Seven Days (20 page)

“
What’s going on?” I struggled in the chair, using every last energy reserve I had to get up. It wasn’t working though. Crimson liquid dripped from the couch where my mother sat and flowed from the hall, creating a river from my sister’s bedroom to the tips of my toes, seeping and staining the carpet that was once pristine. Blood filled the room fast as the screams turned louder and more frantic. She was in pain and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

“
You left her behind when you vowed you’d always take care of her, and now you’re too late,” her words confirming every apprehension I had when deciding to take my trip with Ryan. “It was more important to traipse all over the state with that boy than it was to make sure your sister was safe. You may as well have pulled the trigger yourself.”

“
But I did take care of her, I did! I sent her away for the week, too. I told her to stay away,” my words turned hysterical as the walls of the living room seemed to start closing in on me. “I told her not to go home until I called her. She was supposed to stay away!”

“
But, you’ve sheltered her with a false sense of security, haven’t you, Carrie? She may think she knows what you do to keep a roof over her head, but she has no clue the depths of depravity you have to reach to keep them satisfied. She knows now, though. You couldn’t save her,” I could no longer see my mother as she continued to tell me all the reasons I’d failed as a sister and as a daughter. The room was still filling with blood and the depth was approaching my calves. To whom it belonged was still a mystery, but the screaming reached a fever pitch. I shook my head, trying to clear the scared sounds and harsh words.

“
BRITTON!!” I screamed as loud as I could, but it only echoed in my head and not through the room.

Finally, there was silence and the living room disappeared. I was surrounded by nothing but white. I tried to repeat over and over again that Britton was fine, that she understood why I told her to stay away, that she would listen and wait for me. She knew what I had to do, she understood how much darkness lived inside of me as a result of my actions. I’d done things, allowed people to use me in ways I would never get over. She wouldn’t take my path, make my choices, ever. Regardless of any sort of curiosity, she would never willingly choose to put herself in that potentially damaging situation. She was smarter than me in so many ways.

Trying to tell myself that I really was dreaming, that this wasn’t real, I was able to slow my heart rate down and found that I was finally able to stand from my chair. The scarlet river had receded and disappeared, too. However, just as I started to feel like everything was going to be okay, the blood-curdling scream of my sister shattered the tranquility of the place I’d landed and everything was red again.

“Carrie! Carrie! Wake up!” Ryan was shaking my shoulders as I thrashed against him in the bed of his truck. As awareness started to return to me, I saw that it was still the middle of the night. I’d fallen asleep, I’d had another nightmare. This time, instead of giving me hope, it took it away. She had to be okay. I would never forgive myself if something happened because I wasn’t there to stop it.

“Your phone, Ryan, give me your phone,” I demanded, trying to catch my breath. I knew that I’d been screaming in my sleep, that I’d woken Ryan up. I only hoped that I hadn’t woken anyone else in the camp ground up, too.

“Wha” he started, trying to keep up with what was happening.

“I need your phone, Ryan,” I repeated, holding my hand out. My other hand was pressed against my chest, trying to soothe the pain racing through me at the possibility that my dream had been a premonition.

“It’s the middle of the night, Carrie,” he debated. His voice was still sleepy, but his body seemed to be on alert thanks to my rude awakening.

“I know,” I said, getting increasingly agitated. “Give me the God damn phone,” I ordered and he finally complied. Hitting my sister’s contact information, I sat up in the bed of the truck and took in the surrounding area. I didn’t see any Calvary charging in to find out if I was okay or angry neighbors coming to tell Ryan to keep me quiet. I was also glad that I’d been able to locate my discarded tank top before falling into another sex coma courtesy of Ryan. Thank God for small miracles.

Tapping my shaking hand on my leg, I waited for my sister to answer. Anxiety shot through me as our voicemail picked up. Fuck, we were three hours away from home. I would be too late, just like my mom said. Taking a deep breath, I ended the call, and then tried again. Every ring felt like a stab in my heart as my blood rushed behind my ears.

“Carrie?” the half-asleep voice of my sister finally answered, bringing tears of joy to my eyes. She was okay! For the first time since I woke up, I didn’t have to remind myself to breathe. My panic calmed as I was filled with immediate relief.

“Where are you?” I asked, hoping to reinforce what I knew was true. That Britton had obeyed my demand when she said she would not go home, even if I would be home in less than twenty-four hours.

“It’s the middle of the—”

“Yeah, I fucking know, you aren’t the first person to remind me,” I barked, impatient that she hadn’t already declared her location. “Where are you, Britton? Please don’t make me ask again.”

“I’m in Tildy’s guest room,” she answered, confusion evident in her voice. “Exactly where I’ve been all week.”

“Thank you,” I closed my eyes, letting the relief I felt wash over me once more.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“It’s okay, it was a nightmare,” I told her. “I’ll let you get back to sleep.”

“Wait,” she said, halting me in my action to end the call. “You’ve been sleeping on this trip?” she whispered, shock evident in her voice.

“Yeah, I’ve been sleeping,” I admitted, looking over at a supportive, but equally interested Ryan lying beside me.

“And you’ve been sleeping okay?” concern filled her voice this time.

“I guess I could say, yes, for the most part, but I have had some nasty dreams.”

“You’ve slept every night since you’ve been gone?” she tried to clarify, her voice taking on a tone I’d never heard before.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “I didn’t mean to, but there have been times I just couldn’t help it. I-”

“Oh my God!” Britton squealed through the line. “I’m so happy to hear that. Does this mean that this week has been good for you? Do you think you’ll see Ryan when you get home?” the questions continued a mile a minute, but all made it sound like she thought our trip would be canceled.

