Seeing Your Face Again (5 page)

S
tillness settled over the farmhouse some hours later. Darkness lay heavy outside Debbie's bedroom window with snow thick on the sill. In the light that flickered from the kerosene lamp, Debbie checked her alarm clock on the dresser. Close to midnight. Why wouldn't sleep come? Though tomorrow wasn't a workday, Saturdays always contained plenty of jobs to do around the Beiler farm.

She'd tried to read herself to sleep, but to no avail. Ida's sorrowful face after the discussion around the supper table still haunted her. It just wasn't fair how Ida pined after a love that was denied her. Now, with the news about Alvin leaving the community, it appeared Debbie had joined Ida. Perhaps she was mourning for herself as much as for Ida. And she had the added trouble of the bishop's suspicions that she might have contributed in some way to Alvin's venture into the
Englisha
world. How upside down things had become. The wrong man was determined to win her affections, and at the same time her reputation in the community might turn into that of a troublemaker.

Debbie got up. There was no sense in an all-night stew over her troubles. She couldn't drown them with a book. Perhaps she could
offer a measure of sympathy to Ida. Ida hadn't said a word while they washed the supper dishes. An offer of help might comfort her troubled spirit. Saloma had asked her daughter repeatedly what troubled her, but Ida had done nothing but shake her head.

Unless Debbie missed her guess, Ida was in her room across the hall still awake, mulling over the turn of events just as she was. Why not pay Ida a visit? Debbie pushed open her bedroom door. A dim light coming from under Ida's door guided her steps down the dark hallway. Debbie tapped on the door.

“Come in,” Ida's weak voice called out.

Debbie turned the knob and slipped inside. Ida stood beside the window, apparently transfixed by the snowflakes swirling on the other side of the windowpane.

Ida turned around, a slight smile on her face.

“May I sit?” Debbie motioned toward the bed.

“Sure.” Ida didn't move away from the window.

Debbie cleared her throat. “I'm sorry about Paul, Ida. Believe me, I'm not making any attempt to court his attention. I don't like the man in the least.”

Ida's small smile vanished. “I know you aren't doing such things, Debbie. You have a
gut
heart. It's not your fault Alvin did what he did. And I wish
Daett
hadn't doubted you the way he did.”

Debbie pressed back the tears. How like Ida to quickly turn this visit around to one of offering comfort. And all the time Ida's own heart had to be throbbing with pain.

“I should be comforting you, Ida,” Debbie whispered. “Not the other way around.”

Ida's look was kind. “You think so, I suppose, but that's because you don't know how much trouble you may be in.”

“What?” Debbie sat up straight.

“
Yah.
” Ida stared out into the darkness. “
Daett
will not soon forget his suspicions, and Minister Kanagy will only make them worse
once he hears what's going on. And
Daett
will have to tell him what he knows and suspects.”

Debbie tried to look skeptical, but her heart was pounding.

Moments later Ida added fuel to the fire. “You remember how Minister Kanagy was with Verna and Joe? He would have had them both excommunicated if
Daett
hadn't stood in his way.”

“But surely not…” Debbie let the words hang.

Ida shrugged. “
Daett
will stick up for you, but you could help him by doing something for yourself.”

When Ida didn't continue, Debbie asked. “And what could I do?”

Ida turned to look out the window again. “You could accept Paul's offer to court you.”

“Ida!” Debbie leaped to her feet to grab Ida's hand. “I'm not going to do that. Even if I knew you didn't care for him, I couldn't do that.”

Ida turned around, sorrow written across her face. “Paul's never going to return my affections, Debbie. And neither is any other man. Don't let my situation stand in the way of your decisions.”

“I'm not!” Debbie protested.

“I know you haven't been returning Paul's affection, but wasn't it a little bit out of consideration for me?” Ida's face was etched with pain.

“No—and that's the truth. Well, perhaps just a little, but I'm really not interested in Paul.”

Ida thought for a moment. “Okay. But perhaps you should consider changing your mind. Word will get out. It will be said that Alvin left because of you. That won't sit well with the community. I know them better than you do, Debbie.
Daett
has protected you for most of last year, but it won't be like that anymore. Not once they find out that a man has left the community because of you. And, on top of that, you're turning down one of the most eligible bachelors in our district.”

“Then I'll put away my car at once, and I'll tell your father I want
to join the instruction class this spring.” Debbie squared her shoulders. “That should settle the matter.”

“It's a little too late, I'm afraid,” Ida said.

Debbie stared at Ida's figure as it cut a sharp contrast against the darkness outside. Had the winter weather affected Ida's mind and cast her spirits so deeply in the doldrums that she thought only the worst? Other than the talk tonight around the supper table, Bishop Beiler had never given any indication that she wasn't welcome. In fact, he'd always gone out of his way to make her feel at home.

Ida regarded Debbie again. “This thing that Alvin did will put thoughts into Lois's heart. She may even join him in Philadelphia.”

Debbie clutched the edge of the bed. “You have to be wrong about this, Ida. Your sorrow about Paul's rejection has affected you more than you realize.”

Ida didn't move. “I sorrow,
yah
. But Lois isn't above using Alvin's actions to justify her own.”

