Secrets (Swept Saga) (19 page)

Nick sits back down and hands Ryan a beer. “Here, Bro. I hope you like Keystone, don’t quite have the cash for the good stuff.” He says and laughs like it’s the funniest joke ever told. I look at Kelly and she’s sitting at his feet like he’s a king and she’s his concubine. I don’t understand it. I always thought Kelly had higher standards than this, but whatever I thought didn’t really matter because this is her boyfriend and I want to be supportive. She seems really happy with him and I want her to be happy.

“So, Nick, you said your last name is Hock. Is that why you named the band Wreck Hock?” I ask.

“Yes. Kelly told me you’re smart, and now you’ve proven her right. You see the band started out with just me and Craig in my parent’s garage. We were trying to come up with a name for our band. Craig’s last name is Wrecker, and Wrecker Hock didn’t make any sense, but Wreck Hock had a nice ring to it.  We stuck with it, and then Alex and Corey joined up. They liked the name, too so we never changed it.

“Well it is a catchy name.” I smile.

“That was a long time ago, wasn’t it, Nick.” Craig says.

“Yeah, those were the good ole’ days nothing like how they are now.” He says with a chuckle.

“So, how many shows have you played?” I ask.

“Pshew,” Nick exhales and shakes his head. “We’ve been playing for the last I don’t know… Craig! How long have we been playing?”

“Oh, I don’t know, we started when we were fifteen and we’re almost thirty so 14 years?” Craig speculates.

If my mouth would have been full of a drink I would have spit it out in shock. I had no idea they were that old. Ryan, however, did have a mouthful of beer and spat it out onto my shirt.

“Ryan!” I yell at him

“I sorry,” He apologizes.

“You spat beer on my shirt!”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Now I’m going to smell like cheap ass beer all night long!”

I hear howls of laughter from everyone on the bus except Ryan and he’s even trying to stifle a smile. My face turns red and I don’t know whether to sit there and ignore my wet smelly shirt or walk away now while I still can. I decide on the latter. I can’t sit here anymore and watch this.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go find clean clothes.” I say getting up.

“Crystal, I really am sorry. Let me help you.” Ryan says.

I turn around and glare at him. “The last thing I want you to do is come with me.”

“Awe, why don’t you stay and chat, you just got here.” Nick says.

“Oh, I would love to, but it seems that I have cum and beer on my clothes and I’d rather not sit in them anymore, thank you.” I say curtly, turn around and leave the bus.

“Crystal.” Ryan says as he follows me out of the bus.  I don’t want to be with him right now. He spat beer on me and thought it was funny. He may be my boyfriend, but right now I’m angry and I just want him to leave me alone. Instead of talking to him; I run into the crowd and try to blend in. If I can get in deep enough Ryan won’t be able to find me. 

I fight my way through pushing further and further. I pass a group of people that smell like they’ve been sprayed by a skunk, they pass around a joint and blow smoke into the air. Awesome, just what this party needed, weed. The crowd gets thicker and I know I’m getting close to something but I don’t know what. A guy stumbles up to me, “Hey pretty lady, can I get you a drink?” He asks and a memory of a different party flashes through my mind. I’m taken aback and suddenly I wish I didn’t run away from Ryan. I wish he was here right now and made this creep go away. I look around the crowd feeling panicked and no one looks familiar. “You look like you could use a beer. I can help you with that.” He says and gives me a grin that makes me want to scream, rapist. “How about you back off.” I say.

“Hey, I don’t mean any harm, I just want to get you a drink.”

“Yeah, and I said back the fuck off.”

“What do you have against a drink?” He asks and the smile is gone from his face.

“Why don’t you back the hell away from me and go fuck yourself.” I yell, my hands are curled into fists and I’m shaking.

“Whoa, Whoa, Whoa,” I hear a familiar voice in the crowd and I instantly feel relieved. “What’s wrong?” Gabriel asks me.

