Serpent's Storm (34 page)

“Thank you,” I said, touched. “It means a lot to me that you respected my father.”

“Would that he’d had dominion over our domain, too,” Snarly head said. “And not just Purgatory.”

I couldn’t have agreed more. I looked over at Jarvis and saw that the compliments Cerberus had paid my dad pleased him, too.

“What can the hellhounds do for you in your time of loss, Death’s Daughter?” Snarly head asked.

“I spoke to God,” I said, looking to Jarvis to offer confirmation. He nodded his head in the affirmative. “And now I need your help to get rid of the Devil and my sister before they take over Purgatory.”

“What do you need from us?” Runt said, wagging her tail with the enthusiasm of a little kid.

I swallowed hard, knowing that what I was about to ask Cerberus to do went against everything that was sacred in Hell, but it was the only plan I could conceive that had a chance of shifting the Devil’s attention away from Purgatory and back to Hell.

“I want you to open the North Gate of Hell and let all the souls out.”

I don’t think I could’ve shocked Cerberus—and Jarvis—more if I’d taken all my clothes off and done the hokeypokey right there in front of them. It was Runt, the hyperintuitive one, who came to my rescue.

“It’s a brilliant idea, Callie,” she said. “Overrun Hell with all the demons and damned souls trapped inside of the Gates, and the Devil will be forced to come back here and deal with us.”

She turned to her dad.

“It’s the revolution you’ve always wanted, Daddy!”

“I need to separate Thalia from the Devil,” I continued, now that Runt had my back. “If we cause a riot down here, one of them—the Devil, I hope—will have to come and try to squelch the uprising. They’ve left Hell unguarded because they believe they’ve got you by the balls, that no one here would ever stand up to them.”

“Putting it that way,” Snarly head said, his unblinking yellow eye staring thoughtfully at me, “I think you may be on to something.”

The other two heads drooled their agreement.

“What do you think, Jarvis?” I asked, turning back to look at my friend.

“I think if anything has a chance to work, this is it.”

I smiled. Getting the seal of approval from Jarvis gave me the confidence to believe my plan might actually work.

“So be it,” I said, my mischievous grin wide enough to include Jarvis, Runt, and Cerberus. “Open the gates.”

 

the dead arrived in a flood.

In Hell, every religion or philosophy had its special area of punishment. Because we were at the North Gate of Hell, the province of the tormented Atheists, Pagans, and Satanists of the world, it was this marginalized group of dead who were the first ones to appear at the Gates. It didn’t take long for the word to spread throughout Hell, and soon we were inundated with the damned souls of the more traditional religions: Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Jews . . . and from there the list went on and on and on.

The Devil had taken the Bugbear Guard with him in order to secure Purgatory, leaving a handful of loyal demons to oversee Hell. Needless to say, there were so few of them—versus so many of the aggrieved—that they didn’t stand a chance. Besides, once the damned souls realized we’d provided them with an escape route, they took matters into their own hands, felling the other Gates and snaking out into the surrounding forest, free to do as they pleased.

“They’re not going to want to go back in,” I said as Jarvis, Runt, and I watched Cerberus rip the gate from its hinges, widening the gap for the escaping souls. He threw the splintered gate behind a boulder before loping over to where we were waiting.

“It will be Death’s job to help re-collect them all,” Jarvis said knowingly.

“Well, that’s a bummer,” I said, though I’d already expected that to be the case.

“I will mobilize all of the hellhounds,” Snarly head said, “and have them alert the Bugbear families as to what is happening and tell them to stay in their houses. They live mostly in the deep woods, so I think the souls will leave them be, but the escaping demons could become a problem.”

The great three-headed hellhound had agreed to become my commander-at-arms. He would mobilize all the creatures sympathetic to our cause and prepare the able-bodied to defend Hell upon the Devil’s return.

“I know that the angels and Gods and Goddesses are in Purgatory fighting as we speak,” Jarvis said. “But Callie, you have the power to command the Harvesters and Transporters. They work for Death, Inc., and will do your bidding if you ask them. They could be very helpful down here in Hell.”

