Read September Rain Bk 2, Savor The Days Series Online
Authors: A.R. Rivera
Tags: #romance, #crime, #suspense, #music, #rock band, #regret psychological, #book boyfriend
We both missed the bus that day and on
the long walk home, we decided to stop at Joes for a slice. In the
middle of splitting a second wedge of greasy triple cheese, we saw
this really cute guy; tall, baby-faced and a little dirty-looking
but in a good way. He was hauling in pieces of a drum set. We
watched as he stacked them in a far corner at the back of the
restaurant. And kept staring, sipping rootbeer, and asking Joe
Junior—the owner’s son—what was going on.
Joe didn’t answer. He had
his eyes turned up at a television set mounted on a high bracket
behind the counter. He was saying, “Come on. Come on, come on,
baby,” ending with a disappointed sigh. His answer came by way of a
piece of paper. A flyer he slapped down onto the ring stained
counter in front of us. The plain white sheet decked in black
marker spelled out,
Joes Pizza Pub— live
music every Friday night!
“Every Friday?” I squealed. Music was
always a big part of my life. It was like therapy—the notes always
helped clear my head.
“So cool.” Avery’s green eyes
sparkled.
Joe just nodded at our enthusiasm, as
if it was old news. And, since Avery and I had nothing better to
do, we stayed to watch. The foster family I was with at the time
didn’t care what I did, as long as I kept my room clean and never
asked for anything.
Avery and I grabbed a couple of chairs
and pulled them over to the area where the guys were setting up
their equipment. There wasn’t even a stage. It was a tiled corner
at the back of the long room that made up the pizza pub. Someone
had laid out a square of black carpet across the tile. It had blue
bits of tape all over it. As we watched, a second guy appeared. He
was lanky, thin and awkward. He kept his head down so I couldn’t
really get a look at his face. The two guys were setting up the
drum set, placing each stand so that the legs set directly on a
blue piece of tape. We stayed there watching and whispered comments
amongst ourselves until Jake walked in.
“He is gorgeous,” I remember saying
and surprising myself. It wasn’t one of those sentences I imagined
saying out loud because I wasn’t one of those girls that watched
sappy movies or read romantic books about meeting the perfect guy.
I never went out on dates looking for Mr. Right Now. It was just
true—he was gorgeous—and so it popped out.
Jake had the most perfectly
put together face and body. He actually had a
look
. From his semi-sloppy but
stylish clothes, to his big combat boots, and most of all, his
strong jaw that held steady two delicious lips that gave him a
slight puckered look when he was quiet. His eyes were bright,
gleaming the exact same color as his coppery-brown hair.
For most girls in high school, good
looking or cute was an easy determination: if they weren’t ugly,
they must be cute. But no one should be called good-looking just
because they aren’t ugly. No cute by default. Guys are either hot
or they’re not, in my book. Avery’s method was a little more
complex. She used to say that all guys fell into three categories:
deliciously gorgeous, take’m-or-leave’m, and butt-ugly. To her,
nearly all boys fell into the last two. But remarkably, when I
motioned to Jake, Avery didn’t roll her eyes or respond with
snark.
She looked back at me with
her wild, mossy gaze and straight black hair, giving a devious
smile. “I
dare
you to talk to him.”
Had I known at the time just how
deliciously gorgeous Jacob Haddon was inside and out, or how
talented—if I had seen him play the guitar or sing first, or had
remembered him from that house party—I never would have had the
courage to speak to him. But I didn’t realize and in my ignorance,
stumbled over to him on a dare.
Our talk began when the place was
still near-empty and didn’t stop until it had to. He asked me to
sit with him at the counter while he grabbed a drink.
I was staring intensely at his
profile, sipping a cool Diet Coke. He was staring at his sweating
glass of water, set atop the sticky counter. His thumb grazed the
side, joining the beads of moisture into a stream that crept down
the outside glass and pooled on the countertop.
