Sex and Crime: Oliver's Strange Journey (36 page)

The four most important things when you're
in jail are:

1) getting visitors

2) getting mail (Only postcards are
allowed.)

3) being able to call someone on the
outside

4) getting canteen money from someone, so
you can buy snacks (The food in jail is terrible.)

Kayla's dad sent her money, so I didn't have
to. But I opened a prepaid account with Global Tel, so she could
call me collect. And I visited her regularly. Inmates in Lee County
Jail are allowed to have 2 one-hour-long visits per week. The
inmate sits at a video screen in jail, while the visitor sits at a
video screen in the visitation building.

And I sent her postcards. Since I had a
background in newspaper publishing, I printed my postcards with a
tiny font, so I could fit a lot more text on a card than if it was
handwritten, and I made them look like newspaper pages, with funny
little pictures. Kayla loved my postcards. They always cheered her
up, and she showed them to all her friends in jail. They said that
my cards were the best jail mail ever. It made me feel good when
she told me that.

One day Kayla was all excited, because she
had found out that there was a book called "Sex, Drugs and Taxi
Cabs" written by some guy who had sex with a bunch of streetwalking
hookers, who walked past his insurance office on Pondella Road. He
called himself Captain Save-A-Ho. All the inmates were talking
about his book, because he mentioned Lee County Jail in it. Kayla
talked me into getting the book. It was poorly written, and
painfully awkward to read. He bragged about humiliating these
girls, because to him they were all just a bunch of worthless
whores anyway. He sounded like a sleazy douchebag.

Kayla sent me a bunch of really sweet love
letters. She wrote she couldn't wait to get out and have a life
with me. She never wanted to touch drugs again, and she wanted to
finish college. It all sounded oddly familiar.

Meanwhile her best friend Morgan kept
texting and calling me all the time. She said we should hang out,
and that I shouldn't feel guilty about having sex with her, because
Kayla was going to be in jail for almost a year, and because Kayla
had called me her sugar daddy, not her boyfriend, before she went
to jail. Morgan said Kayla was just calling me her boyfriend now,
because she needed to have someone to think about while she was in
jail.

The way Kayla's best friend Morgan was
moving in on me reminded me of the way Alice's best friend Kat had
made a move on me, back in New York. The more I hung out with drug
addicts, the more situations kept repeating themselves. Only the
names changed.

Morgan was 25. She was much shorter than
Kayla, had freckles and red hair. She wasn't beautiful in the
classical sense, but she was cute in her own way. And she had a
great sense of humor. She cracked me up with all her cocky little
comments. She had a young daughter, and she told me her baby daddy
said that without make-up Morgan looked like a hamster with down
syndrome. I could see the resemblance.

Morgan lived with friends in San Carlos
Park, between Fort Myers and Bonita Springs. She slept on the couch
in the living room. It was a very uncomfortable situation for her.
She fought with her roommates all the time, and one day, after yet
another big fight, Morgan asked if she could stay with me.

Morgan was quiet whenever Kayla called me
from jail, so that Kayla wouldn't find out about Morgan living with
me. Then one day Morgan started telling me that she loved me, and
asked me what was going to happen to her when Kayla gets out of
jail. Would I kick Morgan out? I told her Kayla's release date was
still months away, so we didn't have to worry about any of that
yet. Morgan suggested that she and Kayla could both live with me
and both be my girlfriends.

"Really? You would be ok with me having two
girlfriends, and me having sex with another girl besides you?" I
asked.

"Well, if it was any other girl, I would
bite your dick off. But I love Kayla. She's awesome. I think the
three of us could have a lot of fun together. So, yeah, I would be
ok with you fucking me and her," she replied with a smirk.

Wow. Cool! Now I was really gonna live the
rockstar life! Before, when I was seeing Haley, Crystal, Kayla and
Manuela, all at the same time, they didn't know about each other.
But now I was gonna be living with two girls who both knew that I
was fucking both of them, and having threesomes was going to be the
new normal. As you know by now, I was never really into threesomes,
because I'm just too damn shy to be naked in front of not just one
but two girls. But I already had lots of sex with Kayla and Morgan
individually, so they both knew what to expect. And I was
comfortable with each one of them, so I could see myself having sex
with both of them at the same time.

Remember when Patty had asked me to try
anal? I really didn't want to with her. But when Morgan asked me to
try it with her, I did. And I kinda liked it, although I could not
even get it half way in, even with lots of lube, because my dick
was too big for her, and she was in too much pain. But she seemed
to like the pain and asked me to do it a few more times. She wanted
to see if she could manage to take me all the way inside of her.
Patty was a crazy freak, while Morgan was just the right kind of
kinky. But at the same time she felt so self-concious, whenever she
gave me a blowjob, she would only do it while she was hiding her
head under the blanket. How adorable is that?

Now we just needed to find out if Kayla was
on board with the Mormon lifestyle and having a sister wife.

At the next viso, I was going to test the
waters. But that didn't go so well. As soon as I mentioned that I
talked to Morgan recently, Kayla got this annoyed look on her face
and asked: "Why are you talking to Morgan? Did that bitch try to
get with you?"

And just like that, my career as Mormon
MacDaddy ended before it even started. Bummer. I never did get to
have a threesome with Kayla and Morgan.

At the next viso with Kayla, I tried to
bring up the topic one more time. I pretended to be joking around
when I asked her: "Wouldn't it be cool if you and Morgan both lived
with me, and we all had sex together?"

Kayla looked at me like I had lost my mind.
She crunched up her eyebrows and the expression on her face said:
"What the fuck are you thinking, asshole?"

