybe in high school I was, but college is different. I just… nothing would
click
. I was failing nearly everything, and these were classes that were required for my major. I’d study all night only to find out that I was on the wrong chapter the next day or that I misinterpreted the entire text and was left struggling to figure out what the
fuck
the professor was talking about in class and I just… I just couldn’t do it. I
can’t
do it.”

By the end of my tirade, there were tears rolling down my cheek and hitting the pillow. I turned to hide my face, embarrassed that I let him see the disappointment in myself that I had been trying so hard to fight.

“Don’t do that, baby,” he prodded as he turned me back to face him. “Don’t be embarrassed. So maybe you weren’t cut out for college—it’s not the end of the world. Trust me. And hell, at least you tried. That’s more than a lot of people can say.”

“I don’t think my mom will see it the same way,” I muttered.

“Is she seriously the only reason you went?”

I nodded. “She never went to college and she’s spent years telling me about how many opportunities she missed out on because she didn’t have an education. And since dad died, all I’ve wanted was to make her proud of me—to make her life a little easier. You know? So I convinced myself that it was my dream as well, even though some small part of me knew that it was going to end like this.”

There was a long silence and I watched his eyes as he turned over my words in his head and tried to figure out a response. There really wasn’t anything he could say, nothing that would make my failure any less of one or my disappointment in myself any easier to handle.

Or at least that’s what I thought.

“You did something you didn’t want to do just to make your mom happy. You shouldn’t be beating yourself up over what was an entirely selfless act. You’re a good person, angel, and regardless of how your mom feels about it… I’m pretty damn sure that your dad would be as proud of you for doing what you think is right as I am.”

I was struck silent by his words, finding myself unable to think of anything other than how my dad would feel about this if he were still alive. Was Jonathan right? Would he be proud of me for trying? Would he be proud of me for deciding that I shouldn’t base my life around what my mom wanted for me?

In my heart, I knew the answer.

And the silent tears turned into outright sobs.

S
hit
, shit,
shit.

Fiona sobbing had
definitely
not been the intended side effect of what was supposed to be an inspirational speech. Every shake of her shoulders made the knife in my gut twist further and further.

“No, no, no,” I muttered as I rubbed her back. “Don’t cry. I didn’t—
Shit
, what did I say?”

“It’s—I-I’m sorry,” she croaked out, her voice thick from crying and her words chopped up by hiccups. “I just—I hadn’t thought about that. About
Dad.
”

Okay, okay. So I didn’t fuck up somehow. Good to know.

Then again, I kind of did.

I’d made her sad.
Again.

It was starting to feel like the only thing I was good for when it came to Fiona was breaking her heart. Whether my intentions were good or not.

But then she burrowed deeper under the covers and curled up against me, pressing her forehead against my chest. The move was surprising enough to make me tense up a little, waiting for it to click in her head that the person she was seeking comfort from was the same one who hurt her in the first place.

Then she’d shove me away and ask me to leave. Which I would do because I was fucking whipped, but I wouldn’t be happy about it.

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry?” I asked after a long pause, trying to figure out if I’d heard her right.

“Thank you. For everything you said,” she stopped and cleared her throat, then tipped her head back to look at me. “I think everything will be all right. Mom, my future—
us
. I… I think it’ll work out.”

The fact that she included us on her list of things that were going to work out made me want to hop out of bed and fist-pump the air. Holy fuck, it was one hell of a relief. Even if she wasn’t totally sold on the idea yet, it was more than enough for me.

For now.

“I’ll be here for you,” I assured her, reluctantly pulling back so I wouldn’t need to crane my neck so hard to see her face. “If you ever want to talk about the whole future thing together.”

Pushing my luck? Hell yeah. But I was going to try anyway. I held my breath as I waited for her response, letting it out in a gust of air when I saw a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth as she quietly said, “I’d like that.”

This was it. I had successfully made my way back into her good graces.

Life is good. Definitely a moment worthy of a fist-pump.

“But that will have to wait,” she added with a heavy sigh.

Nooo.

“Why?”

She gave me a wry smile. “I need to tell my mom before I even start thinking about my future. God only knows how she’s going to react.”

I shrugged a little—which was easier said than done with my arms full of Fiona.

“She’s going to be disappointed, sure, but I bet she’ll respect your decision. Leslie is pretty cool and you
are
an adult.”

She laughed a little, the sound making me frown. It was stilted—fake—and obviously so. I didn’t understand why she was so nervous about telling Leslie. Sure, the woman could be pretty high-strung these days, but she had never been a bad mother to Fiona. I’d been around enough over the years to know that I would’ve seen it with my own eyes if she had.

