Seraphina (44 page)

Viridius was there in a wheeled chair, several young men keeping him supplied with wine and cheese. That much rich food would leave him foul-tempered and incapacitated for a week; I did not understand how he calculated that it was worth it.

The symphonia cleared the stage while Lars and Guntard brought out the harpsichord for Princess Glisselda’s performance. She was suddenly beside me in the wings, giggling and clutching at my arm. “I can’t do this, Phina!”

“Breathe,” I said, taking her hands to still them. “Don’t speed up during the arpeggios. Keep the pavano stately. You’re going to be wonderful.”

She kissed my cheek and stepped into the light, where she abruptly transformed from a nervous, squealing little girl into a dignified young woman. Her gown was the blue of Heaven; her golden hair, the sun. She held herself poised, raised a hand to the audience, kept her chin high and proud. I blinked, amazed, but I should not have been surprised by this calm, commanding presence. She was still growing into it, but the foundation was something she seemed naturally to possess.

Musical ability, on the other hand … well. She was breath-takingly mediocre, but it didn’t matter. She made up some ground on the performance end with sheer poise and presence, and she absolutely put Viridius in his place. I watched him from behind the curtain. His mouth hung open. That was satisfying on several levels.

I watched Comonot, too, since no one else seemed to be doing it. Dame Okra had been distracted by her least favorite person, Lady Corongi, and was eyeballing her suspiciously. Kiggs, off to the left, smiled warmly at his cousin’s performance. I felt a pang; I looked elsewhere. The Ardmagar—whom I was ostensibly watching—stood at the back with Princess Dionne, not speaking, watching the performance, a glass in one hand, the other arm around the princess’s waist.

She didn’t seem to mind, but … ugh.

I was shocked at the revulsion I felt. I, of all people, had no business being disgusted by the idea of a human with a saarantras. No, surely my squirm had its origin in the noxious personalities involved, and the fact that I’d just pictured the Ardmagar in a state of undress. I needed to scrub my mind clean.

Glisselda finished, to thunderous applause. I expected her to skip straight off the stage, but she did not. She stepped to the front, raised a hand for silence, and then said, “Thank you for your generous applause. I hope you’ve saved some, however, for the person most deserving of it, my music teacher, Seraphina Dombegh!”

The applause began again. She gestured for me to join her onstage, but I balked. She strode over, grabbed my arm, and pulled me out. I curtsied to the sea of faces, deeply embarrassed. I looked up and saw Kiggs; he gave me a little wave. I tried to smile back but rather suspect I missed.

Glisselda gestured the crowd into silence. “I hope Maid Dombegh will forgive me for interrupting her careful scheduling, but you all deserve some excellent music as a reward for sitting through my paltry offering: a performance from Seraphina herself. And please, help me petition the Queen to make Phina a court composer, the equal of Viridius. She’s too good to be merely his assistant!”

I expected Viridius to scowl, but he threw back his head and laughed. The audience clapped some more, and I took the opportunity to say to Glisselda, “I didn’t bring any of my instruments down.”

“Well, there’s a harpsichord right behind us, silly,” she whispered. “And I confess: I took the liberty of fetching your flute and your oud. You choose.”

She’d brought my mother’s flute. I felt a pang when I saw it: I wanted to play it, but it was somehow too personal. The oud, a long-ago gift from Orma, would be easiest on my right wrist; that decided me. Guntard brought me the instrument and plectrum; Lars brought me a chair. I cradled the melon-shaped instrument in my lap while I checked harmonics on all eleven strings, but it had kept good tune. I cast my gaze out into the audience while I did so. Kiggs watched me; Glisselda joined him, and he put an arm around her. Nobody was watching the Ardmagar. I reached for Lars with my mind and sent him in that direction; once I was satisfied that he had traversed the crowd, I closed my eyes and began to play.

I did not set out to play anything in particular; I take the Zibou approach to oud, improvising, looking for a shape in the sound, like finding pictures in the clouds, and then solidifying it. My mind kept returning to Kiggs standing with Glisselda, an ocean of people between us, and this gave my music-cloud a shape I did not like, sad and self-absorbed. As I played, however, another shape emerged. The ocean was still there, but my music was a bridge, a ship, a beacon. It bound me to everyone here, held us all in its hands, carried us together to a better place. It modulated (ripples on the sea) and modulated again (a flight of gulls) and landed squarely upon a mode I loved (a chalky cliff, a windswept lighthouse). I could make out a different tune, one of my mother’s, just below the surface; I played a coy melody, an enigmatic variation, referencing her tune without bringing it up explicitly. I made a pass at her song, circled, touched it lightly before swooping past once more. It would draw me back into its orbit again and again until I gave it its due. I played her melody out in full, and I sang my father’s lyrics, and for a shining moment we were all three together:

A thousand regrets I’ve had in love
,

A thousand times I’ve longed to change the past
.

I know, my love, there is no going back
,

No undoing of our thousand burdens
.

We must go on despite our heavy hearts
.

A thousand regrets I’ve had in love
,

But I shall never regret you
.

The song released me then, and I was free to improvise again, my circles growing ever wider, until I once again encircled the world with music.

I opened my eyes to an audience of open mouths, as if they hoped to retain the taste of that last ringing note. Nobody clapped until I stood up all the way, and then it was so loud it drove me back a step. I curtsied, exhausted and exhilarated.

When I lifted my eyes, I saw my father. I hadn’t even realized he was here. He was as pale as he had been after the funeral, but I understood his expression differently now. He wasn’t furious with me: his was an expression of pain and of steely determination not to let it get the best of him. I blew him a kiss.

