Senn (A Cocky Cage Fighter Novel Book 5) (7 page)

“I’m gonna make it to full term!” I argue.

“That’s extremely unlikely based on your recent blood work,” the doctor disagrees.

“Why not? Because she might have a miscarriage?” Senn asks the doctor, shoving his fingers through his long hair. “The girl with the wand thingy just said the baby’s healthy.”

“No, it’s unlikely Abby will make it to full term because she’s refused chemo and radiation treatment for her relapse of acute myeloid leukemia. Without treatment…her oncologist says she only has maybe three to four months.”

“That’s just a guess,” I explain.

“Three…three or four months…for the pregnancy?” Senn poses the question slumped against the closed door, breathless like he just ran a few miles. If I didn’t know better, I would think he actually sounded worried about the baby.

“Three or four months
to live
,” the doctor helpfully clarifies.

Senn

I pinch my arm because this has to be a bad dream. A fucking nightmare. Abby’s gonna die because I knocked her up.

Oh God.

Yanking on a fist full of my shirt collar that’s tightening around my neck, I gasp in air, needing more oxygen in my lungs.

“Abby,” I start even though the doctor is still standing between us. “You’ve got to terminate. Why the fuck haven’t you already?” I exclaim.

“This is a tough decision that no one would want to make, but I’m glad that you already understand the best course of action for her. Really the
only
option.” The doctor speaks to me, and it sort of sounds like gibberish. “The fetus could possibly survive treatment, but it will likely result in major birth defects.” 

“No,” Abby says with her palms over her bump that looks way bigger than it did just a few weeks ago. “No!”

“Abby—” I start.

“I’ll make it to full term,” she says with her chin raised stubbornly, her tone full of conviction.

“But that will be too late for you!” the doctor yells at her in frustration.

“Abby, you should at least get the treatment,” I say calmly when I really want to get on my knees and fucking beg her to do
something.

“I’ll let you two discuss this,” the doctor tells us before grabbing my arm to pull me away from the door that’s holding me up so she can make her escape. Abby glares daggers at the woman through the door even after it closes again.

“She’s healthy and perfect. I won’t be the one responsible for mentally or physically crippling her, or worse,” Abby explains, rubbing a thumb over the tattoo on her wrist. “I’ve already lost Thomas. I’m not gonna do anything that could hurt her or cause me to lose her, too.”

“I get that it’s not an easy decision because you’re already attached to her and all. I am, too,” I admit because I can’t stop thinking about her, our daughter. What she’ll look like. How it will feel to hold the tiny person the two of us made. Sure it will be god-awful to lose out on all those possibilities, but if it means keeping Abby alive…“You can have another baby, though. We can’t have another Abby.”

Well, that comment clearly pisses her off. Abby’s eyes narrow before she storms over and speaks to me through clenched teeth, poking me with a finger in my stomach. “She’s not a puppy or a goldfish that you can just replace when another one dies. This is my daughter that I love so damn much I’m willing to do
whatever
it takes for her to be born! The fact that you could even consider killing her—”

“When the options are…killing her, someone I’ve never met and may not survive
anyway
, or killing you, it doesn’t even seem like there’s a real choice!”

Abby blinks watery chocolate eyes at me before she squares her shoulders, and says, “If that’s how you feel, then I want you to give up your rights to her.”

I would’ve been less surprised if she’d just round-house kicked my teeth out.

“What?” I ask.

“You don’t want her, so I want you to release all parental rights to her.”

“No.” I don’t even have to consider it for a second. If it takes lawyers and judges or whatever else to see her, then so be it. I’m not just gonna walk away from my own flesh and blood, from what’s
mine
.

Only after the word leaves my mouth do I understand the implications of what I just said. If Abby has the baby but doesn’t make it…I’ll be a single father raising a baby all alone. Am I actually capable of doing that? That’s a ginormous responsibility.

