Seven Year Switch (2010) (10 page)

CLEARLY, I WAS OVERTHINKING. I'D TRIED TO TALK BILLY
Sanders into meeting me at Starbucks, but he'd insisted on picking me up at my house. So I'd been going back and forth about whether to invite him in when he got here, which could be awkward, or whether I should be waiting in the front yard when he pulled into my driveway, which might make me appear overanxious.

I was wearing sneakers and my favorite jeans, plus the third T-shirt I'd tried on. It was roomy enough that it wouldn't ride up while I was on the bike, but not so loose as to be shapeless. It was a shade of blue that was saturated enough that it didn't make me look totally washed out, but not so dark that it would get too hot. I'd been checking the weather reports obsessively, and sun was the unanimous prediction.

It wasn't really a date.

It was simply lunch and a bicycle ride, or a bicycle ride and lunch. Why hadn't I thought to ask Billy which one was first? I knew he was picking me up at eleven, but what if we were going to ride for two hours before we ate, and I didn't have enough energy to keep up, not that I could actually imagine myself riding a bike for two hours, no matter what I had or hadn't eaten. But still, maybe I should have at least a snack first. Though if we went straight to lunch, then I'd have ruined my appetite.

I opened the refrigerator. There wasn't much in there, and none of it looked the least bit appealing. I finally settled on an
apple and a piece of string cheese. I ate the apple while I paced around my little house, then put the string cheese back in the refrigerator. I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth again. I decided the blue T-shirt was the wrong shade after all, so I rummaged through my drawers until I found one in sky blue.

I pulled off the blue and put on the lighter blue. I bent over and touched my toes to test it out. I could feel it ride halfway up my back. I yanked it off and threw it on my unmade bed. I put the darker blue shirt back on again. I went into the bathroom and tried to undo the hair havoc wreaked by too many T-shirt changes.

I leaned forward and fluffed up my hair with my fingers. I stood up straight and flipped my head back. All I'd managed was to give myself some serious big hair. I looked like I hadn't left the house since the '80s. I patted my hair down closer to my scalp and this century.

I sat on the toilet and tried to pee, even though I didn't really need to. I washed my hands, avoiding my eyes in the mirror, so I didn't have to look at myself anymore. I didn't think I looked bad, exactly, but after all these years spent ignoring myself and focusing on my daughter, how could I possibly look good?

Maybe Billy Sanders simply wanted to sell me a bike.

At 10:50, I still hadn't decided whether to wait inside or outside. I ran into the bathroom and tried to pee one more time. I took my house key off the key ring. I also grabbed a twenty-dollar bill, so I could offer to pay my share at lunch, and my license and health insurance card, in case I got hit by a car while riding the bike. I put everything into separate pockets of my jeans, to balance the added bulk. I kept the key in one hand and my cell in the other, ready for a quick getaway.

I'd have liked to carry a few more things with me, maybe some tissues and lip gloss, even breath mints, but I was pretty
sure fanny packs went out with big hair, and I didn't know what else I had that might work. Anastasia's old diaper bag? Her pink backpack from third grade? I knew it would look dorky to casually hook my purse over the handle bars. I also didn't think I could count on the bike having a wicker basket on the front, like the one that carried Toto in
The Wizard of Oz
.

A car beeped in my driveway.

“
Yoo-woo
,” Cynthia yelled from outside my kitchen door a moment later.

I opened the door. For some reason I thought she was going to tell me Billy had changed his mind and couldn't make it.

“Hey,” she said. “Wait till you see what the neighbor dragged in.”

I followed her outside to her big gold SUV. She swung the huge rear door open with a flourish. “For you,” she said.

“A kitchen sink?” I said, stating the obvious.

“Not just a
kitchen
sink. A
farmer's
kitchen sink.” She smiled at me while she fixed her bangs.

She linked her arm through mine. “Hi-ho the derry-o,” she sang as she spun me around. “A farmer for your kitchen.”

