See You in Hell (Mel Goes to Hell Series Book 2) (2 page)

"Of course," Luce replied. Mel barely knew the man, yet she knew he was lying.

She pressed her lips together and gave a little smile in response, before turning her attention to her instant coffee. Attention it didn't deserve, but the muddy brew was an improvement to listening to the demon's rehearsed rhetoric.

Luce seemed to realise that he'd hit a wrong note. "It's Mel, right?"

"Yes," she acquiesced gracefully. "From the Helpful Angels Agency." A careful sip of coffee kept her eyes from meeting his as the cup hid her smile. She waited for the implied warning to sink in: far from being one of his demons, she played most emphatically for the other team.

"Ah. Ah, yes. I remember now. You're the new girl who's working under Lili, right?"

"I'm in the office beside her and I report to her, yes," Mel corrected. "I'm looking forward to seeing precisely which projects she has in mind for me. I understand the company's interests are quite diverse, so I expect the work to be different to anything I've done before, if nothing else."

"So what were you doing before deciding to be my angel?"

Mel gave him her serene smile, knowing Hell would freeze over before she'd ever be his angel. He evidently didn't know that yet, so she replied, "Other temporary assignments, as required. I go where I'm needed, that's all." She took a larger mouthful of her cooling coffee, trying not to grimace at the taste.

"I'm sure I'll need you for something. Lili does a lot of work for me. She may even delegate some of her more delicate tasks to you, if you're lucky. We could be working very closely together on some of my pet projects." Luce grinned. "You'll want to make sure you wear a skirt." He stared at her pants-clad legs hungrily.

Mel wondered what he'd say if she admitted the closest he'd get to her was precisely where he was now – just out of arm's reach. She chose to say nothing. Instead, she smiled and nodded, then excused herself so she could wash the sludge out of the bottom of her coffee mug. She wanted to wash her whole body – the sleazy CEO made her skin crawl – but she hardly had time before the next orientation session resumed.

She slipped back into the training room, relieved to see that Luce had left. Somehow, she suspected she'd be seeing him again soon, though she hoped the opposite. Slimy snake of a CEO…

Two demons crept into the room behind Mel, smelling strongly of cigarette smoke. Another demon inhaled blissfully. "Oh, that smells so good. I've been on nicotine patches so I don't have to go out for a ciggy, but it's just not the same…"

The trainer pressed some paracetamol out of the packaging and tipped them into her mouth, washing them down with her cup of coffee.

Mel glanced around – all the demons looked like they'd taken the opportunity to grab another foul coffee at the end of the break. Aside from a demon cracking open a can of Red Bull, she was the only one not holding a cup.

"Are we all back? Good. It's time to discuss our substance policy," the trainer began.

A demon sneezed, then blew her nose noisily. She pulled out some hand sanitiser and rubbed her hands with it.

A slide popped up on the projector screen. To Mel's mild irritation, the trainer read it aloud, as if the entire group were blind or illiterate.

"Our policy: No employee is to consume or use drugs or alcohol within eight hours of commencing work to start and/or return to work while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

"The purpose of this policy is to maintain a work environment free from the effects of the use of drugs and alcohol. Therefore the use or consumption is strictly forbidden. The consequence of breaching this policy is instant dismissal." The trainer paused. "Does anyone have a problem with this?" She picked up her coffee and sipped it.

The demons shook their heads in unison. Mel heard some slurping their drinks, too. Demons. Oh, dear. This job was going to be much harder than she'd thought. If every demon in the place was as sloppy and slipshod as whoever had slapped together the substance policy, she had a lot of work to do. She'd best get started, then.

She sighed and said, "Yes. I do."

"Which part don't you understand? Or is it simply that you don't agree with it?" the woman asked, a superior smile on her face as if she'd be delighted to perform an instant dismissal.

Mel took a deep breath. "Well, the first sentence doesn't make sense. It looks like someone cut and pasted it but forgot to proofread it. Splitting it into two sentences might make it clearer. Ending the first sentence after 'commencing work', then replacing the 'to' with 'No employee is to start…' Admittedly, you'd need to define drugs and alcohol. It isn't clear as it is."

The superior smile widened. "I think our policy makes it very clear. It encompasses use and consumption of all drugs and alcohol. No exceptions."

"In that case, all of us have earned instant dismissal in the last hour," Mel replied. "Including you. We've all had caffeine – coffee, Red Bull and the like – and then there's nicotine, paracetamol and just using alcohol sanitiser."

Laughter erupted behind her as the trainer seemed to choke on a coughing fit. "We didn't mean caffeine or those other things. Those aren't…you can't be dismissed for…" she spluttered.

