Seventy-Two Hours (15 page)

I was going to ask him what he meant, but I
didn’t have a chance. His mouth found mine and the moment moved on expediently
from there. Within ten minutes, my mind was wiped clean of all coherent
thought and I found myself an exposed nerve brought on by sexual delirium.

Present Day

I didn’t sleep the rest of the night.
Instead, I spent it questioning the very foundation my marriage was built upon.
Chris had been my first serious boyfriend. I cherished the fact we were each
other’s first. First and only lovers. I had never worried about Chris’
fidelity while he was away at college. Not once. His admission earlier
changed everything. I wanted to know when it happened and if there were other
times and other women. Of all those questions, one bothered me the most; why
did I even care?

As soon as the sun was up, I took care of
Chris’ empties he had scattered around the porch. There were 11 bottles in all.
A mix of Amstel Lights and Heinekens. I went to bed at 9:00 which meant Chris
returned downstairs sometime after that. I found him shortly after two. At
some point, he left to purchase more beer. It took, at the very least, 20
minutes to reach Watkins Glen and the nearest store including a Wal-Mart
Supercenter. If I factored in almost an hour for his roundtrip beer run, that
averaged out to around three bottles being consumed an hour. He had to have
been under the influence when he drove. It was a completely stupid thing to
do. Intolerable. A DWI arrest wasn’t something to be proud of, but causing an
accident that could potentially kill him or others would have been so much
worse. The more I thought about it, the more pissed off I got.

I decided to get away from the cottage for a
while. I’d just go without leaving him a note. It would serve him right to
wake up and discover me gone even though I had every intention of returning.
Let him worry for the time being about getting a ride home. But I gave in and
left a note. It stated, “I’ll be back.” In my mind, that was all he needed to
know. It was all he deserved. He was the one that got me there under false
pretenses. He was the one putting me through the wringer for being unfaithful
when he was guilty of the same thing. His may have happened a long time ago,
but it was cheating nevertheless.

I went through the drive-thru, purchased a
greasy breakfast with a large coffee, and headed to the marina. It was early
enough that most of the tourists hadn’t ventured out of their vacation lodging.
I came across two older men fishing as I traversed the breakers that bordered
the marina. They smiled and greeted me kindly. I took a moment to ask them if
the fish were biting. The older looking of the two reached down and pulled a
metal chain up from the water and displayed two nice sized fish hanging from
it. I wished them continued luck and parted ways with them. I found a large,
flat rock and sat down with my breakfast.

Fast food was hardly what others considered
“comfort food,” but to me it was. It was forbidden food. I knew how horrible
it was for me so on the occasion I was having a bad day, I permitted myself to
indulge on the culinary wild side a little.

After my breakfast was gone, I took a walk
along the marina. Boats of all types and sizes went out and came in. A lone
person on a jet ski zipped back and forth through the wake of a boat. He would
speed up just before he hit the peak and then the jetski would go airborne. It
was an activity I’d seen the boys do before when we were visiting Jim and
Nancy’s cottage. I smiled thinking about happier times. My children had
certainly made a difference in my life. The ugliness of my current marital
state aside, Chris did give me wonderful sons.

Thinking about our family only made me feel
worse. Everything would change now. Everything. And I knew that going into
the weekend. I wasn’t as worried about Carson. The two of us understood each
other. Hudson may be the most surprised since he was away at college the
majority of the time over the past two years. Still, he would ultimately
understand. Our separation would affect Clinton the most. I turned every
possible scenario over and over in my mind about telling him and what his
reaction would be. Each scenario ended negatively. Clinton needed routine.
He needed stability.

Chris wasn’t awake when I returned to the
cottage at ten. I’d left his door open in case he got sick so at least his
obnoxious snores weren’t making their way downstairs anymore. Thank God for
small miracles.

I made coffee. Lack of sleep meant consuming
copious amounts of caffeine. I yawned while putting the final scoop into the
filter. The stairs squeaked giving away his approach. I didn’t turn around to
greet him. “How are you feeling this morning?” I asked him while in my mind I
imagined striking him in the head with the coffee pot.

“My head is killing me and it feels like I
have a carpet on my tongue.”

“Coffee will be ready in about five minutes.”

“Thanks,” he said. “And thanks for last
night.”

“No need to thank me,” I said tersely.

“I vaguely remember your helping me up to
bed. It couldn’t have been easy. I had a lot to drink.”

“Eleven beers.”

“You counted them?” he asked with a touch of
consternation.

When I finally turned to face him I replied,
“I cleaned up from your party-for-one last night. You can’t imagine the pride
I felt when I saw all of those empties. So, of course, I had to count them. I
had to know how many you had under your belt before you left to buy more beer.
You know, provided you finished the old before you ventured out for the new,” I
explained in a saccharine-sweet way. “But I could be wrong. Maybe you saw
that you were almost out and decided to go and get more beer first. Which was
obviously the smarter thing to do. And, well, you’re such an intelligent man
so I’m sure that’s what you did, right?”

Chris wouldn’t meet my eyes. He looked off
biting his lower lip. His actions told me the latter didn’t happen.

“What the hell is the matter with you,
Chris? Driving with six beers in you!” I knew this because there were six
Amstel Light bottles on the porch. “What would you say if the boys behaved in
such a way?”

He put his hands to his head and rubbed at
his eyes and then temples. “Alright. I get it. I used poor judgment. I
agree. Let’s just drop it, okay?”

“Fine,” I spat out. However, I wasn’t close
to being done with him.