“I hope you're wrong.” Debbie's emotions sank fast. What Ida said made much more sense than she wished to admit. That must have been the real reason Bishop Beiler had regarded her with such concern at the supper table. He'd been thinking of Lois more than he was of Alvin's situation. And the bishop wouldn't want to say something like that in front of Lois.

“You can wait and see what Lois does,” Ida continued. “But if you wish to continue in the community, you'd better start returning Paul's attention.”

“I will do no such thing.” Debbie wanted to say more, but she couldn't think of anything else.

Ida glanced at her. “Remember, Debbie, Paul's never going to ask me home. Not if I wait a thousand years. So don't feel bad for me.”

“I…” Debbie paused. She did feel sorry for Ida, but she was also horrified that she might even consider this outrageous suggestion. Even now thoughts raced unbidden through her mind. She'd dated this kind of man before, and maybe she could do so again. It
didn't mean she had to marry him. And Paul did have good looks and a charming personality. His witty jokes weren't unpleasant, and they conversed with easy rapport. No one in the community would doubt them as a couple. In fact, they might well be considered among the community's best-looking couples. And who knew, maybe Paul would eventually tire of her and move on to someone else. Surely the community wouldn't hold that against her.

“I'll be glad to see you get Paul.” Ida sent a brave smile toward Debbie. “My heart will heal with time, and you'll get someone who is decent way down inside. I know it's a little hard to see sometimes, but Paul's a kind and compassionate man.”

“You must stop saying things like this.” Debbie kept her voice firm. “I don't love the man, and you do so we'll let the Lord work everything out.”

Ida's smile went thin.

A sharp knock came on the door before Debbie could think of what else to say.

“Come in!” Ida called without hesitation.

Lois appeared in the doorway. “I thought I heard talking. Are we sharing secrets tonight?”

“None that you can't hear.” Ida gave Lois a sweet look. “Come in and sit down.”

Lois entered and closed the door behind her.

Debbie wasted no time. “How is this thing with Alvin affecting you?”

Lois gave Debbie a sharp look. “You mean with my wanting to go
Englisha
?”

“Just tell her the truth,” Ida said.

“Maybe I don't want to,” Lois snapped.

“Have you two been talking?” Debbie motioned between them.

Lois shook her head. “Ida knows me well enough to guess. And the fact that I didn't run my mouth tonight must have tipped her off. I'm seriously considering finding out where Alvin went. Maybe
he would help me set up an apartment and find a job wherever he's working. I know his family can't farm worth a hoot, but I'd imagine even the Knepps can handle themselves in the
Englisha
world. Everything is easier out there.”

Wild protests rose in Debbie's mind. The world out there was anything but easy! Lois would find trouble she never even imagined existed. But Debbie bit her tongue. It didn't seem like the right thing to say at the moment. Lois wasn't in a mood to listen anyway.

Ida regarded her sister. “You know you're going to break
Mamm
and
Daett
's hearts. Plus put a real black mark on
Daett
's standing in the community, what with Alvin having just left.”

Lois turned up her nose. “What can the community say worse than ‘the bishop can't keep his own daughter in the faith'?
Daett
can survive that.”

“Don't be so sure,” Ida said.

Lois tossed her head. “That's always the story you and Verna give me. I'm tired of it. I'm twenty-two years of age, Ida. Time is passing me by! I don't want to live here in the community all my life, always wondering what's out there. I want to know, Ida. I want to taste the things of the world for myself. I don't want to believe what Debbie says they are. I want to see for myself. And Debbie survived that world, didn't she? So why shouldn't I be okay?”

Ida had turned pale in spite of her earlier warning that Lois had exactly these plans.

Debbie grasped for a solution. “Okay, if I'm the one who's at fault that Alvin left, maybe I can be the one to win him back. I'll visit Alvin in Philadelphia and talk some sense into him.”

Lois laughed. “Your
Englisha
ways aren't going to work this time, Debbie.
Daett
will blame you for sure if you go gallivanting to Philadelphia after Alvin.”

Debbie stole a look at Ida's pale face before she answered. “It was just an idea. I admit I'm not quite sure what's acceptable.”

Ida ignored the comments as she straightened from leaning
against the wall. “I think we should all get some sleep now. Morning will be here before we know it.”

Lois grunted as she glanced at the clock on Ida's dresser. It was long after midnight.

Ida had used the tried-and-true tactic the Beiler family turned to when arguments failed with Lois. They moved the discussion to other subjects, and things usually simmered down. This time that might not work. Debbie stole a quick look at Ida's face and saw she'd arrived at the same conclusion. Ida was grasping for straws tonight.

Lois had a forced smile on her face as she bid them
gut
night at the bedroom door.

Debbie lingered for a moment. Should she have one more quick word with Ida? Perhaps they could give each other a last word of comfort, what with all the weighty things they'd discussed tonight. But Lois stood outside in the hallway and showed no inclination to leave until Debbie came with her.

Debbie moved toward the doorway, whispering a
gut
night over her shoulder. She said
gut
night to Lois, crossed the hallway, and entered her own room. She shut the door, blew out the lamp flame, and walked to the window. The storm outside had increased in intensity. Snow was blowing everywhere, and the wind was howling under the eaves. Bishop Beiler's weather prediction at the supper table had been right. But his guess about the storm outside couldn't hold a candle to the storm Debbie was feeling inside.

Five