When I told Morgan that Kayla was not a fan
of our awesome plan, Morgan realized that sooner or later I was
going to have to make a choice, whether I wanted to be with Morgan
or with Kayla. Suddenly Morgan started making snide remarks about
Kayla whenever she got a chance. And now she purposely made noise
whenever Kayla called me from jail. She wanted Kayla to know that
Morgan was living with me, and she wanted Kayla and me to break
up.

Morgan kept telling me she loved me, and she
told me that she was worried that I was going to kick her to the
curb as soon as Kayla got out of jail. I really liked Morgan at
this point, and although I had explored the rockstar lifestyle for
a bit, I really am a one woman kind of guy, so I stopped talking to
Kayla.

Having lots of sex with a bunch of beautiful
girls is a lot of fun for a little while, but then it gets old. It
leaves you empty inside. It doesn't even come close to the feeling
you get when you are in a serious relationship with one special
someone.

From that point on I just ignored Kayla
whenever she called me from jail, and I didn't answer her letters
anymore. I felt really guilty, but I figured things with Morgan
were going really well, and she was right here with me. Who knew
what would happen with Kayla once she gets out, and whether she was
really going to come live with me, or go back to Sayville or
what.

Morgan had lost custody of her little
daughter while she was in jail. Her daughter was now living at the
house where her baby daddy and his parents lived. His mother had
custody of the child. Whenever Morgan wanted to see her daughter,
she had to go to their house. She said she hated her baby daddy,
and luckily he was never home when she went there to see her kid.
Morgan and her baby daddy used to do drugs together, and he was a
total loser with mental problems, she said.

My mother was going to come visit me for two
weeks from Germany. I didn't want Morgan to stay with me while my
mother was here, because I didn't want to officially introduce her
to my mother as my girlfriend yet. And I wasn't going to be able to
explain to my mother why this girl was living with me, and sleeping
in bed with me, if she wasn't officially my girlfriend.

So to avoid all that awkwardness, I decided
it would be better if Morgan stayed somewhere else for those two
weeks. Morgan wasn't happy about that. She had nowhere else to go.
She burned her bridges with her previous roommates. My mother's
arrival was imminent, but Morgan kept procrastinating. I think she
thought I was lying about my mother coming to visit, and she was
worried that I was really just trying to kick her out and get back
together with Kayla. At the last minute I rented a hotel room for
Morgan for a few days, until she could find a place to stay until
my mother left.

While my mother was here, Morgan and I
texted each other on Facebook every day. And at night, after my
mother went to bed, I snuck out a few times, to meet Morgan. She
told me that her little daughter was staying with her at the hotel
room, so we had sex in my SUV. The back of it was large enough so
that we could lie down flat, as if it were a bed.

Suddenly I found out that Morgan's baby
daddy was staying at the hotel with her. I flipped out. What the
hell was going on? Morgan said he was only supposed to drop their
daughter off, but then he refused to leave. I called the hotel and
told them to cancel the room. Now Morgan and her baby daddy were
standing outside the hotel, with nowhere to go.

Morgan did find a place to stay after all.
Then she and I made up. She told me her loser baby daddy had
relapsed yet again and that he offered her heroin at the hotel, if
she would have sex with him. She swore she said no.

She ended up staying with some friends for a
few days. We planned that as soon as my mother left, Morgan would
be allowed to come back and continue to live with me. Her friends
were a couple. Both of them were drug addicts, and both had HIV. I
did not like the idea at all, that the girl I have unprotected sex
with was staying with people who have HIV. I told her to stay as
far away from them as possible while she was there: "Don't do drugs
with them! Don't share needles with them! Don't use one of their
toothbrushes! Don't use their razors!"

She told me that I didn't have to worry,
that I knew very well that she was on probation and that she wasn't
doing drugs anymore, that she had no interest in drugs, and that
not even those two people she was staying with for a few days could
make her relapse, even if they were doing drugs right in front of
her.

But a day or two later, when I called the
place where she was staying and I asked to speak to her, they told
me that she had gone to see her daughter at her baby daddy's
parents' house the previous day and never came back. She had spent
the night with him. I knew exactly what that meant. He offered her
heroin for sex, and she agreed, and she relapsed and cheated on me
with her ex.

I was done with her. I packed up all her
things, put them in a garbage bag, and dropped off the bag in front
of the door of the house where she was staying. She called me and
texted me and swore that they were lying, that she had not spent
the night with her ex, that she didn't need to have sex with guys
for them to give her drugs, that she couldn't continue to stay at
her friends' house, that she loved me and that she wanted to come
back to live with me. I told her to go fuck herself and that I
never wanted to see her again.

Then Morgan got all arrogant and texted me
that she didn't want to be with me anyway and that she was getting
back with her baby daddy, and that it was her idea to leave my
house in the first place. I got really pissed at her, so I wrote a
Facebook message to her baby daddy and told him that Morgan had
been staying with me for the past few months and we had been
fucking every day.

The next day I got a message from Morgan's
dad that said my message to her baby daddy had made him so
unhinged, he went off the deep end. Her father said that this kid
really was mentally unstable and may kill himself, or Morgan, or
their daughter, or all three of them, because of the message I had
sent him. And if anything happened, the blood would be on my
hands.

I wrote Morgan's father back that if
anything like that was going to happen, it's because Morgan is a
lying cheater who has sex for drugs, not because I told someone
that she's a lying cheater who has sex for drugs. The problem is
that she is doing these things, not that I'm talking about her
doing these things, so don't try to put the blame on me.

The next day Morgan's mother called me. She
was really worried and asked me if it was true that her daughter
had relapsed and was doing drugs again. I told her yes, it's
true.

I never talked to Morgan again after all
that. Later I found out that she was getting worse and worse on
drugs, and she ended up back in jail.