I rested my elbow up on the bar,
trying to concentrate on the heels of my shoes caught on the middle
rung of my stool. I didn’t know I loved him, I just knew that I
couldn’t stop staring at the perfect slope of his nose, his sharp
jaw that literally looked as if it were carved from marble. He was
a masterpiece.
“What are you after?”
Jake looked back, eyeing me, so that I
could tell his eyes weren’t brown, but hazel. He leaned in, almost
conspiratorially, and our shoulders touched. “What do you
mean?”
“With your music—at what point will
you look at your band and think, ‘we are successful.’ Are you
seeking world domination, platinum records—what?”
The curtain of music that kept our
conversation private shot up in volume before suddenly cutting off.
Neither of us started. It was just a sound check of the Pubs’ PA
system and someone was screwing around. I heard Avery laughing from
somewhere in the background.
Jake grinned, showing his naturally
straight teeth. There was something about the way he looked at me
that made my heart race, but also eased the tension that lived in
my stomach. It was a look that made me feel like the only person in
the room.
“Not the
whole
world,” Jake
smiled.
“So, Nirvana’s got nothing to worry
about? What about Beck? Should he be worried?” They were some of my
favorite bands. Up until that night, anyway. They were always in
heavy rotation. Every radio station—all two of them—bumped their
music. Actually, most of what I listened to back then was rock
music. Any and all. But I had no CDs, so I had to take what the
radio stations gave me.
“Beck? No.” Jake laughed. Not the type
of empty chuckle he’d start doling out to convenient fans that
flocked to him as the bands popularity would inevitably grow. It
was not the grin he would give to chicks who asked him to sign the
free flyers they picked up at the door. Jake’s affection was
earned. And he must have seen how anxious I was to invest in him.
That laugh was unguarded and genuine. It held something—not simply
appreciation, but fire, too. Oh, how I wanted it to consume
me.
His face scrunched, and
lips pressed together, his head rocked playfully from side to side.
“Maybe
my
part of
the world. Yeah, I’ll be happy to rule a little chunk. The Analog
Controller Section.” He paused, thoughtful. “Nirvana can keep their
sound and I’ll stick with my screamy, progressive one. As long as
what I do—what I make—is important, I’ll be satisfied. It has to
mean
something
or
it won’t mean
anything
. I’m sure Mister Beck understands that.”
As we talked, I found Jakes’ release
lever: family. I asked if he was an only child, like me, and the
flood gates opened. Jake told me he was a middle child. He had two
older sisters—twins—that were off at college and a younger brother
who’d just started junior high, but was in a special education
class.
“Henry’s got this thing. The doctor
calls it autism. Gets teased a lot because he doesn’t act like
other kids his age.” Jake wiped his palms across his jeans. “He
doesn’t know how to stick up for himself. I tried helping him, but
he’s afraid, you know?” He shook his head, looking at
nothing.
“I can understand that.
It’s hard enough to fit in when the doctor calls you
normal
. And it’s even
harder to make yourself do something you’re afraid of.” I poked my
index finger into the bulge of muscle on his bicep. “He’s lucky
he’s got you.”
Jake turned to face me, touching his
knees to mine, and kept talking. Venting, really, when I asked how
he got into music. His parents were recently separated and in the
midst of an ugly divorce. His mom went back to work because of
financial problems. His sisters used to care of his younger
brother, but since they moved away to school, the responsibility
had fallen to him. Music was his outlet. His dad lived twenty miles
away, and still came around from time to time, but not
enough.
We eased from one topic to the next
until a guy tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey man, time to warm
up.”
I nodded when Jake introduced lanky
Andrew, the bass player, and noticed he did not introduce me. Jake
simply smiled, “Check you later, Angel,” and took Andrew with him
as he walked away.
Analog Controller was going on first.