It was a beautiful farmer's sink, a deep white porcelain rectangle with fluted lines in the front. Even used, it was probably worth a fortune.

“I can't take this,” I said.

“You have to,” Cynthia said. “It's a perfectly good sink, and I already made my client get rid of it.”

I wondered how much it would cost to get a plumber to install it.

Cynthia leaned into the back end of the car. Her flowered tennis skirt rode up enough to show matching little flowered shorts underneath. I wondered if I could talk her into keeping the sink and letting me borrow a cute outfit to wear for my bike ride with Billy instead.

She grabbed one end of the sink. “Come on, hurry up. I haven't got all day.”

It weighed a ton, but we managed to maneuver it to the center of my kitchen floor, where it sat like a beached white whale.

I stood up straight and smoothed out my T-shirt. Maybe the light blue would be better after all, as long as I was careful not to lean too far forward on the bike.

“So,” I said. “Well, thanks for the sink.”

Cynthia reached for her bangs. “Not a problem, girlfriend.”

Just as Cynthia was going out the kitchen door, a red truck pulled into my driveway.

Cynthia let go of her bangs long enough to give a little wave. She turned to me. “Cute,” she said. “Another husband?”

“I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BROUGHT AN AKIRA FOR ME TO
ride,” I said. I turned sideways in the red pickup to get a better look at the red metallic bikes behind us. Their eerie eyelike handlebars peered back at me. “I just hope I don't get any scratches on it or anything. I have to warn you, I haven't been on a bike in practically forever.”

Billy put on the blinker, then took a right. “You know what they say about riding a bike.” He glanced over at me. “You'll be fine,” he said. “And don't worry, it's a rental, so you and your Akira are both fully insured for damages.”

“Great.” I took another quick look behind me. The bed of the truck had a bike rack running the width of it. It looked like it could hold a whole row of bikes.

“So,” I said. “Is this the truck you use for moving bikes to and from the rental kiosks?”

“One of them. We used to use trailer hitch racks, but the bikes are more protected in the bed of a truck, and I think it's actually easier to just lift the bike up and roll it into the rack, so we're definitely moving in this direction.”

We were zigzagging down tree-lined back roads. I thought we were heading away from the ocean, but other than that, I had no idea where we were going. It was kind of nice not to have to be in charge for a change.

I rolled down the window and took a deep breath of spring
air. It was a perfect May day—crisp air, blue skies, flowers bursting into bloom.

“It's great to see you so relaxed,” Billy said.

I turned and smiled at him. Once I got past agonizing over T-shirt choices, and forgot about the sink camped out on the floor in the middle of my kitchen, I did feel surprisingly relaxed.

Billy was wearing jeans and sneakers and a forest green short-sleeve knit shirt with an actual collar. What kind of guy wore bike shorts to business meetings but not bike rides?

Billy looked over at me. “What are you grinning about?”

“I was just wondering why you're so dressed up today.”

“Thanks for noticing,” he said. “I don't get this dressed up for just anyone.”

A little laugh slipped out before I had time to think about whether he was kidding or not.

“You think I'm kidding, huh?”

“Sorry,” I said.

He drove past a ball field, put on the blinker, and took a right onto a dead-end street. “I'm the one who should be sorry, I guess, but I'm warning you, this is as good as it gets. I gave all my ties to my wife's new husband.”

“Did you really?”

“Well, metaphorically I did. In reality, he's got enough of his own to last a lifetime. And if he runs out, he's got my ex to buy him a new one every Valentine's Day.”

“Where are we anyway?” I asked. Billy had pulled the truck into a wooded parking lot.

He put the truck into park and turned off the engine. “You always do that, by the way.”

I put one hand on the door handle. “What?”

He took the key out of the ignition. It was attached to a big key ring filled with keys of all shapes and sizes. He spun it
around his finger, then clipped it onto his belt loop. This might have made some guys look like a custodian, but on Billy, the outdoorsy carabiner-clip thing worked.