The silence that took over the room afterward felt final, so instead of speaking and potentially ruining the comfortable moment, I settled for rubbing soothing circles on her back. I smiled as I felt her body go more and more slack, until her breathing finally steadied out and she was sleeping in my arms.

Part of me wanted to stay awake to savor the feeling, but the sense of contentment that washed over me was the final nail in the coffin that made me succumb to my exhaustion. I buried my face in her hair and followed her into sleep.

I
was having
what was probably the most erotic dream of my life when a distant noise abruptly pulled me out of it. I lied still and listened for a moment, but the sound didn’t repeat itself. I sleepily groaned in frustration, drawing an echo of the noise from Fiona as she stirred out of sleep as well.

“Sorry, baby,” I murmured. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered, the breathlessness of her voice making my morning wood twitch with interest. “What time is it?”

I made a noise of uncertainty as my brain shifted down to my dick and I ground myself forward against the softness of her body. There was a light, almost musical laugh that rose out of her throat that definitely wasn’t helping my predicament.

“Want you,” I mumbled against her shoulder before trailing my lips up to her neck and kissing her there. Her shiver of desire was more than enough of an invitation for me to untangle her from my arms and move on top of her, resting between her legs as they opened for me without protest.

Our lips met and moved slowly as I began to rock my hips, gently grinding our lower bodies together and growling from the delicious friction. I was desperate to get back inside, but I couldn’t deny that I also loved teasing her. The breathless gasps and whimpers she made satisfied me more than I could ever explain.

The loud bang of the front door opening and closing made us both freeze at the same time. I stopped the lazy motion of my hips and pulled my lips from hers, glancing up towards the window and noting the sunlight that was streaming in past the curtain.

The reason behind my abrupt awakening instantly became clear.

Car doors slamming.

The haze of sleep and lust faded as panic settled in. The horrified expression on my face was apparently enough to pull her out of her own half-asleep state and I could see in her eyes the exact moment that she clued in to what was happening.

Fiona whispered, “
Oh my god
. Is that—”

“Shhh!”

I quickly covered Fiona’s mouth with my palm, ignoring her muffled noise of protest. Between the rough sex and the heart-to-heart talk we’d had last night, I had completely forgotten what day it was.

“Get your clothes on. I’ll stall them,” I whispered before hopping out of bed.

Why the fuck did I put my pants in the laundry bag last night? This is what I get for cleaning.

When I got close to the door, I could hear our parents moving around in the kitchen. I opened the door so quietly that I knew they couldn’t possibly have heard it. Then I tip-toed out and pulled the door closed with just as much stealth. Before I got it all the way shut, I made the mistake of glancing in just in time to see Fiona dropping her underwear and bending over.

My mouth watered and my morning erection
throbbed
.

Fuck, not now. Please not now.

Leslie’s hushed voice was just barely carrying down the hall and I darted into the bathroom, yanking down my boxers and grinding my teeth together as I tried to force myself to piss while picturing the least sexy things I could think of.

Anything but Fiona bending over.

Anything but me bending Fiona over the kitchen table and fucking her raw.

Anything but the fact that Leslie and my dad were probably sitting at that table right now with no idea of what we had done on it.

Wait—go back to that one.

With a sigh of relief, my dick softened enough to piss and by the time the stream had ended, I was left with nothing more than a semi. I pulled up my boxers and hurriedly washed my hands before moving to the door to keep my promise to stall them.

Just in time, too, considering I nearly barreled into Leslie as she came barging down the hall with my dad following close behind.

We all froze at once; Leslie narrowing her eyes suspiciously at my attire and my dad’s frown deepening when he noticed what I was—or more importantly wasn’t—wearing. I gave them a nervous smile as I internally freaked the hell out. Did they immediately suspect it? It wasn’t like I had come out of Fiona’s bedroom like this.

At least not that they saw.

“Good morning,” I hesitantly greeted.

Neither one of their expressions shifted and it made the dread rise up in my system like bile. When I took a better look at Leslie’s face and saw the anger simmering behind her eyes, I swallowed hard and came to terms with the fact that I needed to man the fuck up and explain.

Then I noticed the way her fists were balled at her sides, some kind of paper sticking out of one. An envelope. I frowned down at it, and then looked back up to meet her angry eyes.

“Where the hell is my daughter?”

I glanced back down at the paper she held in her hand, looking a little harder and finally recognizing the seal that was stamped on the envelope. I wasn’t entirely sure what the contents were, but I could wager a damn good guess considering it was clearly from Fiona’s college.

Shit.