They were the smallest band and weren’t getting paid, but Jake was
fine with it, because it wasn’t about money. At that time Analog
Controller was just beginning to understand the importance of going
on at the right time. Second and third are always the best slots in
an area where you want to build a fan base, but that was one of
those little kernels you had to learn. Other bands playing at your
level were always going to compete: lie, cheat or steal, for a
cherry spot in the line-up. Analog was supposed to play second at
that show, but the band that was to go first said
their singer might not make it on
time, so Analog was bumped into the first slot.
That was something you never heard
people talk about; the pressure of competition. It’s obvious from
the inside, but when you’re trying to break-in, no one’s gonna tell
you there’s a rivalry. Not even if you specifically
asked.
Jake got his insider information from
one of the members of the main band who happened to like Analog’s
sound. “You play first, and late arrivals miss your set. You play
last only if you are the act people came to see. Play second or
third if you’re looking for new listeners, and always try to play
with bands who have the same audience and whose sounds compliment
yours.”
Going by that last directive, Analog’s
biggest issue seemed that no one else sounded like them. It was
September of 1994, and everyone was into the
Seattle sounds. No one else had that
rooted-in-hard-rock-with-heavy-melodic-influences-layered-with-vocal-harmony-and-tight-rhythmic-transition
type of sound. It was experimental and progressive. Aggressive,
too. Everyone liked Analog’s style, but no one else had
it.
The band was on the same floor as the
crowd—eye level in a standing room. There were some kids my age and
a couple of guys in their thirties who hung in the back and stuffed
their faces ignoring the awesomeness, while Avery and I rocked-out
front and center.
By the second song, more people showed
up near the front and we were pushed closer. When I was about two
feet away from him, Jake latched his gaze on me. He crooned
salacious lyrics into the crowd, playing his guitar and working the
pedals while he kept me in his sights. And after the show was over,
he gave me a copy of their first EP and asked if I wanted go get
pancakes with him. I did, of course. We all sat in a big corner
booth, laughing and chatting over a short stack of pancakes and
bacon 8:30 at night.
That was the night I fell in love. And
the love-fest continued, for my part. I crushed hard. Thought about
him all the time; about how nice he was, how genuine and sweet. And
Jake was super hot. Untouchably gorgeous. In my mind, that night
was a fluke. He was the hot lead singer of my new favorite band,
and I was their biggest fan.
+++
About six months later, I was at
another Analog Controller show. It was my third one. The second had
taken place the night before, but I hadn’t see Jake until he went
on stage. He’d become this wonderful, ethereal thing: elevated and
totally beyond my grasp. So, I never imagined that he did mundane
things, like go to the store, or work, or walk on the earth like
the rest of us mere mortals. He was superior and I’d resigned
myself to worship from afar. So, during their set that second
night, I hid in the back of the club, too twisted in
nauseating-knots to actually make my way up front. That was the
first time I had seen him since that day at the pizza pub. They
never played there again.
When I went to that third show, I was
kicking myself for not seeking him out the night before and had
determined I was going to set my nerves aside and try to talk with
Jake again. But I was also sure I’d make a fool of myself. I had
decided to wait for a sign. A look or nod that would indicate he
remembered me. I knew he had to meet people all the time and I
didn’t want to be one of those girls who could recite an entire
conversation that he’d never remember.
Well, I got my sign:
standing in back of a dive bar called
Aces
, waiting for Avery to come out
of the bathroom. The floor was sticky. I was holding Avery’s soda
because she didn’t wanna infect it with the germs of the public
restroom.
I was wearing an Analog Controller
t-shirt that I got printed at a shop in the mall, then chopped the
sleeves and shredded the back. The bottom was cropped and tied
above my waist. Avery had helped with my makeup that night, so I
wore more than unusual.
The air inside the club was choking
me. The whole place smelled like the smoke machine was set to
kill—a fog of cat litter and ammonia that burned my retinas. I was
wiping underneath my eye, hoping my mascara was waterproof when a
figure approached. I didn’t think anything of it, until it stopped
a few feet away.