“How are
you
gonna take care of a baby?” Abby asks, crossing her arms over our ample chest. Damn, I love those titties. It’s a goddamn shame that I can’t just fuck my way out of this jacked up situation and conversation because that’s what I want to do. Pick her up and have angry sex against the wall that’s so good it makes everything else permanently disappear. Fucking cancer. “Have you ever actually held a baby before?” she asks, interrupting my fantasy that was much more fun than thinking about losing her. God, and I feel so damn guilty for being the one responsible for putting this shit on her. I swear I could destroy an entire village with my fists right about now.

“No, I haven’t ever held a baby before, but I’m sure I can figure it out,” I say with a confidence I don’t actually feel at the moment. There have to be books, classes and people I can hire to teach me how to take care of a baby. Hell, there are
YouTube
videos on everything nowadays. But I don’t want to have to do any of that without Abby. The thought of her not being around to ream my ass out for being a shitty father makes me want to puke.

“Raising a child is not something you just figure out!” Abby yells, heading for the door. “I hope you’ll think about this and change your mind because she deserves a
real
family, not growing up watching you fuck your way through the entire state.”

With that parting shot, Abby leaves me in the doctor’s office where moments ago I saw my daughter for what may be the first and last time.

…

For the next hour I sit in my truck outside the doctor’s office with the windows rolled down, unable to drive anywhere. Abby, the baby, cancer. It’s more than I’m capable of dealing with. I’m not equipped for this sort of heavy life and death situation. I’ve lived my days trying to stay away from serious shit, responsibility and, hell, even feelings. All I know is fighting and fucking. Genetically, I may not even be capable of showing affection or caring for someone else. I’m pretty sure my dad beat all soft emotions I may have been born with out of me by the time I was thirteen. Maybe sooner. So I can knock a man out with my fists, and I can give a woman a few orgasms. That’s it. That’s the extent of my abilities.

But even knowing all that, there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to walk away from this baby. She’s mine, and that’s one thing I do understand. Without a doubt, I can provide for her financially and protect her. That seems like enough to start with. Over time, hopefully I can learn the rest. I’m giving myself a lot of credit, I know. When the choice is myself or someone else being the one to raise her, well, it seems like an easy decision to make, even if it’s a tough one. Probably the toughest fight I’ve ever faced.

Fuck. This could all be hypothetical. In a year from now, I could be arguing with Abby in court over who gets to see the baby at Christmas and shit. As stubborn as that woman is, I actually think it’s a pretty safe bet that she’ll be able to hang in there until the baby is born, and then she can start getting better. She recovered from cancer last time, so I’m sure she can do it again with the right doctors and aggressive treatment. She has to dammit! There’s no other option. 

Feeling more optimistic now, I finally drive myself over to
Havoc
that’s so slam packed I can barely find a parking spot. Guess Mace’s big win on national television is already causing a bump in enrollment. I’m sure Linc and Jude are thrilled.

Heading inside, I run into Claire just outside the door.

“So, how was the honeymoon?” I ask since I’m not sure what else to say when I hold the door open for her. Really, I’m trying to pretend like my world didn’t just implode.

“It was awesome,” Claire answers with a blinding smile. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Hey, my mind wasn’t even in the gutter for once,” I tell her as we walk inside and head for Linc’s office.

“And New York?” I ask her. “How’s Hailey doing?”

The smile slips off Claire’s face, and she shakes her head. “Not good. But she’s here now, at a really great treatment—”

Just outside Linc’s partially opened door I hear Abby’s voice, and my feet instantly freeze.

“When are you gonna tell Claire?” Abby asks, followed by a sniffle.

“Soon,” Linc answers with a sigh. “Come here, Abby. Everything is gonna work out, just hang in there.” Based on the way Claire jerks to a stop next to me, I know she’s also realized Linc’s not alone.

“You’re gonna be a great father—” Abby says before Claire pushes open the door, obviously tired of eavesdropping. I’m right on her heels. The scene before us is worse than the harsh words she just spoke to him, the complete opposite of what she thinks of me. Linc has his arms wrapped around Abby, and her head is laying against his chest before the two of them look over and see us, jumping clear apart. I’m speechless, but Claire obviously is not.

“What the fuck is going on?” she exclaims, arms crossed over her chest.

Linc looks at Abby and then me before he tells Claire, “It’s definitely not what it looks like.”