“I asked this lady if I could give her a drink.” The guy says. “I didn’t know she was a fucking psycho. Good luck dude.” He shakes his head and walks away.

I turn to Gabriel and bury my head into his chest. “Oh Gabriel, I-I” I start but my voice breaks into sobs.

“Shh” He says. “Let’s get you away from this crowd.” He soothes, then reaches down and picks me up. I sob into Gabriel’s chest as he walks through the crowd away from the party. I hear the music die down and the air doesn’t seem as pungent from the alcohol, vomit, and smoke. I sniff away the last of my tears and look around. We’re in the parking lot and I look up a Gabriel. “I think I can walk now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He gently sets me down on my feet, but still holds me. “So what was that about?” He asks.

“I-I don’t like big crowds.” I answer, and then fresh tears fill my eyes. I’m unsure if I want to tell Gabriel about that horrible night.

“I don’t like crowds either, but did that guy hurt you?”

“No, he just reminded me of something.”

“But he didn’t hurt you?”

“No, why?”

“I wanted to make sure he didn’t hurt you because I was planning on finding him and pummeling him into the ground, if I had to.”

“Oh Gabriel, you don’t need to do that.” I smile at him surprised that he cares that much about me.

“Hey, there’s a smile, you know you look much better with a smile than with a frown.” He says and wipes the tears away from my cheeks.

“I feel so stupid.” I mutter.

“Don’t feel stupid. You have nothing to feel stupid about.”

“One of these days I need to get over that night.”

“What night and you know talking always helps me. Do you feel like talking about it?”

“I was raped, Gabriel.” I blurt, then brand new tears spill from my eyes once again.

“When? By whom? I swear I will find them and make the regret they ever laid a finger on you.”

“It was over the summer and I don’t remember who it was. He gave me a drink and I don’t remember much else from that night other than the fact I woke up practically naked.”

“Crystal, I am so sorry.” He says.

“There’s nothing you can do about it now. I shouldn’t have accepted that drink from him and I never should have gotten as drunk as I did. It’s also why I reacted the way I did when that creep offered me a drink. I don’t want it to happen again. This is the first party I’ve been to since that night.”

“You know you didn’t do anything wrong, right?”

“Gabriel, I wish I could believe that but I keep replaying that night over and over and…”

“Stop.” He says cutting me off. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not your fault and it never was your fault. That guy never should have touched you, and I will do my best to make sure no one ever does anything like that to you again. Most importantly though I want you to stop blaming yourself.”

“Gabriel, I...” I start but can’t finish. Instead I hold him close. Hearing the words that it isn’t my fault causes a weight to fall off my shoulders. I know deep down I didn’t do anything wrong, but hearing out loud by someone makes me feel slightly better. I didn’t even know just how burdensome this secret has been to me, and in a way it’s nice to say something about it.

Maybe that is my way out of this burden and the path to healing, talking about it and spreading awareness. I wonder how many people are just like me and feel like it’s their fault. “Thank you Gabriel.” I say and kiss him deeply, trying to express my gratitude. When the kiss is over, I look around and say, “You want to know what I would really like?”

“What?”

“A change of clothes.”

“Do you want me to take you back to your dorm?”

“That would be great.”

Gabriel takes me by the hand and leads me to his motorcycle. Without hesitation I grab a helmet, put it on and hop on the back behind him. There’s a sharp chill in the air, but I’m able to combat it by hugging Gabriel close to me. Gabriel starts his bike and we ride off into the night.