“I haven’t decided what’s going to happen when we get home,” I replied, honestly, seeing Ryan’s face fall a little at my confession. There was a small amount of hope shining in his eyes, though, that I hadn’t said no outright.

“Don’t you like him?” my sister asked, sounding perplexed again.

“Of course, I do. He’s been incredible,” I disclosed, closing my eyes so I didn’t have to see the look on his face at my declaration. “Look, we’ll talk about all of this when I get home tomorrow. It’s the middle of the damn night,” I tried to joke.

“Of course, but if there’s something, you owe it to yourself to see it through,” she said before ending the call. I collapsed back against Ryan’s arm and he pulled me into his body again, calming the shivering I hadn’t felt wracking through my body.

“She’s okay?” he asked, his lips at my temple. His hands sliding over my arms, warming them and trying to calm the shaking, but I wasn’t trembling from the cool night. Even though I’d been able to prove my sister’s safety, it would take a little bit for my body to catch up with my mind.

“Yeah,” I verified with a dull nod.

“She wants to stick around?”

“That remains to be seen,” I refused to confirm or deny my sister’s feelings without an honest to goodness conversation about why she’d spent the last week trying to convince me that I needed to be with Ryan. All signs pointed to her not wanting to leave on Monday like we’d planned. She’d been so gung-ho when I left, counting down the days with me. Had something changed or was her previous excitement just an act?

“Okay,” he accepted before looking back toward the sky. I lay there in his arms until I felt him drift off again. There was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep again tonight. I just hoped that the last week hadn’t taken my ability to fight sleep without the need for assistance stronger than caffeine.

The horror I felt from my nightmare kept me from falling asleep again. So, on the morning of what was probably my last day with Ryan, I watched the sun break over the lake beside us as he snored lightly. I thought about waking him to see the spectacle I was able to witness. However, looking down at his arm draped loosely over the tops of my thighs; I couldn’t bring myself to disturb him. Sitting with my back against the cab of the truck, I thought about how perfect the weight of it felt and started to slide down onto my back, slowly, hoping his hand would grip me tighter.

Less than sixteen hours now, and I was still being pulled in more directions than I wanted to think about. I knew I had to process everything, though. I tried to force myself to remember that we were existing in isolation right now, that we hadn’t been dealing with the day to day challenges that are a part of being a functional couple. As I lay down beside him again, the fan of his breath hit my neck in the best spot. My cheeks rose and my body shuddered from the decadence I felt in his embrace. A contented sigh escaped my throat as I got my wish, his arm tightened against my legs as he pulled me closer to him.

If I stayed, when would we find time to spend together between my schedule and his? They didn’t exactly line up properly. Would Britton and I be safe if we just moved a town or two over, but stayed in the area? Did I just expect Ben to just let me go if I were still nearby and dad still wasn’t paying rent? I had to find an answer for every single one of these questions and more before I could commit one way or the other to what was blossoming between Ryan and me.

He was under contract at the high school and the AmeriCorps to teach for the next two years, at least. It wasn’t an option for him to come with me, he was here. When a sleepy hand slid under my tank top, I started to consider the possibility of a long distance relationship. I couldn’t really visit him without spending the whole time hiding in his apartment, though. Small towns were notorious for gossip and ours was no exception. If I visited, someone would see me. Ben would find out, find me, and then my escape would’ve all been for nothing. Not to mention, I’d heard that long distance relationships didn’t always work out very well. It would be exceedingly difficult to justify staying faithful to a girl you’d only really spent a week with. And was it really fair to ask him to?

“Stop thinking so hard,” he grumbled, swiping at my rigid nipple with his thumb. “Your brain woke me up.”

“I’m sorry,” I frowned looking down to where he was now curled around my middle.

“That’s okay,” he smirked, “you just have to deal with him,” he nodded down to his morning erection, which he thrust against my hip in emphasis. “He can be very demanding,” he joked.

“It’s not as early as you think, honey,” I refuted, peeking over the side of the truck bed. A young boy sat no more than fifty feet away eating eggs with his dad in the next campsite over. “There are young ears,” I told him, nodding toward the family that looked like they were ready to head out for a morning of fishing.

“Damn,” he complained, sitting up with me and looking at the occupied picnic table. “I guess that means it’s time to find somewhere else to play,” he grinned, waggling his eyebrows at me. “Or we could just stay here and play the quiet game?”

“Is that all you think about?” I raised my own eyebrow in question. “Besides, even if we were quiet, I’m pretty sure the rocking of the truck would give us away. Scarring small children with my sex life is most definitely
not
on my bucket list.”

“Of course…not. I think about other stuff, too,” he answered, slowly. “But it is best to remember that I am a guy, and it’s never far from my mind. I do recognize that we shouldn’t give the nearby kids such an up close lesson in sex education,” he frowned.

“Good to know that even with a loss in blood flow to your brain you can make the sane conclusion,” I laughed before standing up in the back of the truck to stretch. “So are we headed straight home this morning?” I enquired, hoping the answer would be:

“Fuck no!” he declared to my delight, standing up beside me. “I plan on finding the longest road back to that tiny ass town we both, currently, call home. I want to spend every last second we have trying to convince you that running is not in your best interest.”

“Oh, so it’s
my
best interest, huh? You sure my staying wouldn’t be mutually beneficial?”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “That remains to be seen.”

“Well, then,” I huffed in mock exasperation. “I think we should start with some coffee and breakfast.”

“Damn, we should’ve rented a room last night; we could’ve had breakfast in bed this morning. And then I could’ve taken you for pancakes,” he winked before starting to fold up our make shift bed.

“Always the smart ass,” I snickered, bending down to help.