Secrets of a D-List Supervillain (24 page)

“I broke the spell on Andydroid, so there’s him, but he needs a complete body. From the villain side, I’ve got my old pal, Hillbilly Bobby...”

“That’s all? You’d be hard pressed to fight a Guardian team!”

“You haven’t seen this armor yet. My railgun is almost finished. But, you cut me off before I got to the best part.”

“Fine!” the ill-tempered tornado queen growls. “Impress me.”

“Imaginary Larry, your bitchiness. Fully aware and working to control his powers, Imaginary Larry! What’ve you got to say about that?”

That did the trick, and she closed her slack jaw and asked, “How?”

“The Logger’s necklace,” I answered. “Remember that? His power is cut in half, but he can think clearly. So what if he can only move half a mountain instead of the whole damned thing?”

“You’re the insane, son of a bitch who kidnapped Larry?”

“I prefer the term liberated,” I said.

“I’ve got a few terms I’d like to use right now,” she said, menacingly.

“Just save the name calling,” I stated.

“What makes you think I want to lead another team? Much less one with you on it?”

That actually stung. “Because I know you’re not happy, even with the Gulf Coasters. Jin was arguably the most effective person on your roster besides you and he just went back out on his own. Who’re you going to replace him with? All the best go to the East and West Coast teams leaving you and the idiots in Montreal fighting over the sloppy seconds.”

“I’ve talked Paper Tiger into coming onboard,” she said defensively.

“Your bodyguard? Yeah, he seems okay and maybe a notch below Chain Charmer, but dammit Wendy, you’re a powerhouse! You deserve a team of people in your league; a team that takes no shit from anyone, even the Olympians!”

“And you’re suddenly in my league? Did your death come with those delusions of grandeur or did they come after the fact?”

“In this armor,” I said. “Yeah, I am. I’ve got a nearly unlimited power supply and the firepower of an entire base at my disposal. Did I just mention that I’m building a damn railgun? Besides, Larry didn’t just up and come with me. We had ourselves a little fight first and wrecked the side of a mountain in the process. I won. He didn’t. Andy’s done the simulations and has me beating Patterson’s last suit or even his nuclear robot nine times out of ten.”

Of course, that was with the not yet completed railgun, but she didn’t need to know that at the moment.

She’s still not convinced, I could tell.

“Look at it this way,” I said. “You hate the bureaucracy. I know you do! Your dad is even using my book to try and clamp down on people with super powers. I just…”

Wendy cut me off. “Yeah let’s talk about the book, you miserable fucking bastard! Do you have the slightest idea of how much damage you caused? Do you?”

“It’s only going to cause problems for the people who let it! The question is – are you letting it cause problems for you and what’re you going to do about it? The truth hurts, Wendy! And that book was pretty damn close to the truth. You told me you went to the Gulf Coast team because you were going to walk and fund your own squad if they didn’t let you. Is New Orleans everything you dreamed it would be? My team has no plans of getting Uncle Sam’s or the UN’s stamp of approval. Everyone seems to think the only time I’m worth a damn is when the world needs saving, so that’s what Larry and I are going to do. We’re going into the kick ass and take names business with no government oversight, no public relations people, no mission reports and patrols. I’ve had my share of the limelight and it sucked donkey balls.”

“So if your suit is all that,” Wendy challenged. “How come you haven’t broken into Patterson’s cell and do what you did to Mather?”

“I figure the best revenge is letting him rot in prison while he tries to figure out how my suit works. Since magic won’t occur to him, it’s going to drive him insane. Of course, if he somehow walks free, I’ll make sure he doesn’t get very far.”

“You’re serious about this team,” Wendy said. It was half a question and half a statement.

“You bet! But I’m not the person to be in charge. That’s where I need you. C’mon Wendy, if anyone can keep me and Larry on the straight and narrow, it’s you.”

“Let me think this over,” she said. I took it as a good sign.

“So, what’s with the stupid orange vest? Thinking of finishing the day off with some deer hunting?”

“They made me put it on in order to come out here. If I faint, this thing is supposed to inflate and become some kind of survival bubble to protect me.”

“That must annoy you to no end,” I said. “Do you want to slip through the portal piece in my armor and take a look at my base, meet Larry for yourself, or get a cup of coffee?”

“Had to give up coffee, for a few more months. About the only substitute I can stomach is peppermint tea, but I could really go for some pizza right about now. Got any of that?”

“It’s frozen, does that matter?”

“Normally, I would say yes, but right now, no. So, this teleportal thing? Is it safe?”

“Andy doesn’t believe it will harm the baby, but I’ll understand if you don’t want to go through it. It’s a shortcut through another dimension, not some dematerialization process, just like walking through a door to the next room.”

“Okay. I’m in. How do I get to your portal?”

I laughed and told her.

“Crawl up your ass? I guess that proves you’re Cal Stringel!”

I didn’t know why she thought that and wasn’t certain I wanted to, but opened the rear doors and let her go through to the base.

Five minutes into introductions, karma paid Wendy back, and her high tech safety vest inflated. It was on some kind of timer that’d been tripped by her being out of communication with the Gulf Coasters for too long. It was like my lost dream of putting Hermes in a giant plastic ball had finally come true! The amount of profanity Wendy began to hurl made me wonder if she didn’t possess some super speed as well.

Needless to say, everyone, except Wendy, got a good laugh out of that.

• • •

“Bobby wanted to play piñata, but I had to remind him that there was a pregnant and highly irritated woman inside,” I add.

“Yeah,” Wendy says. “It was great. Given how my involvement in this team started, it was a bad omen. First thing jackass here did was hit me up for a loan to buy all the things for his railgun.”

“Oh, you love us, and you know it,” I say.