He saw the newspaper I’d purchased. “You
went to the store?”

“I went to breakfast.”

“By yourself?!?” he asked incredulously.

“All by myself. I ate it in the marina all
by myself, too”

“How long ago?”

“I left around seven-thirty and got back a
few minutes ago.”

His brows were pinched tightly together. “I
didn’t hear you coming or going.”

“I’m not surprised. Between the snoring and
the air conditioner, how could you hear anything,” I declared.

“I guess I was
really
out of it.”

“And then some.”

“The last time I felt like this was back in
college.”

“Really? You never told me about that.” I
crossed my arms in front of me and scowled at him. “There’s a lot about your college
days you never told me.”

“Well, it was college, Jen. Didn’t you
party?”

“Um, not really. I went home most weekends.”

He stepped around me to get a coffee mug when
he could no longer take my penetrating glare. “That coffee’s got to be about
done brewing.”

It was. I poured coffee for myself and then
put the pot back on the warmer ignoring Chris’ outstretched mug.

“Thank you,” he said sardonically.

“Anytime,” I chided back while putting milk
into my coffee and then returning the milk to the fridge.

“Do you have something for headaches in your
purse?”

“Nope.” That was a lie. It served him right
to suffer.

He set his mug down loudly. “Look,” he
started in a consolatory tone. “I’m not going to apologize for my behavior
last night. I think I’m permitted to tie one on for the first time in our 21
years of marriage. Especially in light of what’s going on.”

“While we’re discussing our 21 years of
marriage, may I ask you a question?”

He sipped his coffee and seemed to be
considering where the conversation was going. “Only if you’ve had a change of
heart.”

I scoffed, “I’m afraid not. You brought up your
college life this morning and it made me realize just how little I know about
your social life at college.”

He seemed amused by my comment as he chuckled
and said, “My social life at college, huh? It was pretty boring. When I
wasn’t in class, I was doing extra class work, or working a part time job.
When I had enough time off, I came home to be with you.”

I knew at that moment he had no recollection
of his drunken confession during the wee small hours. It gave me great
satisfaction when I said, “So, the night Sela performed fellatio on you, was
that a weeknight or one of those weekend nights when you didn’t come home to be
with me?”

It was as if I had struck him across his face
with the back of my hand. He stared at me, his eyes narrowing, as he licked
his lips and swallowed. “What?”

“You
were
really out of it last
night,” I said repeating his words from earlier. “You passed out before you
expanded on it.”

“Jen—“

“No,” I interrupted. “Don’t be so shy now.
You weren’t last night. It’s not every day a normal guy like you has a woman
show up uninvited in your bed begging for you to finish her off. Share the
rest of the story. I’m all ears.”

Chris paled instantly. “Jesus Christ.”

I sat my coffee down. It no longer appealed
to me. The acid from it was already doing a number on my stomach. “You
sanctimonious hypocrite. You’ve grilled me this weekend. Made your vulgar
remarks and yet you’re just as guilty.”

“I don’t know what I said, but you have to
believe me, Jen. I never slept with her,” he offered with his hands out in a
nonthreatening manner.

“You left her give you a blow job.”

“It only happened that one time. I swear. I
had been drinking, which is no excuse. You’re right,” he back-peddled when he
saw my expression.

“When did it happen?”

“It happened. Does the rest matter?” he
asked in an attempt to sidestep.

I took a breath and counted to ten. “When?”
I urged.

“Jen.”

“Were we married?”

“Please, if you would—“

“Just answer the goddamn question!”

“Yes.”

My heart pounded in my ears. “Was I
pregnant?”

He shook his head.

I pushed him out of the way so I could get
around the L-shaped, bar-style counter. My mind was spinning with the new
information. We married in March. We lost Spencer in July. He didn’t return
to college until the end of August. In October, we went to New York where we
conceived again. We knew about the pregnancy by the beginning of November.
That meant his little bedtime surprise with Sela happened in the first eight
weeks of school. While I was going through the worst bought of depression in
my life. For some reason, it only made it worse. I would have preferred if it
happened while I was pregnant. Instead, it happened while I was at my lowest.

He followed behind as I barreled up the
stairs. The pain from last night’s stubbed toe didn’t slow me down. Just
before I entered my room, I spun on him, catching him off guard. He slammed
into me. My teeth rattled in my head.

“Chris, leave me alone right now. For the
love of God,” I begged having reached my limit, “leave me alone.”

“I want to explain, Jen. Please let me,” he
urged as his eyes searched my face.

“You know what?” I began, “I’m hurt. I am
and I guess after what I’ve done, I shouldn’t be. But I am.” I stuck a finger
in his face and looked at him with absolute animosity. “But how
dare you
put me through the shit you put me through this weekend knowing what you did in
your past.”

“It happened a long time ago.”

“We were married, Chris. Cheating is
cheating. That makes us both cheaters no matter how you want to spin it,” I
argued vehemently. “Now, just go away.”

He grabbed my upper arm to stop me. “Wait.
I need to explain.”

“You went into pretty good detail last
night. I don’t think I can listen to any more
detail
,” I told him
coldly. “Now, let go of my arm before I rip your goddamn balls off and feed
them to you.”

Chris flinched. I’d never talked to him in
such a violent, threatening way. “I love you. I know you don’t want to hear
that right now, but I’m going to say it anyway. We will finish this
conversation later. Mark my words,” he said softly. “At the moment, I’m going
to honor your request and leave you alone. I think we both need to calm down
and return to it later with cool heads.”