When Abby turns to face us in her long, clinging black dress that clearly displays her bump, Claire gasps and covers her mouth. I assume this is the first she’s heard about the pregnancy. She was probably too busy to notice at the wedding.

“She’s…that’s…you
cheated
on me?” Claire’s words come out high pitched and squeaky when she reaches the wrong conclusion. Wow, I guess I could see why she would think that, though.

“What?” Linc shouts. “No! God, no!” He takes a step in her direction and reaches for her, but Claire puts a palm up to stop his forward progress. Linc’s shoulders slump, knowing he’s so screwed right now. How long have they been married? Two weeks? Fighters obviously suck as husbands. “Senn knocked her up, not me!” Linc points at me, and Claire turns to me for confirmation.

“There hasn’t been a paternity test yet,” I say just to be an asshole. “But Abby says it’s mine.”

Claire exhales a small breath in relief. “But she said…”

“Abby’s leukemia is back, or maybe it never left,” Linc explains to her quickly. “She’s refused treatment because it might hurt the baby.”

“Oh. I’m, ah, sorry to hear that,” Claire says softly. “But why did she say that you would make a great…”

“Son of a bitch!” I exclaim in understanding, lunging across the room for Linc and slamming his back against the wall before he even knows a Mack truck was coming for him. I’ll take my rage out on him because I can’t touch Abby. “You’re gonna let her die because you’re a selfish fucking prick!”

“It’s her decision!” he yells back in my face, grabbing at my arms to try and push me off of him.

“Women out! You two, break it up!” Jude shouts from behind us before he tries to keep me down from murdering my best friend. Someone, Mace and Nate I realize, grab either side of my chest and pull, hauling me toward the opposite side of the room while Jude keeps his hands on Linc’s shoulders to hold him back. “What the fuckety fuck is going on?” Jude asks.

“Abby’s leukemia came back, so she wants me and Claire to raise her baby when she, if she…” Linc starts.

“He’s gonna sit back and watch her die
for him
when he should be telling her to get treatment or…or to terminate the pregnancy!” I shout the words even though they scald my throat on the way out. Abby’s never gonna change her mind now, because of Linc. And I fucking hate him for having that much influence on her while I can’t get her to give me even the tiniest benefit of the doubt that she’s wrong about me.

“But the baby’s Senn’s,” Mace points out.

“She can’t do that, can she?” Jude asks, then says to me, “I’ll call and ask my sister-in-law, Page, to look up the local custody laws.”

“Thank you,” I say to him. “At least I’m not the only one who thinks this is fucked up!”

“What the hell are
you
gonna do with a baby?” Linc asks, sounding like Abby when he scowls at me around Jude, Nate and Mace, who remain between us. “Hire a nanny to raise it while you party up at clubs and fuck sluts every night?”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I respond to the man who is
supposed
to be my best friend. “And she’s a girl, not an
it
.”

“A girl?” Linc repeats with raised eyebrows. “See, she’s gonna need a mother. Claire—”

“You haven’t even told her yet! You just agreed to take someone’s baby without even asking your wife, you selfish asshole!”

“What the fuck?” Mace shouts, glaring at Linc. “That’s why my sister walked out of here crying?” He lets me go to stalk over to his new brother-in-law. “That’s a jackass move.”

Linc bristles at the insult, squaring his shoulders when the bigger man approaches him, Jude still in the middle. “Not as much of a
jackass move
as the one you pulled on Hailey.”

Oh shit. Jude and Nate have to break up Mace and Linc’s fight when the two start shoving each other.

“Get the fuck out of my gym!” Linc yells, I’m assuming, to me and Mace.

“It’s half my gym,” Jude reminds him.

“Then all of you stay on his side of it and get the fuck out of my office!” Linc shouts.

“You better go find Claire and make this shit right,” Mace warns, his finger pointed at Linc.

“I’ll make it right with my wife, but you’re shit out of luck,” Linc tells him. “Hailey wants an annulment. Her attorney has already drawn up the papers.”

Low. Blow.

Mace visibly deflates before he walks out of the office without another word. I’m not far behind him.