Settling Ashes: A New Adult/College Romance (The Ashes Series Book 2) (19 page)

“You got people who love you, and that will carry you through this. After today, you’re going to be all right. You hear?”

Paige let her gaze slide back to Beau’s mother. “Yes, ma’am.”

“That’s right,” the woman said. “Now, we’re going to go bury my son, and after that there’ll be no more crying.”

She took Paige’s arm, and led her out of the church doors and around to the cemetery in the back of the building.

I followed them at a distance, and stood in the front row. I held onto Paige tightly as they lowered Beau into the ground, warring with my own emotions as well as hers. When her knees buckled, I once again picked her up and held her to me as I carried her to my car.

I strapped her into her seat and walked slowly around the front of the Rover. When I climbed into my own seat I turned to face her, reaching across the console to cup her face with one hand. My thumb gingerly rubbed the imperfection on the side of her cheek, and I was reminded that though she was epically gorgeous, she was scarred for life.

Add one more scar to the tally.

“Where do you want to go now?” I asked her.

She stared out the windshield. “I watched them lower him into the ground today, Clay. I don’t know how to come back from that. Not again.”

My heart, which had begun to crack for her since the moment I met her, broke cleanly in two.

“I know, baby,” I said softly. “I know it hurts. I know you’re broken. But Paige, you will survive this, too. I know because I’d never met a true survivor before I met you and you’ll make it to the other side of this. And this time, you have me.”

Beau and I hadn’t been friends; at one point I would have said we were enemies. But in the end, I had to respect a man who loved my girl as much as I did. Jealousy didn’t even matter past a certain point. He had died saving her, and for that I owed him my own life.

“Home,” she finally said. She looked at me, really looked at me, for the first time since we found her in that basement. “I want to go home.”

Twenty-Two

Clay

I was right. She was broken, but she was strong. In the days and weeks following Beau’s death, she cried. She got angry. She asked why.

She Skyped with her therapist from Simpsonville, long conversations in the darkness of her bedroom that I wasn’t a part of.

And slowly, she healed.

I watched the entire process from the space beside her. It was riveting, inspiring, and terrifying all at once. Paige rocketed through the gamut of emotions as a result losing Beau. I didn’t always know what to do with them. Sometimes I even wondered if maybe she wanted him here instead of me.

“Clay,” she said one day, about a month following the shooting. “I am so sorry. You’ve been sitting here with me, watching me go through all of this, and I haven’t once considered your feelings.”

“My feelings weren’t a priority this time, Paige,” I protested. “This was a time for you to heal. I’ve been dealing with everything okay.”

She studied me. “I don’t think you know how vital you are to my survival. Now that I have someone like you in my corner, I don’t ever want to lose it. You know that, right?”

I nodded, toying with the hem of her shirt as she straddled my lap on the couch.

She lifted my chin. “Clay. Tell me what you’re ‘thinking and wondering about. I’ve seen it; I’ve just been too much in my own world to ask about it. I’m ready now.”

I met her eyes and felt the question toss itself around in my mind, trying to find the right way to come out.

“Beau,” I began. “He was important to you. He helped you when…when I let you down. He loved you for a long time, and you knew that. I know that you loved him, too. Now that he’s gone…do you wish…do you wish…”

Her quick intake of breath startled me, and my hands tightened on her back.

“Clay, are you asking me if I wish it had been you instead of him?”

The enormity of the question hit me like a brick wall, and I wished I could take it back. It was too big, too profound a question to be asking her while she was still grieving. And I knew I didn’t really want to know the answer.

I shook my head quickly. “Never mind, baby. Let’s change the subject.”

She shook her head slowly, never taking her eyes from mine.

“I
did
love Beau. I loved him for the unconditional love he gave me, even when I forced him to leave me back in high school. But Clay, I’m
in love
with you. You’re my present and my future. Beau knew that; he didn’t like it but he knew it. And he died for me anyway. I can never, ever comprehend that, and it blows my mind in a way that takes me far away sometimes, wondering about it.