“What do I do?” I asked. “Just call them?”

“That’s what your father would do,” Jarvis said.

I took a step away from the others and placed my fingers at my temples.

No sooner had I thought the words than the skies were filled with a sea of Victorian-garbed men and women, each holding an unfurled black parasol to guide their trajectory to Earth. There were thousands of them, every color and race and nationality that the world possessed. A veritable army of Death’s finest, and they had all heeded my cry for help. It was awe-inspiring.

I knew the Devil would be major league pissed to see the North Gate of Hell overrun with my people, and if I’d had my phone, I’d have taken a picture and e-mailed it to him. That’d show him that while he’d been playing patty-cake up in Purgatory, Death had seized the opportunity and taken Hell by storm. I could only hope that once the rumors of our coup reached his malevolent ears, he’d take the bait and come down to restake his claim.

I waited until the last of the Harvesters and Transporters had arrived, sailing down from the sky to add to the already swelling crowd, and then I began:

“Thank you for coming!” I said, trying my best to project over the din. The Harvesters and Transporters, curious as to why they’d been called out, were talking quietly among themselves. There were so many of them, though, that “quietly” was a relative word.

“Try this,” Jarvis said, twisting his hand to reveal a bullhorn he’d magicked out of the air for me. I placed the contraption to my lips and my voice exploded into the air.

“Thank you for coming!” I said again. “As you probably know, the Devil and my sister Thalia have taken over Death, Inc.”

There was a chorus of boos from the assemblage—obviously they weren’t too keen on the new management—but I waved them down.

“This means that they’ve left Hell vulnerable to us,” I continued. “Which is why I’ve called you here. When the Devil realizes his mistake, he’ll come back to Hell to protect his dominion, and that’s when we’ll strike. Let’s show the Devil he can’t mess with Purgatory!”

I wiped a bead of sweat from my forehead; the heat and the burning in my gut were making me woozy.

“So, are you guys down to do a little ass-kicking?” I screamed at the crowd, ignoring my own discomfort.

The roar of agreement nearly bowled me over.

“Jarvis here will be overseeing the battle in Hell.” I looked over at my friend and winked. He looked surprised, then his cheeks flared pink with pleasure. “So, do what he says and let’s show these pricks who’s boss!”

Satisfied that I’d gotten the crowd riled up enough to ensure their help, I handed the bullhorn back to Jarvis. My gut was churning, but I kept my agony to myself. I wanted to get out of there before anyone else noticed how badly off I was. I needed to put the next step of my plan in motion, and I didn’t want to have to explain myself in the process.

As Jarvis began to outline the plan of attack to the Harvesters and Transporters, I knelt down beside Runt. I wanted at least someone to know where I was going, in case I didn’t make it back.

“Runt,” I said, scratching the back of her ears the way I knew she liked. “I’m leaving now, but I want you to know where I’m going. It’s not a secret, but give me a few minutes to get going before you tell your father or Jarvis.”

“I don’t want you to go, Callie,” the hellhound puppy said, her big pink eyes pleading with me. “You might never come back if you do.”

“Then you understand why I have to go,” I said. “Clio and my mom need me, and someone has to put a stop to Thalia before she knocks the whole universe out of whack.”

Runt seemed to understand my predicament. She licked my hand, her way of letting me know she would do as I asked.

“I won’t tell anyone until you’re gone.”

I leaned down and kissed the top of her furry head.

“Jarvis is gonna need all the help he can get,” I said, standing up.

“Pop and I will keep him safe,” she promised. “You do the same for Clio and your mom.”

“Will do, Captain.”

I gave Runt one final hug, then I took off for the tree line, following the same trajectory into the forest the damned souls had taken. A scalding wave of agony burned through my gut as I ran, and I just hoped that once we’d succeeded in dealing with the Devil and Thalia, I’d be able to find someone to remove the evil wish-fulfillment jewel from my belly.

As I got farther into the forest, I took a sharp right turn, veering away from the path the dead had taken and trudging deeper into the forest—away from prying eyes. The canopy of low-hung branches blocked out most of the sunlight, and soon I found myself walking through semidarkness, dodging exposed roots while I fended off a small swarm of gnatlike creatures that’d decided I was dinner.

