Seeking Asylum (27 page)
Authors: Mallory Kane
“Caleb thinks—” she started, then lost her nerve.
“Caleb thinks what?”
She searched his face—the beautiful countenance she would never forget as long as she lived. The bruises and scars were a testament to what he had endured for her.
He had been so brave. She owned him enough courage to at least speak the truth. “That you love me.”
His features twisted into a sarcastic smile. He couldn’t hold it, though, so he dropped his gaze, “Well, he
is
crazy.”
The harsh words cut her to her soul.
She waited for him to look up at her, but he didn’t. Sadness enveloped her. She turned on her heel.
“Maybe you’re right and Caleb is wrong.” She took a shaky breath. “Maybe everything you’ve been through has damaged you too much. Maybe you are too closed off to allow yourself to love. But when you said you felt a connection…”
She waited, but he didn’t respond. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I guess I misunderstood.”
She turned and walked out of the room, wishing—praying—that he would stop her. She held her breath, listening for the slightest whisper, the smallest movement. But she heard nothing.
Rachel made it all the way downstairs and out to her car before she broke down and cried.
Chapter Fifteen
Rachel put the last of her bags in the trunk of her car and checked to make sure her computer and monitor were secure. She walked back inside and made one last round of the apartment. The bed was bare of sheets, the closets open and empty. All the rooms with their institutional furniture looked as impersonal as a hotel room without her things scattered about.
She stood at the door and looked across the grounds at the main building. It stood stately and proud, hiding the evil that had dwelled within it.
The evil and the good.
Rachel sucked in a long breath as the memories crowded into her brain. Good and bad. The most wonderful moments of her life had happened inside that building, as well as the worst.
No, not the worst.
All the torture and fear she’d endured at the hands of Gerhardt Metzger didn’t hold a candle to the painful realization that she’d failed to get through to Eric.
An overwhelming loss filled her. Eric had taught her how to open up, how to love. He’d shown her that nothing is attained without compromise. And yet he’d been unable to meet her halfway.
He had given her a wonderful gift, the ability to accept others as they were, rather than trying to
fix
them. But he hadn’t been able to accept himself. So she’d lost him.
“Damn it,” she whispered. Now she was crying. She turned and went into the bathroom to splash water on her face. As she was patting her cheeks with rolled-up toilet tissue, she heard a sharp rap on the open apartment door. “Don’t be Dr. Patel.” She’d already told him she wasn’t interested in staying at the Meadows.
“Just a minute,” she called, and wadded up the wet tissue and tossed it into the trash basket.
When she stepped out of the bathroom and into the hall, she saw a familiar silhouette outlined by the sun streaming in the open door.
She took a couple of steps toward him. “Eric?” she whispered.
He stepped inside, out of the sunlight. His face was still pale. The bruise on his forehead had turned an ugly yellow-brown in the three days since she’d walked out of the hospital in D.C. His dark gaze was guarded. “I was afraid you’d be gone.”
She bit her lip. “Another ten minutes and I would have been.” Her voice sounded breathy, as if she’d been running. Not surprising, since her pulse was jackhammering.
He nodded, searching her face.
Could he tell she’d been crying?
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“My mother wants me to come and stay with her and her new husband for a while.”
He looked down at his feet, then back up. “Caleb’s being discharged today.”
Rachel’s heart leaped and she took a step forward. “That’s wonderful. So he’s okay? Where is he going?”
A hint of a smile lightened Eric’s face. “I found a private facility near D.C.”
“Oh, Eric, that’s great. He’s going to be near you. That will be so good for both of you.” To her dismay, her eyes pricked with tears.
“Yeah.” He walked over to the kitchen counter and leaned against it, looking down at his hands. “Rachel?”
“Eric, what’s the matter? Is something wrong with Caleb?” She stepped from the hall into the kitchen.
He shook his head, then looked up at her through his lashes. “What if he’s right?” he asked, his voice a shaky rasp.
A thrill of fear and hope skittered up her spine. “About what?”
“About what he told you.”
Rachel could feel the tension radiating from him. But she knew he had to do this. She couldn’t do it for him. He had to take that step alone.
“Is he?” She held his gaze.
He stood there for a second, then slowly he moved to stand in front of her, and cradled her face in his hands. He leaned over until their foreheads were touching. “You know me better than I know myself.”
“I know that you are the only one who can answer that question.”
His lashes dipped and he kissed her gently on the mouth, stealing her breath.
“You want a sane, secure life. You want normal. I’m sole guardian of a brother who is schizophrenic. And I definitely have issues myself. I can never give you normal, Rachel.”
His breath fanned against her mouth—quick, sharp, nervous.
Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck. “Caleb and I had a very good talk the other day. He reminded me that we can’t change who we are. All we can change is how we deal with it, and who we allow to help us. I’ve tried safe and secure. As you pointed out to me once, it’s a lonely life.”
She drew in a long breath. “I can live without normal. But not without love. Can you give me love?”
His soft dark eyes shone with the light she’d seen in them the first time he’d ever looked at her. The light of reality. And now the light of love.
“I can do that,” he whispered against her lips. “Can you give me forever?”
Rachel laughed through tears. “Oh, Eric, I can definitely do that.”
ISBN: 978-1-4592-2851-1
SEEKING ASYLUM
Copyright © 2005 by Rickey R. Mallory
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.
All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention.
This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
® and TM are trademarks of the publisher. Trademarks indicated with ® are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office, the Canadian Trade Marks Office and in other countries.
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