“But you…you are my everything. From this moment on, I promise never to make you question that again. The fact that I am blessed enough to be sitting here with your arms around me, safe and warm…the miracle of that isn’t lost on me. Because I could have lost you that night, too.”

Her voice broke on the final word, and I crushed her to me.  Maybe I’d been scared to hear the answer, but I was damn sure glad she gave it.

“Clay,” she sighed, her lips finding mine. “I love you. I need you. Now and forever…and ever.”

My hands ran up her spine, making her shiver. She was mine, and she was back. I could feel her, all of her, here with me again. Maybe she’d come to the end of her grieving period. And I was so grateful to have her here with me again.

I kissed her tenderly, wanting to taste every inch of her, missing her scent and her flavor.

“God, baby, you’re it for me. I can’t wait until the day I can promise that fact to you in front of everyone.”

I pulled her shirt up over her head and bent my head to nip at the sweet skin of her shoulder. She tensed and moaned in my arms, and the sound fueled me like gasoline to a raging fire.

In once swoop, I lifted her into my arms and carried her down the hall to my bed, laying her gently down, never breaking the contact our lips shared. I was fused to her.

I lowered myself over her, and I held myself up on my forearms above her as I took a minute to pull away and feast on her eyes. I silently asked her if she was okay enough for this, and she just as silently answered in the affirmative. Speaking without words; something I never thought I’d be able to do with a woman.

So I continued to undress her, while she used her eyes to plead with me to hurry.

She lay there on my bed, totally vulnerable, and I marveled over the beauty that was Paige Hill for the hundredth, no the millionth, time. She was stunning, the kind of girl that stopped men in their tracks so they could stare. And she was mine.

I lowered myself onto my elbow and turned to my side, my fingers gently drifting across her stomach and over her ribcage. She shivered under my hand, and my rock-hard arousal flinched in anticipation.

I bent my head to her body and devoured her skin, every inch of it, showing her piece by piece how lucky I thought I was, and how sweetly delicious I thought she was. I left little hotspots along her skin, and with every whimper of pleasure I elicited from her, I knew I would never get enough.

Finally, when I plunged into her for the first time since she was kidnapped, we both cried out from the sheer ecstasy our bodies’ fusion created.

This woman was my equal partner in every single sense of the words, and I would never let her forget it. Not for the rest of our lives.

I wanted to take it slow and languid, because I knew we were together now and had all the time in the word. My body, however, had other ideas. With only a few thrusts from me, she crested over the hill of heavenly gratification, and she pulled me right along with her. I groaned as I rode the wave, and pulled her closer to me as she whispered my name on the tail of a breath.

And then I buried my face in her neck, breathing her in and holding her tight.

“I missed that,” she whispered. “There was a moment where I thought I’d never have it again. Thank you, Clay. You came for me. Again.”

“Always, baby,” I said softly. “Try not to get away from me again, though, alright?”

She smiled teasingly. “Okay. But I want to get up and make you some dinner.”

“No,” I growled, tasting her neck. “We’ll order in.”

She giggled, and I rolled over. I kept my arms around her and she tangled her legs with mine.

We talked softly until we heard the front door open and close. Drew was home, and from the sound of it he had a giggling conquest with him.

“Good to know Drew hasn’t slowed down any,” Paige remarked with a roll of her eyes.

“Yeah,” I said thoughtfully. “I don’t know. I think he’s actually been bringing the
same girl
here. I’ve gotten used to that particular giggle.”

Her mouth dropped. “Seriously? Why’s he hiding her?”

I rose and climbed over her to stand. “I don’t know. Want to find out?”

Paige

Clay and I were like stealthy spies, creeping down the hallway until we arrived at Drew’s door. I looked at him when we were standing just outside it, and he covered my mouth with his hand to smother my inevitable giggle.

“Ready?” he mouthed.

I nodded.

He knocked on the door. “Drew! You in there?”

“No,” was Drew’s muffled reply. I giggled again.

“Get out here, man,” Clay insisted. “We need to talk dinner plans. Paige is buying.”