Kiggs and Selda stood together on the left, bringing me a little pain of my own. They smiled and waved; they were my friends, both of them, however bittersweet I might find that. At the back, Dame Okra Carmine stood together with Lars and Abdo, who jumped up and down with glee. They’d found each other; we all had.

Playing at the funeral had exhausted me, but this time was different. Friends surrounded me, and the court gave me something back with their applause. For a lingering moment I felt like I belonged here. I curtsied again, and quit the stage.

The relentless millstone of night ground our vigilance to dust; by the third hour after midnight, I found myself hoping someone would knife Comonot just so we could get it over with and go to bed. It was hard keeping an eye on him when he seemed not to get tired himself. He danced, ate, drank, chatted up Princess Dionne, laughed in wonder at the pygegyria dancers, and still had the energy of three ordinary men.

I heard the bell chime the fourth hour and had about decided to ask my comrades whether I couldn’t slip out for a catnap, when Kiggs himself stepped into the open space beside me and took my hand. “Pavano!” was all he said, smilingly pulling me into a promenade.

My weary brain had ceased to process the dances, but the music snapped into focus, as did the candles, the stately dancers, the entire room. Kiggs was better than coffee.

“I’m beginning to think we’ve been all wrought up for nothing,” I said, stepping with far more energy than I’d had a moment ago.

“I will merrily consider us mistaken once Comonot is safely home,” said Kiggs, his eyes tired. “Don’t pay Pau-Henoa until he gets you to the other side.”

I looked for the Ardmagar among the dancers, but he was not there for once. I finally spotted him leaning against a wall, watching, speaking to no one, a cup of wine in his hand and a glazed look in his eye. Was he getting tired? That was good news.

“Where’s Princess Glisselda?” I asked, not seeing her.

He handed me around. “Either napping or discussing something with Grandmother. She intended to do both but was unclear on the order.”

Maybe I could get a nap after all. Right now I didn’t want one. I didn’t want this dance to end, or Kiggs to let go of my hand. I didn’t want him to turn his eyes away, or live any other moment but this one.

A feeling rose in me, and I just let it, because what harm could it do? It only had another thirty-two adagio bars of life in this world.
Twenty-four. Sixteen. Eight more bars in which I love you. Three. Two. One
.

The music ended and I let him go, but he did not let go of me. “One minute, Phina. I have something for you.”

He led me toward the stage, up the steps, and into the wing where I had already spent much of the evening. In the corner sat Glisselda’s coffee flask, long empty; beside it was a small bundle wrapped in cloth that I had not disturbed, not knowing who it belonged to. He picked it up and handed it to me.

“What is it?”

“Obviously, you won’t know until you open it,” he said, his eyes glittering in the half light. “Happy New Year!”

It was a slim volume, calf-bound. I opened it and laughed. “Pontheus?”

“The one and only.” He was standing right next to me, as if to read over my shoulder, not quite touching my arm. “It’s his final book,
Love and Work
, the one I mentioned before. It is, as you might expect, about work, but also about thought and self-knowledge and what is good in life, and …”

He trailed off. There was, of course, one other word in the title. It sat between us like a lump.

“And truth?” I said, thinking it a neutral subject and realizing too late that it absolutely wasn’t.

“Well, yes, but I was going to say, er, friendship.” He smiled apologetically; I looked back at the book. He added: “And happiness. That’s why he’s considered mad. Porphyrian philosophers all sign a pact to be miserable.”

I couldn’t help laughing, and Kiggs laughed too, and Guntard, who was in the middle of a shawm solo just then, glared at us backstage gigglers.

“Now I’m embarrassed,” I said, “because I have nothing for you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” he said vehemently. “You gave us all a gift tonight.”

I turned away, my heart pounding painfully, and saw, through the gap in the curtains, Dame Okra Carmine standing in a doorway across the hall, urgently waving her long green sleeve. “Something’s happening,” I said.

Kiggs did not ask what, but followed me down the steps, through the whirl of dancers, and out into the corridor. There Dame Okra Carmine pulled on Comonot’s arm, preventing him from going anywhere, while bemused guards hesitated nearby, unsure whose side to take.

“He claims he’s going for a nap, but I don’t believe him!” she cried.

“Thank you, Ambassadress,” said Kiggs, unsure why Dame Okra should be involved in this at all. I’d have to invent some reason. All the weight of this night came crashing down on me again.

Comonot, arms crossed and jaw set, watched as Dame Okra gave sarcastic courtesy and returned to the party. “Now that we’re free of that madwoman,” he said, “might I be permitted to go about my business?”

Kiggs bowed. “Sir, I’m afraid I must insist that you take a guard or two with you. We have some concerns for your safety this evening, and …”

Comonot shook his head. “Still convinced there’s a plot against me, Seraphina? I wish I could look at that memory of yours. Your paranoia in this matter is almost enough to have me looking over my shoulder. That’s another human-body response, isn’t it? Fear of the dark and the unknown? Fear of dragons?”

“Ardmagar,” I said, deeply disturbed that he had mentioned my maternal memory so cavalierly, “please just humor us in this matter.”

“You have precious little to go on.”

“The peace depends upon your continued leadership,” I pleaded. “We have a lot to lose if anything happens to you.”

His eyes sharpened shrewdly. “Do you know who else it depends upon? The Royal House of Goredd—one of whose princes, if I recall correctly, was recently murdered. Are you watching your own as hawkishly as you’re watching me?”