“I like Andy and Larry,” she replies. “I tolerate Bobby, and I’m stuck with you.”

I laugh at her while I crawl up inside of Megasuit, retrieve Andy’s head, and transfer him back onto the Type A frame so he can finish removing the contaminated material and I could reassume control of Mega. Settling into the control chair, I bring up the datastream and assess the situation.

“We’re ten minutes out,” I announce. “Any sign of activity at the estate?”

“The satellite we had borrowed passed out of range sixteen minutes ago. The next one we can use will not be available until seven minutes after we have arrived.”

“All right, team,” Wendy says. “Cal, flip the portal around. I’ll go now. Larry, can you be ready in five?”

“I’m good.”

“Game faces, people. Let’s cut the stupid shit and pretend we know what we’re doing. Cal’s knowledge of the defenses is a few years old, so expect that they have been upgraded.”

Reversing the shard, I roll the suit over so Wendy has a downward exit vector. “You’re clear, bosslady.”

She slides out the suit’s exit and immediately the wind speed increases and wraps around her slim figure, turning her into a tiny blue and silver dart soaring next to my armor.

At the five-minute mark, Larry goes through. We try to minimize his flight time where possible. It’s easier than listening to him complain or vomit.

The incredibly powerful telekinetic slingshots himself out, spins and latches onto the back of my suit like an electromagnet and he literally holds on for dear life.

Minutes later, we descend on the estate. A dozen Type B robots roll out the welcome wagon, spitting plasma energy at us. A sudden squall sends them careening away with their gyroscopes straining to correct their course. Stacy and I fire our weapons while Larry’s energy form crushes two underfoot, and fields a third like a grounder to second. The robot crumples in his hand like an overripe tomato.

His tactic seems wasteful to a salvager like me, but it’s hard to argue with the results.

The fight was over before it had even started.

Heading to the front door, I ask. “Do you think we should knock?”

“Just kick the fucking door in!” Wendy shouts.

“As you wish,” I answer and comply. Over the private channel, I ask Stacy, “You picking up any emotions?”

“No,” she answers. “I think your man, West, is gone.”

“They could have added an escape tunnel,” I say and turn to Andy. “Hey Andy, is the satellite in position yet?”

“Not yet.”

“When it gets into position, start checking the surrounding area to see if you can find West.”

Standing in the foyer a sculpture, really a cosmetically enhanced Type A, waits for us.

In a poorly rendered mechanical voice, the robot says, “The Overlord will greet you in the conference room. This way please.”

“Trap?” Larry asks aloud.

“I would be disappointed if it was not,” I say, using my Andy voice and trying not to use any contractions. The earlier encounter with the West Coasters could come back to haunt our lie, but there’s nothing I can do about that. “I will go in alone with full shields. Even if he has a self-destruct, it will not get through. I will transmit our conversation.”

“Be careful what you say to him.” Wendy warns.

The question is whether his truth detection powers had a range limit.

The others remain outside while I march down the hallway to the conference room. A hologram of the Overlord floats just above the center of the long table. Jerimiah Orlin is in his early fifties with a full head of black hair and a goatee that gives off that whole Ming the Merciless vibe. He radiates contempt for everyone.

There was a time when that would have intimidated me. The last time I’d seen him was during the whole HORDES nonsense. Since then, I’d saved the world twice, and drunk from the cup of badassedness. Now, his act just keeps me on my guard.

“I see only one of you decided to accept my kind offer,” he begins.

“I figured that I was the one you wished to speak with, Jerimiah. Given your obsession with being the one to terminate Lazarus Patterson’s existence. I suspect I will be having a similar conversation with Elaine in the near future.”

“Such an interesting group you’ve surrounded yourself with little, Andydroid.”

“I see news travels fast.”
Impressive, but it makes the lie easier.

“There are so many people out there with talents similar to mine. I specialize in helping these people realize their gift. A person who can hear conversations from miles away can be just as much of an asset as someone who can shoot fire from their hands. I learned your secrets and it was child’s play to deduce your destination. Paul left well before you arrived, if you were looking for him. But now, what to do with you? You are the Tin Man, robot. You now have a heart, such that Stringel could be said to possess one. Perhaps it would be better to say you now have self-interest and it becomes something I can use against you.”

“Starting a vendetta with me will only decrease your life expectancy, Overlord. My allies possess the kind of power you can only covet. You couldn’t keep up with Patterson. What makes you believe you can succeed where he failed?”

Damn! Used a contraction!

“Ah, yes,” he continues, unfazed by my threat. “Your team of merry adventurers. Perhaps I should be worried Tin Man, but then again, Wendy could be a stand in for Dorothy, so young and eager to prove herself. Goading her is no herculean task as Mr. Mather proved. And Mr. Hitt makes a suitable Cowardly Lion. He certainly looks impressive, destroying non-living opponents, but can you trust him against a living foe. I can promise you that he will be tested. You even completed the metaphor by bringing your own token Scarecrow—Aphrodite has been trying to prove she has a brain since she first was given her powers. The world remains sadly unconvinced.”

“You mention Mather, but should be mindful of his fate. In your analogy, that makes you either the Wicked Witch or the Wizard. One dies and the other is proven a harmless fraud. Your best option is to walk away from this and find the darkest hole to hide in, but we both know that will not happen. Enjoy each sunrise because it may be the last one, so bring forth your flying monkeys and see how they fail.”

Does that make Bobby Toto?

“Brave talk, you almost sounded human there for a second. The late Stringel didn’t appear to care much for his parents, perhaps you will care about their fate more, or even the venerable Doctor Albright. Do not believe for a second that you don’t have a weakness that can be exploited, Tin Man. Many battles are won before the forces take the field.”

“Going after any of those would guarantee you would not survive our encounter.”