That got Drew’s attention. He should have been thinking with his head instead of his stomach, and then he would have known Clay would never let me pay for dinner.

I backed into the dark bathroom across the hall.

Drew opened the door and peeked out.

“Where is she?” he asked.

“Getting dressed,” Clay said nonchalantly. “Come on and look at a menu real quick.”

Drew slid out of his door and closed it behind him. They headed down the hall to the kitchen. Clay tossed a “you’re up” glance over his shoulder, which was my cue.

Here we go
, I thought. I tiptoed across the hallway and flung Drew’s door open wide.

The girl laying back on her elbows atop Drew’s bed, still fully clothed, thank God, had chestnut brown waves falling gently past her shoulders and a killer set of heels on her feet.

“Gillian?” I squealed. “What the—“

She let her head drop back. “Oh, crap. Busted.”

I just stared at her, open mouthed. When I pulled myself together, I jerked a thumb toward the door.

“Living room. Now.”

I turned on my heel and marched out of the room and down the hallway.

Clay took one look at me and raised his brows. He and Drew were leaning over a bunch of take-out menus spread out on the kitchen counter.

“Oh yeah,” I told him. “They’ve got some ‘splaining to do.”

Clay looked at Drew, and Drew glanced at me. Then he glanced behind me at Gillian, who shuffled slowly into the room.

Clay roared. “No way!”

I folded my arms and went to stand in front of him.

“How long?” I asked them both.

Gillian went to stand tentatively next to Drew, who continued to amaze me as he placed a protective arm around her shoulders.

“Dude,” Clay said, grinning. “This is going down in history as the best-kept secret in of all time.”

“I thought you hated Drew!” I exploded. “You’re always so disgusted with how he eats. You think he says stupid things—“

“Hey!” Drew protested.

“Sorry, Drew,” I said. “But I’m confused, here.”

“Yeah,” Clay chimed in. “I thought you considered Gillian the biggest snob on campus.”

“Hey!” Gillian shouted angrily.

Clay shrugged, but not apologetically. This was their doing. They needed to dig themselves out of it.

“Look,” Gillian sighed, scooting away from Drew to go sit on the couch. “We didn’t tell you because we thought it was going to be a one time thing. There was one drunken night after Matchstick’s. Drew had totally protected me from this sloshed ogre of a guy pawing all over me at the bar.”

Realization dawned on Clay’s face. “I remember that night! I wondered why you were being so protective.”

“Yeah,” Drew said sheepishly. “I drove her home that night.”

“And I swear, Paige,” Gillian continued. “I thought it was a total drunk mishap. But then…it happened again. And again.”

“Eeewwww,” Paige protested.

“Well,” Gillian said indignantly, folding her arms across her chest. “You asked.”

“And,” Drew cut in. “We realized…”

He crossed the room and sat next to Gill on the couch. He pulled her into his lap, which was so cute my jaw fell to the floor again.

“We realized it was more than just a fling.”

He kissed her temple softly, and I began to feel faint. I looked at Clay, and he was staring at the couple with a bewildered expression.

“So why didn’t you just tell everyone?” he asked.

“Because I didn’t want you all to look at us like you’re looking at us right now!” Gillian shot back defensively.

I sighed, going over and sitting on the coffee table across from them. I grabbed Gillian’s hands.

“I’m so happy for you, Gill,” I said sincerely. “I think it’s amazing. And—“

I looked at Drew and smiled. “You couldn’t have picked a better guy.”

She looked at Drew and rolled her eyes in typical Gillian fashion. “I know. He’s pretty fantastic. I guess.”

Drew smiled happily. Clay came over to pound his outstretched fist. “Congrats, man. I’m happy for you guys.”

Drew’s expression turned serious. “Now, we were talking about dinner. I’m starving.”

Gillian punched him in the arm.

I smiled over at Clay and realized that everything was exactly as it should be. We were all going to be okay. Everyone was going to get to be happy. I could relax into it, appreciate it for what it was.

The shiny new beginning to a wonderful life.