It’s a short ride to my dorm and Gabriel follows me in and to my room. I dig through my clothes and Gabriel holds up a shirt, it’s not what I would consider party wear, but he insists that I wear it. I feel skeptical that it will fit, but I take off the shirt that I’m wearing and put on the one that Gabriel is holding, anyway. I’m surprised when it buttons up and once it’s on I realize it’s the same shirt was I wearing the day I met him. I had completely forgotten the fact that I was wearing a red button up blouse that day. I guess Gabriel never forgot. I’m miles away from the person that I was when I met him. So much has happened. The girl that was then never would have dreamed in a million years that I would be standing here right now with Gabriel, and stringing along Ryan. In fact I didn’t even know Ryan was in love with me. A flip book full of memories flashes before my mind of the past few months and all that’s happened; who knew a simple shirt could bring back so much? Gabriel pulls me in for a kiss, and I begin to melt. I want him, but I can’t not right now. I still have Tiffany’s plan to carry out. It’s the whole reason I was at the party in the beginning. If I can’t pull this off then this whole night will be in vain and Emily will win. I can’t let that happen. I pull away from Gabriel and find a miniskirt that I bought earlier today; it will go perfectly with my blouse.

“So, what brought all this on?” Gabriel asks and I take off my pants.

“What’s all of this?” I ask.

“The outfit change.”

“I met Kelly’s boyfriend.”

“And that made you want to change your clothes?”

“No, the fact that I sat in love stains and Ryan spit his beer on me made me want to change my clothes. Did you know her boyfriend is practically thirty? I mean he’s practically a pedophile. He’s a creep, they’re all creeps and they’re absolutely disgusting.”

“Whoa, love stains, Ryan spit on you? I don’t think I’m following all of this.”

“Ryan spit his beer out when he found out Nick is thirty years old and dating my eighteen year old friend, Kelly.”

“Oh, well that sucks.”

“It’s worse than sucks. Everyone laughed at me, and that beer was fucking gross, and I can’t stand Nick. I mean what is Kelly thinking?”

“Hey, I’m sorry it happened, but it’s over now.” He says pulling me close to him.

“I guess you’re right.” I smile at him.

“What do you want to do now?” He asks and kisses me.

“I need to get back to the party. I’m sure Ryan is worried sick about me at this point, and I need to meet up with Tiffany.”

“Alright, back to the party it is, if that’s what you want.”

“It is.” I smile.

Gabriel leads me back to his bike and we ride back to the party. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly before we join the crowd. I look around trying to spot Ryan, and then I remember I have my phone and it’s on silent. He’s probably been texting me. I dig my phone out of my purse and find out that I’m right. I have five missed calls, two voice mails and twenty texts all from Ryan. I take a deep breath, maybe I shouldn’t have ran away from him like I did and if he sees me with Gabriel, I don’t think he’ll be too happy.

“Look, Gabriel, thank you for helping me but Ryan is expecting me and I don’t think he’ll be too happy if he sees you. As it is he already knows about us.”

“What?” Gabriel yells

“It’s a long story, and well Ryan isn’t too happy I’ve been seeing you on the side.”

“So dump him”

“What?”

“Dump him, he’s an asshole anyway.”

“Gabriel!”

“It’s the truth, I want to be with you Crystal, and I love you.”

I stare at Gabriel. I know he loves me and that’s he’s done everything he can to be with me. But do I love him? I just don’t know. I don’t have time to say anything back I hear my name, and turn around to look for the source, when I turn back Gabriel is nowhere to be found. I’m going to have to find him later and talk to him about all of this. He deserves to know the story and I’m going to have to make a choice. I don’t think either will put up with my two-timing ways for much longer. I hear my name again and this time I see Ryan running towards me. He scoops me up into a hug. “Crystal I’m so sorry.” He says.

“I know. I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. It was rude of me to run away.”

“I was worried about you. I know how much you hate large crowds, and did you change your clothes.”

“Yeah, I um got back to my dorm and put on something else. I told you I didn’t want to smell like beer and cum.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” He says and kisses me. His kiss tastes like beer and I cringe a little. I’ve never liked how it tastes I prefer liquor over beer anyway. When we break apart the crowd cheers and I hear Nick’s voice over the speakers. A guitar squeals, and then I hear a few lines from the bass. Nick’s voice cuts in and I’m surprised at how good he sounds. The noise is so loud I can’t quite make out what he’s saying, but the beat and the music have me hooked. Ryan grabs my hand and pulls me into the depth of the crowd.