After a few minutes of hard slogging, I came to a clearing in the woods where a stand of red maple trees—five large specimens grouped together in a circle—stood sentinel. I imagined this would be as good a place as any to make my play.

“Frank,” I called, “you can come on out now!”

A light breeze filtered through the trees as the rustle of leaves filled the air like a ghostly whistle, and then a man stepped out of the forest, cowboy hat in hand.

“Hello there, Miss Death,” Frank said, scratching an itchy spot in his right muttonchop. He was wearing the same clothes I’d last “experienced” him in, and there was still a trickle of dried blood on his upper lip.

“You weren’t playing very fair the last time we met,” I said, keeping my distance from him. He seemed to understand that I didn’t want him any closer to me than he was, so he stopped and sat down on a tree root.

I guess this was supposed to make him seem less aggressive, but I didn’t trust the snake as far as I could throw him.

“Yeah, that wasn’t right of me,” he said, looking down at his hat. “I know that now. I just found you to be a very attractive young lady and, well, you know how it goes.”

“No, not really,” I said, my throat burning. I tried to swallow back the pain, but a coughing jag hit me hard, forcing me to bend at the waist and cover my mouth with my hand to hide my red-flecked phlegm.

When I was done, I stood up straight and glared at Frank. He was as much at fault for my distress as Sumi and Hyacinth, but as I stared down at him here in the copse of maple trees, he looked so pathetic that I found my heart wasn’t really into hating him anymore.

“The wish-fulfillment jewel, it’s my weakness, isn’t it?” I said.

Frank shook his head.

“Nah, the jewel’s the real deal. It’s what’s inside the jewel that’s making you feel so rough.”

“So, I have to ask. Why not just kill me outright?”

“We wanted you to help us,” he said, threading his hat through his hands. “You were supposed to challenge your friend, Daniel, and kill him. When you didn’t, Sumi released the promethium that was inside the jewel.”

I started coughing again, but this fit wasn’t as prolific as the last one and I was able to get it in check much more quickly.

So promethium is my weakness,
I thought.
I just wonder how
they
knew . . . when even
I
didn’t know what my weakness was.

“I tried to help you,” Frank said. “I sent Starr your way so she could warn you, but the damn fish is so mercurial I was worried she wouldn’t tell you.”

“She tried.” I sighed. “She told me to ask ‘smart’ questions. I just didn’t understand what she meant.”

Frank nodded, as if he’d suspected as much.

“So, you’ve been following me, for what?” I asked. “I mean,
who
are you, Frank?”

“It’s like this, Cal,” Frank said sheepishly. “You know how you and your friend Daniel are Deaths-in-Waiting?”

“Yeah?” I said, not really seeing where this was going.

“Well, I’m, uh, another one.”

“Another one what?” I said.

He stood up then, reinforcing something I already knew: He was
a lot
bigger than I was. And if he decided to come after me, well, in the state I was in, there wasn’t very much I could do to stop him. But to my surprise, he stopped short of moving any closer and just stood there, a silly little grin plastered on his handsome face.

In the back of my mind, I remembered the Egyptian Pharaoh Hatshepsut (though she’d been in her guise as an aura specialist at the time) had once told me that there were actually
three
possible Deaths running around the world at any given time. I knew that I was one and Daniel was another, but until now, I’d never even had a clue as to the identity of the third possible Death. In truth, I’d never factored his/her presence into any of my equations because it hadn’t really occurred to me to—but now that I knew who and what Frank was, everything clicked into place.

“You got real quiet, Callie,” Frank said nervously.

“I didn’t understand,” I replied. “I needed a moment to process what you were saying.”

This seemed to appease the wannabe cowboy.

“Sumi and Hyacinth, they want to kill you, Cal,” Frank said. “It’s so I can be Death, but I’m starting to get cold feet. I never even knew there was all this Afterlife stuff until I was a teenager—and even then, I knew more about the magic part and not very much about anything else.”