He was an outline of smoke
and shadow: a shapeless form exuding a raw, decadent energy. When I
looked up, I was dumbfounded, watching Jake take the last few steps
to stand beside me. He was wearing leather pants . . .
very nice
leather
pants;
breath-stealing
leather pants that fit like they were made for him. He leaned
his shoulders against the wall at my back, but kept his hips
forward.
“Hey, Angel. Got any Jack in that
Coke?” He reached out a hand and flicked my glass with his index
finger.
I had never been a blusher, but heat
flooded my cheeks. He’d uttered my name in a way that made it sound
illicit.
“No. No. It’s . . . diet.”
I looked down, my eyes landing on his
jutting hips. His pants were so . . . awesome. The way they hung so
well on his hips did things to my insides. When I looked up, his
eyes were glued to my face and he was smirking. I’d been caught
doing something I wasn’t supposed to and my cheeks continued
blazing well after I took a keen interest in the floor.
It suddenly seemed like an eternity
since Avery went into the bathroom. I wanted to run in there, to
tell her it wasn’t a dream, I was talking to Analog Controller’s
totally hot lead singer and he remembered my name.
I thought about him all the
time—replayed our one conversation in my head—and as any fan knows,
when you go to shows, the fans are the ones who go looking for the
band. Not the other way around. In my mind, Analog was the greatest
band in the history of the world and Jake was a huge star, although
most people outside our area had never heard of them. And he was
there, standing right beside me, sliding his shoulder along the
wall as he smiled and made light conversation. He kept staring at
my shirt.
Aerosmith played on from speakers in
the background. Steven Tyler howled to heaven, begging his angel to
save him.
“I’ve never seen that before.” Jake
extended one finger, navigating towards me. “My face is on your
chest.”
“I wore it at last nights’
show.”
“You were in Duncan?” His eyes
widened.
I nodded, wishing Avery would come out
and help me make conversation.
“I wish I’d seen you. It looks good
like that.” My heartbeat skipped when his hand grazed the frayed
seam on my sleeve. I felt the small calluses—little rough edges on
otherwise soft fingertips. They skimmed the line of my shoulder,
leaving a trail of fire.
I had no idea what to do. So I just
stood there, gushing how my friend, whose name had slipped my mind,
helped to cut my shirt just the way I liked it. She was wicked with
a pair of scissors. I think she modified practically every piece of
clothing she ever wore—very Molly Ringwald of her, except she
didn’t dabble in pink. She was a total t-shirt and jeans chick,
like me, but her shirts and jeans held something wild. I was always
taking her clothes.
Jake sighed, looking past me at
something or someone further down the hallway.
“Hey, I gotta go, but thank you for
coming.” He pulled a flat square from his back pocket and handed it
to me. “This is our new EP. For you. Until next time.” He patted my
head before walking away with my heart. I wondered if he felt the
weight of it in his hands the way I did and hoped.
+++
All through that first year, Jake and
I barely knew each other. We didn’t really get to hang out. I never
saw him around school or in town—he’d graduated at the end of my
freshmen year and I was a sophomore when we started talking that
night at the pizza pub. And Jake lived with his mom in Eager, the
next town over. Plus, I was too shy to ask about visitation beyond
the casual run-ins. So our get-to-know-you phase happened in
spurts. We’d hang out after shows in smoky night clubs that I had
to buy a fake ID to get into, in parking lots, sometimes back
alleys.
Jake Haddon remained my
extracurricular male fantasy. I listened to the EP’s he gave me
every day and thought about him all the time; when I would sit in
the library during study hall or passing the band room. There was a
picture of him in a glass case in the school office. He was in the
orchestra. First chair on the Cello. I found his face in the first
row, third from the end on the left. I still remember the way he
looked in the dress shirt and bow tie. His lovely face got better
with age.