His raccoon eyes looked at mine again. “Well, you're the cultural expert, but it just seems to me that whenever someone tells you a little something about his life, the custom is that the other person responds in kind.”

“Sorry,” I said. “It's been a while.” I pulled the lever to open my door.

“Whoa. Come on, one thing.”

I clicked the door shut. “Okay, my ex-husband hated ties, too.”

Billy reached for his sunglasses. “Perfect,” he said. “I feel like I know you better already.”

“Wise guy,” I said. I opened the truck and jumped out.

Billy opened the back of the truck and climbed up. He lifted the bikes down to me, then handed me the helmets. Finally, he lowered a backpack and swung himself over the side of the truck like a cowboy at a rodeo, not that I'd ever been to one. I walked around and closed the gate at the back of the truck.

I managed to kick up the kickstand and stand astride my Akira without embarrassing myself.

“Wait,” Billy said. “Here, sit on the seat. I just want to make sure it doesn't need to be adjusted.”

I stood on my tiptoes and straddled the seat.

“Okay, now put one foot on the pedal.” He put one hand lightly on my right knee.

I felt such a spark that I was surprised my right leg didn't kick out the way it does when the doctor checks your reflexes at a physical. I tried my best to stay calm and not tip the bike over.

“Now straighten out your leg as far as it can go,” he said. His hair had a clean, unfussy smell, and up close you could really see the streaks of gray mixed in with the medium-brown
strands. “Perfect. When your leg is fully extended, you should have just a slight bend in your knee.”

I felt ridiculously disappointed when he finally let go. He handed me a helmet and strapped on his own. Then he reached down and laced his arms through the backpack. Finally, he pushed up the kickstand on his own bike.

“I'm a Libra,” I said. “I'm right-handed. My favorite color is blue. I'm an only child, and both my parents are dead. Now can I ask where we are?”

Billy grinned. “See, I knew you could do it. It's the back entrance to the state park. Almost nobody knows it's here. We thought about trying to put in a bicycle kiosk, but we didn't want to ruin the secret. It's got twenty-three miles of trails, all without passing a single car, so it's a great place to ride. And sorry about your parents.”

“Thanks. We don't have to ride all twenty-three miles, do we?” My legs were tired just thinking about it.

“Relax. We'll just do a nice, easy little loop.”

“Perhaps you'd care to define that before I fully commit?”

“Too late.” Billy swung his leg over his bike expertly. I watched him glide across the parking lot to the start of the trail.

I unstraddled my bike and walked it across the parking lot after him. If Billy noticed I wasn't actually riding yet, he was gracious enough not to point it out.

He gestured toward the trail with one hand. “Ladies first.”

I had a bit of a wobbly start, but once I got going I was fine. The trail was nice and wide, smoothly paved and relatively flat.

Billy rode up beside me. “Isn't this great?” he yelled.

I nodded, and he pulled ahead.

It was gorgeous. Leafy trees and vines were flowering on both sides, and beneath them, I could pick out ferns among vast quantities of unidentifiable green things. Once I thought
I saw a lady's slipper, something I'd only seen in photographs, blooming right at the edge of the trail.

The air smelled fresh and green, and it was laced with the sharper, resinous smell of pine. Occasional huge boulders broke up the foliage like pieces of sculpture. I could hear birds calling out to one another even through my helmet, and when we passed a little stream, I caught sight of a couple of deer standing there drinking. They looked at me like I was no big deal.

It didn't take long to start noticing the muscles in my thighs, but it was a good feeling, like discovering body parts I'd forgotten all about. Billy kept to an easy pace, occasionally looking back at me to make sure I was still behind him. As soon as I got my balance, I was even comfortable taking one hand off the handlebar long enough to give him a quick thumbs-up.

Once you factor out sharing the road with cars—smelling their fumes, hearing their noise, and knowing any minute might be your last if one of them miscalculates and takes you out—bike riding is amazingly peaceful. I felt like I could ride forever, just following Billy, not thinking at all, taking a right or a left when he did. Just being.