"Under the wording of your policy, we can. What'll your CEO do when he finds out? Do you think he'll ban coffee or just decide to fire the lot of us?"

The demon's face grew an interesting shade of red and her horns appeared through her hair. "How dare you…He…oh Hell…he'll…" Anger shifted to fear in her face.

She must be terrified of the CEO, Mel mused. Surely only Lucifer could have that effect on demons. Mel smiled angelically. "I'd be delighted to help you reword your policy before he sees it. Perhaps if this orientation programme ends early, I'll have time today to help you before I'm expected back at my desk."

The trainer's face started to fade back to normal as she looked around. "Do you think…you might all go back to work without mentioning this? We can end orientation early, if you like…"

Every demon in the room rose and the orientees left quickly, with surreptitious, grateful nods to Mel. She returned these as politely as she could before she found herself alone with the trainer.

"You'll really help?" the trainer asked incredulously.

Mel beamed. "Of course. I'm an angel. It's what I do. Plus, I'm more than a little worried about what would happen if you banned caffeine from your office. I think Hell would be a happier place than here."

"Ah, Lili? I'm done," Mel announced, relieved that she'd finally finished her orientation and all the getting-to-know-you sessions without giving too much away…and neatened up the substance policy so that everyone got to keep their jobs for another day.

Lili looked up from what appeared to be an engrossing email. "Done all your orientation? Great, let's get you a project." She reached for a stack of folders that threatened to topple over, picking up the yellow one on top. "Something easy to begin with. We need you to research rehabilitation techniques for graffiti criminals."

Mel felt her jaw drop. "You need me to do…what? I've never worked with criminals, rehabilitation or anything to do with justice before. Since when was the justice system privatised?"

Lili gave Mel a perfunctory smile. "After privatisation worked so well for the prison and immigration detention centres, privatising the justice system seemed the logical next step. It's the 'Life' in the name of our Corporation – Health, Environment, Life and Lands. Now, it shouldn't be a problem. Our Research Division has already written a report on this, so all of their references should still be on file."

Mel felt like she'd missed something. "If it's already been done, why do you need me to do it again?"

Lili leaned forward and lowered her voice. "Our Research Division looks at things…rather differently to us. We're not sure they took the research in the right direction. They may have focussed on art therapy because it was the easiest solution, as opposed to the best solution."

Mel laughed. "But surely art therapy would be both the easiest and best solution!"

Lili frowned. "Don't let their research blind you. Our Research Division has their offices next to an art school, which isn't the case with this office, so you shouldn't suffer the same bias as our head researcher."

Mel nodded knowingly. "Ah, an art school. Did your researcher have to do lots of research in the female life drawing class? I can understand why he'd advocate that solution."

Lili looked shocked. "You can't say things like that. Phil might consider it sexual harassment."

Mel wet her lips, wondering how to correct her mistake. "Well, it does seem like the first thing I'd think of. Drawing naked women would certainly have an effect on the minds of men in prison, particularly those who are already artistically inclined. Things don't change that much."

Lili's face lost all expression. "Sometimes they do, dear. Phil is gay and he's married to the principal of the art school, Lial. I understand the female form does nothing for him. You'll find he can get quite enthusiastic, describing the hard contours of a well-muscled, male body."

Mel felt her face flush. She'd forgotten that some men don't like women. She couldn't blame them – she was particularly partial to a well-muscled, male body, too. Admittedly, it had been a while since she'd been close enough to touch such a body, but she held out hope that she might, sometime soon…

Mel shook herself. This wasn't the time to think about sexy men. She had work to do and any attractive men on her horizon would have to wait until she was finished with her current assignment. Or until she'd at least earned a holiday from it.

"Well, I guess I'll get started then," she said with false cheer, picking up the yellow file and walking away as quickly as she could.

She sat at her desk and restrained herself from banging her head repeatedly on the laminated surface. She resisted searching the Internet for images of hot men – she knew where that would lead, though the kitten photos that came up were always cute. Instead, Mel took a deep breath and got to work, not lifting her head until the day was done.

When Mel returned from lunch, a small sheaf of papers covered her keyboard. The words, 'NOT complimentary!' were scrawled across the front page in red ink.

She eyed it for a moment and decided that the red pen scrawl over the front of the memo she'd sent was
definitely
not complimentary, to the point where she considered it quite rude. She took a closer look at the pages.

On the second page, the red ink surfaced again, carving a ring around the word 'complimentary'. She took a deep breath as she decided that the red-pen wielder didn't like the word. Perhaps they'd prefer something insulting instead?