I wasn't even that tired when Billy made a right turn signal and pulled over. But as soon as I saw it, I knew why we'd stopped. At the side of the trail, there was a drop-off to a pond flanked by three little benches.

“Aww,” I said as I fumbled with my kickstand.

Billy was already taking off his helmet. “Time for lunch,” he said.

I looked around. “They serve food here?”

He laughed. “They do if you're with me.”

We made our way down and sat on the middle bench. Billy took off his sunglasses and looped them onto the front of his shirt. He unzipped the backpack.

I burst out laughing.

“Be careful,” he said. “We sell these at our flagship store.”

Velcroed to the inside of the front flap of the dark green backpack was a small round wooden cutting board. Behind that were two plastic plates. Directly across from those were neat little compartments holding knives, forks, spoons and a corkscrew in place. At either end of those, a green-and-white-striped cloth dinner napkin sat jauntily in an acrylic wineglass.

Billy raised an eyebrow. “It's our picnic backpack for two. It's called The Datenic.”

“Catchy,” I said.

“Thank you,” he said.

He unzipped another compartment and pulled out a small baguette and a triangle of Brie, and placed them between us on the bench. Next, he removed two bottles of water.

He handed me one. “I guess wine would have been more impressive, but I never drink and ride.”

“This is impressive enough,” I said. “And the bike I'm riding is probably much safer this way.”

He raised his eyebrow again. “I factored that in.”

We grinned at each other until I finally looked away. “It's so beautiful here,” I said.

When I looked at him again, he was holding up his water bottle in my direction. “To new beginnings,” he said.

I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just tapped my water bottle to his.

He turned and reached for the backpack. The ripping sound of Velcro completely cracked me up.

“Sorry,” I said. I reached for one of the cloth napkins and dabbed at my eyes.

He held the little wooden cutting board as if he were going to throw it at me. “You're not going to make this easy, are you?”

“Sorry,” I said again. “I really am sorry. It's a beautiful backpack. What's it called again?”

Billy shook his head. “Cute,” he said.

I picked up the triangle of cheese and started peeling back the foil. He started breaking off hunks of bread.

We chewed for a while in silence. A couple of ducks floated by on the pond in front of us, and beyond them I could see a lily pad with a single pink flower in bloom.

“I can't believe how much I'm eating,” I said. “This is the best bread and cheese I've ever had in my entire life.”

Billy finished chewing and reached for his water. “Bike riding will do that for you. So, why is it that your ex isn't in the picture as far as your daughter goes?”

A cloud stopped in front of the sun. “Does that look like rain?” I asked.

Billy shook his head.

I took a deep breath. “Actually, he's back in the picture. At least he says he wants to be. He just saw her on Sunday for the first time in seven years.”

“Whoa, that's a big deal.”

He broke off another hunk of bread and handed it to me, then another for himself.

I nibbled at it and waited for the sun to come out again.

“How did it go?” Billy asked.

Maybe this bike ride wasn't such a good idea after all. Lives were so complicated, how could you ever explain yours to another person? Where would you start? What parts would you leave in and out? And even if you managed to find the energy to dredge it all up and lay it out between you, what was the guarantee that the person you were telling wouldn't turn out to be worse than the person you were talking about?

I sighed. “You mean besides the awkward part?”

“Seven years, it's gonna be awkward. How did he and your daughter do together?”

“Like two peas in a pod,” I said. “They've been on the phone every night since then.”

“That's good, right? I mean, is there any reason he shouldn't be around her?”

My eyes filled up and I blinked back the tears. “What if he abandons her again?”

Billy draped an arm across the back of the bench and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “I'll take him out.”

“Thanks,” I said. “That's really macho of you.”

“I'm a macho kind of guy. Listen, the thing to hang on to is that there's going to be a lot of shit to go through, but once you get to the other side, the best is yet to come.”

I turned to look at him. “How do you know that?” A tear escaped and trickled down my cheek.

Billy wiped it away. And then he kissed me.